Ford Announces Solution To America's Car Woes: The 1993 Taurus
Here's a video from The Onion that pretty much sums up our nation's automobile situation. The added incentive of a free Primus tape is really what sold me.
Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus
Post a comment
Comments:
@harvey_birdman: How about a newly manufactured 2010 SHO with the EcoBoost V6 (365hp)? (although I think it's automatic only)
Pffft...
Call me when GM starts selling 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supremes again.
GENIUS!
I'll take an '87 Grand National, please.
Conan approves.
Where can I get a 6000 SUX? You find me one of those and I'm buying it.
85 Chevy Celebrity...That was a rockin car.
To think that Ford is doing far better than the rest of them, yet has to suffer this indignity.
Oh, who am I kidding. That's pretty funny!
Atcually this isn't a bad idea-
Make a basic car based on proven technology for 5K or so new.
@12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich:
Yep, the new SHO's are automatic only, which is a total fail in my book. Everything else in it looks pretty decent (besides it being a Ford), but auto, ehhhh.....
Primus sucks.
@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): My first car was an '88 Olds Cutlass Calais... LOVED that coupe.
1982 Nissan Pulsar, baby!
Dear GM, I'd like a '92 Grand Prix identical to the one I just had to put down, thank you. I don't know why you decided it would be a good idea to make a solid car like the Grand Prix into a shitbox in the late '90s/'00s, but my ol' car was nothing but faithful to me and I would like it cloned, please.
@halcyondays: In '97, I could have bought one with low miles and in great shape. However, I was 6 months out of college and my '84 Olds was rusting out on me. At the time, I couldn't justify buying the Grand National as my sole vehicle, and I couldn't afford 2 cars either.
/ Bangs head for the 1,621st time over this
@tinycorkscrew: They sure do. I was listening to them this morning. I hope they decide to do another tour in the next year.
WHY am I laughing so hard at this?????
Does it come with the external CD accessory? You know, the one that is velcroed to your dash with the CD to cassette tape converter?
Also, you mention working brakelights. Will I have headlights as well? I pray every night for a car with a dome light so I can see the cocaine lines I'm slicing easier. (The mirror I cut on has a huge glare off the street lights.) How hot does the heater get? Will it heat up a spoon? How about the trunk- is it big enough for sneaking in a couple Mexicans?
Thank you Ford, for yet again- providing families with fiscally sound resolutions to our everyday needs.
Oh shit, the cops... gotta go!
I have a 1994 Ford Taurus, and yes, it is just what I needed - a car.
Now what I would KILL for is my 1986 Chrysler LeBaron back. Sadly, it'll never happen.
I had a '91, and the fact that "ford taurus" made a perfect anagram of "fraud o' rust" was no mistake, i'm convinced. I dubbed the color of mine "caramel apple red", thanks to the quickly growing rust on the bottom 1/3 of the vehicle.
Awesome video though.
Re-release a 245DL and ill hop all over that.
@Verucalise(countingcalories): I shouldn't know that 3 adults can fit in the trunk (somewhat) comfortably, but I do.
@Quake 'n' Shake: Forget about the supreme, it's all about the 1989 Cutlass Calais! Complete with Bondo reinforcement and speed holes!
Give me an '87 Pontiac Fiero!
@korybing: My mom would do anything for another new '97 Grand Am. Sans the electrical and air conditioning problems, though.
@korybing: I had a '92 Grand Am, paid $800 for it, got 20 some odd miles to the gallon and lasted 3 years, drove like a dream, great car.
It's funny because it's true. Most Americans would be much better off buying a 20 year old car cheap than buying a new car and getting stuck with $250 payments for 5 years. The 93 Acura Integra I bought six years ago for $1500 is still on the road, my father in law drives it now, the only work its needed in that time is a water pump.
@JGKojak: No problem, just move to India:
...or wait for them to make a model to meet US safety and emissions standards. Suspect that'll be a long wait, though.
@Quake 'n' Shake: If you find a gray '87 with forks and knives holding the ceiling liner in, that's mine. I lent it to someone and never got it back, I'm still technically the registered owner, but I never bothered to report it stolen. I traded my ps2 for it in 2002.
and no, I'm not kidding about any of the above :-|
@Jfielder23: Don't limit the Bondo to just the Calais! My '82 Supreme was held together mostly due to the stuff! Horrible car, btw, but you can't beat free.
@tinycorkscrew: I'd go with Pork Soda as their best album, but Jerry Was a Race Car Driver, was pretty fun.
@korybing: If this technology is possible, I would like to clone my '99 Camry for the rest of my life. It is the only car I've ever owned, a veritable tank, and my heart will break more than a little when it's time to put her out of her misery.
My dad has an older Ford Taurus. He has had it forever and it never seems to need repairs. Meanwhile my much newer, more expensive German status symbol has nickel and dimed me to death and averages breaking every six weeks.
I'd rather have a Pontiac 6000 STE. Auto-leveling air shocks, air compressor in the back, power & digital friggen everything, stereo controls on the wheel. It was like driving KITT without the effeminate talking.
@Verucalise(countingcalories):
My mom had a 94 Taurus. The trunk was frickin' huge...
I've had 3 people in the trunk of my 02 Civic coupe.. so you might be able to fit 4 or 5 in the trunk of a Taurus.. rather uncomfortably...
@pimpybra:
If Ford was serious about a performance car it would be a stick shift/rear wheel drive. Not an automatic.
Seriously, if I could get a newly manufactured '93 Sho with stick shift I absolutely would.