We all have customer service horror stories, and so many of them involve customer service reps repeating the same old irritating bromides.
There’s the tried-and-true “I’m sorry, but I can’t make that change in the system,” to the classic buck-passer, “I can pass you on to a manager, but she’s just going to tell you the same thing.”
And of course all customer service reps “understand your problem” and are “very sorry to hear that you’re unhappy.”
So here’s your chance to vent about those tired phrases you could go the rest of your life without ever having to hear while trying to resolve a bill, track a package, get a refund or prove that you’re not dead.
Sound off in the comments and thank you for shopping at Consumerist.
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“I’m not very computer literate…”
OH! You meant when I *call* customer service.
THIS. God, and they always say it in that half-jokey sort of voice that seems to say “Ha, isn’t that funny?” No. It isn’t funny that you don’t know how to use a machine that has been almost integral to Western civilization for at least the last 20 years.
Either that, or they use that sort of dismissive tone someone might use while saying, “I don’t cotton to none of that fancy book-larnin’!”
Ha-ha! I don’t know how to do my job!
Oh so very much THIS! I get it all the time from customers who entire living is made working on a computer.
Some people have been in their industry for decades, since well before the advent of common-use computers. And even though they’ve had to deal with them for the decades since, never really get comfortable with them. My mother, for example, is very good at what she does, but has never been comfortable with computer technology. As she has gotten older, she feels left behind by advancing technology, but people still have to do what they have to do.
Also, there are still people growing up today who don’t have computers at home and have limited access. Strange but true.
“Please bear with me”
Oooh…I want to bear with you…I’ll be Yogi, and you can be Boo-Boo!
LOL
this one is a function of the belief that any dead air on the line during the call is somehow unprofessional.
or something.
Exactly. On our quality assurance followups, they ding us (not sure about other places but I assume the same.) for dead air. They ask us to fill it in with ANYTHING, just keep talking.
Interesting. I recently spent an obscene amount of time on the phone with Home Depot, and I was actually quite thankful that the rep did not attempt to chat with me the whole time. He popped back into the call periodically to let me know he hadn’t disconnected but otherwise left me be.
Which is how it should be, but some call centers do not allow the hold and do ding for dead air. However, I had a CSR who repeated “bear with me” so many times during one call, that I went to her desk to see if she was in some type of ursine danger. Guess how she replaced that cliche? She then began to say “processing, processing” to fill the dead air. Good job!
Yeah “Dead Air” will get you dinged on a call review QUICK!
Agreed!
Lets remember that us reps takes hundreds of calls every week. The common phrases you hear are distilled from hundreds of calls. Do I like saying “bear with me”? no Do I like hearing customers ask Hello? HELLO?! after a three second pause? Yes indeedy.
Have you ever worked on a computer that’s loaded with junk, 5 years out of its use-by-date and still in service?
Ok, then you understand how those CSR’s feel while they STILL try to be nice and get your problem solved in under 5 minutes or take a pay dock because their call timers are too high.
Seriously. Those computers are shit – you’re lucky they can even do anything.
THIS! Whole heartedly agree.
Exactly, the support rep you are talking to is normally working an ancient POS system that had been handed down the chain of command over and over again for years before the poor reps get it. We have dozens of programs thet have to all have up and running, and call times to worry about.
The place I work wont give me a new system even though doing technical support, it take a good 15 to 20 minutes to open ONE of the core products we open because the system has NO free space with all the programs we have. I have an ancient PC with a tiny hard drive with no storage space. and to top that off we had to add encryption software that prevents us from using an external device to store any documentation.
Also we have to say “Bear with me” to enter detailed notations if there is something involved going on because we HAVE to keep you on the line, if you hang up we can NOT take time between calls to properly note your issue, because we are hardly allowed any “After Call Work” time, and what little we do get is minimal and precious.
Another thing that is the reason for a lot with little filler comments like that is obsessive call monitoring. Many places I have worked the rules state that if you have ANY dead air you get dinged.
I hate it when they will not admit that they did something wrong, as a company. Sometimes, all you want is an apology from the company as a whole.
You’d hate me as a customer service agent then. I refused to apologize for the company as a whole. I would apologize for your situation, and sincerely meant it. But it is beyond my paygrade to offer an apology for xyz corp.
Many places wont LET the rep admit fault, even if the company is dead wrong. A few places I have worked admitting the company was in the wrong was worthy of termination of employment.
Ok, fuck it, I’ll say it…”and the concentration camp guards were just following orders, don’t be perturbed with them”.
Yea, you’re right, since what we do is the same thing as killing millions of people, we should definately quit as opposed to feeding ourselves and our family.
“The supervisor is unavailable” or “I am the highest ranking person in this department.”
I always respond to that with “Is there someone there that can fire you right now?”
I’m sure that’s very helpful.
Most of the tmie that is actually true at least in my office.
or the ‘you’ll be on hold for at least 20 minutes’ to try to get you to go away. I don’t really mind if it’s going to take 20 minutes, just turn up the phone volume, put it down, and pick it back up when the music cuts out and someone says hello.
Corrolary to this is the “My supervisor is in meetings all day and is not available.”
It really ticks them off when you say something like “I understand that they are busy, and will be happy to wait AS LONG AS IT TAKES to speak with them, thanks.”
Being that most call center “customer disservice” reps are evaluated on job performance by their handle time, politely informing them that I will destroy theirs usually results in one of three results:
1. They actually take action and fix the issue to get me off their line.
2. They actually get me to somebody that may or may not fix the problem, upon which the cycle starts again.
3. They hang up on me, sometimes using colorful language- example from Microsoft “Oh go fuck yourself *click*”
Note to companies- If you actually wish to give any credibility to your customer service, build in a defined escalation ladder. Heaven forbid that you actually have to work to resolve complaints, but it will both keep you customer and help keep them happy.
There are few lies more ridiculous than a CSR rep earning $8.50 an hour at a fortune 500 company telling somebody that they are the final say on a matter, that there is nobody above them, that they don’t have a supervisor or somebody above them, that they are completely unsupervised and their “manager is in meetings all day,” or any other ridiculous reason that CSR’s are trained to respond rather than actually address an issue.
When I worked at a Fortune 500 company call center I made close to $20/hr and often was the last person in the escalation line. Did I have supervisors? Yes, my department had 5 sups, who didn’t work past 10pm (7 pm PST), weren’t always around on weekends, and due to schedules we could easily have 2 or 3 on duty, all of whom were in meetings. And anyways, a manager who looks at sales numbers all day and doesn’t even know where to find the phone number for your local office, much less how to use any of the CSR software is not going to do anything but apologize, put you on hold, and ask me what to do. Perhaps your problems come from treating everyone like they are nothing but minimum wage drones?
perhaps you could then tell people to quit calling at 11:00pm on a Saturday with the expectation that anyone of any authority is actually there to hand the phone off to?
eh, a couple of times a year all supervisors at my place of employment do actually have an all day off site meeting. however, my customer service department is very empowered to make real decisions and i make a good bit more than $8.50 an hour because of that.
but i wouldn’t put it past some companies to leave their employees unsupervised for several hours even without good training or decision making powers
Of course, the other possibility is that they are doing their job, which is talking to you (and other customers). Their managers have a job to do, too, which doesn’t involve talking to customers. It involves managing the people who talk to customers. The manager may or may not have ever had a job talking to customers, in much the same way the manager at a hotel may not have ever worked as part of the housekeeping staff. Companies hire people to perform tasks, and you may not like it, but the guy on the phone saying he’s the highest person you can speak to probably is. Just because you don’t like his answer doesn’t mean he’s not doing his job 100% correctly.
This is sometimes true. In a company where I worked doing technical support the escalation path was:
Tier 1 -> Tier 2
and that was it.
The “Supervisor Request Line”? Also Tier 2. The only people above Tier 2 were actual supervisors (read: managers) but as far as actual ability to resolve issues the managers had less access then the Tier 2 reps; they were literally just supervisors. If you wanted a free repair only tier 2 could auth it, if you wanted some free appeasement only tier 2 could auth it.
If you insisted on talking to a manager and they decided maybe we should waive a fee or something they would pass the phone back to the tier 2 agent who would actually waive it and that tier 2 agent could have made the decision without the manager.
The best part is if you emailed the “executive” or the “CEO” it went to a department called Executive Relations which also had less power then Tier 2, if you convinced Exec Relations to replace your computer they would transfer you to Tier 2 or at least consult with Tier 2 to make sure a new computer would actually work to resolve whatever the issue was.
All companies have escalation paths and if you just phone the dang number you’re supposed to call and talk to the people they tell you to talk to and stop demanding supervisors or emailing CEO’s everything will be fine.
The real kicker? I was a corporate trainer and used to train Tier 2 agents all over the country and yet I still took calls from time to time, you never know who is answering your call – give them a chance. When I told customers I was the end of the line it was true, all of the managers on the floor where I was taking calls had received their training from me.
I experienced pretty much the same thing in my time at T-Mobile in a call center. Supervisors and team leads were there to support the needs of the employee, not as an additional level of support for the customer. We had our tier 2 group (who could give better freebies and whatnot) and our supervisors and team leads had the same authorization as them but if you spoke to a lead/sup and turned their offer down, you turned down any future offers on that subject.
We also had trainers and even some HR people who would take calls while groups were in meetings so you really never did know who was going to take your call, sometimes they had 6 years of constant experience while sometimes the person only took 2 hours of calls a month.
I have to get this out there too, I genuinely feel sorry for anyone who calls T-Mo and gets routed to the former Suncom call center since they all suck.
Every call center I have worked…I am the highest. Sure I have a supervisor, but it is not their job to take phone calls. It is their job to ensure I have adequate training to do my job, it’s their job to make sure I perform according to my metrics, and it’s their job to manage the others on my team. Not take phone calls. Sorry, my customers can email my supervisor but they’re not going to talk to him/her on the phone as that takes away their time to help the others on my team.
Also, the last call center I worked at Tuesdays was meeting day. You call Tuesday before 5PM and you are 100% guaranteed to not speak with a supervisor on the phone and you will get the b.s. about everyone being in a meeting. Honestly, I wish they weren’t because questions still come up that a supervisor needs to answer but lo and behold they’re not around.
Having to verify the part number/serial number/model number every single time i am transferred to somebody else.
I hate this and having to re-verify my identity every time I get transferred!
And, after being prompted to enter an account number, the person I speak with then asks me for my account number – that I just entered.
The call center where I work makes people do that. It’s a security measure so us underpaid CSRs don’t steal peoples’ credit cards. Then we ask for the last four digits and people think the system is broken.
My cable company requires me to enter my phone number at the beginning of the call to pull up my account. When I try to pay a bill using the automated system or if I need to talk to a CS rep, I’m always asked for it a second time. What’s the point of asking for it the first time, then (besides “busy work”)? They also won’t allow me to hear my balance If I selet the “make a payment” option – I have to manually type in my balance (which I have to look up first). Poor menu design.
Its because it only works the first time you talk to someone. When we transfer the information is still on that first person’s computer, but we have no way to transfer it when we transfer the call.
Does it suck? Yes. Blame the call center software, its made by companies that just phone it in anyway.
i’m willing to bet a high enough percent type their number wrong that this is a time saving question.
“I don’t know what that person told you, but we can’t do that”
Translation: I don’t care enough to do that and I think you’re lying.
Translation: Somebody fed you a line of crap to make you go away.
There FTFY.
No, this seriously happens. At Starbucks a lot of employees have been feeding customers lies about getting a free cup of coffee when you buy a pound of coffee. This is only true if you’re a gold card member or if you bring in one of the bags from the grocery store pounds that have a little coupon on the side. I’ve had customers get mad at me for not giving them a free coffee because other people at other stores have done it, but it is not company policy and employees that tell you otherwise are lying.
Would it be a terminable offense to give them a free cup anyway? Seriously, is saving the 15 cents that that would cost the company really worth it?
Might not be a terminable offense, but if it’s something the manager doesn’t want done (and frankly it’s only the barista’s word that the customer wasn’t a friend or something), then they could get into trouble over it. There’s a lot that a nasty manager can do to make someone’s life miserable before ever getting to termination, and considering the amount of managers who do that stuff with no provocation whatsoever, it’s not a stretch to think someone could get into trouble for a cup of coffee. They might even force the barista to pay for it on top of everything else.
You’ve obviously never worked for AT&T. AT&T store employees LIE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. “Oh don’t worry, CUstomer service can get that fee removed! This feature is only a trial and we promise it won’t recurring bill!”
BULL.
SHIT.
If I could tell the customer that they’re lying asshats, I would. But you can’t. You have to say it in a PR friendly way and that makes us all look incompetent and makes the customer unhappy but its not my fault they’re dickheads and lied to you in the first place.
” AT&T store employees LIE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. “
It sounds like we may have had the same job, hahaha. I handled calls about online oders for AT&T/Cingular a few years ago. Half the irate calls were people who had been misled or outright lied to be physical store employees.
It’s not just AT&T, I put up with the same bullshit at Sprint.
Oh heck..yeah when I worked customer service in banking tellers lied all the time either because they didn’t want to deal with a customer or be the one to tell them no…or because they had been poorly trained and didn’t know. It was very frustrating and honestly it sucks having to be the one to say no…I’m sorry someone in our company was an ass and lied to you about what could be done.
Similar to that…back when I used to work for SBC in Connecticut doing directory assistance, we took over mobile phone 411 service for Cingular in **California**. Other than getting familiar with regional quirks and things of that nature, it really wasn’t terribly different from giving assistance in my home state. Still a city, state, name search on the same interface with the same recorded response with their requested number. (Understandably, callers were stunned to find out they were talking to someone on the other side of the country — how could I possibly give them accurate information? *gasp*)
Anyway, tangent there… back to business:
When Cingular handled directory assistance, they were able to give customers credit for out of service or incorrect numbers. They were USED to it… When they handed control over to SBC, however, you guessed it: we had absolutely no facility in the software to refund a caller’s credit for the call. I cringed every time I had to tell them that only Cingular customer service could do that now. Some thought I was full of shit; some thought I simply didn’t know how to do my job. (Though most were fairly understanding, it’s that venomous handful that made it hard.)
Every now and then I’d hear stories from my then-peers saying how they didn’t even bother with telling the customer the details anymore and just gave a cheerful “OKAY!” when asked for credit. The customer didn’t know any better, and they’d be a lifetime away before they got their bill and blew their stack.
Not only was that a rotten thing to do to a caller, but it also put the pressure on the rest of us… “I just called TODAY and they GAVE ME CREDIT!!”
Ugh. I do not miss that job. Had some really cool people on the line, but the complete assholes and just plain rude and/or ignorant idiots made it hell. Worst two years of my life.
When they end the call with the scripted
“Have I adequately helped you today”
and I say
“No, of course not, you didn’t fix the issue I called about”
lol, for real. or how about, “is there anything else i can help you with?”
what do you mean anything else? you haven’t helped me with anything yet.
As a rep you can take this moment to make a funny
“anything else i can’t help you with”
or
“anything else i can try to help you with”
Not my current job, but a previous call center support tech job : No we could not take that opportunity or we would be docked and have to have yet another inane “discussion” with our supervisors where our commitment to providing quality service would be questioned.
We were rated on word-for-word buzz phrases we had to incorporate into every call, regardless if it applied.
You did notice, I hope, that I no longer work there. And I gave that as part of my reason for leaving during the exit interview, along with “I refuse to lie to customers, which is what the new policy is requiring me to do.” CSRs are people just like you, most of us want to do a great job and solve your issues at least as much as you want them solved. Rarely are we the appropriate ones to lambaste. Sometimes yes – we are. But sometimes so are you.
I got into a do-loop with one of AT&T’s mouth-breathers while trying to help my father transfer his phone service:
“Have I provided you with excellent service today?”
“No, you didn’t answer my question. Please transfer me to someone who can.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, what can I do to provide you with excellent service?”
“Please transfer me to the other department which can provide me with my order status.”
“OK, I can transfer you but I would still like to know if I provided excellent service.”
(lather, rinse, repeat two more times…)
“FINE! You provided me with excellent service! Now please transfer me to the correct department!”
(another mental note to never do business with the DeathStar again…)
This happened to me (not with a telemarketer but an actual live person) at the car dealership. I ordered a part & a month went by with no call or anything. I kept calling but never got a person who knew where it was on the line. About 6 weeks later I get a letter in the mail, strangely at my mom’s house instead of mine, from the original person at the dealership saying that Lexus would be sending me a survey about her service & I HAD TO give her all 4′s (4 being EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE) or else something unnamed but terrible would happen. Meanwhile, my car was still broken.
She had never even bothered to complete the transaction, yet I was getting a threatening letter in the mail about how I had better rate it highly.
There’s something wrong when the reps are more concerned with their scores than actually completing a job to the satisfaction of the customer.
Did you attach the threatening letter to the survey, which you filled out with all 0′s?
Please tell me you didn’t give her 4′s.
They HAVE to ask that or they risk being terminated. Please don’t eat your CSR because they’re a corporate drone. Go chew on the company; We aren’t mouthbreathers, thanks.
I HATE that.
The canned “Thank you for calling x, Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Um…you didn’t help me with the first thing I called about, so no.
Close runner up is “I apologize for the inconvenience.” No you don’t. That’s just a nice way of saying, “Sorry, there’s jack I can do about your problem”
As CSRs, we HAVE to say those lines because it counts towards our evaluations. Even if you do not like the answer to your question, it does not mean the CSR did not attempt to help you and is moving on to see if you have another question. I had a customer with an issue in regards to an escalated issue that had to do with field technicians. I told the customer I would pass the information along to help get the problem fixed sooner. When I asked him, genuinely, if there was anything else I could help him with, he gave the same response as you “Um…you didn’t help me with the first thing I called about, so no.” Well, yes, I did help out to the best of my ability. It is not like I can jump in my car, drive out to his home and fix his problem. Try being a little more reasonable and less of an ass clown. After all, your account is noted.
This is why I would always close calls with a recap of what I DID help the customer with that day. “Did I help you with your issue today?” doesn’t sound anywhere as complete as “Thank you for letting me help you with setting up auto-pay on your account today, we also changed your first name to “sponge” and verified the calls you made to Canada on the 24th, have a pleasant day.”
I genuinely did everything I could to assist people with the issues they called in with but you can’t ask if you’ve been suitable or helpful because people will always find something else to bring up in those instances. I had co-workers who would fix the customer’s issue only to ask if they helped sufficiently that day and be told “No, you didn’t (actions related to issue #2 that I didn’t bring up until now) so I HATE YOU!!!!”
That very question helped me with a recent issue over an $8/month fee. When the CSR asked that, I politely said, “not exactly. I understand your side now but it didn’t solve my issue.” Much to my surprise, she asked to put me on hold for a little longer and came back with an unrelated discount in excess of the disputed fee. Twist my arm, I’m happy now.
“I’m sorry, my computer is running kind of slow today.”
As opposed to every other day…
I hate that one. I used to work in Training in a call center environment and I always told them never to make any reference to anything which might indicate that the company was using less than the latest in technology. Blaming the computers is a terrible excuse for representatives not being able to navigate systems fast enough or having a slow response time from the servers. I especially hate it when that phrase sounds like it was built into their scripting. Lame…
How is “having a slow repsonse time from the servers” also the CSRs fault? What are they supposed to say when that is the case? Do you really expect CSRs to take responsibility for something which they had no say in – the administration of their network traffic and processing speed of machines they didn’t choose to purchase?
Really, it is not the reps fault they are normally given ancient out dated systems, with too many required programs, and slow network connections. I WISH my system and the programs installed on it could keep up with me.
My immediate response: “Have you tried rebooting?”
Well are you sure it’s plugged in and turned on?
One time I was on a call in the middle of collecting a customer’s information, and my computer turned off. I had to wait several minutes for the outdated little thing to restart, and I felt so bad for the customer. At least it was a patient one, unlike the people who start screaming and cursing when I ask how they are doing. :p
One time when I was working in a call center, we were taking overflow calls from a utility company when there was a blackout somewhere in the midwest. The call volume was higher than the system was designed to handle, and so our computers were absurdly slow. Like type in something, and wait a minute for the next screen. I felt bad for the people calling in because it took forever to get through a call. Our ancient computers were usually much faster. This was on top of the fact that we had absolutely no training on how to handle calls like this. It was a terrible (but unusual) day.
I’d like to defend myself with yes, our computer system is a collective POS. It just is. Sorry. Sometimes it is the computer being slow. I hate saying it because I know it sounds like “doooo dooo i just don’t think real quick” but sometimes I key in commands and it just sits. Especially if a customer has several pages of old accounts that I need to flip through to get to the current one.
It’s true. Some days, us reps, our computers work better than other days.
Being interrupted when I’m trying to explain something. GAH!!!!!!
This. Especially when they interrupt to ask me about what I was trying to explain.
Me: Well, the problem is-
Them: So, what’s the problem?
Thank you. I’m glad to know they hate you too, that it’s not just me : )
I get customers that try to tell me their life story over the phone, when all I really want to know is exactly what the problem is. And then there’s the customers that interrupt YOU by asking what you want them to do when you’re in the middle of telling them what to do.
If I were rambling or repeating myself, it would make a little more sense, but I’m careful to be concise and clear and it still happens. Rude as shit. It also happens not just with call centers, but other place of business, such as doctors’ offices:
{Erika calls the number listed on the business card of the clinic}
Erika: “Good morning, I’d like to make an appointment with–”
Bitch on the phone interrupts: “This isn’t appointments; I’ll transfer you.”
Erika: “Tha–” oh wait, the line is dead.
It’s really so hard to let the person finish their sentence and then responding cheerfully? It takes like four nanoseconds, doesn’t make you look like an fool with zero manners and doesn’t make your place of employment look unprofessional and surly.
It is a two way street. Most of the times, my customers are either repeating themselves after I’ve already acknowledged my understanding of the problem. So I usually let them speak. But I have been interrupted constantly as I am explaining the whats, wheres and whys.
That’s because, half the time, the agent knows what the problem is within the first few sentences, or you’re rambling and talking about something that doesn’t have anything to do with the cause of the problem.
This might not be exactly what the article is going for, but the greeters at the Texas Roadhouse (steakhouse) restaurant near me use the exact same dialogue every time I visit. As they walk us to our seat they say nearly word for word every time:
“How are you doing today?”
“How was your last visit with us?”
“Have you tried our fall-off-the-bone ribs?”
It has nearly never wavered by a word, and we go there once every 2-3 weeks for the last 1-2 years.
to combat this one…. you just have to say what they are going to say right before they say it.
That’s an awesome idea.
I do that at Toys R us whenever they ask if I need batteries, I then tell them I will not give them my zip code, I don’t want to pre-purchase move tickets, or pre-purcase video games.
If I’m in a mood, I point out that their battery prices are higher than every other store in the area.
“Hi, my name is Chad, and I’ll be takin’ care of ya today …” (Said as Chad kneels down by the table to be all friendly and casual-like.)
Gee after the first 200 visits I would have thought they’d be addressing you by your first name. 2-3 times a week?!?
every 2-3 weeks, not 2-3 times per week. Still alot.
They have a great lunch special, tasty rolls, and free peanuts!
Logans is the same way and the rolls are better.
Though I just love Logans, and I’ve only been to the Texas Roadhouse here once. They’re like Outback, they have really funky hours… I think ours doesn’t open until 4pm some days (and we’re in Texas ;P)
obligatory: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
Only time I went to Texas Roadhouse was in Sioux City, IA last year. Great food, but I had to endure “Devil Went Down to Georgia” four times during my 90 minute visit. A bit much? I think so.
I love the food there, but the way the females flirt with men (who they mistakenly believe ALWAYS pay) leaves me cold. I love how after I’ve sat through a meal watching them cozy up to the man I’m with, they bring the check and look so disappointed when I don’t leave much of a tip because it’s ME who’s paying. I also hate the line dancing, when all of the females (NEVER the guys) stop waiting on tables, bringing food, etc., to “dance” for 10 minutes. I love that my food is sitting up there under the lights during this cutesy parade. Argggggggg!
Really? I wonder if it’s your area. I’ve gone with my husband and without him. We get the same service and I haven’t noticed anyone flirt with him. In fact, when I go by myself (whether I’m sitting at a table or stuck at the bar because every where else is packed) the waitresses and waiters are all really polite and friendly. The ladies who work at the bar are particularly friendly, even when it’s super busy. (I’d prefer sitting at the bar more often if the seats and table weren’t so awkward for eating…)
I am not generally observant about these types of things, but it’s really noticeable at my Texas Roadhouse. They always hire young attractive women. Normally college girls. You NEVER see older, plain, or (even slightly) over weight women at this restaurant. And while there are guys there, they are few and far between by comparison to the women. (They generally don’t look as chippy or happy as the girls either.)
“I’ll have my supervisor call you back.”
Maybe not a bromide so much as an outright lie . . .
I know. I had a bank rep the other day tell me she had to talk to her supervisor and she would call me right back, and then she CALLED ME RIGHT BACK! I was shocked, shocked I tell you!
Check the weather report, I think Hell just froze over.
*waits 30 minutes to get to a real person*
yes, I will help you with your problem. Will you please hold?
*CSR hangs up rather than putting you on hold*
“Thank you for choosing [company name]“
and
“Have a good one!” or “Have a great day!” (But that is more of a general cliche I hate I guess)
These are things that must be said according to corporate or else the call evaluation fails. Don’t hate the CSR, hate the evaluation.
“I’m very sorry to hear that”, and “I can help you out with that”. They are neither of those things.
I work for customer care, say both of those things and in November also assisted 96% of the calls I took successfully without failure.
I use to say that.. and i did care.
Me too. Plus, you HAVE to say it or they dock points.
I also mention it, but even when I did t I had to say it
“Very sorry” might as well sound like “sucks to be you!”
I appreciate that they’re trying to have empathy for your situation, but it usually sounds disingenuous. I don’t expect some low level CSR to truly be sorry because they didn’t cause the problem in the first place. I expect the company to show they’re sorry by giving their CSR’s the ability to correct the error. The words “very sorry” are a shitty pacifier for the fact that they can’t usually offer an actual solution.
I had a customer ask to speak to my supervisor BECAUSE I didn’t say “I’m sorry.”
The “I can help you with that” is part of a training program called ServiceMentor. And I hated it. I’d rather just help the customer than follow a script.
Yes, the scripts are so obvious and annoying. This is the one thing about dealing with Charter reps that drives me nuts. I’m lucky, I know.
When I worked it we were force to give those responsives.
Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed.
yes! Especially when they leave that up 3+ months after they’ve changed the options.
My company does this when I call an internal support number. The options, for my purposes at least, are the same as they have been for years. Nonetheless, they force me to listen 20 seconds to the recording.
I think that one is to get you to maybe listen better. I hate it too though.
Yes, Yes, Yes… I hate this. They don’t know the last time that I called, they have no idea if the menu options have changed since I called last, and they clearly have no respect for my time, since they would rather make me listen to that than give me my options.
It’s almost required though, due to the amount of mouth-breathers not listening to the recordings in the first place and button-mashing the keypad because they think they’re right in their selection. YOU may know what you want to press, but this helps get people where they need to go by alerting idiots to a “change”.
When they try to empathize with me, ” oh yes, I have had that problem too…and I would be as upset as you are (then they tell me no stupidvisor available and have a nice day)”
The have a nice day reeeaalllly makes me want to punch out the wall/phone especially after an irritiating phone call that has accomplished nothing but making my blood pressure spike.
“Please restart your router.”
…grrrr. All I wanted was for them to release my DHCP lease on their end! Resetting the router wouldn’t do anything!
That is when you SAY that you are resetting the router, and restarting the computer and jumping on one foot while rubbing your belly and singing the latest Katy Perry Song even though you aren’t actually doing it. They have a checklist that they need to follow, so you can either argue with them for 10 minutes telling them that you have already done steps 1-10 on their checklist and need to be routed to a senior technician, or you can spend 5 minutes saying that you are doing something and it is not helping. so that when they get to step 11, they will transfer you to the senior technician.
I used to do remote desktop support and I always grinned a little when someone told me that they had already rebooted. I’d log into their system remotely, open task manager and check the system idle time which was almost invariably in the thousands of hours (translation – the system hadn’t been rebooted in months).
I’d always politely say, “Just to be sure let me go ahead and reboot that for you real quick.” And lo and behold, about 90% of the time it would resolve the issue I claimed it would probably resolve.
But then again I knew what the hell I was doing and wasn’t relegated to reading some stupid script.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad to restart when the need arises. But when all I need is a DCHP lease to be released… let my DHCP go!
Yeah it’s great fun when the problem can’t possibly be on your end, but they make you go through the script anyway.
“Hello, your account page is showing an SQL error” “OK first try rebooting your computer” Yeah sure. Boy this thing reboots fast.
I hate that in general. I did it three times before I called you.
Oh dear lord don’t get me started on that one. Every time I’ve ever had an issue with my internet the customer service guy will always tell me that. In my explanation of what’s going on with my internet I will always say “I’ve restarted my router, unplugged it, left it for 10 seconds and plugged it back in, scanned my computer for viruses/spyware in safe mode, etc.” 9 times out of 10 they usually won’t ask me to restart the modem, but there’s always that one person that will still say it. I’m assuming it’s out of habit but it’s still annoying.
There was a time I was having problems with my internet for a good week and I called every day about it and they always gave me the same crap. I tested my internet on both my desktop and laptop(I get on the net with this laptop a handful of times a year). They came and replaced the modem, same problem. Then they start telling me I must have a virus or in the guy’s own words “your desktop and laptop both conveniently broke at the same time” which was impossible since I never use my laptop. They kept giving me the same stupid restart your modem suggestion which never worked. I finally took my laptop to work, took screenshots that the internet worked perfectly fine there and they finally fixed it.
I work in tech support in a retail environment. The company’s stores are my ‘customers’. I really hate it when I call a store and ask them to reboot a device, only to be told ‘I tried that already’. Did you ever think that I might have changed something on my end? (Usually something too complex for them to understand, which is why I didn’t explain it to them to begin with. Just shut up and reboot already!)
i never EVER tell somebody that the problem is with their computers…especially if both computers are down, or the issue is effecting All computers. That’s just horrid.
Often it’s because if we don’t ask you to do that stuff you already did we can get dinged on that call. Also many times I’ve had customers tell me they’ve done all that stuff and I get them back online with a simple powercycle of all their equipment. Also if they have a Motorola, RCA, or Arris modem check to see if you’re on standby. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had somebody call do everything you said and the problem is that the modem was in standby.
In order to finish the dhcp release, we have to have you restart the router. I have people do this all the time. It doesn’t take properly if you don’t.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” after they haven’t resolved the original problem and this is their approved-script way of dismissing you.
^ This. God, I hate this.
On 25% of the calls I take per day, some one actually does have something else to ask me. Also, just because your problem is not resolved does not mean the CSR is not doing their job properly. It means you are not happy with the end result.
“Have a comcastic day!”
“Sorry you are upset” is the absolute worst for me. It’s the absolute worst form of non-apology. They aren’t sorry for the problem, they are sorry i think it’s a problem. nothing gets my hackles up more than that insincere meaningless weaselly phrase. it doesn’t show empathy it shows disinterest and disrespect. argh…
that and asking for my name, address etc every single time you get transferred.
“I understand your frustration and I apologize. The Comcast Guarantee means that it is my job to assure your satisfaction.”
Translation: “Go to DirecTV if you think anyone is going to care.”
And if you think Direct Tv cares….
:peals of maniac laughter:
Directv might be a joke to some, but I’ve been with them for 5 years and besides a few bumps they’ve been great. All companies have their pitfalls I guess, I’ve been lucky with them.
Their phone CSRs are actually great. They can’t DO anything a lot of the time, but I have never ever gotten a bad one.
“According to our records…”
“There’s no documenation of your previous call”
“There is no one in this department here by that name”
“My :superior’s title here: is going to tell you the same as I”
“That’s not possible”
“I understand you’re upset”
“That’s not how debits and credits are applied to your checking account”
“According to our records…” – means someone noted the account properly
“There’s no documenation of your previous call” – means someone did not do their job when you spoke to them.
“There is no one in this department here by that name” – means the last person lied to you
“My :superior’s title here: is going to tell you the same as I” – means exactly what it means
“That’s not possible” – ditto
“I understand you’re upset” – Just following script here and being polite
“That’s not how debits and credits are applied to your checking account”
Entering ungodly amounts of information about the call/problem (name, phone number, serial number, etc.) only to have the CRS ask me again when I get through.
I agree. That’s the worst. I HATE that.
Oh god yes! That SUCKS!
We are currently experiencing higher-than-normal call volume. Your call will be answered in the order received…
If I get that message every time, it’s no longer “higher-than-normal”, it’s just plain normal!
I’m guessing… Telus?
They’ve had that on the hold recording for as long as I’ve been calling them, so eight years now for me. How can the call volumes be higher than expected for eight years?
“Please unplug your device, wait for five seconds and plug it back in.”
Tech: I know that you said you’ve restarted the modem several times already, but can you unplug it for 30 seconds while I’m on the phone with you. It probably just needs to reset.
Me: Well, I’m 95% certain that the problem is on your end, but o.k. (click pen near microphone instead of unplugging modem again)
Tech: (muffled rapid typing noises) Allright, now just count to 30 and plug it back in.
Me: (notices connect light on modem light up) Nah, everything seems to be working now that you’ve sorted out the problem on your end.
I have had this EXACT conversation with AT&T support.
…He was probably releasing your dhcp lease, and just didn’t tell you that’s what he was doing while your router was disconnected. The typing was just him documenting it. (everything command wise is point and click…you won’t hear the mouse.)
“Your call is important to us…….”
I agree is it really isn’t or they would have answered the phone instead of the stupid voice loop
Mentally substitute “call” with “money”.
“Your call is important to us….”
at the end of the call when they say about 2-4 sentences that could have just been, “Can I help you with anything else?”
EVERY TIME I call Discover about something, they try to get me to pay for credit protection (or whatever it’s called). When I say that I’m not interested, they say something like, “and I understand why you would be reluctant, but . . . .” Luckily, they stop when I say no the second time.
Also, Sovereign Bank is constantly trying to get me to opt in to allow them to overdraft my account. They used to only do this when I called about something, but now they even do it when I actually go to the bank. I have lost count of how many times I’ve said no to this, but they keep asking anyway.
I work for a company that does that. If we don’t do the ‘I understand your hesitation but…’ line, we get fired. But we aren’t allowed to do more than one rebuttal unless the person says ‘no because I am retired/disabled/unemployed’, and they’re very strict on that too.
I could have written this.
One of the Discover reps who called me seemed pretty offended when I declined his offer, and he went past pushy into straight up rude. I complained to customer service through a secure email, and they offered to mark my account as “do not market”. It sounded like bs, but since then I haven’t gotten a single call or email pushing one of their products, so I think that this designation must actually exist in their system.
With Sovereign though… I am planning to close the account because of their pushiness. It’s really shameless.
Wow, you get them to stop suggesting it after 2 “no”s. That never worked for me. I now go with “No and if you suggest it again I’ll cancel my credit card”
Last time I got a call from Sovereign Bank, the message merely said it was a “courteousy call” without any explanation attached. When I called back, the person was not available, so rather than playing phone tag, I just went into the local branch since I work in the same parking lot. Turned out it was due to the overdraft protection, about which they said I had to make a decision. So my decision was no.
Oh my god. One time I was canceling my credit card identity theft protection (I realized they had signed me up for several) and the woman went on a 3 minute long rant about how important it was. She started saying things like, someone could get your name and take an AIDS test with it, and then your results could be positive and everyone would know. It was ridiculous!
My pet peeve: long, unintelligible sales pitches that go on for 60 seconds or more, and you can’t get in a word edgewise or understand anything because they’ve recited it 500 times that day. Jeez, just send it to me in writing.
“I’m sorry, but that’s what my computer says.”
Then silence when I ask why the computer says that.
I know a lot of Consumerist readers aren’t sympathetic to the front-level associates’ plight, but really, a lot of this stuff they HAVE TO say. I’m so sorry that you don’t like hearing it, but a lot of employers require them to fill silences instead of leaving the customer hanging, or tell them to say specific key phrases, or say certain things at the end of the call like asking you if you were helped. I understand this is a general gripe thread, but some of these complaints show how people don’t understand the fundamental basics of customer service.
If we felt we were GETTING serviced rather than served, we might be more sympathetic.
Try speaking without sounding as if you are reading a script, I know you are – you know you are but it is a lie with which I can live…we will just both wink and get to the good part. The part where YOU HELP ME or find someone who can help me.
I work at a job were we use a lot of phone scripting, and we were encouraged, when I was trained, to adjust our delivery so that it comes across as more natural sounding. To not use the same exact phrasing each time.
of course, each of us just came up with two or three scripts that switch out overthe course of the day or the particular situation, and I’m sure they come across as mechanical.
Agreed, reading the same thing over and over again must be a royal pain in the erm yeah that area.
I can also accept that if you deviate from the script the non existent manager will be listening in on the call, as they say for training purposes and you may lose your job.
But sound like you care, if you are bored hearing the same thing from us imagine what we feel – I know you have 100 people saying your product sucks or worse. I know you have people assuming that you personally have decided to screw with their lives by causing (whatever product) to crash/burn/not work. But whilst the customer is NOT always right the customer is always frustrated when they call – I may be in the minority here but even if you say to me I am doing the best I can – if you sound like you mean it I may believe it.
I understand the annoyance at not getting the level of service you want but you have to be realistic—the front-line employees can only do what they’re empowered to do and have to do what they’re told. That includes reading from a script, whether you like it or not. It’s more important to them to keep their job than to make you happy. E-mail the executives and the corporate board, you know, the people who can actually change the policy. Don’t dump on the little guy just because you are mad about the situation.
Going to have have to unplug for 10 seconds when you reboot this time.
I didn’t reply to your post because it wasn’t funny, and it’s not funny the second time either. The workers are people too and you should treat them as such. Acting like anyone who defends them is a robot or something just makes you look childish.
No it was pretty funny, both times.
I work phone support, I have done so with and without scripts.
You seem to have missed the part where no one is attacking the rep. We are all attacking the procedures and scripts.
I was going to say pretty much the same thing – we’re criticizing the process, not necessarily the person.
AH the poor CSR’s.
And a little courtesy does still go a long way, well often still does. I’ve racked up enough time in customer service both as front line & the supervisor the front line bumps calls up to to to say this with confidence. While a good CS rep. will not actively do things to cause you trouble just because you were rude to them they are less likely to go above & beyond for you when you are rude. There’s always a little gray area where they have some discretion on how to proceed. This is where starting off on the right foot can help you. When the assumption is that the next caller is going to be a pain in the ass, because the last dozen were, and you start the call politely you can disarm them and get them wanting to help you. Even on calls where I’m too angry to hide it I still make it clear that I’m not angry with them personally.
I’m still amazed at just how rude some folks will be on the phone, more so than even the biggest douchebag would be in person.
No, it was pretty funny.
No, the gripes show that customer service doesn’t understand the customer. You have been corrupted. Reboot and repost so we all know if you were cured. Then stay on the line for this short survey.
Win. +1
This is a strawman argument. No one is saying the CSRs themselves are the villains.
The problem is the whole shoddy system: it’s the weaselly script writers; it’s the business decisions to understaff the call centers and to set policy so that the CSRs have to be merciless and rushed; it’s the legal departments that won’t let CSRs apologize for screw-ups; and also lazy, lying CSRs themselves get a share of the blame too.
(Not all CSRs are lazy liars, just some of them; not all businesses have lousy customer service, either.)
I think everyone here knows that in most all of these cases the employee is required to say these things, that they are reading from a script and are not allowed to deviate from that, etc.
The article is titled “Which Customer Service Cliches Most Get On Your Nerves?” and the people here are answering that.
If you work for one of the companies that makes you say some of the things mentioned here maybe you should print it off and slip it under upper managements door, post it up in the break room, leave several copies laying around, etc.
Your business is very important to us. Please stay on the line for the next available representative.
If my business was really that important, they would have hired enough people to answer the phone instead of putting me on hold for 28 minutes.
– Steve
THIS!
Yes, oh yes, oh yes! When the “we value your business” or “your business is very important to us” rolls round on the recorded announcement for the 256th time, I get a little chatty with the (non-responsive) phone …
So very much this. I don’t know what’s worse, that you put me on hold for half an hour, or that you insist on interrupting every 60 seconds (or less!) to tell me that my call is important to you, so that I can’t even try to enjoy the music while I wait. Can’t you just keep playing music or even silence so I can just put it on speakerphone and wait without being subjected to this torment?
Seriously, I’m always astonished when I spend less than 30 minutes on hold to any major company or tech support line, as it’s quite a rare occurrence.
Cable companies – “Reboot the system.” And then when that doesn’t work, because it never does, “I’ll have to make an appointment to have a technician come out.” They literally only have one ‘troubleshoot’. Reboot. That’s it. Useless!
I’d call Comcast to see if there was an outage and they’d do this to me every single time and never once was it my system and never once did it require an appointment.
What’s worse is that they’d have you reboot your system, but also the modem, they’d ask you to unplug your phones and then when it didn’t work they’d jump to scheduling an appointment.
I once asked them if I could simply call them and report an outage. No. Stupid Comcast. You could never call them to report or do something simple without getting stuck in a mind numbing loop of pointless talking and activity (prefaced with hearing Ben Stein and whomever bark at you to try pay per view for whatever sporting even you don’t watch…).
I don’t think AT&T is much better in terms of cable or internet, but while deciding whether to stick with AT&T (after my first month) or go back to Comcast, while on the phone with Comcast trying to cancel my account, the endless runaround (that Comcast truly excelled at) they put me through gave me an epiphany,
“Wow, what a nightmare, this is my 5th call to cancel my account, just like it took 7 to 8 calls to get them to stop disconnecting my cable cards a year earlier and the multiple calls in between when they tried to bill me for equipment I never requested, nor had…this is what happens when you have Comcast. I really am going to cancel –this time forever.”
“I once asked them if I could simply call them and report an outage. No. Stupid Comcast”
Because what if it really is not an outage? Then you are calling back the next day to complain that your services have not been fixed. Duh! Its really a problem inside your home. Realistically, yes, you can simply report an outage but unless your neighbors are also calling or the computer system shows a couple of modems out in the area, reporting an outage means you will be calling back the next day.
Well, its either reboot the system or crawl behind your 9000 pound entertainment system to unplug and replug in every single wire on the box (which by the way actually works, regardless of how many times you say no one touches them or how tight they already are)
Not speaking English!
Well you do live in a country without a national language. English is clearly the dominant language but is no where listed as the official national language.
I highly doubt anybody answers your calls and doesn’t speak english. They may speak english as a second (or third or fourth) language, but they always speak english.
Personally I hate the intolerance American’s seem to have for people with accents. The way I figure it, they learned one of the most complicated languages to speak, so that makes them smarter than me. I speak English pretty well, but that is it. If they can speak Tagalog, Spanish, Hindi, Russian, or whatever language is native to them AND speak fluent enough English to work in a call center, then they deserve some respect.
I have no problem with people who speak with accents. That does not mean i feel they are qualified to work in customer service over the telephone. The primary job requirement there is to be able to communicate with your paying customer. If I truly can not understand what you are saying then you are not helping me, you are wasting my time.
As much as I hate to say this, you are right. I have had both excellent and horrible experiences. The best being a guy named “John” from Bangladesh who spoke better English with only a tiny accent on one or two words (which it why I asked where he was) clearer than my companies own CS reps. I pointed out the fact that he had no accent and where did he learn that and was told he watches the american news channels to get “non-regional dialect”.
The worst experience was a Microsoft call that I could not understand a damned thing no matter how many times repeated slowly. Frustrated, I hung up and called back to wait another 45 mins to get someone I could understand.
If I could only speak a little, horrible Spanish, I would not take a job answering the phone for frustrated Spanish clients. I’d just make the situation worse.
Yes, there are times I call and get someone with such a thick accent I just can’t understand a word they say. Not much help.
I hate it too. We have a lot of people call where I work who have some kind of accent. They call from New York City, they call from California, both big melting pots, and they sometimes call from overseas. I can hear the inside reps talk to them and they sometimes talk differently than when they’re dealing with a native speaker. Then when they hang up, they make remarks. I’ve heard this even when the accented person speaks perfect English.
That contempt bleeds into the interaction. That’s NOT good customer service, people.
My problem is not so much with accents or with people who speak English as a second language. I grew up overseas, I’m more than accustomed to various accents, and love hearing them.
My problem is that I’m dealing with a company that uses cheap foreign labor, sending jobs and investments overseas when our economy is in the crapper and Americans need the work.
I also have a problem with calling someplace on the other side of the international date line when I may need a tech to come to my home to solve the problem.
This is only exacerbated when the call center staffer on the other end of my call tries to convince me that he or she is just down the block by making conversation about American pop culture. Nope. Not buying it.
I’m a manager for a major nationwide cellular company. Coming from the customer service providers perspective, there are some really irritating things that customers tend to say.
Here are my top 3 most hated customer statements:
1) Greeter: “Welcome to ABC Wireless. What brings you in today?”
Customer: “My car.”
2) “The customer is always right.”
3) “I don’t know my cell phone number. I never call myself, haha heh heh ha.”
“The customer is always right.”
I’m sorry, What Company do you work for? If I use it, I’ll be sure to amend this situation rather quickly.
To be honest, the customer is quite frequently wrong.
When I was in retail, we said, “The customer is usually an idiot.”
As a call center worker- I enjoy this one:
“I’m sure you’d rather just give me the discount then lose a customer.”
these were my top 3 as well when i used to work for Verizon! I had a manager who would ever so smoothly tell the customer “actually sir/ma’am, the customer is not always right. We are clearly explaining why such-and-such is happening, and unfortuantely we are not allowed to change the rules just because you don’t like them”.
It worked most of the time, he was always polite and friendly while saying this too. It was so awesome to have a customer escalate up to management and then get told this.
Working in a dreaded call center as I do, let me pass on a couple “behind the scenes” stories regarding these cliches.
1) Inavailability of management: my center had (up until last month) a “management line” that we were directed to call, should management be requested by a customer. We were told in no uncertain terms that it was not their job to deal with customer concerns, it was ours, and frequency of calls transferred to management counted against us. Nevertheless, it came up from time to time – understandably, in many cases. Management would routinely not answer the phone, or all management would be in a three hour “management meeting,” and then disregard any messages they were given.
2) “No record of the previous call:” in my call center, if the person who answers the phone doesn’t add a note to the customer’s file, then there is in fact no record of that call. If a call center rep is concerned that they are saying something they shouldn’t, or if they just don’t feel like following up on something, they’ll either leave it out of their file update or just not update the file at all. Sure, management might catch it occasionally, but with four hundred reps each taking 20 to 30 calls a day, there is no way they’ll catch it most of the time.
3) “My computer is running slow:” If they updated our computer systems more frequently than once every three to four years, and updated them with something more up-to-date than the three to four year old systems they currently use, the computers might not run so slow.
4) I also hate “there’s nothing I can do for you” because 9 times out of 10, there IS something they can do, but the rep is being stubborn and refusing to budge. Why that happens, I have no idea. Sometimes people are just bastards.
20-30 calls a DAY? Do you work part time? I used to take 100+ calls in an 8 hour shift. On busy days it was pushing 200.
I worked in public accounting for 3 years. When we would call the IRS for clients, they would loop the same part of “Waltz of the Flowers” from the Nutcracker for hold music. Sometimes I would be on hold for 45 minutes waiting for an agent to pick up. It was absolute torture because I couldn’t just put the phone on speaker since I was in a cubicle with neighbors.
But they eventually changed that, thank God.
Press one for English (I won’t)
I’ll be happy to remove you from our mailing list. (Yeah Right)
I forgot about press 1 for english. This BS never fails to make my blood boil. This is America, we speak english here, so learn english if you wanna live here. And I say this as an immigrant!
because language has never evolved, ever?
“Thank you for calling. My name Peggy. Tell me what is problem please.”
But “Peggy” is a man working in a call center/shack in Eastern Europe.
Those commercials crack me up though
Me too
Any form of patronizing sympathy in lieu of action. I’m not calling customer service to find a shoulder to cry on or looking to have my disappointment validated; I have a problem that I want you to fix.
I don’t really care how you feel about it. Don’t waste my time with pleasantries, fix the problem or find me someone who can fix it. All other considerations are superfluous.
From one of my credit cards:
“We have great news regarding an exciting new opt-in feature that will prevent your card from being declined when our records show your purchase will take you over your limit. Please press 1 at the main menu to hear about this exciting new feature.”
…it is in there in such a way that I have to hear the entire pitch before the automated system will read off the numbers I wanted to hear. Any attempt to bypass it will either (a) take me someplace I didn’t want to go and doesn’t tell me what I wanted to know or (b) restart he pitch from the top. On top of that, I understand what it is they are pitching, and that just pisses me off all the more, especially given that it is on a closed account that I am paying off.
Many other organizations, in response to just about any question:
“Yes sir, I can research that for you.”
How about just, “Yes. One moment, please.” Far fewer words and far more colloquial.
this is a recent thing, but b/c i changed insurance companies, i’ve had to call my bank more than once over the past few weeks (big surprise) to make sure they get the info that shows i have insurance for my mortgage. on more than one occasion, the CSR has referred to my house as “the property that *we* own.”
uhh, no. you mean the property that *i* own. you have a security interest in the property, but it is not *yours.* the deed only has one name on it under “owner” & it ain’t “the bank”.
Anything that starts with the word “Unfortunately.” That word makes me want to punch someone in the throat; it means “I am about to *not* help you, and I’m pretending I’m unhappy about it just as you will be.”
Here’s the secret, unhelpful corporate assbags: There exists one or more persons on this planet, living and breathing right now, who possesses the mystical ability to actually resolve my problem – I’m not the type to call in with a problem such as blaming the power company for the hurricane that pushed a tree onto the transformer. Any “unfortunately”s along the way are simply unwillingness on your part, and that’s where you need to cut the shit and stop saying there’s nothing you, as a company, can do.
If the customer wants a problem resolved, you’d better damn well enlist the person who can help. Execs seem to be able to find those people when they get an EECB, no?
This may come as a shock to you, but Executives have a little more power in making something happen than the Level 1 CSR you get when you call the Customer Service number.
“Please reset your modem”
Oh rly?! I never thought of that as a reason why my internet was effing up. I know it’s standard procedure and I know of people who don’t already know of this as common sense, but it still bugs me, especially when they ask that I do it despite already telling them I’ve done it.
I really hate the stuff they are forced to add on to the end of the call.
“Did I solve all of your problems today?”
“Please know that Onstar is always here to help.”
“I hope I provided excellent service.”
The call is over. Let me get off the phone. I don’t want to do a survey, and don’t need you to affirm my satisfaction. If I was not satisfied, you’d know by now.
Yeah, my favorite is when they do that after completely failing to resolve my problem.
the scripted phone monkeys at lenovo taking over a minute to say “thank you for calling lenovo technical support in atlanta, georgia. My name is _____ , how may I be of assistance to you today?”
‘The customer is always right’
I loathe it, even as a customer. It’s used by too many self-entitled jackasses to get their way, trying to take advantage of everything to the point where business run out of generosity and those jerks ruin it for everyone. Also, the businessman (HG Selfridge) generally credited with putting the phrase into circulation died in poverty.
15-30 seconds of music, interrupted by a corporate slogan, a standardized patience script, with that recorded lady who always sounds like she is trying to speak loudly and not shout, but is still shouting … and then resuming to music, only it is a different tune. Any sort of hold music that is interrupted by speaking is annoying. If I’m going to be stuck listening to your hold music for 5 minutes plus, at least don’t loop the same 60 seconds over and over.
I *hate* the voice ads interrupting music. I don’t care if I’m on hold for 20 minutes, I don’t even care if the music loops while I’m on hold, but sweet Jesus don’t interrupt my attention every ninety seconds with a human voice that isn’t the one I’m looking for.
When you call Kabletown and they say they will fix your problem by putting a “note on your account”.
Which is the like me saying I’ll fix something by putting a post it note on my monitor reminding me to do it.
*Kabletown=Comcast
They did “put a note on your account” — in the form of a Post-It stuck to the monitor underneath your account information, which was immediately removed upon completion of the call.
One thing about Comcast, you will get one of two types of people on the phones. Outsource rep or someone who lives within 50 miles of where you are calling from who actually works for Comcast. You’ll know the difference by the accents usually.
“we just want to update our records” or we want to sell you something or get update information we can sell
” you have to tell me or I can’t clear my screen” or the system is designed that you must tell us everything
“just take a seat” we’ll get someone to speak to you when we feel like it.