This Condom Warning Label Arouses Confusion

A reader bought this box of condoms from her local Safeway, and she says this sticker was underneath the outer packaging. People be freaky, but is there anyone who would want a raw chicken condom that you have to keep frozen until use? (Meh, probably.)

I just bought a box of Become One condoms from the Tereval Street Safeway in San Francisco. I chose that brand b/c they were on sale, and came in a nifty discrete [sic] metal case, also they were a multipleasure pack. Anyway. As you’ll see in the attached photos, stuck on the back of the box is a very strange and inappropriate warning for a box of condoms.

It doesn’t appear to be stuck there by a customer, as it’s very deliberately stuck on and doesn’t appear to have been recycled from another item. Also, it was underneath the rest of the packaging, which was very firmly taped and wrapped around the case – I had to destroy the packaging to get it off. So what line operator at the condom factory got his or her signals crossed, and why didn’t they wonder why they were putting meat handling instructions on a box of condoms?

If you can’t read the text, I’ll copy it below in full:

082310-001-condom-warning-2.jpg


SAFE HANDLING INSTRUCTIONS

This product was prepared from inspected and passed meat and/or poultry. Some food products may contain bacteria that could cause illness if the product is mishandled or cooked improperly For your protection, follow these safe handing instructions.

Keep refrigerated or frozen. Thaw in refrigerator or microwave.

Keep raw meat and poultry separate from other foods. Wash working surfaces (including cutting boards), utensils, and hands after touching raw meat or poultry.

Cook thoroughly.

Keep hot foods hot. Refrigerate leftovers immediately or discard.

REMOVE LABEL BEFORE MICROWAVING.

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. phonic says:

    Really? This is news worthy? The label isn’t evenly placed, and it looks like it was probably stuck on there by some prankster kids. While it might be mildly amusing, due to the product and the warning, I see no reason why this should be on a consumer watchdog site. Unless of course Chris thinks that this is some conspiracy by the Safeway Corporation to substitute meat by-products for latex to save some money.

  2. I wumbo. You wumbo. He- she- me... wumbo. Wumbo; Wumboing; We'll have thee wumbo; Wumborama; Wumbology; the study of Wumbo. says:

    “…and came in a nifty discrete metal case…”

    I thought that was why. Though, people will wonder why you let your meat defrost in your bedroom drawer.

  3. JMILLER says:

    You bought them because they were on sale and they were in a discreet box? I am guessing the OP is a woman. When I buy condoms, I don’t go for cheap. There are certain things you do not skimp on. The discrete part shows you are probably not going to get a lot of use of them.

    • tsukiotoshi says:

      Why would women want to skimp on that? I know as a woman I am highly invested in not getting prego.

    • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

      Toss the cheap condoms, put the good ones in the nice case.

      I use one of those old clamshell Game Boy game cases. Fits perfectly for an optimistic three-condom evening.

      • Mara-chan says:

        No offense, but somehow I don’t see the words ‘gameboy’ and ‘three condom evening’ ever being used near each other.

        Although the word ‘optimistic’ is in there…

  4. diddy0071 says:

    Women can handle my meat anytime.

  5. DarthCoven says:

    C’mon Chris. This is what passes for Monday morning news? Who do you think you are, Phil?

  6. Kyin says:

    This seems like a novelty item to me. Like something you would find at Spencers.

  7. Bkhuna says:

    Gives a whole new meaning to the words “boned chicken”. It is San Francisco after all.

  8. aweirdguy says:

    Using a chicken feather during sex might be kinky, but using the whole chicken is downright twisted… can salmonella be transmitted sexually? Is that a question we never thought would need to be asked?

  9. KrispyKrink says:

    Things were so much easier in sex-ed during the 80’s.

    1) Open condom.
    2) Roll condom down a banana.
    3) Then go have sex.
    4) I’m still unsure if we’re supposed to eat the banana afterwards.

    • Nigerian prince looking for business partner says:

      I had the same sex ed class.

      We also had the giant Q-Tip and the warning “don’t use one of these (holding a condom), you’ll get this stuck up your pee hole”. It may not have been very scientific but it was a pretty powerful warning against getting VD. I still wonder why my high school used gym teachers to teach pseudo-scientific classes and if doctors really use giant Q-Tips to check for and/or treat VD.

      A few years later, my drill sergeants had the same giant Q-Tip warning when we got our first off base pass in basic training.

  10. Mr. Pottersquash says:

    do yourself, do not make condoms a value purchase. on-sale is nice, works is better.

    • Nigerian prince looking for business partner says:

      Are you trying to say the ones that cost a quarter in gas station restrooms aren’t any good?

      • Platypi {Redacted} says:

        I got lost after it said “do yourself” and left off the favor part! I guess that is one way to avoid STDs or pregnancy, just “do yourself”!

      • Daverson says:

        “Hey, the gum I bought out of the machine in the rest room is hard to chew. I think it’s stale.”

        “Yeah, me too. But it blows really big bubbles.”

  11. Patrick says:

    A meat handling joke seems oddly appropriate for a box of condoms.

    (Get it? I know, it’s subtle.)

  12. SPOON - now with Forkin attitude says:

    for some added fun get some official army radioactive stickers.

  13. xnihilx says:

    Obviously by buying discrete condoms you’re missing the entire point of making the old lady behind you wonder why you’re buying the 96 pack of Trojan Magnums and smiling at her dirty look. Geeze! Have fun with it! It’s sex, itss supposed to be fun.

    • Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

      discrete vs. discreet

      discrete vs. Trojan Magnum

    • JulesNoctambule says:

      That, or the old lady is smirking because she knows good and well those Magnums will fit you/your partner about as well as a circus tent fits a toddler! ;)

    • ajlei says:

      One year my friend and I bought some magnum condoms, a plantain, some lube and a sharpie. We were about 17. The cashier didn’t bat an eye at two girls buying this stuff, but the old man behind us gave us the dirtiest look I have ever gotten from someone.

  14. El_Fez says:

    You bought them because of the discreet box, and then you go tell the world about it? Sheesh – some people.

  15. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    So, where can we get these labels in bulk? I know many more things in the pharmacy that could benefit from these…

  16. Chip Skylark of Space says:

    I read this story after the story about the Minnesota couple suing their Real Estate Agent for the sticky furniture and furnishings cause by his carnal escapades, and now reading the this warning, I understand why their house was such a mess.

  17. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    One of the things I now check carefully before buying because I’ve come home all revved up for fun just to find out the box was empty except for a bunch of instructions. It’s really annoying to find that people stole the condoms. The other item is DVDs. You can’t just go back to the store and claim the condoms or DVD were missing from the box and have them believe you.

  18. Fjord says:

    Hmm, that’s strange. I have a tin can of those and they worked for the last one night stand. I never stored them in the freezer and they must’ve been sitting for like 2-3 months.

  19. YOXIM says:

    Maybe it was lamb skin condom. Also, back in he day, before people had condoms, they used chicken intestines. Maybe this is a condom throwback?

  20. packcamera says:

    The label was applied by Safeway, not the condom manufacturer. Meat produced by large plants get sent to numerous states and grocery stores, which sometimes have differing policies/laws that apply to the requirement of the label. So the label is supplied by the grocer. In this case, some spotty-faced stockboy was clearly bored one afternoon. Case closed – no need for the OP to go into panic-mode. One of those situations where the comments are far more intriguing than the story…

    • ztoop says:

      I actually suspect they use the meat wrapper to securely wrap the discreet packaging. Otherwise this story would have been, ‘I bought a package of condoms, they were empty, and now I’m pregnant. Will safeway pay for raising this baby?’

      • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

        Not likely. Most meat depts use heat wrap. Not a good idea to heat con-doms.

  21. dg says:

    Reminds me of a nasty porno we got in College from the Family Video store…

  22. Destron says:

    Holy… wtf…. your supposed to microwave the condoms first…. i have been doing it wrong :-|

  23. Economists Do It With Models says:

    My friend designed that case, so I will just focus on the fact that the OP called it nifty. :)

  24. digitalH8 says:

    Dude, I get ONE condoms all the time. They don’t take themselves too seriously. I’m sure the label’s there as a joke. So stop freaking open. Slip ONE on and enjoy!

  25. SharonPietila says:

    As the Quality Control Manager at ONE® condoms, I can assure you that the label Chris found was placed on our product after it left our facility, most likely by a prankster in the store. Those labels do not exist in our manufacturing facility because we only pack condoms. I’d be happy to follow up with Chris about his concerns if he wants to contact me directly. We’re proud to offer consumers reliable, premium condoms at Safeway and around the world. Our condoms are a regulated medical device engineered for pleasure, made from the highest quality material and triple tested for safety and reliability. We’re disappointed that The Consumerist allowed the post of this “non-news” story and grateful to the posters who expressed the same sentiment! We invite you to try ONE® condoms and see for yourself what a high-quality product they are. If you have any questions or concerns about any of our products feel free to email me directly at: Sharon@onecondoms.com. Please also visit http://www.onecondoms.com for more information about our brand and products.

  26. JohnJohnson says:

    It’s probably a security tag. They’re available printed like that for use on high theft meat products. The person sticking security tags on the condoms could have used the meat tags instead of the generic fake bar code ones.

  27. marsman84 says:

    Having worked in a supermarket, I can tell you that these labels contain anti-theft devices made from small metal coils (hence the microwave warning). They probably ran out of the ‘general merchandise’ version and decided to use the meat dept. label instead.

  28. PhysNrd says:

    Condoms are a high theft item in grocery stores. As is meat. They are both marked with alarm sensors that go off when you exit if they are not deactivated. Typically, these labels are used specifically for meat purchases, but when the GM/HBC department runs out of their blank alarm stickers, they have to ask the meat department for theirs. Hence, the hilarious photo above.

  29. crazydavythe1st says:

    Come on Safeway. “Meat and/or poultry”? The redundancy is appalling. Since we’re nitpicking and everything.