The 4,000 Calorie 3-Pound Mondo Gummy Worm

The most truly frightening candy this Halloween doesn’t have razor blades or metal flakes in it, but 4,000 calories.

Calling itself the “world’s largest gummy worm,” this 3 lb., 5 inch thick gooey monstrosity is “128 times more massive” than a normal gummy worm. It takes two fists to hold and eat all 26 inches of it and contains enough energy to feed a small village family, but of course you’ll be knocking that back in one extended streaming Netflix sitting, perhaps snugly ensconced inside a Cocon?

I have not personally consumed this product as I am afraid of it. (Thanks to Chris!)

Comments

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  1. the Persistent Sound of Sensationalism says:

    That is just not right on so many levels.

  2. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    This has nothing on the giant gummy bear.

    http://www.amazon.com/Worlds-Largest-Giant-Gummy-Cherry/dp/B00315HJ8C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=grocery&qid=1288105354&sr=1-1

    It’s something like 12,000 calories.

  3. curmudgeon says:

    I, for one, would much rather worry about razor blades or metal flakes. Is this giant gummy worm really a consumer concern? What a waste of bandwidth!

    • Dyscord says:

      This. It’s a giant Gummy Worm. Of course the calories are through the roof. You’ll probably be so hyper from the sugar rush that you’ll burn it off in no time.

      On a related note, that picture does NOT look right.

      • Blueskylaw says:

        I would probably try it if it was sugar free. I wonder if that’s even possible?
        Manufacturers, any idea?

    • El_Fez says:

      Thank you for taking the time and bandwidth to inform us that this is an utter waste of time and bandwidth. Your irony is duly noted.

    • Kia says:

      Well at least your name is appropriate. Quit your whinin’.

    • Conformist138 says:

      why do all consumerist posts have to be negative? this blog posts, what, 10+ times a day?
      i say, plenty of room for giant gummy worms right before halloween!

  4. MaliBoo Radley says:

    Am I the only one thinking of Requiem For A Dream?

    “Ass to ass” …. *shudder*

  5. danmac says:

    Thanks for not including the NSFW tag…this reminds me of some of the anime videos a friend of mine purchased in high school…

  6. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    That’s dirty.

  7. Blueskylaw says:

    Why does the guy seem to be smiling?

  8. Robofish says:

    well, now I can’t unsee this

  9. ambergris says:

    Looks like a colon…..

  10. JulesNoctambule says:

    There were five-pound gummy bears for sale at our state fair last week, but at least they were one of the things that weren’t deep-fried.

  11. rubicthecube says:

    Gummy worms are awesome, but what’s with the picture of large intestine fellatio?

  12. Liam Kinkaid says:

    That picture makes me feel funny in my pants. The front part of my pants.

  13. Macgyver says:

    Looks like a giant dildo.

    • econobiker says:

      Double ender, in fact…

      One time I was at this bachelor party and these two women…ere, never mind.

      • catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

        there’s an adult store in orlando that posts polaroids [or they did, i don’t know what they’ve replaced polaroids with] of shoplifters with the item they were caught taking. saw one once with a guy holding up a double ended dildo almost as long as he was tall.
        was in there getting bridal shower favors with a friend and we were trying to figure out how short the guy must have been. until my friend found the item in question on the shelf.
        i’m 5’4″ and the guy was clearly taller than i am.
        that image is permanently burned into my brain

    • BomanTheBear says:

      This post made my day. There are probably thirty above it doing innuendo of some type, and finally, just a post that says “that’s a dildo, yo.”

  14. Hungry Dog says:

    This is a truly awesome thing and on that note I have a friend with a small child that I know will go totally ape sh^t for this.

  15. dmolavi says:

    damn, i nearly got busted for watching porn at work…next time, add NSFW :-p

  16. dreamfish says:

    I bet every other person here who said ‘that is just not right’ has already ordered one.

  17. tiz says:

    reminds me of Chuck Palahniuks short story “Guts.”

    google it! seriously!

    actually don’t…

    • Liam Kinkaid says:

      On that note, never sit on the intake hole at the bottom of a pool. No matter how good it feels.

      And seriously, folks, don’t look that story up. You really can’t get rid of the imagery. The man has a way with words. A terrible, disgusting, soul wrenching way with words.

    • Azagthoth says:

      I found an audio version of that story a few years back and made the mistake of trying to drive while listening to it. I pulled over half way home lightheaded. Some of that story struck too close to home.

  18. raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

    I love gummi candy, but I really do not like the oversized ones, the textures are all wrong, they are less squishy and more chewy. Like the difference between soft rubber and hard plastic.

    • kalaratri says:

      I was going to say this. In order to keep the shape at that weight, they need to use too much gelatin for a pleasing texture.

  19. Duke_Newcombe-Making children and adults as fat as pigs says:

    Thanks, Consumerist. There isn’t enough eye bleach or “forget-me” lasers in the world to unsee that. Wrong, wrong, wrong…

  20. DeepHurting says:

    So…. disturbing….

  21. Nessiah says:

    so where can i buy it? vat19.com ??

  22. catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

    it’s neatly segmented. you could serve it at a party. i can imagine a hallowe’en party table covered with gross looking foods. coiled up on a plate with a big knife, served in slices. maybe on a bed of crushed oreo “dirt”

  23. scoosdad says:

    Ben, did Chris lose the coin toss about who was going to write this article? :-)

  24. Daverson says:

    Big gummi dildo

  25. Beeker26 says:

    Anyone else finding themselves oddly aroused by this thing?

  26. David Millar says:

    “but of course you’ll be knocking that back in one extended streaming Netflix sitting, perhaps snugly ensconced inside a Cocon?”

    Nah, I don’t need a Cocon – I have Snuggie.

  27. GovtMinion says:

    What has been seen cannot be unseen…

    …time for some brain bleach.

  28. sopmodm14 says:

    it looks like an edible, double-ended dildo or something

  29. radon says:

    I once at a gummy rat as a teenager and was sick to my stomach all day. That’s when I officially stopped eating gummy anything.

    Those images say Poltergeist 2 tequila worm to me though, which is worse than an upset stomach, but equally Halloween.

  30. iParadox{InLove} says:

    That guy really knows how to handle a worm.

    Shouldn’t fellatio be added to the More About terms?

  31. hotcocoa says:

    You all are dirty, dirty, dirty! *waggles finger* I’ve had a jumbo gummi bear once and nearly died from how good it was. I’m sure I would OD on sugar if I ever got my hands on this.

  32. Segador says:

    It looks like he picked it up at the adult novelty store.

  33. stint7 says:

    Gummy candy is good and all but I get sick after just a few of the little ones. I can’t imagine the coma I would be in after that.

  34. zantafio says:

    that’s a double headed edible dildo. Here I said it.
    Available at your local adult store.

  35. zantafio says:

    that’s a double headed edible dildo. Here I said it.
    Available at your local adult store.

  36. JBayon says:

    God I hope this guy got paid well.

  37. PortlandBeavers says:

    Major phallic overtones in that picture.