Hilarious Toys You Won't Want Near Your Kids

As you get ready to go Christmas shopping for the little ones, be thankful you won’t find toys like this in the aisles any longer.

Guyism compiles 10 toys with presumably unintentional sexual or otherwise politically incorrect connotations, many of which seem to have been taken off the primary market.

As a sample, we’ll examine the pictured Dora the Explorer Aquapet, which was once listed on Amazon. No Dora toy has ever brought out more of the adventurer’s explorer side.

Also on the list are an Osama bin Laden-themed cell phone, a plush priest doll and an inflatable Wolverine with a blow-up valve exactly where Cyclops would want it.

10 toys that will permanently screw up your kid [Guyism via Yahoo]

Comments

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  1. StuffThingsObjects says:

    Sure would be nice if I didn’t get a ‘Connect to Facebook’ screen when I click the link.

  2. ElleAnn says:

    It won’t let me see the links without authorizing a facebook application. Lame!

  3. anime_runs_my_life says:

    Blocked by work since it’s a facebook app. Full of total win – not!

  4. Blueskylaw says:

    It’s a battery powered rocket ship that will take Dora to places she has never been to before.

  5. Cicadymn says:

    Really? A facebook connection?

    Quality work.

  6. bosozoku says:

    Uh…yeah…so what’s up with the Facebook crap?

  7. Cyclone says:

    Wtf, connect to facebook? Really?

    Someone brave enough to ‘Connect’ want to post the list here?

  8. pop top says:

    If you click the Yahoo link you can see the page without having to log in to FB. Thanks for more of your upstanding work Phil!

  9. IT-Princess: I work in IT, you owe me $1 says:

    You can go directly to the guyism.com website: http://guyism.com/humor/toys-that-will-permanently-screw-up-your-kid.html

  10. selkie says:

    Can’t get in because of the Facebook thing, but if the list doesn’t contain the infamous Hello Kitty ‘personal massage device’ then they’ve missed one of the classics of that kind of toy/device.

  11. Red Cat Linux says:

    http://newsmo.inof/buzz/ is what the status bar identifies the link as, but clicking it takes me to a facebook app page.

    Even if FB wasn’t shit canned by the company firewall, why link to an article that requires scaling a registration/membership wall? I hate those things.

  12. IT-Princess: I work in IT, you owe me $1 says:
    • Rudiger says:

      Why the hell would Phil submit a Facebook link of this story when a quick Google search can find the source?

      • IT-Princess: I work in IT, you owe me $1 says:

        I doubt it was done on purpose since the link is now fixed. Maybe he found it through Facebook originally and didn’t realize it would go through like that. We all make mistakes.

    • Muddie says:

      Thank you for the direct link.

  13. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    This may be the correct article. It has the Dora penis thing.

    http://guyism.com/humor/toys-that-will-permanently-screw-up-your-kid.html

  14. SecretAgentWoman says:

    There is NO WAY I’m going to give those kind of permissions to my personal information to see this article. FOR SHAME on the Consumerist, who supposedly has the best interest of it’s readers in mind.

    • pop top says:

      t’s nt Cnsmrst, t’s Phl. Bt tht’s Cnsmrst’s flt fr nt gttng rd f hm whn h’s bvsl hck. vryn shld -ml Mg nd Bn bt Phl. CB.

      • Griking says:

        Oh leave him be. Is it that hard to say no to the Facebook app?

        Besides, I never even saw it, perhaps its my Firefox and Adblock

  15. greatgoogly says:

    Yeah, somethings not right there since undoubtedly the website will suck in all the information from your Facebook account. Interesting, but I think I’ll pass.

  16. quirkyrachel says:

    Hmm, something else I clicked in a different article also went to facebook. Looks like you’ve been hacked or something.

  17. Raekwon says:

    Looks like on of those common Facebook scam pages. Way to go Phil! The URL shows eznewss which I can’t find anything about so I’m going with scammy page.

  18. absherlock says:

    I’ll just wait and read about it in CookSource.

  19. mac-phisto says:

    did consumerist get hacked?

  20. pop top says:

    Everyone should e-mail the hell out of Meg and Ben about this. This site preaches getting companies to listen to you. If you don’t like Phil or his poor linking skills, let them know!

  21. Dominar Rygel the XVI says:

    even the article is kind of lame. the author grabbed an assortment of funny items from years past posts on other sites. I mean, half of those he lifted right off engrish.com.

  22. Raekwon says:

    In other news Phil is also the first moron to break his TV with Kinect

    http://kotaku.com/5682343/the-first-moron-to-break-his-tv-with-kinect

    • Dominar Rygel the XVI says:

      seeing as how many hits the wii stories got, I have a feeling that this one might have been fabricated to generate traffic. just a hunch

  23. gqcarrick says:

    Yea pretty crappy I need to connect to facebook for this, guess its not worth reading.

  24. classic10 says:

    You get an F for linking to a Facebook application authorization page.

  25. Verucalise (Est.February2008) says:

    Oh, I get it… this is take old articles and bring them back to life week, a twisted turn on that story with the woman and the copyright infringement!

  26. VOIDMunashii says:

    I’ve seen most of these items before, and actually have the Punisher figure on a shelf in my office. Yes, we noticed that he could be put in that position almost immediately, but it is actually supposed to transform into a gun, not just be Frank Castle with a “crotch cannon”
    Thanks to IT-Princess for the direct link

  27. HogwartsProfessor says:

    I’m surprised I even got the Facebook thing; that’s normally blocked at my desk.

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      Ehhh, I forgot to add I can’t get on Yahoo here either (beyond stupid) so I guess I’ll have to wait until lunchtime or when I go home.

      And I could use a laugh too! :P

  28. 4Real says:

    Yeah I am not connecting anything to facebook. Scam

  29. Holybalheadedchrist! says:

    not going to join your facebook scoundrel gang

  30. Arcaeris says:

    Blocked by work, category “Adult.” Thanks, Consumerist.

  31. leemikcee says:

    Goodness gracious, people. The link problem was a boo-boo that got fixed. Get a grip.

    And the content IS “adult.” Everyone can look at the linked site on their personal computers at home.

  32. no_wallmart says:

    This story is WAY old. Gizmodo reported it in 2006. Slow news day I guess.
    http://gizmodo.com/215803/dora-aquapet-pets-heavy

  33. stock2mal says:

    The funny thing is that most Christians will take one look at God-Jesus and say “That makes absolute no sense at all.”

  34. bwcbwc says:

    Now I know the real reason they call it X-mas

  35. aaron8301 says:

    Dear Gawd. I may never let my kids out of the house again.

  36. Destron says:

    I like these guys

    http://tinyurl.com/2dq42fn

  37. fredmertz says:

    Someone should write a story about how often people repackage the exact same pictures into a new blog post.

  38. Powerlurker says:

    How could they forget the Oozinator?