Candwich, The Sandwich In A Can

The latest innovation in sandwich technology is the Candwich, the sandwich in a can.

The foodstuff is sold inside a 3oz pop-top can and comes in three delicious flavors: PBJ Strawberry, PBJ Grape, and BBQ Chicken. Thankfully, only the first two have candy surprises inside.

Its makers, Mark One Foods, hope to go into production later this year, maybe after its inventor clears up that whole nasty SEC lawsuit that alleges he took investors money intended for real estate investments and put it in canned sandwiches instead.

But rest assured, NYT reports: “The shelf life of a Candwich is excellent, Mr. Kirkland said.”

Candwich [Mark One Foods]
Money in the Bank? No, Sandwich in a Can [NYT]

Comments

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  1. tedyc03 says:

    What. The fuck.

    • grucifer says:

      +1

      Anyone have a picture of the top popped so we can see the contents? Morbidly curious, not gonna lie.

    • quirkyrachel says:

      +1

      My thoughts exactly, down to the intonation.

    • DingoAndTheBaby says:

      I think it’s probably more like a Pringles can with a more sturdy “lid”. Think of those Uncrustables sandwiches that Smuckers makes. Same general concept. They don’t need to be kept chilled or anything. It’s just different packaging. Well, except for the BBQ Chicken – in that case, yes; What. The. Fuck.

    • dg says:

      YEah. Exactly what I was thinking… N A S T Y…. How do you get the bread out?

  2. SkokieGuy says:

    Perhaps this is what RyanAir will serve in their standing-only seats?

  3. jimmyhl says:

    Holy Mother of God.

  4. Kohl's Retail Monkey says:

    ummmm. This is a joke, yes?

    YES??

  5. jennleighh says:

    So, what–you pop it open and it slooshes out? How on earth would you eat that? More importantly, why would anyone want to eat that?

    • axhandler1 says:

      It saves you from all that tiresome chewing. Reminded me of this Calvin and Hobbes strip (second one down on the page, “Great ideas in action”):
      http://lesinge.org/ch/index.php?search=1&showfrom=ch910417

    • ekthesi says:

      I think it probably just slides out (not that that’s any more appetizing). The inside of the can is dry, with the sandwich inserted. Pop tab, remove lid, invert can, hand meet candwich. This actually isn’t new technology; canned sandwiches have been around at least since the days of WWII C-rations. These are canned biscuits, but basically the same type of thing: http://bit.ly/bEt03j

      • zandar says:

        and that funky B&M brown bread in a can. Which, by the way, is gross.

        To paraphrase Alton brown, canned bread is NOT good eats.

        • Stannous Flouride says:

          B&B brown bread should be heated up and served with cream cheese and strawberry jam.

          It will cure the most severe case of the munchies.

        • cash_da_pibble says:

          Canned Raisin Brown Bread was a staple of my childhood!
          We ate it like a dessert during Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinner!

          Granted, my parents are a little weird, but I still love it.

  6. techstar25 says:

    I wonder if they will last as long as other canned goods. I mean, there is a distinct benefit to having something canned. Think about all the canned goods that were sent to Katrina victims. I wonder if that’s what the creator has in mind.
    Or it might just be a gimmick for kids.

  7. Mina_da_mad_child says:

    Is it really so hard to make a sandwich yourself? As the rate of diabetes, hypertension, obesity, and other diet related disorders explode I am so saddened by the continued push to get the population to eat the very things that are making them sick.

    Many of my friends, some of whom try to eat healthy diets, are now suffering from health ailments that used to be the concern of the elderly. We are willingly ingesting poison. I mean really, PB&J is not hard to make. Fucking A!

    • evnmorlo says:

      Easier to carry a can with you than a sandwich in a bag. And I’d rather get one of these from a vending machine

      • LastError says:

        I dunno. Place where I used to work had a sandwich vending machine. It sold everything from ready-to-eat sandwiches (chicken salad, etc), to the kind that need to be zapped (hamburgers, bbq). THAT wasn’t notable.

        What was notable was that the power had a habit of failing for hours at a time especially on the weekends. That meant the refrigerated machine sat there unpowered and warming up for who knows how long. And when the power came back, it would cool back down and happily sell those sandwiches to anyone. Imagine if your home fridge went out, let the food assume room temps and rot, and then turned back on. The vending machines are just the same thing.

        Rarely someone would notice and call the machine owner to come throw away all the ruined food. This happened often enough that they eventually took the machine out.

        The bottom line is that there is no way to ensure the food has always been properly handled. If a machine goes down like this, chances are nobody will know.

        • elburto says:

          My partner works for a company with a faulty sandwich machine. She got a free gift last time she bought one, 3 weeks of rectal bleeding and a ‘holiday’ in the local acute ward. When she complained to her employers they asked if she’d kept a sample of the sandwich in question, and when she said she hadn’t (who does that?) they laughed in her face and told her she was crazy.

          So flash forward six months, she makes a joke while she’s queuing for a cup of tea, something about it being the only thing that won’t put her in hospital, someone overhears and butts in, and she finds out that two other people were hospitalised at the same time as she was, and one had to have a temporary colostomy to let his gut heal.

          So I wouldn’t buy anything that required certain conditions from any machine that I hadn’t watched 24/7!

    • zandar says:

      think of the preservatives, fillers, and color stabilizers. What use would we have of them if we insisted on only fresh food? Jeez.

  8. Minneapolis says:

    Candy Surprise Inside!

  9. PixDawg says:

    This is really nauseating. I don’t mind a bit of salt, fat, and sugar once in a while and am not some vegetarian weirdo who would never have survived to evolve but it at least has to be appetizing if it is unhealthy. It looks like the sole plus on this disgusting item is shelf-life!

    • provolone says:

      Another plus might be if it comes in six-packs.That way the plastic ring holders can strangle seagulls. Survival of the fittest!

      Congrats on not being some vegetarian weirdo, but I fear that you have failed to evolve in spite of that.

  10. ThaKoolAidKid says:

    I’d drink it after a boozing evening.

    • Dutchess says:

      I think this would qualify as a reading FAIL (though the article is not 100% unclear) this is not a PBJ flavored beverage…it’s an acual sandwich in a can.

  11. Bativac says:

    I think I would have just called it “Canwich.” The “d” in there makes it look awkward.

    Regarding the SEC investigation, I bet the guy realized that the real estate market is gonna tank again, and the REAL money is in canned sandwiches.

    • Bunnies Attack! says:

      I think it sounds fine… sounds like “canned-wich” which is semi-clever. Canwich sound like a sandwich made out of cans.

      • Bativac says:

        “Canned wich” sounds like something really cruel they serve in the Munchkin City.

        • NewsMuncher says:

          I don’t care if the housing market fell on you! No extended unemployment. Get a job like everyone else.

    • nbs2 says:

      Perhaps Manwich (or Mannwich, I don’t remember) trademark issues. It would sound too close.

    • stormbird says:

      What, he put the money he stole in cans to bury in the yard? Cuz I don’t see these abominations making any money.

  12. rpm773 says:

    Good. The chips and soda aisle at the supermarkets always look a little empty.

  13. Mike says:

    I love to wash my KFC Double Down with one of these things.

  14. dolemite says:

    How’s the bread not soggy? Trade secret?

    And yeah…Canwich would be better.

  15. shepd says:

    Well, we can only hope the lids are designed differently for the real product. Unless it’s supposed to be liquid or several very thin “sandwiches”.

    • caradrake says:

      It’s like a pringles can, kinda – you pop the ring, and then the entire lid pulls off.

  16. Daverson says:

    I would try it for shits and giggles, but I’m not optimistic. I’ve tried canned cheeseburgers, and they were probably the worst prepared food I have ever eaten. Ever. Not even worth stashing in the Zombie Apocalypse Shelter.

  17. dreamfish says:

    Corndogs, liquid smoke and now this.

    Americans have a lot to answer for ;)

    • shockwaver1 says:

      Hey! What the hell is wrong with corndogs? As long as they don’t come in a can, you’re fine.

    • mewyn dyner says:

      Liquid smoke is actually a really good ingredient when used and prepared right. All-natural liquid smoke is just condensate of real hardwood smoke. It’s invaluable in giving smokiness to things like beef jerky, which you can’t smoke because it shouldn’t be cooked.

  18. davere says:

    Well, those cans would fit in the millions of soda vending machines already out there.

  19. Thyme for an edit button says:

    I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  20. pz says:

    He stole investors’ money to start making sandwiches in a can?

    Their loss is our gain!

  21. Blackfoot says:

    This isn’t such a bad idea. I mean, c’mon – they’ll fit nicely in a saddlebag. If you’re one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, you’re gonna work up an appetite after a long day in the saddle spreading Pestilence, War, Famine & Death.

    • El_Fez says:

      Wouldn’t having a Famine horseman that’s not hungry be counterproductive?

      • stormbird says:

        No, I think he’s the one eating all the food. I’m thinking Homer Simpson on a very big horse.

  22. NarcolepticGirl says:
  23. Blah Blah Blah says:

    If there is a lawsuit, it should be for claiming this is new, which it’s not.
    “Cheeseburger in a Can” can be found on shelves in Europe, right next to “American Hotdogs in a can”
    Neither of which I was brave enough to sample.

  24. Thassodar says:

    I just requested this for my birthday in a few weeks, hopefully I can send Consumerist my impressions.

  25. absurdist says:

    Anyone remember the canned cheeseburgers from some months back? And how the contents of the can bore almost zero resemblance to what was pictured on the outside? I have a feeling this will be the same dismal reality.

  26. redskull says:

    And yet somehow Americans think it’s gross that Asians eat squid and seaweed.

  27. Rocket says:
  28. Hobz says:

    This is almost as good as squeezable bacon…

    http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/squeez-bacon.html?cpg=cj&cpg=cj

  29. Brent says:

    I’d much rather invest in canned sandwiches than real estate. I don’t know what the SEC is complaining about.

  30. ChemicalFyre says:

    “It’s breakfast, in a cup!”

    Straight from that starship in Wall-E.

  31. AngryK9 says:

    Damn. Now there’s another product I will have to run out and buy up to stock my super fortified underground nuclear dirty terrorist bomb alien invasion storm shelter with.

  32. scoopjones says:

    Bring on the White Castles! Sliders in a convenient pop-top.

  33. Cyniconvention says:

    Candwitch?

    If it wasn’t for the picture, I’d think they put a Canadian through a meat grinder and shoved them in a can.

  34. Red Cat Linux says:

    OMGWTF…BBQ?

    No really… the barbeque one is the one that really freaks me out. And what the heck do they do to it to make the shelf life of this abomination ‘excellent’?

  35. Red Cat Linux says:

    OMGWTF…BBQ?

    No really… the barbeque one is the one that really freaks me out. And what the heck do they do to it to make the shelf life of this abomination ‘excellent’?

  36. diasdiem says:

    I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  37. jessjj347 says:

    Only in America.

  38. ophmarketing says:

    This is why the terrorists hate us.

  39. Nathan Oliver says:

    You seem to have confused the two people into one person. There’s the inventor, Mark Kirkland, who came up with the idea, and got some investors to loan him some money, and there’s the investor, Travis L. Wright, who promised other people that he was investing in real estate and would get a 24% return, and then stole some of the money, and invested the rest of it in several crazy ideas, one of which was the Candwich. The article you linked could probably state it more clearly, but Mark Kirkland is not being sued by the SEC, nor has he done anything wrong (aside from, perhaps, making the candwich). It just happens that one of the people who loaned him money lied to his clients about what he was investing in. You may want to clarify the post.

    A news report that makes this more clear: http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/07/08/128380385/sandwich-in-a-can?ft=1&f=93559255

  40. pcPhr34k says:

    Fear not, for this apparently is a big investment scam: http://gizmodo.com/5583217/candwich-scandal-eats-millions

  41. GTB says:

    I don’t even…

  42. Joey Strange says:

    I can’t believe the lack of pictures on this story. I got the gist from the lead in and I only clicked through to see the monstrosity un-canned. I feel let down.

  43. Speak says:

    Since you can’t bring liquids & gels (ie jelly) over 3oz on a plane, maybe this was made to be taken in carry-ons to eat while flying?
    My only question is how does the bread not get so soggy that it falls apart?

  44. FrugalFreak says:

    Lawsuit due to child cutting hand on inside lid rim in 3..2..1.

  45. RubyRedJess says:

    Gross

  46. cimorene12 says:

    The inventor is not the one who conned people out of their money. Travis L Wright, as the NYT article says, is the money manager who took the money. Kirkland is blameless.

  47. joetan says:

    I’ll eat this while I play my gizmondo

  48. joetan says:

    I’ll eat this while I play my gizmondo

  49. jj030306 says:

    ew.

  50. Yorick says:

    I think I’ll pass …

    although, can’t wait until someone puts spring-loaded “snakes” in one of them. great for parties!

  51. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    Am I the only one who thinks this is cool?

  52. Chaosium says:

    i’d eat the BBQ one, though.

  53. P_Smith says:

    “Canned sandwiches – when 7-11 is too far to walk for a slim jim, and you don’t want to make a balogna sandwich.”

    It’s disgusting enough to see small “snack/lunch” cans of spaghettios or whatever, but now a “sandwich” in a can? The only people worse than the manufacturer of this crap are the people who would buy it.

    .

  54. Teechur says:

    Great, now school bullies everywhere are going to be able to shake kids’ “Candwiches” into a blobby mess.

    Uncool, Mark One Foods…uncool.

  55. Cicadymn says:

    I’d try the PB& grape J out.

  56. Awesome McAwesomeness says:

    Hey, this might be good with canned bacon–sort of like the Elvis sandwich but made from all canned stuff-
    http://beprepared.com/product.asp?pn=FS%20B050&sid=FROOGLE&EID=FRFS%20B050&bhcd2=1278974421

  57. Green Mountain Boy says:

    We’re doomed.

  58. 4Real says:

    I like the frozen PBJs they have in the freezer section they are pretty good.