(dooley)
Redditor glisignoli has worked for three years in gadget retail and the only way he’s been able to cling to the last remaining shreds of sanity is to write down every crazy quote from the boneheaded customers he has to deal with. Most of them involve a customer screaming something they have no idea what they’re talking about, like the guy who walked in his first week and threw a USB cable on the counter, yelling, “THIS CABLE ISN’T WIRELESS!”
What are some of the dumbest things customers said to you when you worked behind the counter? Sound off in the comments.
Customer quotes from when I worked in retail: Customer quotes from when I worked in retail: [Reddit]
Subscribe to Ben’s posts by RSS.
Follow Ben on Twitter.
Email ben at consumerist.com
More From Consumerist
-
Would You Shop In A Store Hot Enough To Turn A Snickers Bar Into A Beverage?
-
Female Athletes Beware: Your Boobs Are Your Own Worst Enemy
-
6 Retail Customers Who Give The Rest Of Us A Bad Name
-
Worst Company In America Round 1: Google Vs. Facebook
-
Report: Your Facebook News Feed Will Soon Know A Lot More About You
When I was a boy prostitute, I once had a trick insist that I had foreskin. “Ricky told me you were uncut, you must have foreskin.” I didn’t and don’t, but he kept going on and on about how I must have foreskin.
Those were the days!
I work at Home Depot. While changing the garbage at the return desk I overheard a customer who could not understand why he couldn’t return a power tool he bought at Sears.
I love the people who try to return generators after their power comes back…
“Did you want skim or whole milk?”
“2% please.”
“I’m sorry, we have skim and whole.”
“… what’s whole milk?”
[looking out the window to see if this is a sorority chick or what, but no, senior woman.] “It’s… milk with none of the fat taken out.”
“Oh, so it’s 2%.”
[oh my god lady no if it was 2% we wouldn't be having this conversation] “No, it’s whole milk. It’s… far more creamy than 2%.”
“I’ll just take the regular milk.”
“…” [gives whole milk, which is in fact the default option]
“Are you closed?” Yes, we’re closed even though the doors are unlocked and the lights and open signs are turned on. Fucking morons.
hmm where to start, how about when I used to work at toy r us. I had a lady yell at me for not opening a model house and putting it together for her so she could see how it looks, even after I told her our instore open box policy and it looked the same as on the box. One time I had a guy ask me for one of the toys above the shelves, I told the man it was the same kind as the ones below, he got mad and insisted the customer was always right and he wanted the one “up there,” so I have to go back and get the tallest ladder stored behind all the other ladders which I had to remove one by one. The thing was way to heavy for me and it took me about ten minutes to get the ladder out, I get back and the guy is gone and I notice one of the toy packages on the bottom missing, /face palm. I also worked at a Geek squad call center. I have had some guy call in wanting to buy smokes before which was pretty random and I assured him that Geek Squad did not sell them. 70 percent of the time the first thing out of peoples mouths after me announcing this is agent sean with geek squad mission control, was omg thank god you have no accent! Other times I would answer the phone to people yelling at me.
“Is that chicken done?” *customer points to the rotisserie.*
“No, I’m sorry, it has about a half an hour left”
“Well just give me one now, I’ll microwave it when I get home”
“Um, I’m sorry sir, I really can’t do that, you could get really sick”
*Throws a gallon of milk at my head* “WELL F*** YOU!”
If NE is for Nebraska, then what are the letters for New England?
True story.
I piece of mail came in at work and a girl was delivering it.
Her: Is this your territory?
ME: No, I’m east coast. That’s NE for Nebraska.
Her: If NE is for Nebraska, then what are the letters for New England?
True story.
I piece of mail came in at work and a girl was delivering it.
Her: Is this your territory?
ME: No, I’m east coast. That’s NE for Nebraska.
Her: If NE is for Nebraska, then what are the letters for New England?
ME: Uhm……New Engand isn’t a state………
True story.
I piece of mail came in at work and a girl was delivering it.
Her: Is this your territory?
ME: No, I’m east coast. That’s NE for Nebraska.
Her: If NE is for Nebraska, then what are the letters for New England?
ME: Uhm……New Engand isn’t a state………
True story.
At Barnes & Noble:
“Why don’t you shelve the books by the author’s *first* name?”
“Do you have the Cliff’s Notes to Jurassic Park?”
“Why don’t you have as many books about Welsh history as you do about English history?”
reminds me of this guy’s tales of customer woe
http://www.actsofgord.com/
I should read the comments before posting the exact same thing 90mins later.
If you like that you will love this guy. http://www.actsofgord.com/
Dumbest quote in Dental Office when Bathroom is opposite front desk. “Can I use the bathroom?” Since they are brainless enough I always reply, no! Teach them next time not to ask.
* A customer walks in on Christmas Eve while I was working at Gamestop*
C – “Yes, I’d like a Nintendo DS Lite in black”
Me – “Oh sorry sir we’re all sold out.”
C – “Oh, then I’ll take a white one”
Me – “Sorry we’re actually all sold out of DS Lite”
C – “What do you mean? I want a DS Lite.”
Me – “Well sir it’s Christmas Eve and we’re sold out of almost everything. If you want I can write your name down and when we get more in we can give you a call”.
C – “You’re a fucking asshole!” *And walks out knocking over a cardboard stand up.*
Me – *Confused and straight look on my face.*
Having worked in electronics retail I have been subject to many stupid questions. A few of the more memorable ones included:
A pair of customers crawled under our shutters (Chav Blinds) as we were closing and asked “Are you open?”. This is 9:30 at night. I responed to them “You just crawled under there”, “So, are you open”, “No, No we’re not”.
Memory cards for cameras is a particularly common one, a few days ago a customer asked for a memory card for their camera, fair enough, I ask them “Sure, what camera do you have?”, they respond, totally seriously with “A pink one”.
And one last one that sticks in my mind is the customer that started asking me what card their camera needed, and got it out so I could check, after telling them they needed an SD card they insisted that I was wrong (Why ask me if you know?), not only that but none of they cameras ever made by that manufacturer(Samsung) have ever used the xD (xD is a proprietary card format that is pretty much obsolete now as it is limited to a rather small 2GB any is only used in older Fuji an Olympus cameras) card he insisted is what he already had, he also refused to let me check if the card would work for him.
Customer: “How come you haven’t sent me a bill yet? All I’ve gotten is this piece of paper!”
Me: “What does the piece of paper say in the upper right-hand corner?”
Customer (yelling): “ALL IT SAYS IS ‘STUDENT BILL’!!!”
{pause}
“Oh, SH**!”
*click*
15 years of my life spent in retail sales and management. Where do I start?
* People who think the new Wi-Fi USB adapter you sold them is defective because it won’t allow them to mooch of their neighbor’s signal without enterning the correct password.
* I need a modem. Do you have cable, DSL or dial-up? I need the one that connects to the wire by the wall.
* Why can’t I use an AMD processor on this Intel board?
* People who are totally clueless (see the wireless mouse comments previously posted) AND speak English as a thirteenth language. It’s like “Borat”, except not funny.
* Customers who buy a $20 product and expect an hour of personal tutoring on how to use a PC (usually unrelated to the item purchased) as part of the sale.
* What type of PC will you be using this with? A black one.
My two favorites of all time (strangely both involved rednecks when I lived in Alabama):
* The customer we had to call 911 on to get him to leave. He threatened at the top of his lungs he was going to “unleash a can of whoop-ass” on the managers since the return policy on cell phones excluded the one he had run over with his bulldozer the day before.
* A guy who raised hell for 30 minutes on why we wouldn’t accept his PC for warranty service due to the “cup holder” breaking. Think of what a CD/DVD drive looks like when it’s open. Yep. This is testament to the fact inbreeding and technology are not a good mix.
My favorite:
Customer: “Miss, where are the batteries?”
Me: “Immediately behind you sir, right at the front of aisle three.”
Customer: *wanders around for a moment, comes back* “Which one is aisle three?”
Me: “Right there, sir. The one with the big “3″ on it. Between aisles two and four.”
Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders into aisle 4*