Somali Pirates Disclose They're A Goldman Sachs Subsidiary

A mosquito-boat’s worth of Somali pirates stunned the courtroom today when they disclosed their entire piracy enterprise was in fact a subsidiary of Goldman Sachs.

Via Borowitz Report:

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis’ work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted…

…The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, “plus to get our share of the bailout money….”

“…There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates,” one government source said. “But if they’re bankers, our hands are tied….”

Long position in the 95% tranche, anyone?

Somali Pirates Say They Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs [Borowitz Report]