This Batman Product Is Confusing But Only Costs $1.50

We do not pretend to understand this Batman product. We simply present it for your consideration.


Bigger Image [Via Reddit]

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  1. MrsLopsided says:

    It’s just trading cards – like Yugio or Pokemon – with bad Engrish.

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      No. Engrish does not explain the sudden appearance of ‘Spiderman’ in the text.

      There is some kind of special evil at work here.

    • tiger ali says:

      Also I don’t think legitimate Pokemon cards have bad Engrish. Nintendo’s quality control is pretty good.

  2. Erich says:

    Oh my god, I want one of those so badly. I’d frame the damn thing. It’s like some weird kind of beat poetry.

  3. MrsLopsided says:

    Oops… make that very good Engrish.

  4. pantheonoutcast says:

    It’s still better than anything Joel Schumacher has done with the Batman story…

  5. Southern says:

    I bet DC sues the pants off them. lol :-)

  6. Jonesey says:

    Please tell me you bought this.

  7. coren says:

    I like the Batman Begins, complete with Riddler and Mr Freeze, from Batman Forever and Batman & Robin, respectively

  8. Willow01 says:

    Must have…….

  9. Donathius says:

    “The Abnormal Drug Trafficker”…DC is REALLY scrapping the bottom of the barrel for new villains aren’t they?

    Nice.

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

      So is he a drug trafficker who traffics abnormal drugs, or is he a drug trafficker who is abnormal?

  10. XianZhuXuande says:

    I… want to buy it.

  11. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    You should see the engrish that adorned some Chinese ST: Voyager disks I got. Holy shite.

  12. Vandil says:

    Bruce burned down his father’s villa, but will build a new one with better equipments and new basement, to store his supply of kryptonite.

  13. reddbettie says:

    I need to own this!

  14. SilentMountain says:

    During the day, he’s just Normal Drug Trafficker, but at night, he changes into ABNORMAL Drug Trafficker, where he buys back all the drugs he sold to you earlier that day.

  15. Pax says:

    This is what happens when you translate something perfectly sensible back and forth between two languages, repeatedly.

    • TheUncleBob says:

      Really? Batman becomes Spiderman when you translate it twice?

    • Dafrety says:

      And this is what happens when you translate something completely nonsensical back and fourth between two languages until it stops changing.
      http://translationparty.com/#7591406
      “His parents, Batman, billionaire parents, abused him – in fact to kill the son of Bruce keen to start their testimony revenge. But God will allow him the opportunity to play his radio”
      Of course, I couldn’t fit the whole thing in the box.

      • NewsMuncher says:

        “Today is Laundry Day” cannot reach equilibrium.
        :'(

      • Rectilinear Propagation says:

        Wow. Interesting!

        “This is a real translation party!” finds equilibrium as “This is the actual translation!”

      • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

        Woo, I broke Translation Party with the last stanza of the Brady Bunch theme. XD

  16. Thyme for an edit button says:

    I have a need of this to own for Spiderman! God had not given me a chance of to fulfill his will !

  17. Thyme for an edit button says:

    ——————————–

  18. GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

    IIRC, James Randi told a story about how one of his jobs was to translate a camera manual either from Japanese to English or vice-versa. Well, he comes upon a passage that is very hard to understand, that just requires a simple rewrite, something like adding one word and replacing another. He calls about it, and in the end, it turns out that the person who did the translation was high up in the company, and pointing out an error, even an obvious one would be an insult to his honor, so he could not revise it.

  19. Nytmare says:

    It’s log,
    It’s log,
    It’s better than bad, it’s good.

    DM-104

  20. Riff Raff says:

    Hello. I am Nigeria Prince Abul Abumdulmah. When being a child I witnessed with my own eyes the fact my parents of millionaire were killed cruelly. I found basement under their villa with US$ 13 million. I stroked you with hoping your equipments can get money of insurance over seas. Please help I have mysterious opponents quite familiar with me————————-

  21. xmrblondex says:

    Here is the text in copy form. This is hilarious.

    When being a child, Bruce Wayne had witnessed with his own eyes the fact that his parents of millionaire were killed cruelly, so affected his strong desire of revenging his parents. However, God had never given him a chance to fulfill his will. Following the advice of ravs al-ghul, the chief of ninja group, Bruce come to gete, which was a corrupted city filled with various crime groups. Bruce found a basement under his villa, in which the equipments turned him into another person: Spiderman. With this mask, Spiderman stroke all criminal activates and criminals everywhere, such as Tougun, the chief of mafia, Doctor Jackstraw, the abnormal drug trafficker, even a mysterious opponents quite familiar with him———

  22. Atsumi says:

    “Spiderman stroke[d] all criminals everywhere.”

    I like where this is going!

  23. Ben Popken says:

    Looks like trading cards to me.

  24. jp7570-2 says:

    Confusing, too, that the Christian Bale/Christopher Nolan version seems to be paired with the George Clooney era version (i.e. Jim Carrey’s “Riddler” in the picture on the left).

    • nbs2 says:

      Not to nitpick, although I am, but Clooney would be paired with the Arnold Mr. Freeze (seen to the right). Kilmer was paired with Carrey.

    • oneandone says:

      Maybe it’s just me, but Mr. Freeze’s face looks a lot like Vigo the Carpathian. Creepy. Though it makes me think of a Batman-Ghostbusters crossover, which could be fun.

  25. kyle4 says:

    When I was little, my Nonna bought me a bootleg Batman doll that looked like a cheap Barbie. It looked hilarious. Batman was either really Italian/tanned guido from Jersey Shore or black. Wish you could embed images here.

    As for this? Looks like trading cards.

  26. Dafrety says:

    “His parents, Batman, billionaire parents, abused him – in fact to kill the son of Bruce keen to start their testimony revenge. But God will allow him the opportunity to play his radio”
    It’s even better when you run it through Translation Party!
    http://translationparty.com/#7591406
    “Batman Begins — When being a child, Bruce Wayne had witness with his own eyes the fact that his parents of millionaire were killed cruelly, so affected his strong desire of revenging his parents. However, god had never given him a chance to fulfill his will. Following the advice of Ravs Al-Ghul, the chief of Ninja Group, Bruce come to Gete, which was a corrupted city filled with various crime groups. Bruce found a basement under his villa, in which the equipments turned him into another person: Spiderman. With this mask, Spiderman stroke all criminal activates and criminals everywhere, such as Tougon, the chief of mafia, Doctor Jackstraw, the abnormal drug trafficker, even a mysterious opponents quite familiar with him———“

  27. Laughing-man says:

    While seeing his uncle killed by Joker, Peter Parker need responsibility to save city from evil monsters! He got bite from radio bat and becomes BATMAN! Good will triumph as BATMAN swing through city on webs to defeat evils like MR ICEMAN, CAT-LADY, and a Evil twin black BATMAN!

    /engrish

  28. dg says:

    Firstly, bat fly into spiderman web, then capture catwoman cleanly meaning bat sisterly now?

  29. Xero says:

    Someone PLEASE buy this for me. I will gladly pay you 5x the asking price to own this amazing piece of bad-translation mastery!

  30. G00MAN says:

    Nothing see I wrong here.

    Along move.

  31. kylere1 says:

    I am happy to know that places other than America have serious issues with crack.

  32. AjariBonten says:

    I’d pay $1.50 just for the laugh!

  33. MongoAngryMongoSmash says:

    Later at Stately Wayne Villa….

  34. Smashville says:

    Peter Parker is Batman. Bruce Wayne is Spider-Man. Spider-Man is Batman. It all makes sense. There was never an Uncle Ben. Only pain.

  35. krom says:

    They include *both* old and new Batman logos into some sort of odd looking creature thing.
    They include *both* Christian Bale’s and Michael Keaton’s Batman.
    The box is labeled “2006 Batman Begins”. That movie came out in 2005 worldwide.
    The box includes Jim Carrey as the Riddler. That happened in 1995’s Batman Forever, with Val Kilmer as Batman, and not Batman Begins.

    Oh, and I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure the blue face in the bottom right corner is Top Dollar from The Crow. Although it could be Thomas Hayden Church from Spiderman 3. Which would be… slightly more consistent.

    • jayman419 says:

      It might be Cillian Murphy. It does look a lot like Michael Wincott, though, maybe from the scene where his sister is standing behind him playing with his weave and he’s about to put his snooter into the big plate full of coke, or maybe talking down towards the table before the wild gesticulating began in the devil’s night speech.

      The purple wash and half his face missing makes it a bit harder.

  36. BearJazz says:

    This was posted on Something Awful a year or two ago, but it is still wonderful.

  37. lupinthethird says:

    chinese knock-offs, no suprise

  38. keithevans says:

    Cool…Your not certified batman fan if you don’t have one of those. Dying to have one.

  39. keithevans says:

    Wow. I want one. I can’t wait to have one of those
    batman stuffs..