Stashitware Turns Your Underwear Into A Man Purse

Hey guys, do you know what will really sex up a special occasion? First, take off your pants to reveal your enormous crotch bulge. Then reach into your underwear and pull out a 2 liter bottle of Coke.

Stashitware is being marketed as a secure and awesome place to keep everything, although the secretive nature of it has police officers concerned. But what’s really great about it is the product demo, where the guy selling the product (I think he’s also the model) shows just how much stuff you can fit in your nethers:

Money. [Shoves it down and under.] That quick. Stashed.
Cigarettes. [Shove.] That quick. Stashed. Magnum. [Shove.] That quick. Cell phone. [Shove.] Wallet. [Shove.] Lighter. [Shove.] Credit Card. [Shove.] Drugs. [Shove.] Jewelry. [Shove.]

Don’t take my word for it. Watch it yourself!




(Thanks to dk!)

Comments

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  1. NarcolepticGirl says:

    I think this one of the few Consumerist posts where I have laughed out loud at the post and photos.

  2. Darrone says:

    I noticed they didn’t put any car keys down there.

  3. Nighthawke says:

    A 2 liter bottle of soda.. Man, that’s a chilling thought…

  4. grucifer says:

    I’ve already got a banana in my pants thinking about it!

    No, I really do! A real banana!

    This brings “stuffing” ones shorts to a whole new level.

  5. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    Technically, I can do this with my current undergarments. Doesn’t mean you should.

  6. HeyThereKiller says:

    well… they got the shitware part right

  7. Dilbitz says:

    But…why? It just looks stupid and if I was his cashier and he pulled his money out from his Junk Holder, there’s no way I would take it. Eww.

  8. girly says:

    I’m sure you’ll get special treatment if you wear these to the airport.

  9. ellmar says:

    Ha! It used to piss me off when my boyfriend wanted me to carry around all his crap in my purse. Now I’m just grateful that he wasn’t “stashin’” stuff in his boxers!

  10. Bob LeDrew says:

    I can hardly wait for the ShamWow to do to the 30-minute infomercial.

  11. c!tizen says:

    heheheheheehehehehe, ahhh… good times.

  12. hotcocoa says:

    2 litres??? My god…how the hell! And if someone handed me warm money from their crotch I would slap them and walk away

    ….after picking up said money with a pair of gloves.

  13. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    Why yes I do want a Bag of Holding, next to my Bag of Pregnancy Juice and Wand of Crushing Disappointment.

  14. ellmar says:

    Perhaps the Snazzy Napper should be marketed with this product so you won’t get robbed while napping.

  15. MamaBug says:

    As a girl, I carry cash in my bra all the time – I call it The Vault. But I can more discreetly grab the cash from my bra than my husband could from his crotch. I can see the idea for using them to stash stuff that isn’t truly needed quickly, but still needs to be carried around….but jeez how uncomfy.

    I like how he never shows his face. bahahhahahahahaha!

    • denros says:

      Yeah sure, now that boys can join your little exclusive club, there’s gotta be a reason to shoot it down. Uncomfortable? Being a man isn’t about being comfortable. It’s about utility. Let me assure you, I can think of half a dozen situations where a 2 liter bottle of soda from one’s pants is both perfectly socially acceptable AND useful.

      • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

        That’s why real men wear a toolbelt. Everywhere.

      • TheGreySpectre says:

        Yeah but cargo pants work just fine for that. With the right pair of cargo pants and a cargo vest you can carry an entire picnic and not look any different.

    • pop top says:

      As a former retail worker, I think I can safely say that no one appreciates your sweaty boob money. That is disgusting and I don’t know why women do it.

  16. nsv says:

    “Thank you sir, that will be $25.”

    <*ziiiiIIIIIIP!*>

  17. donjumpsuit says:

    Or also known as every pair of boxer briefs in existence.

  18. smo0 says:

    I still don’t understand why “man-bags” or “man-purses” are still a social stigma… most of them look like tote, messenger or laptop bags… I see adult males in business suits carrying back packs… it’s still a man purse!

    It’s not like you’re carrying a gold lame studded back with pink flowers on it….

    No one cares!

    THIS however.. would make you look ridiculous…

    and yeah, I laughed when I read this and saw the pics.

    • evnmorlo says:

      Shoulder bags are ridiculous because they are inefficient to carry, unlike backpacks which can be comfortably worn hiking. They are also easily snatched away by thieves, unlike your crotch. So if you need to carry a lot of stuff, you wear a backpack; if you need to carry some stuff stylishly in a crowd, you carry a briefcase; if you need to carry some (soft) stuff securely, you stash it in your pants.

      • NarcolepticGirl says:

        I don’t think I’ve seen anyone under 65 carrying a briefcase.

        Most business men or engineers (or similiar professions) carry either backpacks or messenger bags.

        I am a female and have always carried messenger bags. They go over your shoulder to your other side, not just hang off a shoulder.

        • smo0 says:

          I have one and that’s exactly how I carry mine.

          I haven’t used a “purse” in over 5 years….

          If I’m going out for a date or a night on the town, I stuff my credit cards, ID, cash, phone and keys… in my bra :D

    • DarthCoven says:

      It’s not a man-purse! It’s a satchel. Indiana Jones uses one…

  19. Destron says:

    Wow… Shoplifters will love these….

  20. zandar says:

    My browser hiccuped and I had the preview of that video in the middle of my screen for a good minute. At work. I think I have some explaining to do.

  21. girly says:

    Don’t store your business cards there unless you are cruising for a lawsuit.

  22. RandomHookup says:

    Remember to set your phone on vibrate. Wouldn’t want your jockeys singing to the world.

  23. MaxH42 thinks RecordStoreToughGuy got a raw deal says:

    They should have called them “Junk Drawers”.

  24. mxjohnson says:

    I’m dying to know what this guy looks like, because I really don’t want to bum one of his smokes.

  25. JMILLER says:

    This is a solution to a non-existent problem. They have these things in pants already. They are called POCKETS. They allow you to store a wallet in one, keys in another, maybe a cell phone in another, and a condom in a 4th. I can imagine a car key getting turned and poking right in the nuts.

    • mac-phisto says:

      i get what you’re saying, but pockets aren’t always the best answer – especially with sensitive stuff that you couldn’t afford to lose to a pickpocket (money, CCs, passport, etc.).

      that said, i bought a wallet that attaches to your belt & stashes under your pants (similar to this) & another wallet w/ velcro straps that you can put around your leg (similar to this). both are perfect for keeping your valuables on your person in a more secure place than a pocket.

      • Emperor Norton I says:

        I’ve had that wallet for years. I use it once or twice a year when I have to carry a lot of cash & I’m not going in a car, but on public transportation.

        As to carrying a 2 liter bottle of pop, that’s just ridiculous. You will look ridiculous, that’s if you can even walk around with it in there. You’ll have had to buy a really baggy pair of pants to use it that way.

  26. mac-phisto says:

    this comment on the WSJ story is a winner:

    “That’s it — I’m not buying any more drugs in the city. Who wants drugs that have been down some guy’s shorts?”

    lol!

  27. TheGreySpectre says:

    The reason men don’t need purses is our pants have these nifty things called pockets, where we can fit lots of stuff.

    Women’s clothing generally has fewer pockets that hold less.

  28. giantspbpk says:

    “can’t even tell them are there” … That pretty much sums the whole thing up!

  29. SagarikaLumos says:

    Anybody else read that as “Stay shit ware?”

  30. teke367 says:

    Hmmm, not sure if putting the word “shit” in the title of your underwear product is a good idea.

  31. MongoAngryMongoSmash says:

    As a former Games Attendant at a major amusement park during my college days, you’d be surprised where I’ve seen people pull money from to play a game. It’s like they had an ATM in their shorts or shoes.

  32. dggriffi says:

    good for hiding drugs

  33. DJSeanMac says:

    The thief would never know. Except that the ghetto-fabulous $ logo is emblazoned all over the elastic band.

  34. TerpBE says:

    I’m going to get these and carry only $100 bills in them. That way I can boost my ego by reaching into my pants, pulling something out and having the cashier say, “I can’t take that, do you have anything smaller?”

    • Does not play well with others says:

      To which I would respond stupidly grinning:
      “I’m sorry, there’s nothing small in MY underwear”

  35. Disgustipater says:

    I like how it says not to carry anything dangerous in them, but then immediately tells you you could fit a gun in the pocket.

  36. somepoet says:

    I would not put one of those cigarettes in my mouth after that! puke

  37. iParadox{InLove} says:

    For some reason I keep imagining GitEmSteve being the guy in that video…

    Also: “Hey dude, can I bum a cig?”

    “Sure man!” *unzip*

    “Woah woah woah, I’m not doing that for a cig man!”

    “Whatcha mean?” *pulls cigs out of his crotch holder*

  38. H3ion says:

    Combine these with a Snazzy Napper and you’re set for life.

  39. haggis for the soul says:

    Wow, the stashing and retrieving stance is so attractive. Probably nobody wants $500 that’s been up your ass.

  40. Dave Farquhar says:

    Here’s how to make TSA uncomfortable. Stash one of these in there:
    http://securityedition.com/cards/

  41. Snaptastic says:

    Well…I suppose if you have the room to store a ton of crap in your crotch, then feel free.

    However, if I go on a date with you and I see you reach down your pants to retrieve crap that you have stored in your underwear, I’m leaving…for a wide variety of reasons. (subtle pun intended)

  42. lockdog says:

    Isn’t it about time for the codpiece to come back in style. I noticed my 90s look (flannel, logger boots, combat jacket) is back in all the stores. Can someone please bring back codpieces/ And while you’re at it, maybe fedoras too?

  43. Groanan says:

    Two cold beers on a hot day
    One for me, the other for the boys
    This invention is awesome

  44. Difdi says:

    “Money. [Shoves it down and under.] That quick. Stashed. Cigarettes. [Shove.] That quick. Stashed. Magnum. [Shove.] (BLAM!) … Mommy…”

  45. Hungry Dog says:

    …..these cigarettes taste funny.

  46. Spiro_Agnew says:

    I bought a pair to stow away my MediCare approved penis pump.

  47. dilbert69 says:

    Why am I not wearing these now?

  48. EyeintheLAsky says:

    is it wrong that this product keeps me thinking of that scene in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” near the end, where the girl offers the principal some gummy-bears…with the caveat
    “they’re warm…cuz they’ve been in my pocket all day.”

    How funny!