When the End Times come, all world economies will collapse, leaving the unlucky survivors to barter for their survival. Precious metals and gems will be very popular. That’s probably why this jewelry store in the Midwest took out local TV ads promoting their “Second Coming Sale” with 50% off all merchandise. It’s not even close to Easter yet!
In case you’re reading this somewhere without speakers or Flash, here’s a partial transcript of the ad.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Did you know the Bible predicts the day of the Lord, followed by the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem? As I read the daily news and look around the world, I believe we’re really close to that day. Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry, I have access to millions. Diamonds and gemstones, gold, silver, watches and clocks, and I’m selling everything at 50% off, giving you unbelievable savings.
One local blogger noticed that the last time Google Street View visited the store’s neighborhood, they were having a retirement sale.
Whether it’s entirely sincere or a cynical ploy, you’ve got to admit: you certainly paid attention to the second half of the ad.
The Second Coming Sale [YouTube] (Thanks, Craig!)
End times bad for jewelry business? Have a sale [Northword]
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I think this deserves a Flat What.
You’re supposed to warn people when you post a tvtropes link. People are going to click that link and waste half their day now.
And thus, my nefarious scheme will come to fruition >:D
You, sir, are just plain evil.
Everyone always says that “tvtropes is soooooooooooooo addictive!!11!!!” I don’t get the attraction, it’s boring to me.
Yeah, me too. Other people get sucked in, but my eyes glaze over in boredom whenever I get linked to TVtropes.
I think it only affects a certain personality type; either that, or 90% of the Internet has Asberger’s Syndrome X3
Jebus!
I’ve spent my entire day on that damn site thanks to you!
Sounds like someone got a Facebook chat message at :25.
Huh, all this time I thought Jews controlled the jewelery markets.
So thats the reason Glen Beck says to put all your money in Gold…
Did you know the Bible predicts the day of the Lord, followed by the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem?
Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. – Matthew 24:42
I start every day expecting Jesus to show up.
I’m doing my part.
Jesus comes once a week at my house. He and Ahmed cut the grass and trim the trees.
Is that you Hey-Zeus?
The nametag on the guy who comes to check my hydro meter read ‘T. Odinson’.
Think it means anything? He’s got a killer beard, for what it’s worth.
I think the correct question for him is, “How hangs the hammer?”
I wonder if anyone else sees the irony in this guy offering jewelry for money he allegedly thinks will become worthless?
If he were one of those folks who think they’ll be raptured imminently, he wouldn’t sell the jewelry, as money is useless in heaven.
If he knows his community will fall for a cheap trick like “buy my jewelry to barter with!”, well, he may be a bit smarter than his community… but only just a bit.
REPENT!!!! FOR THE END IS NEAR!!!!
And with jewelry at 50% off, you can afford to look good for your maker.
No way would Jesus pay retail.
When the end time comes, I will trade you ONE jar of my homegrown peaches for all your worthless gold and diamonds.
Thank you very much. Come again!
I am reminded of a quote from Gremlins 2: The New Batch.
Well, it’s rather brutal here. Right now we are advising all our clients to put everything they’ve got into canned food and shotguns.
I have always wondered what the reasoning behind the gold and diamonds being the only currency if society collapses. Sure, back in ancient times gold and diamonds were very valuable but only to societies that had plenty of food and a way to defend themselves.
I’ve started keeping all of my bottlecaps, just in case the apocalypse hits. With any luck, I’ll be the richest man in the Wasteland!
Rattlesnake squeezin’s!
I’m thinking gasoline and batteries will be pretty big for trading.
Stockpile booze and ammo – you can trade booze for food and use the ammo to protect and/or acquire your assets (food, booze, etc.).
This is interesting to me.
Say…I think I am christian. The rapture would mean I am not around to enjoy the benefits of any jewelry I purchase.
Say…I think I am not christian. Then I will probably have bigger problems to address, than whether I have jewelry on hand to look good and barter for things. Little problems like…armageddon…the anti-christ…judgment day and hellfire for all! Stuff like dat.
If you’re not a Christian, you probably KNOW (rather than think), but more importantly, you probably don’t believe in those “bigger problems” like armageddon, judgement day, etc.
Unless, of course, you’re one of those Christians that thinks everyone else MUST believe all that stuff in the bible.
As an anti-religion type, I would personally welcome the rapture – let all the true believers go to heaven (or wherever) and leave me alone!
Cheap Sniveler states:
Jesus would not buy jewelery.
I would like to thank this guy for reinforcing the notion that all people between the coasts are nutbags who cling to their religion and guns.
If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like… oh you get the point.
Darn. I was hoping it was a sale so spectacular it’d give me multiple orgasms.
I see what you did there.
i guess if you’re not going to be meeting God in the sky, you gotta look good for the weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Note to potential customers: You can’t take it with you.
That’s why he’s getting rid of it
Jesus is coming! Everybody look busy!
So if the guy thinks that the Second Coming is imminent, why is he exchanging gold and jewels for cash?
Excellent.
I am taking all of my gold, jewels, and paper money with me! Maybe next they should have a GOING OUT (for) BUSINESS! Sale.
You really need to be dressed at your best to get into heavan?????????
Why waste my money now? If I just wait till the rapture, I can go out and take what I want
Of course…that’s assuming all the ‘good christians’ really are good christians.
Why waste my money now? If I just wait till the rapture, I can go out and take what I want
Of course…that’s assuming all the ‘good christians’ really are good christians.
This guy should read the part of the Bible where Jesus thrashed the money changers, kicked over their tables and chased them out of the temple.
Yeah, but you have to have a barcode on your right hand or forehead to pay for any of the stuff.