The Candwich Is Real! Sorta.

I thought the Candwich was a hoagie-in-the-sky scheme stringing along hapless, and, sometimes, unwitting, investors, but here’s some video of actual market-ready sandwiches rolling off the Mark One production line. Unfortunately, instead of a pre-made sandwich in a can, they are simply sandwich ingredients in a can, consisting of a bagged bun with a packet of jelly and a packet of peanut butter. This is not the future I was looking forward to.

Meh. Wake me when the sandwich pops out of the can completely made, and/or when they have a bonafide pepperoni pizza pocket.

PREVIOUSLY: Candwich, The Sandwich In A Can

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  1. mcnerd85 says:

    SHENANIGANS

    • mcnerd85 says:

      There is a difference between the ingredients for a sandwich in a can, and an actual sandwich in a can. What if I simply don’t have the time to open the tiny packets of peanut butter and jelly? What if something happens to my precious thumbs?

  2. chaesar says:

    so theyre not pre-made? well what’s the F-ing point?

    • OnePumpChump says:

      The name. That is the point.

      I think the way to go would be to do something like the packaging for onigiri/samgak kimbap in Japan and Korea. The seaweed is separated from the rice by a sheet of plastic that you remove as you pull off the outer wrapper. If you do it right, the whole thing retains its shape and is ready to eat, while having preserved the seaweed while it waited for you to come along and buy it.

      Have the sandwich contents be separated from the bun by some plastic that is pulled out as you remove the top of the can. This obviously would not work so well for PBJ, not unless you wanted to use solid peanut butter.

  3. MerlynNY says:

    That chicken in a can looked disgusting! I think I’d eat bugs before I touched that thing!

  4. digital0verdose says:

    Having a long history with MREs, I see no problem with the Candwich.

    • aloria says:

      Some of those MREs are surprisingly tasty!

    • Chaosium says:

      It looks dumb, do not want. NOT AS ADVERTISED.

      “Having a long history with MREs, I see no problem with the Candwich.”

      Yeah! I also remember some really good disaster relief BBQ beef from a can after Hurricane Andrew knocked out everyone’s ability to cook food. I would eat that oversalted crap from a can anyday.

  5. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    Some assembly required.

    Yet, the Double Down is fully assembled at time of purchase!

    4/12
    DOUBLE DOWN EVERY DAY

  6. pinkbunnyslippers says:

    Wait, am I viewing this wrong, or is Manwich and Spray Cheese just NOW making it’s way to Australia??

  7. Ecks says:

    I thought they’d be pre-made too. Might as well pack your own lunch!

  8. Bativac says:

    1) I reiterate my previous suggestion that this product should have been called “Canwich.” The “d” in there makes me think of a candy sandwich.

    2) mcnerd85 above is correct: this is “sandwich ingredients in a can.” If I am buying a Canwich (dammit) then I expect a cyndriical sandwich to schlup out of the can and land on my paper plate with a wet slap.

  9. mandy_Reeves says:

    what the EFF!?!?!?! I thought they were supposed to be premade??? I want a refund back on my crushed hopes and dreams that I placed on this “invention”

  10. mk says:

    I for one hate that much bread with a pb&j. Who wants a pb&j on a hot dog bun?

  11. mandy_Reeves says:

    They do know you can go to a frikkin deli and get a 50 cent hard roll and a jelly packet from the break room at work? more filling that this crap. I was waiting for some pre made miracle in a can.

  12. Gruppa says:

    I was under the impression it was a sort of drink, like a sandwich Slimfast or something.

    • EJ25T says:

      Mmmm… delicious peanut butter and jelly flavored slurry. That idea still appears to be up for grabs.

      • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

        Actually … a bit of bread, peanut butter, jelly, all stuffed in a blender with millk … sounds like … a really tasty idea. Maybe vanilla ice cream …

    • Vielle84 says:

      Yeah, I was afraid it was going to be like the Taco Bell “meat hose.”

    • Hi_Hello says:

      hahah that’s what I thought too.

    • quijote says:

      That’s what I thought, too. I’m a little disappointed actually. Btw, I worked at Taco Bell, and there was no “meat hose.” But I have a feeling whatever processes meat goes through to get from the farm to a fast food joint would make “meat hose” sound quaint.

  13. ArmyCats says:

    At least we know that when the world blows up and we all live in underground bunkers, we’ll still have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after 18 months…

  14. Vielle84 says:

    PB & J in a can doesn’t sound so bad…

    ….but the groans by the cameraman during the “Chicken in a Can” segment prompted me to gag too.

  15. Hi_Hello says:

    i rather buy this than the burger in a can….

  16. mob3000 says:

    My dad worked for a company which developed a canwich line they sold overseas. Each of the flavors tasted AWEFUL!!! they had a pepperoni, a cinnamon and butter, and a BBQ. They were all 99.999% bread and the bread was so hard and dense you needed two glasses of water just to get them down

  17. Dave Farquhar says:

    I guess this means Chris Rock was lying when he said everything he ate as a kid came in cans, like burgers and fries, bacon and eggs, and birthday cake and ice cream?

  18. Rickdude says:

    Who the hell would pay for this?

  19. zaku2s274 says:

    I have a feeling that these are not as practical as they seem.

  20. zaku2s274 says:

    I have a feeling that these are not as practical as they seem.

  21. zaku2s274 says:

    I have a feeling that these are not as practical as they seem.

  22. 99 1/2 Days says:

    “Ready to eat” huh? That word “ready” means something different in his world, apparently.