ATMs That Spit Out Gold Are Coming To America

Whenever the money level in my Scrooge McDuck-style money bin dips below levels that are safe for diving, I have to send off the servants to restock it with assorted gold bars and coins. But now I’ll get to fire them because Gold to Go has announced they’re bringing their gold-dispensing ATMs to our great nation.

The wonder machines, which monitor gold prices and automatically update pricing every 10 minutes, will take my measly paper currency and swap it out for precious metal that will withstand currency fluctuations.

Later this year, Gold to Go machines will pop up in Las Vegas and Florida. Currently you can only find them in Abu Dhabi, Germany, Spain and Italy. I have money bins in all those places, too, but it will be nice to finally have the machines near my Vegas and South Beach mansions.

The world’s first gold vending machine! [Gold to Go via Engadget]

Previously: Gold-Dispensing ATM Converts Pesky Cash To 24K Bars

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  1. cynical_reincarnation says:

    Somewhere, Glenn Beck just had a joygasm…

  2. Holybalheadedchrist! says:

    This just in, ATM thefts increase by 40,000 percent….

    Honestly why would ANYONE need this? Unless you are a crazy person who lives in the mountains and drinks his own urine (redundant?) waiting for the end of the world when B. Hussein Obama gives this country back to the Cubans, there is simply no reason to hoard gold.

  3. Tim says:

    Can you just exchange cash for gold with these machines? Or can you actually withdraw gold straight from your checking account? ‘Cause that’d be awesome.

    “Yeah babe, I’ll be ready in a sec. I just have to stop by the gold ATM to withdraw a few bars of pure gold.”

  4. Jesse says:

    Ron Paul will probably be a frequent customer.

  5. Phil Villakeepinitrreal says:

    Yeah, I just can;t see how this endeavor succeeds. There has to be a markup on the gold to pay for the machine, maintenance, etc. So you pay more than the market rate for the gold. On top of that, you can’t actually spend hhold anywhere. So what’s the point?

    • adamstew says:

      Agreed. Plus… eventually you’ll want to turn your over-priced gold in for cash… How would you do that? Take it to a cash-4-gold type place? You’ll get raped again in the transaction…

      This can only be lose-lose for consumers.

  6. Skellbasher says:

    The point is to profit off of fear. It’s demonstrably repeatable.

    - The country experiences economic turbulence.
    - Pundits ratchet up the fear that our economy might collapse, and only gold will retain it’s value, since it’s done that ‘for thousands of years’.
    - Shady companies try to sell you gold at more than the market value, disguised by fees.
    - Other shady companies offer to buy your gold ‘laying around’ and pay you less than market value.
    - The economy recovers, and all the shady companies go away.

    Rinse and repeat.

    People profit on the front, and on the back. All over fear.

  7. jiarby says:

    They better lock `em down pretty good!

  8. Rocket80 says:

    I would use it, depending on the mark-ups of course. If they can’t beat apmex.com or the local coin shop, then I probably wouldn’t use them. Then again, the pure convenience of it would be tempting. Despite all the fear-mongering and stuff, gold actually really is a good hedge against inflation and against a rapidly declining dollar. It will hold it’s value forever (not it’s price in terms of $$$, but it’s value), unlike the dollar.

    • r586 says:

      just like houses will always hold their value, houses are always worth something, people need places to live, In las vegas there is only so much land available, housing will be scarce, it’s an unbeatable deal where you can’t lose money…….

      ……until you do, gold is absurdly high right now, want to to make money in 10 years, buy stocks, want to lose money over 10 years? buy gold, gold will price correct itself, will it always have SOME value, sure it will, is it a good investment now, NO!

      • speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

        Houses can go negative in value when their upkeep and repair costs come to more than their actual value, whether figured as a dwelling or as the value that could be recovered from the materials with which it was built. One reason gold is a good store of value is that it does not change or deteriorate.

        I purchased gold in early 2003 when it was around 325 dollars an ounce. Gold rose steadily since then. The gold pundits started claiming gold was in an oversold condition when it reached about 465 dollars an ounce. Gold is now 1300 dollars an ounce and many experts believe it should be quite a bit higher than that. We are certainly not seeing anything like the gold panic of a few decades ago.

        • Mecharine says:

          That is whats known as a commodity bubble. Its going to crash spectacularly.

          • kc2idf says:

            Think about it . . . isn’t this an example of short-selling gold? You have a market (represented by the curious and by those deluded by the belief that gold will be useful in a post-economic-disaster scenario) into which you can pump this over-priced material at a markup above the already-too-high price. It makes it worth borrowing the money to buy this stuff at the high price in order to sell it to someone else. Effectively, this is sort of a cross between leveraging and short-selling.

            • Coelacanth says:

              It’s not short-selling gold, as this company already has possession of said gold. They’re just the epitome of the “sell high” maxim.

              If they had to borrow the gold from another source, then it’d be a short.

      • Rocket80 says:

        Your mistake is looking at gold as an investment – it’s not. The goal isn’t to increase my $$$ value of my gold, the goal is to have something that will HOLD it’s value forever. Dollars will not do this, they constantly are losing value. An ounce of gold buys today exactly what it could buy 100 years ago – no increase or decrease in VALUE, just in terms of the fluctuating value of the dollar.

        When gold increases in $$ value that only means my actual dollars have lost even more value, which is not a good thing. That’s why it’s called a ‘hedge’. Whether gold goes up or down or the dollar goes up or down, my investments are protected either way.

        • halfcuban says:

          Your statement that gold “never loses value” is illogical at best, sophistry at worst. Gold is no different than any other representative form of currency, and loses or gains value based on fluctuations in mining, speculation, hoarding, and loss of minerals. Anyone who argues that the value of gold never changes never paid attention in history class, where gold bust and boom’s (as well as other metal’s such as silver or platinum) have raised up and also destroyed whole entire economies. Qing China collapsed under issues of a silver based currency, and early 1900′s economic disputes centered around what metal America’s currency should be backed by.

          Arguing that gold never loses value but only “loses or gains” in relation to the dominant paper currency is essentially playing a verbal three card monty. If gold gets you less goods, than its value has dropped, and has not remained static and it IS losing value.

  9. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    I saw the one installed at the Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi. Very anticlimactic. Swipe your card, buy gold, just like buying a candy bar from a change-operated machine, except the candy bar actually tastes good.

  10. SPOON - now with Forkin attitude says:

    as a novelty, this is cool. as something actually useful, this is full of fail. if you go(and could afford) a pound of gold, would you get one giant gold bar?

    • speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

      Nope, it dispenses small gold bars. If you go to a vending machine to get a soda, you get a can of soda, not a case of 3-liter bottles, after all.

    • Arcaeris says:

      A pound of gold is actually a very small gold bar.

      At roughly 19 grams per cubic centimeter, a pound of gold is only like 23 and a half cubic centimeters. Being really generous and rounding up, thats a bar one inch by four inches by less than a half an inch tall.

  11. dreamfish says:

    Makes me think of a friend of mine who, 2-3 years ago, was convinced all currencies would collapse and you would be safest with all your financial assets in the form of gold. When the economic crisis occured and he started saying ‘I told you so!’, I pointed out that recently it has been everything *but* currencies that have collapsed.

  12. smartmuffin says:

    Nothing to see here folks. The economy is doing just great. No need to consider owning gold. Anyone who does so is clearly an insane idiot. Our friendly progressive overlords will fix everything, you’ll see. Please move along, citizen.

    • ARP says:

      When you put all your money in an inflated commodity that’s being peddled by the same people who are constantly telling you the economy is going to collapse, Obama is going to create a unified currency, etc., and the only safe place to put your money is gold, then yes, you are idiot.

      • smartmuffin says:

        Anyone who puts “all their money” into anything is an idiot. Fortunatley, all those people who are “peddling” gold in your words don’t encourage that in the least.

        But personally, I bought some shares in a Gold ETF a few years ago, and right now it’s the only investment I’ve got that’s in the green. Funny, I don’t feel like an idiot (well, except for the various stocks I also bought that have tanked in the meantime).

      • DGC says:

        You will.

    • DeepHurting says:

      Right, because after the Rapture gold is going to be SO valuable.
      I want a vending machine that distributes canned food, gun oil and sturdy, yet comfortable boots.

    • DGC says:

      What we need is some sort of mechanism of exchange. We could put it on little pieces of paper. We could even put bad portraits of once alive famous people. We could put numbers on it so people could keep track of how much they had and count it (if they are able). We could even make little pieces of metal that count for a fraction of the value of one of the paper things. It’s a neat idea if someone wants to run with it.

  13. chaesar says:

    Say the economy falls apart, what do you do with a BAR of gold? Cut it up into uniform pieces? Would anyone know what to do with it if they had to?

  14. DeepHurting says:

    I’m a slice of lemon away from the effects of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

  15. Excuse My Ambition Deficit Disorder says:

    Sounds like a good way to get the new world order currency out there in circulation….

  16. Tombo says:

    Gold: The next bubble. Too bad our economy has been based on shams since we shipped all our manufacturing overseas.

  17. chocobo says:

    Time to sell your gold, it has officially reached gimmick status. This bubble won’t last for long.