Hey guys, do you know what will really sex up a special occasion? First, take off your pants to reveal your enormous crotch bulge. Then reach into your underwear and pull out a 2 liter bottle of Coke.
Stashitware is being marketed as a secure and awesome place to keep everything, although the secretive nature of it has police officers concerned. But what’s really great about it is the product demo, where the guy selling the product (I think he’s also the model) shows just how much stuff you can fit in your nethers:
Money. [Shoves it down and under.] That quick. Stashed.
Cigarettes. [Shove.] That quick. Stashed. Magnum. [Shove.] That quick. Cell phone. [Shove.] Wallet. [Shove.] Lighter. [Shove.] Credit Card. [Shove.] Drugs. [Shove.] Jewelry. [Shove.]
Don’t take my word for it. Watch it yourself!
(Thanks to dk!)
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I think this one of the few Consumerist posts where I have laughed out loud at the post and photos.
I agree… ROTFLMAO
I noticed they didn’t put any car keys down there.
Nor a box cutter, or blowtorch.
A 2 liter bottle of soda.. Man, that’s a chilling thought…
I’ve already got a banana in my pants thinking about it!
No, I really do! A real banana!
This brings “stuffing” ones shorts to a whole new level.
Technically, I can do this with my current undergarments. Doesn’t mean you should.
well… they got the shitware part right
That’s the way I read it, too.
They couldn’t have gone without realizing that. That’s the only way I read it.
That’s the first thing I read!
OH! Stash-It-Ware. I finally got it. I have been looking between the underwear photo and what I kept seeing as Sta[y]-Shit-Ware. I have been very very confused.
But…why? It just looks stupid and if I was his cashier and he pulled his money out from his Junk Holder, there’s no way I would take it. Eww.
The cash would be pulled out of underwear or socks before entering the store or at the latest while waiting in line.
How do you know he wouldn’t start digging at his crotch for correct change?
Hold on. I think I have correct change here somewhere. *digs*
When I was in high school I was a cashier at a grocery store. It was a hot day, and a very large older lady took her money out of her bra right in front of me and handed it over for her groceries. It was damp, and I was horrified.
http://cheezburger.com/View/1211199744
I’m sure you’ll get special treatment if you wear these to the airport.
Ha! It used to piss me off when my boyfriend wanted me to carry around all his crap in my purse. Now I’m just grateful that he wasn’t “stashin’” stuff in his boxers!
I can hardly wait for the ShamWow to do to the 30-minute infomercial.
Gives a whole new meaning to “You’re going to *love* my nuts!”
heheheheheehehehehe, ahhh… good times.
2 litres??? My god…how the hell! And if someone handed me warm money from their crotch I would slap them and walk away
….after picking up said money with a pair of gloves.
Why yes I do want a Bag of Holding, next to my Bag of Pregnancy Juice and Wand of Crushing Disappointment.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
*gasp*wheeze*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Genius.
Not even Stashitware could hold all of the funny in this post.
Perhaps the Snazzy Napper should be marketed with this product so you won’t get robbed while napping.
Couple those two products and nobody would ever come near you on a dare.
As a girl, I carry cash in my bra all the time – I call it The Vault. But I can more discreetly grab the cash from my bra than my husband could from his crotch. I can see the idea for using them to stash stuff that isn’t truly needed quickly, but still needs to be carried around….but jeez how uncomfy.
I like how he never shows his face. bahahhahahahahaha!
Yeah sure, now that boys can join your little exclusive club, there’s gotta be a reason to shoot it down. Uncomfortable? Being a man isn’t about being comfortable. It’s about utility. Let me assure you, I can think of half a dozen situations where a 2 liter bottle of soda from one’s pants is both perfectly socially acceptable AND useful.
That’s why real men wear a toolbelt. Everywhere.
MY club, MY rules. Toolbelts are allowed.
+1
I Have MOLLE attachment points on every piece of clothing I own, including my utility cummerbund.
Yeah but cargo pants work just fine for that. With the right pair of cargo pants and a cargo vest you can carry an entire picnic and not look any different.
As a former retail worker, I think I can safely say that no one appreciates your sweaty boob money. That is disgusting and I don’t know why women do it.
which is why i so rarely carry cash! And my boob smells like almond milk and orange pound cake
i’ve seen wallets that clip to the inside of your bra though, that doesn’t bother me because it doesn’t get as sweaty. saw it all the time working at disney and much preferred that to the people who kept their money in their shoes
http://www.amazon.com/Braza-Secret-Stash/dp/B002P75QVO/ref=pd_sbs_hpc_2
http://www.theracktrap.com/
“Thank you sir, that will be $25.”
<*ziiiiIIIIIIP!*>
Or also known as every pair of boxer briefs in existence.
I still don’t understand why “man-bags” or “man-purses” are still a social stigma… most of them look like tote, messenger or laptop bags… I see adult males in business suits carrying back packs… it’s still a man purse!
It’s not like you’re carrying a gold lame studded back with pink flowers on it….
No one cares!
THIS however.. would make you look ridiculous…
and yeah, I laughed when I read this and saw the pics.
Shoulder bags are ridiculous because they are inefficient to carry, unlike backpacks which can be comfortably worn hiking. They are also easily snatched away by thieves, unlike your crotch. So if you need to carry a lot of stuff, you wear a backpack; if you need to carry some stuff stylishly in a crowd, you carry a briefcase; if you need to carry some (soft) stuff securely, you stash it in your pants.
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone under 65 carrying a briefcase.
Most business men or engineers (or similiar professions) carry either backpacks or messenger bags.
I am a female and have always carried messenger bags. They go over your shoulder to your other side, not just hang off a shoulder.
I have one and that’s exactly how I carry mine.
I haven’t used a “purse” in over 5 years….
If I’m going out for a date or a night on the town, I stuff my credit cards, ID, cash, phone and keys… in my bra
Just curious, buy why wouldn’t you carry a purse on a date? I don’t get it.
It’s not a man-purse! It’s a satchel. Indiana Jones uses one…
So does Joy Behar.
It’s a European shoulder bag…it was a gift…(eyeroll)…
Wow… Shoplifters will love these….
that was my thought!
My browser hiccuped and I had the preview of that video in the middle of my screen for a good minute. At work. I think I have some explaining to do.
Don’t store your business cards there unless you are cruising for a lawsuit.
Remember to set your phone on vibrate. Wouldn’t want your jockeys singing to the world.
Hmm, vibrating underpants…
Yes. And then call me. Repeatedly.
They should have called them “Junk Drawers”.
So that’s what that Ke$ha girl was singing about.
I’m dying to know what this guy looks like, because I really don’t want to bum one of his smokes.
This is a solution to a non-existent problem. They have these things in pants already. They are called POCKETS. They allow you to store a wallet in one, keys in another, maybe a cell phone in another, and a condom in a 4th. I can imagine a car key getting turned and poking right in the nuts.
i get what you’re saying, but pockets aren’t always the best answer – especially with sensitive stuff that you couldn’t afford to lose to a pickpocket (money, CCs, passport, etc.).
that said, i bought a wallet that attaches to your belt & stashes under your pants (similar to this) & another wallet w/ velcro straps that you can put around your leg (similar to this). both are perfect for keeping your valuables on your person in a more secure place than a pocket.
I’ve had that wallet for years. I use it once or twice a year when I have to carry a lot of cash & I’m not going in a car, but on public transportation.
As to carrying a 2 liter bottle of pop, that’s just ridiculous. You will look ridiculous, that’s if you can even walk around with it in there. You’ll have had to buy a really baggy pair of pants to use it that way.
this comment on the WSJ story is a winner:
“That’s it — I’m not buying any more drugs in the city. Who wants drugs that have been down some guy’s shorts?”
lol!
The reason men don’t need purses is our pants have these nifty things called pockets, where we can fit lots of stuff.
Women’s clothing generally has fewer pockets that hold less.
“Women’s clothing generally has fewer pockets that hold less.”
Trust me. A lot of us wish we could have the same number/size of pockets as men do.
This definitely factors into my pants shopping. No pockets, no sale.
exactly!
“can’t even tell them are there” … That pretty much sums the whole thing up!
Anybody else read that as “Stay shit ware?”
Hmmm, not sure if putting the word “shit” in the title of your underwear product is a good idea.
As a former Games Attendant at a major amusement park during my college days, you’d be surprised where I’ve seen people pull money from to play a game. It’s like they had an ATM in their shorts or shoes.
good for hiding drugs
The thief would never know. Except that the ghetto-fabulous $ logo is emblazoned all over the elastic band.
I’m going to get these and carry only $100 bills in them. That way I can boost my ego by reaching into my pants, pulling something out and having the cashier say, “I can’t take that, do you have anything smaller?”
To which I would respond stupidly grinning:
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing small in MY underwear”
I like how it says not to carry anything dangerous in them, but then immediately tells you you could fit a gun in the pocket.
I would not put one of those cigarettes in my mouth after that! puke
For some reason I keep imagining GitEmSteve being the guy in that video…
Also: “Hey dude, can I bum a cig?”
“Sure man!” *unzip*
“Woah woah woah, I’m not doing that for a cig man!”
“Whatcha mean?” *pulls cigs out of his crotch holder*
Combine these with a Snazzy Napper and you’re set for life.
Wow, the stashing and retrieving stance is so attractive. Probably nobody wants $500 that’s been up your ass.
Here’s how to make TSA uncomfortable. Stash one of these in there:
http://securityedition.com/cards/
Well…I suppose if you have the room to store a ton of crap in your crotch, then feel free.
However, if I go on a date with you and I see you reach down your pants to retrieve crap that you have stored in your underwear, I’m leaving…for a wide variety of reasons. (subtle pun intended)
Isn’t it about time for the codpiece to come back in style. I noticed my 90s look (flannel, logger boots, combat jacket) is back in all the stores. Can someone please bring back codpieces/ And while you’re at it, maybe fedoras too?
Two cold beers on a hot day
One for me, the other for the boys
This invention is awesome
“Money. [Shoves it down and under.] That quick. Stashed. Cigarettes. [Shove.] That quick. Stashed. Magnum. [Shove.] (BLAM!) … Mommy…”
…..these cigarettes taste funny.
I bought a pair to stow away my MediCare approved penis pump.
Why am I not wearing these now?
is it wrong that this product keeps me thinking of that scene in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” near the end, where the girl offers the principal some gummy-bears…with the caveat
“they’re warm…cuz they’ve been in my pocket all day.”
How funny!