We all have customer service horror stories, and so many of them involve customer service reps repeating the same old irritating bromides.
There’s the tried-and-true “I’m sorry, but I can’t make that change in the system,” to the classic buck-passer, “I can pass you on to a manager, but she’s just going to tell you the same thing.”
And of course all customer service reps “understand your problem” and are “very sorry to hear that you’re unhappy.”
So here’s your chance to vent about those tired phrases you could go the rest of your life without ever having to hear while trying to resolve a bill, track a package, get a refund or prove that you’re not dead.
Sound off in the comments and thank you for shopping at Consumerist.
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“Your call is very important to us. Please continue to hold and your call will be answered in the order it was received.”
A lot of it is the CS rep covering themselves. Most of the time, they already know how the conversation is going to go. They already know that you aren’t going to get what you want, and they already know you’re not going to like that. So they’re making sure that they can’t get dinged for handling you impolitely if the call is reviewed (or posted to YouTube).
Just look at the thread attitude. You’ve already recognized them as adversaries standing in the way of your objective. Is it so hard to believe they haven’t made the same assessment?
The CS reps are probably using a script. If they don’t use the script and they loose or agitate a customer even more then they could get fired for not using the script. As long as they use the script they’re covered.
Asking for the same info I just gave your automated system 2 minutes ago. If the reps are going to ask for it again anyways, why have the phone system ask it?
The automated phone system mainly just makes sure the right people are calling and they get routed to the right spot. We used to not have the automated system and kept getting calls from people looking for a company that sounded like ours, or just totally random stuff. It happend so much that it would make real customers have to wait while we explained “Sorry you have the wrong number.” I would try to look up the correct number for them and get them on their way, but it takes time..
Calling tech support when you know more then the technician, you’ve already tried the steps theyre about to run you through, 3 times, you just want them to look at the tower and fix it.
“The system doesn’t allow us to…” and complete the sentence with any important change, such as “remove saved payment information” or “change your monthly billing cycle date”.
“If you read the details of our agreement…” – An Alaska Airlines ticket counter “service” rep when I expressed surprise that the seat assignments I’d selected online were ignored when I printed my boarding passes out at the airport.
“I don’t book flights” – her follow-up when I tried to convince when people book flights, it isn’t reasonable to expect them to read all the fine print.
The problem: They lean back on the law as though I’m supposed to be okay when I know that while I’m being screwed, I’m being screwed LEGALLY.
Perhaps you SHOULD be reading the fine print. If you know they are going to try to screw you, maybe you should make sure you know what you are signing your name to.
I can’t wait to be there when Consumerist does, “Which Customer Bad Habits Get On Your Nerves?”
http://consumerist.com/2010/09/even-more-reasons-your-waitress-hates-you.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/09/why-your-cocktail-waitress-hates-you.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/12/what-you-have-to-tip-people-who-work-for-you-so-they-dont-think-youre-a-jerk.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/08/tips-on-tipping-everyone-from-your-pizza-guy-to-your-sherpa.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/03/4-myths-about-tipping-from-a-former-pizza-delivery-guy.html
http://consumerist.com/2008/12/what-you-should-tip.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/10/why-the-chef-hates-you.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/09/things-chefs-will-never-tell-you.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/06/why-your-starbucks-barista-hates-you.html
http://consumerist.com/2010/10/why-your-flight-attendant-hates-you.html
Shall I go on
?
not quite a cliche, but “Convience Fee”.. my tush… phone company charges 3bucks+ to pay automated over the phone.. bah!
When they say they can’t do something like it’s a physical impossibility,
when they really mean that the corporation has chosen not to do something.
Email from noreply@megacorp.com
“The customer is always right”
The customer is NOT always right. Some are helplessly wrong and a few are just selfish jerks.
This is the worst thing ever and should never be said. Sometimes things break and it’s out of the hands of whoever is on the phone, but don’t feed me this line of condescension:
“We apologize for the inconvenience [this may have caused]” “and we appreciate your .”
Why is everyone in customer support in India named Steve?
Because they know you are not smart enough to spell their real names.
Steve is the name given to the technical support caste in India…the human sewage cleaning caste gets stuck with “Borgia”.
Um how about all of them, can’t we just get back to the good old fashioned actually helping people with what they need. This is rare in customer service these days, but there are people at call centers who will deviate from a script. I can understand a script for a really basic issue like resetting a router password or restarting your computer, because there is going to be a set method for it regardless. Some things just aren’t appropriate for a script though and you need an actual human to intervene.
What do we have to gain by scripted calls, as this post states, most people don’t like it, and its only making the customer base more angry, which can’t be good for the companies using scripts, especially the cliche’s. Does anyone seriously believe that the rep on the other line actually cares about your individual problem?? The rep on the other line only cares about whether or not your call is going to prevent them from making an incentive or making their numbers, so they don’t lose their job, which they probably desperately need.
corporate profiteering is the reason…they save more money from scripts than they lose from pissed off customers.
My biggest irritation, oddly enough, is excessive ass-kissing. You know, when the rep gushes about how they’re SO SORRY I”m having this problem, they feel SO bad for me & they can CERTAINLY sympathize with my pain & anguish.
… it’s just a minor technical issue. I’m not dying of butt cancer, so please stop kissing it. Just listen to my problem, maybe say “I’m sorry” once, and just FIX IT.
Oh, and also, when they thank me profusely for every last little bit of info I provide.
“OK, my phone number is 405-XXX-XXXX”
“Thank you SO MUCH for that information, I greatly appreciate it!”
Le sigh. I know they’re required to do it & all, but it’s so annoying.
Sorry, but the computer is down.
Why is it only down when it causes you to lose profit?
Something must be wrong with me. I’ve had very good luck with Comcast. verizon offered me a better deal , so i went with them. When the bill arrived it was 15.00 more than we agreed upon. They corrected it on the spot.
Recently Macy’s sent an ad to our home. When I went to two Macys, neither carried the item. I then called the Boston store and they kept hanging up on me. I then called Macy’s corporate headquarters, explained my problem. They put a third party on the phone, problem was resolved. Turns out she was the manager of the Boston store. After problem was resolved, I called corporate back and gave the manager a glowing report
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
1. No, you’re not. You’re somehow putting the situation that I’m calling about back on me in the form of an emotional response.
2. I expect you to deal with the facts of the situation; my feelings are merely a vehicle.
I don’t need to be thanked every time I answer a CSR’s question. I had to get a replacement nook from B&N, and after every answer it was, “Thank you for that information.” I swear, the call took at least twice as long as it should have.
My ABSOLUTE favourite one was when I was trying to get a replacement monitor (all in one, it holds the computer behind it in a stand) for work. SOMEONE at Dell majorly screwed up and put the wrong part association with a part number. SO, instead of getting my AIO monitor stand for the small form factor PC I kept getting ones for the ULTRA small form factor PC model. I talked to EIGHT people for almost FIVE hours on the phone (not to mention all the emails and parts returned and sent out and returned) only to be told they could only swap SAME FOR SAME. Meaning THEY COULD ONLY SEND ME THE WRONG PART! They couldn’t just send a plain old 17in LCD monitor. I think in the end I told someone to go f off and went home and drank.
OH let me not forget. I SENT THEM labled PICTURES! They still couldn’t get it right.
OMG! Did you ever get the right monitor? I think I would have ended up throwing it all out the window.
OMG! Did you ever get the correct monitor?
I hate when the hold message tells me to check the website over and over. I looked on the website and my issue in not covered. That is why I’m calling!
I hate when they thank me for everything. “Thank you for that information sir.” This is especially pervasive in Indian call centers.
Oh, and I hate it when I call with an issue and they try to up-sell me on more service. The stuff I’m paying for isn’t working. I don’t really trust you with more of my money at this point.
Paraphrased because I don’t remember the exact words: “our call system is too busy to even put you on hold in line”
My biggest pet peeve is the difference between CAN and WILL…
CSR: I’m very sorry, Mr. Blackfoot, but we can’t do that.
ME: Actually, you can. You just won’t. Let’s be clear on the difference.
If the roles were reversed, would you feel better saying that you “won’t” do something? that’s like saying that you have the power to do so but choose not to. It’s easier telling someone that you “can’t”, because “won’t” implies that you have power, whereas “can’t” implies that you do not have power.
This. Not only that though, do you know ALL the policies of the place/center that you’re calling? In the one I worked at previously, we were empowered to do price matches within 10 days, anything over that up to a month had to be done by tier 2 employees. Then all of a sudden within a day, we didn’t do them at all ever, no exception. We weren’t allowed to transfer calls about price matches, and all we could do is say that we COULD NOT do that. All these people would call and say,” I KNOW you can do it, you’re just not wanting to help me. ” You don’t know that. You have absolutely NO idea that our INTERNAL policy on price matching had changed. That’s most obviously my fault though, and that’s why everyone was yelling at me on the phone. Oh wait…
I am an IT support specialist as well as being a trainer and administrator for the software. That makes me a fairly high level person who should ordinarily take three levels of help to reach. We hired a consulting firm (I won’t say their name but it looks like @©©€Ð↑ЦЯ∑) to take the place of our perfectly good help desk staff, and they outsourced the operation to Bangalore. Now my users call in with detailed descriptions of exactly what’s going wrong, when, how, and to whom. I know they do, I trained them myself. I also know they do because when I call them to find out what’s up, they always complain that they spent ten minutes on the phone with the first-level tech describing the problem. What makes me want to grab a pillow and primal scream, lest I be guilty of a combination mass murder and international incident? Tickets passed to me that say, in their entirety, User has issue with system.
Having worked in T2 support for Earthlink in the past.. I am very familiar with “User has issue with system”. I had one of these passed to me five minutes before the end of my shift that turned out to be an OS reinstall due to a botched Earthlink 5.0 install. I drowned some brain cells later that night, let me tell you!
“Your business is very important to us. Please stay on the line and someone will be with you shortly.”
Slogging through a troubleshooting script when I’m 100% sure of the casue of my problem.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” after a long, tiring conversation about how the company screwed up and has yet to own up to the screwing and make things right.
“You haven’t helped me with anything” usually confuses them a bit.
“Please listen carefully, as our options may have changed.”
Really? How organized is that company that you don’t know if your internal directory has changed or not?
“This call may be recorded for training purposes…”
No, you’re not recording the call for training purposes; we all know that. You are (not “may be”), recording it to protect your posterior in a liability case. Unless, of course, you’re training your legal department
Actually, they record the calls and people’s jobs are graded based on them. I’ve worked at like 3 call centers, they all do it. Maybe it also helps later on for legal issues, but the main purpose is to make sure that we’re doing the scripts, and offering upsells, and blah blah blah.
Why is it that EVERY time I call ANYWHERE, their damn menu options have changed? Just to screw with me?
Ya know what really grinds my gears????
When you go through the automated system, enter your phone number or account number or whatever, get transferred to an agent and they STILL ask you for the information you just entered into their magical automated system.
You have to realize that many MBAs upstairs who is only interested in the bottom line and increasing their profits (and paychecks) treat customer service as something that eats revenue, and therefore is a cost that must be controlled. Thus, the CSRs get hand-me-downs for computers, tools that only allow us what they consider 95% of the jobs, and call metrics that must be followed. They forget that CSRs are also important in customer retention.
forget hell, they just don’t give a damn.
I hate being thanked after every sentence
Really? Politeness upsets you? I think this reminds me of the old joke along the lines of Heaven and Hell being exactly the same place, except what some people consider pleasant and serene pisses other people off no end.
“Let me put you on hold while I review your account.”
…ok, ok…you’ve got us on that…there’s no good reason to put you on hold while reviewing your account..
…Unless you’re prattling on about how pissed off you are and we don’t want to listen to it.
I hate it when they call back the next day with a robocall survey asking me about my experience with the service call and then trying to upsell me on something at the end. Actually, upselling at any time is unappreciated in my household. Typically, I just say, “no thank you.” I’m usually pretty patient with the CSRs because I know they didn’t write this shit. But when they did it at the end of one call where I had already spilled my frustration at having to call them every month for the past 5 months to straighten out a billing error, I finally asked the CSR if he was f#%ing serious. There was a long pause before he quickly said thank you and ended the call.
The ones that get me the most are the websites that give you a Phone number to call customer service, and the phone number you call tells you to send an email for help. Couldn’t we just skip the second step altogether? Especially when you have to call during certain hours (8:19am to 9:03 am New Zealand Time on Thursdays).
/cynicism
Well, ya know, as a Customer Service rep myself, I kinda hate it when I’m telling the truth and the customer thinks it’s a cliche. I mean, 8 times out of 10 I really *am* sorry, and 10 times out of 10 my manager *won’t* say anything different. Then again, the CS at eBay is a little different than other places. The absolute best advice I can give any customer is to be reasonable, polite and explain why you need what you need.
And the number one key to getting what you want, ASK WHY. Why does the company have this policy? Why does my circumstance fall into this policy? And why can’t an exception be made?
I just HATE having to call a number to “activate” my new replacement credit cards.
Because after I “activate” it, I have to deal with customer service trying to sell me a protection plan or whatever else they got……
I JUST WANT TO ACTIVATE MY CREDIT CARD!!!!!!!!
NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!
Oooooooooh, that’s a HUGE pet peeve of mine!
I put it off for weeks, sometimes, just DREADING calling the activation number!
my cards come with a phone number and a website you can use instead. Try the website – no upsell tactics.
I can’t stand some of the overseas call centers and their insistence on saying “Thank you very much for providing me with that information. And your last name? Thank you very much for providing me with that information. And your phone number? Thank you…”
ARGGGHGHHGHH
“you can use our website” – on a loop, when I’m calling because your website is useless and doesn’t give me the info I need or let me do what I need to.
Also “please have your customer id/parcel id/other info to hand” on a loop
Having instructions on a loop during hold music is seriously annoying – hearing the same thing over and over again, irritates not what you want to do to customers
Yes, that is classic. I love it when I have to call my ISP because my internet is down and the recording says, “Much of the information troubleshooting information you may need can be found on our website.” That would be great if I could get online.
“Thank you for calling XYZ today, We appreciate you choosing us for your need” Ok so is that why I am calling their customer service because you want to reward me for choosing you so I call and explain my negative service. I loved this with Citibank Student loans. I never chose Citibank, my college had an under the table deal with Citibank so that was the only loan provider I could use.
Have a nice day.
AKA: Go screw yourself
I used to work at Sprint. Often when you thought you were speaking to a supervisor, especially when they say “I’m the supervisor on the floor today”, it was just another rep who was taken off the phones to play supervisor.
“I will get this fixed for you. Guaranteed”.
And of course they don’t.
Having to explain the problem to 5 different people.
What I want to speak to someone about is NEVER an option on the menu, so I have to just hit 0 and play CSR roulette.
I do not like when the CSR does not REPEAT the 10+ digits I just read out to them. It is SO EASY to get a letter or number wrong. I just read them out to you, the least you can do is read them back to me.
OH! One time a dumb-ass CSR rep from Sallie Mae accidentally entered my mom’s (cosigner’s) info into THE WRONG PERSON’S ACCOUNT because they use a split screen with two different accounts up at the same time. This resulted in my mother being signed as the cosigner on a complete stranger’s loan. It took a lot of phone calls and lawsuit threats to take care of that one. Luckily, they were able to pull the recording from my mother’s initial call.
Do you really want the CSR to read your Social Security number, your credit card number, or your other sensitive information out loud to a roomful of God knows who? Identity theft city, my friend.
Passing the buck.
Dell customer service really loves to transfer you a million times to all sorts of different departments without telling you why they’re transferring you or who they’re transferring you to. On top of that, they don’t tell the new rep why they’ve transferred you either, so your call goes a little like: explain whole problem, get “I can’t help you with that, let me transfer you to someone who can”, “Hi, how can I help you?”, to which you respond “I don’t know, someone transferred me” and explain problem all over again, then repeat the loop 5 more times before hanging up.
Luckily I never deal with Dell anymore, and last time I talked to them was a couple of years ago for a work-related machine – which btw, they refused to fix because I couldn’t give them a 2 year old UPS tracking number for a machine that was sent back to them as defective.
What annoys me the most is when I am on hold, then the machine takes me off hold just to notify me that I am still on hold. Yes, I already knew I was on hold, but now you’ve just distracted me from what I was doing in the background (since I have to pay attention now in case it is someone to help me). Then you repeat this every minute or two, completely ruining my ability to concentrate on something else.
“I’m sorry you FEEL THAT WAY,”
as opposed to
“I’m sorry for the mistakes we’ve made that we will correct with more than just insincere words.”
Mine is currently with our mortgage service company. They are sending at least one solicitation letter a week, now resorting to “scare tactic” letters. We got a loan Mod earlier this year, and are current and not in need or, nor going to get a better modification. I called after the first few because one said our Modification wouldn’t be permanent if we didn’t send it back, and one had info on our loan, and was denying us a HAMP modification as if we had applied for one.
I have been Assured that they are solicitations and that I should just ignore any that come. I asked the question – well if it contains our personal information, how are we to know when a real letter, with information we need to reply with comes in the mail….Being that they read from a script they can’t answer that question.
If the customer is always right then why do I need a receipt?
I called to check on rental car prices last week and after every single question I asked, the rep said “Can I go ahead and get that reserved for you?” and asked me for a credit card number. I told them I was just chekcing prices at this point, but they kept it up. Too aggressive.
I was with Vonage for years and had no complaints, but I no longer had any real use for a landline and decided to cancel…and it was a hell of an effort.
First, I was told that they were “doing system maintenance” and couldn’t process any requests, so call back in an hour.
Then, “the system was down” when I called back the next 7 times.
Funny how these things were never mentioned until after all of their attempts at retaining my business failed. While I realize it is possible for the system to be down, I find it hard to believe the system can be down for 8 hours. I find it more realistic to believe that their supervisor gave them some unrealistic goals and they had to resort to these cliches to make them.
I wouldn’t know, though, because they never gave me to a supervisor. The supervisor was always “busy.” Or, better yet, one guy told me there WASN’T one. Not on a break, not on a call or in a meeting…there just wasn’t one. That’s at least not a cliche. No one’s ever told me that before.
“I know how you feel.”
No you don’t. I’ve got asperger. I don’t even have a clue how I “feel”, sorry.
“I can’t do that/I don’t have the power to do that/it’s not possible to..”
Needless to say, “please put me to a person who CAN do that.”
“Your call is important to us.”
Just keep me happy enough to buy your products in the future and cut the bs please.