The Secret Life Of The Majestic Plastic Bag

Have you ever wished the plastic bag from American Beauty got its own spinoff? Your dream has come true. This is a mock nature documentary narrated by Jeremy Irons that follows “one of the most clever and illustrious creatures: the plastic bag” from its first birthing into the wild all the way to its ultimate home, the Pacific gyre.

It’s actually a promotional video to drum up support for AB 1998, a bill in California that would ban stores from using plastic bags. Not gangbusters, but amusing enough.

Watch out for that teacup Yorkie! And the hungry mouths of dolphin and turtle predators!

(Thanks to GitEmSteveDave!)

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  1. inelegy says:

    Meh.

    Better, with Werner Herzog-meets-Sigur Rós goodness

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDBtCb61Sd4

  2. dcarrington01 says:

    LMAO Jeremy Irons needs to do more nature shows! If they had him narrate Life, instead of Oprah, the series would have been soooooo much better than that over paid in articulate man basher!

    • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

      Actually there series was narrating by someone else originally, not Oprah. They then later released it with Oprah doing the overvoice. I’m not sure who the original person was, but I think he was a well-known narrator.

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

      I’m always partial to Star Trek captains, sans Shatner. Also add in Mike Rowe and Ellen Degeneres. But only her for the funny parts of my life.

  3. vitajex says:

    Meh. Unless Mena Suvari’s gonna have sex with Kevin Spacey, I’m not interested…

  4. Marshmelly says:

    Aw…well at least it ended up with its friends?

    In all seriousness though, I didn’t know of the existence of this Great Pacific Garbage Patch…and frankly, I am horrified.

    • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

      You should read up.

      Worst case scenario: All marine life dies. It’s a theory, like many others being thrown around regarding the Patch, but it’s based in hard science.

    • Oranges w/ Cheese says:

      This is the result of the trash heap.

      Birds (and other wildlife) see the colors and the floating things and think they are jelly fish or sea life.

      http://www.chrisjordan.com/gallery/midway/#CF000313%2018×24

      • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

        I find it amazing/remarkable that all that plastic managed to stay neatly inside the carcass despite scavenger activity…

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

      It doesn’t, really. All the plastic that is in it is too small to see with the naked eye or from any distance away. It also takes 5 years for something from the USA to reach it. In addition, while plastic can’t “bio”degrade, it does “photo”degrade. That’s why there is no flag hanging on the moon anymore. It was a simple nylon flag that has since been photo-degraded to near nothing.

      For more on the “patch”: http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4132

      • guroth says:

        What’s heavier, 100 tons of microscopic plastic, or 100 tons of plastic bags?

        • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

          Neither. But there is a difference between solid pieces of plastic, and microscopic bits suspended in water. Whats more dangerous: ingesting an ounce of pure cyanide or eating the amount of apples that contain the same amount of cyanide?

      • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

        Just because it’s not an actual floating island doesn’t mean it’s not extremely dangerous to the environment.

      • subtlefrog says:

        Yes, it does photodegrade. And it becomes a suspension, so it is a three-dimensional mess of plastic pieces, bits and particles, rather than a floating mess of all whole parts. No, it’s not an “island” in the sense of Hawaii, but it exists.

        So just to clarify, are you suggesting that photodegraded plastic isn’t harmful?

    • stormbird says:

      It’s only the size of Europe (!), so I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.

      Plastic gets smaller and smaller, clogging and poisoning smaller and smaller animals to the point where single-celled animals are killed by it. I think that global warming is a lie but the Pacific Garbage Patch scares the Jebus out of me.

  5. AllanG54 says:

    Well, those bags sure would have come in handy at the park where all those dogs must have been pooping. Notice, the guy walking enough mutts to pull a sled had nothing to pick up that stuff with. I guess he figured he’d just find a bag along the way.

    • kristin70 says:

      ditto that. i, for one, recycle my plastic bags to use for my 2 boxers poop as a responsible dog owner should do;) i also refuse to pay 5 bux for the same thing at petco. stupid stupid law

  6. Conformist138 says:

    My local stores have gotten rid of plastic bags, but I take the bus. Ever tried to carry 4 paper bags of groceries on a bus? So, now I get to pay for reusable plastic bags and remember to take them with me. Also, I have a cat and a dog, so my old plastic bags were used as pet waste bags. Now, I get to purchase bags for this job. Most of the time, I didn’t even buy garbage bags since I don’t end up with enough garbage, a shopping bag was all I really needed. Between the bags purchased for groceries and the bags purchased for garbage/poo, I’m spending more money and using more plastic. This was a great idea in theory, but it’s really getting annoying.

  7. isileth says:

    One thing that makes me laugh about the “eco” prefix in many instances.
    My grandmother used those that are now called “ECO-BAGS” and called them simply shopping-bags.
    They call “eco-furs” the fake furs, while they are nothing but plastic, while the “real” furs are truly ecological, because they don’t pollute the planet.
    I think that furs suit their original wearer best, but calling a plastic fake fur ecological, makes me laugh.