Smoke Pink Cigarettes, Fight Breast Cancer

For every pack of pink cigarettes you smoke, RJ Morris will donate half a cent to breast cancer research.

Pink Cigarettes UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

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  1. scoccaro says:

    Fighting breast cancer with lung cancer

    • Pax says:

      +1

      Lung Cancer is what killed my father; I find this promotion to be offensive, as well as being a case of unmitigated, inexcusable idiocy.

      • Doubts42 says:

        whoooosh

      • pop top says:

        Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

      • CoachTabe says:

        Bold-facing the word “idiocy” in a post where you missed incredibly obvious parody/sarcasm/comedy is quite ironic.

      • Pax says:

        TO ALL THOSE WHO SAY I DIDN’T REALISE IT WAS A PARODY:

        I am still offended. The article above gives no indication that this is a parody, and yes, I really do think “Big Tobacco” corporations are stupid enough to try something like this.

        No, I didn’t watch the video. I was offended, and did not care to give it that much of my time.

        How many of you, I wonder, have actually lost a family member to lung cancer?

        How many have lost a family member to breast cancer?

        Me, I’ve lost one to each. Forgive me for being easily offended by stupidity relating to either or both of them.

        • minjche says:

          Sorry to hear about your losses. Let’s just try to relax though, eh?

          Seeing as you aren’t being forced to read this page or forced to watch the video, it doesn’t seem very fair for you to force your own opinions, does it?

          I pointed out in another comment that different people grieve in different ways and on different schedules, so the best bet for all of us is some mutual respect.

        • crazydavythe1st says:

          This is why we can’t have funny things. It’s called irony. You see, it trivializes the cancer (but not the fight against it) which is the entire premise of the whole “I can beat cancer!” idea.

          and yes, I’ve had multiple family members die from different types of cancer.

        • Kitten Mittens says:

          Your stupidity and lack of a sense of humor offends me.

        • pop top says:

          You are a big baby.

    • OSAM says:

      Smoking actually can cause breast cancer (albeit somewhat more indirectly)

    • magnetic says:

      Didn’t you see House last week? One cancer cures the other.

  2. Gramin says:

    Wow… I don’t know what to say about this…

    This is fucking ridiculous. So you smoke a pink cigarette and they donate a few pennies to breast cancer research but you increase your chances of getting lung cancer.

    If I see anyone smoking a pink cigarette, I’m going to slap them.

  3. einstoch says:

    Irony at it finest.

  4. Bremma says:

    Here’s a friend and I’s response to this.

    Me: Does this mean we can trade cancers, or something?
    Him: Can you break a leukemia? Nah, man, all I got is two lymphomas.
    Me: Here, take my melanoma for now. I’m sure you’ll get me back when you can
    Him: I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for an enlarged prostate today.

  5. RvLeshrac says:

    I wonder which of these commenters missed the giant “PARODY” tag at the top of the article?

    • Gramin says:

      Hmm… I think I know… ;)

    • psm321 says:

      I feel like it should be in the headline. I’m not opposed to posting fun things, but something that is not obvious parody at a first glance (the video doesn’t appear above the fold) should be called out as such.

      • theycallmeGinger says:

        Maybe its purpose is to make light of commenters who respond only to the headline and don’t take the few seconds to read further or any comments.

  6. pop top says:

    Before everyone gets their underwear all tangled up, this is from a COMEDY GROUP. Which could easily be discerned from the line under the video that says: “Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com”

  7. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    Bahahahahaha!!

  8. minjche says:

    Comedy aside, five cents per cigarette is huge. That’s $1 per standard pack of cigarettes, which can be anywhere from 10-40% of the price of a pack (depending on the state, store, and brand).

  9. dorianh49 says:

    They’re not quite as generous as the intro that Ben wrote states. The sketch says .5 cents for every pack. Verizon math, I guess.

  10. Phineas says:

    How about pink silicone breast implants to support lung cancer?

    Kidding aside, what color is the ribbon for lung cancer? Or does it not get as much support because people assume the people who contract it brought it on themselves?

  11. Minj says:

    Good parody because lung cancer kills twice as many women as breast cancer yet nobody seems to care.

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      I care; I knew someone who died of lung cancer and had never smoked, nor had her husband, and she didn’t work anywhere she was exposed to secondhand smoke, etc. It does kill people who don’t smoke.

      That said, I’m glad I finally quit.

  12. samonela says:

    Cigarettes killed my father…

    And raped my mother.

  13. trillium says:

    Parody or not – its like KFC (fried chicken) supporting breast cancer research. It is also sad that so much focus is placed on breast cancer (everything is PINK in October) but the same focus is not placed on any of the other cancers when they are just deadly. I’d love to see a “Cancer Awareness” month where everything is purple! Where is the teal month for gynecological cancers or light blue for prostate? Where is the 1/2 blue, 1/2 pink for MALE breast cancer?

    • pop top says:

      “its like KFC (fried chicken) supporting breast cancer research.”

      What? Are you trying to imply that fried chicken causes breast cancer?

      Also, what’s wrong with the breast cancer ribbon being pink? It’s not just WOMEN’S breast cancer awareness, it’s breast cancer in general. Men can wear pink too you know. While it would be nice if there was just an overall cancer awareness month, there’s nothing wrong with the pink ribbon.

      • trillium says:

        Nothing wrong with pink – I’d just love to see a little purple once in awhile (general color for cancer awareness).

    • Phineas says:

      How about brown for colon cancer?

    • thedarkerside.to says:

      People care about breasts more than prostates, that’s probably why.

      Though, Movember is sort of an attempt at raising awareness on that and money but compared to the Juggernaut of the Pink Ribbon brigade it’s a joke.

      Has anybody actually ever looked where all that money goes that is raised under the Pink Ribbon? I mean it seems to be everywhere the amounts collected must be huge.

    • Groanan says:

      How about we stop spending money on cancer awareness and instead spend money on cancer treatment research? All this awareness stuff is a waste of resources; the people who do not know that lumps on their breast should be looked at, or that they should see a doctor once a year / once every two years, probably can’t afford cancer treatment anyway.

      If we want to spend money on awareness we should be pushing sex awareness, as some areas (particularly in the south) are still struggling with unplanned pregnancies, and least we not forget all the STDs out there. I honestly think it would make a difference if everyone with genital herpes wore a ribbon on genital herpes day; some diseases owe their prevalence mostly to ignorance of their existence (I do not think breast cancer is any longer one of them).

  14. Sian says:

    Half a cent.

    Wow.

    Really digging deep, aren’t they?

  15. CaughtLooking says:

    Half a cent per pack? Wow, how generous. Way to step up and help the cause.

  16. raybury says:

    Since the tobacco master settlement agreement (MSA), we haven’t seen much in the way of stunt branding (the Wikipedia article on the MSA is very good) . The reason is that now the Attorney General’s office in each state must put each cigarette brand name, variation (red/green/blue/aquamarine), and pack type (soft/hard/rounded) sold on an approved list and distribute it to scores or hundreds of wholesalers authorized to sell to retailers in the state. There is apparently a difficult enough process that some smaller brands limit the states where they sell, e.g. a regional cluster including one or two high-smoking-population states.

  17. brianary says:

    “Breast cancer awareness” would have been funnier than “research”.

  18. The Marionette says:

    Well if anyone has watched one of the newer episodes of House you’ll see 2 cancers will battle each other out, so the lung cancer will help fight the breast cancer. I’ll be in my office.

  19. ChoralScholar says:

    Maybe we can get porn producers to donate half a cent to lung cancer in return.

    They ARE the biggest breast promoters, after all.

    • catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

      that probably won’t work out. an adult “novelty” store in orlando held a fundraiser topless carwash many years ago and raised several thousand dollars for breast cancer research. for a long time [maybe still] they had the check framed on their wall with the letter where the breast cancer foundation returned it saying they didn’t want funding from that particular source.

      • MistahFixit says:

        Honestly? I’d be more offended that a cancer foundation turned down perfectly good donation money, than I would be about them taking money from porn moguls, sex shops, etc.

        But then, that might just be the defective Y-chromosome talking ;3

        • catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

          yep, the store still does a carwash fundraiser annually but now they give the donation to the mustardseed foundation. they never tried to raise money for breast cancer research/awareness again. a whole lot of people were upset by that. i think it was close to 20 years ago now though.

          http://activerain.com/blogsview/1734158/what-s-happening-in-orlando-and-central-florida-july-8-2010
          “STUDS & SUDS AND BABES & BUBBLES

          What: The adult store hosts a car wash with professional models and donation drive to benefit the Mustard Seed

          When: July 10 – 11am – 4pm

          Where: Fairvilla Adult Mega Store”

  20. Nakko says:

    O_o

    The only way RJ Morris would truly help fight cancer more than it created it, would be to GO OUT OF BUSINESS.

  21. emptyV says:

    Poor judegment, and bad taste will never be in style…
    The real cigarette companies are Phillip Morris, and RJ Reynolds, they combined the names to make it look like a real company. Cancer is no joke, my father lost his battle of 8 years, and it takes millions of lives every year. So put that in your pipe….errr… nevermind

    • Groanan says:

      The humor is being used as a vehicle to drive home a stronger non-humours point, just like most of the stuff The Onion does.

      I do reject, however, your view that cancer is off-limits for humor because it affected you personally.

      Unless you are pushing an agenda where the world revolves around you, your concept of not ever making people smile on the chance that someone else might frown would make life very dreadful and boring.

    • crunchberries says:

      Since we’re telling people what cancer is or is not now, it certainly is not a pissing contest. Using your father’s death to one up and shame people who have the ‘gall’ to enjoy the satire in this is incredibly offensive.

      Next time you want to share your opinion, how about quantifying it with ‘I’ statements? ‘I think’, ‘I feel’, ‘I know’–those are all good ones that don’t make you look like a jerk.

  22. valleyval says:

    I love when I go to the grocery store in October, I’m always asked if I want to donate to breast cancer.

    Why would I want to donate to breast cancer?

  23. Sarcastico says:

    So, if I up my risk for breast cancer by smoking, RJ Morris will donate an incredible 1/2 cent toward breast cancer research for every pack of cancer sticks I buy. Hmmmm….bad deal.

  24. stint7 says:

    The Mr. Bungle song Pink Cigarette immediately came to mind.

  25. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    Loved it

  26. ericlewis91 says:

    i find this offensive.. smoking to cause cancer in order to help research cancer..

    makes no sense

  27. lawgirl502 says:

    There is no way they are going to fund research for cancer. What a joke. Is anyone actually that stupid? “Buy our cancer sticks and we will donate to cancer research, all the while we could care less because we want your money”

  28. lawgirl502 says:

    I’m so sick of the fricken pink breast cancer crap. Guess it proves the obsession with boobs. Where are the prostate cancer ribbons and products? More people are diagnosed and die with that than breast cancer? Do I need to put a big picture of a penis on a t shirt? Maybe have a couple blue balls in lieu of pink ribbon?

    • minjche says:

      Not sure how you connected the prostate with a penis …

      Anyway some people choose to support certain campaigns. Just because someone doesn’t support every kind of cancer doesn’t mean they shouldn’t support any.

      Take two anti-curmudgeon pills and try back in the morning.

  29. BigHeadEd says:

    This will obviously never work as a fundraiser: most men won’t put them in their mouths and most women won’t inhale.

  30. quirkyrachel says:

    It’s a joke, people! If you watch the video it’s clearly a joke.

  31. TheCorporateGeek Says Common Sense Is The Key says:

    It’s still amazing what people believe. There is no true way to pinpoint exactly what causes the cancer. Yes, smoking increases the risk but hell even walking outside and breathing increases the risk. Not everyone who smokes gets cancer and some that don’t smoke and never are around smokers get cancer.

    Remember people make their own choices whether you like it or not.

  32. MJ Dick says:

    I see this as a relevant jab at what marketers have been doing. how many “Pink” items have you seen lately, and how many of them are putting on the pink ribbon logo just to get you to buy, but has nothing to do with cancer. on many items, it’s just a selling take on the common fad.