The Manliest Pants Of All Time
Yes, they're Barracuda pants—the only trousers that remind you, and anyone within eyesight, that you have a penis.
The copy says: "Male makes pure man stuff... like bold and brawny Barracuda slacks with swing-around pocket styling. They cling like a girl in the dark. Won't wrinkle—they're permanently pressed! Rarer fabrics...richer colors...better tailoring...modest prices...all yours at better stores throughout the Free World. Go look them over. You'll buy an armload.
H+K CORPORATION, Atlanta, Ga. * creators of MALE - THE FASHION SPOKESMAN FOR AMERICAN MEN"
I think my favorite part about this retro magazine ad is that these super manly manly pants are available "at better stores throughout the Free World." That's as priceless as the placement of the guy is unfortunate.
(Image: SA_Steve)
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Comments:
They look like a younger version of the dancing couple on the Viagra commercials. Exactly what I want superimposed on my crotch.
They cling like a girl in the dark? Why, because girls are scared of the dark? Sheesh!
@barb95: I prefer:
They cling like that one girl you used to date...you know, the one who called you 5 times a day. Yeah, her.
A pair of them and a quick splash of Sex Panther and you'll be good to go.
Can we get them with a codpiece?
@Xerloq, we are all made of stars.: Only the "Black Russian".
(that's NOT a racist statement for the non Rowan Atkinson fans out there)
Save yourself money; put a rolled-up sock down the front.
@MeQuickWantSlow:Perfect. Whoever wears thi combo is going to need it with all the tail that's going to be thrown at them.
Honestly at first glance I thought the guy in the ad was giving that girl a backhanded smack upside the head. "How dare you insult my skin-tight pants, they're exciting!" POW!!
Sooo... Pinkos aren't well-endowed? Che Guevarra and the Black Panthers would disagree.
"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick, from the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick... "
So what's the woman wearing? Female pants that emphasize her girl parts? I think it would be nice to have a pair of these pants with the couple appliqued across the front.
It almost looks like the man is about to roundhouse kick the lady behind him.
Great snuggling grape smugglers.
Someone please explain Barracuda pants to me. As a woman, I obviously don't seem to get the reference.
Those pants look too tight. I think that guy became sterile after wearing them.
@ohenry: Damn, hit the submit button on accident.
What I meant to say was:
If he woos her at dinner with some Tuscan 1 gallon 128 oz Whole Milk he will have her for life.
It looks like she's chasing after him. Is he a purse-snatcher? I'm no criminal, but I don't think Barracuda pants are well suited for crime.
Looks like it was designed by Sterling Cooper.
if these pants are real i will rock them.
@Coles_Law: To me the pants look like something from the early 60s, cool-jazz era. Or even something that Steve McQueen would have worn back then.
They're like the plastic pants my dad used to buy me in the 80's, from K-mart I think. In my opinion, denim shouldn't stretch much.
I once wore a baggy pair of cheap khakis. The whole day people mistook me for a woman and called me "miss." It was embarrassing and emasculating.
MEN, DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE PROPER PANTS SELECTION!
If I recall correctly, Eldridge Cleaver (yes, of Black Panther fame) invented some pants in the 70s, called "Cleavers" that came with a visible codpiece. Yep, there you'd be, swinging in the wind for the whole world to see. He called it the "appurtence".
@David in Brasil: Oh my, yes, he did. The codpiece was called a "Cleaver sleeve."
Here's the photo of Eldridge modeling his creation.
NSFW.
As a male, I have always preferred dresses and skirts to pants.
@LastVigilante: What I can't get over is that she's wearing stirrup pants. I think I may still have a pair in my dresser somewhere...
I can see them creating this ad in a "Mad Men" episode
Well, I, um,...oh jebus! I really don't know WHAT to say after seeing the Eldridge Cleaver ad. I guess he could tie an onion to his belt 'cause it was the style at the time. Or maybe two onions?
These pants may have come first, but it was 1986 David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth that truly popularized tight pants that emphasize "the area".
@Coles_Law: Hey, if you had them superimposed on your crotch, I bet the ladies would find you sexier.
I really wanted to write this in 1960's terminology, but damned if I could come up with anything.
@pwillow1: Wow. I would have the hardest time knowing what to do if I saw someone in those pants. Stare? Laugh? Stare and laugh? Feel unworthy due to my clear lack of fashion sense?
I've just never seen anything as amazing as that in terms of clothing.
![[www.ectomo.com]](http://www.ectomo.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/eldridgeparis.jpg){kind=link}
Do they come in a 42/44 waist???