These seem to be rules for restaurants much fancier than I eat at. Can't say I've ever minded a waiter simply topping off the glass of iced tea I already have.

It is very aggravating when someone asks if you are finished eating when there is clearly food left on the plate and you are chewing some of it. There may only be a couple of bites left but I would like to eat what I paid for and not feel like I need to hurry.

Some of these seem really dependent on the "style" of the restaurant.

"No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness."

If the waitress in question is an attractive female, flirting with me is likely to get her a larger tip. Yeah, I'm sexist (and looks-ist?)...

Never do this:
When serving the plates of food, if your finger touches the food on the plate, don't lick your finger and continue serving. Ew.

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.

These are really stupid and I don't agree with them.

#7-I'd like to know the waiter's name so I can rave or rant as appropriate. Or at least acknowledge the waiter as a person rather than a nameless drone.

#24-Hell yeah. Like the time I had milk, then asked for water and the waiter poured the water into the milk glass. Yecch!

#43-Really? I've never eaten here before and I assume the waiter has. Perhaps someone with an informed opinion would be helpful. Unless, of course, the writer means don't blurt it out without prompting.

@gparlett: But only if the pitcher lip doesn't touch the rim of the glass. Otherwise you end up with whatever bacteria the people before you deposited on the rims of their glasses.

Maybe I just have more sympathy because I've been a server. I am totally fine with the actions described in 7, 42, and 43. Servers are not robots and I don't mind learning their names. I think it's very nice if someone takes the time to compliment something I am wearing; a nicely delivered compliment is always appreciated. And as someone who doesn't often order dessert, I like hearing suggestions on what's good. I am smart enough to not order it if it sounds gross or is suspiciously more expensive than everything else.
I understand that some people go out to eat and don't want any intrusions from their server above the bare minimum. If I didn't want any social interaction with my restaurant dinner, however, I'd just get it to go.

The WaiterRant guy had a point-by-point response to the article from the perspective of a career waiter:

[waiterrant.net]

Meh, a lot of these are common sense and a few are silly. I waited tables all the way through college; as a server, if you're not doing a majority of the common sense items on this list, you need to go back into training.

The list really just sounds like a handful of NYT writers getting out their gripes about their least-liked NYC restaurants.

I've never been offended by a waiter telling me his name or engaging in a little cuteness. The only one I'd agree with outright is 32: "Never touch a customer..."

@segfault: Yes, but if the waitress pays more attention to you than she does to the other customers at the table, she is by default elevating you, and insulting them. A waitress who flirted with my husband and ignored me, under the assumption that he was the one who was going to pay the bill at the end, would be in for a rude awakening.

A good waitress/waiter is able to give everyone at the table enough individual attention so that everyone feels respected and no one feels left out. That ties in with the "no complimenting just one person" rule above.

Heh. The original article's list is definitely rather New York-centric, and certainly has a number of things I'm not likely to run into as a problem.

I would support 17, though, as the thing I tend to run into that makes me uncomfortable when I'm eating out; along the same lines as shalegac's comment above. You don't remove dishes from the course during the course. And it's not like restaurants are so busy around here that there's a pressing need to turn the table and they're trying, albeit rudely, to hurry you along.

For 42, I'd make an exception for Halloween costume.

Maybe I'm not hoity toity enough, but I disagree with a few of them.

7. Do not announce your name.

Knowing your server's name is convenient when you need to ask for help.

"10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

He or she works there and probably eats there more than I do, why should I not trust or want to hear their opinions?

"17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait."

If the plate is empty, get it out of my way. Please take it.

"18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, "Who's having the shrimp?""

Waitstaff are humans and I don't expect them to have photographic memories.

"24. Never use the same glass for a second drink."

God, you're afraid of your own germs?! Get a life!

"40. Never say, "Good choice," implying that other choices are bad."

I think your skin is just a little thin.

"41. Saying, "No problem" is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm."

To you maybe, but for anyone with a brain "no problem" is taken literally.

"42. Do not compliment a guest's attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else."

God, with skin so thin, how do you function in life where even waitstaff are mean bullies out to ruin your self esteem?!

"43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It's irrelevant."

See 10 from above.

"48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order."

Why do you think that people who are paid less than minimum wage should have photographic memories?!

@segfault: Hell yeah. There's a reason Hooters stays in business, and it isn't the food.

A lot of these Don't are required by the management, such as stating your name. My go-to intro when I was serving was "Hi, my name's ___ How are you all doing today?" wait for them to reply "great! just to let you know our specials today are___" all while passing out the silverware/menus, coasters, whatever. When done, "can i get you all something to drink while you're looking at the menu?"

We're require to suggest a drink/appetizer/special so I'd wait until one person ordered and then do it.

"I'll have an iced tea" "good choice, i had the raspberry tea earlier!"

People aren't fooled, they know I'm suggesting items like is required, but I'm doing it in a conversation instead of "HEY TRY THE EXTREME FAJITAS!!!!" which will always get you a big fat NO.

The other thing is, if a person seems annoyed by what I'm required to say, I level with them. "I have to ask you this but you don't have to say yes." and then get it all out at once, apologizing and looking embarrassed at the end.

Honestly nobody gives a damn what you order, we're just doing what we have to do so the managers stay off our backs.

#1 don't spit in my food
#2 don't pee in my food
#3 don't go take a #2 in my food (I realize this rule is slightly confusing)

That's about it.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

Please, leave grandma the way she came into the restaurant!

7/42: So, I'm to expect my server to be a robot? I'm sorry, I prefer the human touch. Tell me something witty, let a little personality peek through. The line is drawn only when the server starts to discuss how bad they need the money, their personal problems, etc. If the server is friendly, engaging and at least makes it look like they enjoy their work, it goes a long way with the tip.

My time in the service industry taught me that the job does suck, but it's all in how you make it look and how the customer is treated.

#43: This is tricky - if it comes unsolicited, then I agree it's irrelevant, but many times I will ask the server their preference on a dish or a dessert. If their assessment is a flavor that sounds good, I'll likely try it.

@GMFish: Yeah this list comes across with quite the holier than thou attitude.

@ColoradoShark: I'm thinking it's the "without prompting" bit. (To be honest, I don't actually mind that, but I can see that it's a bad business practice.)

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: It's not when they take the time to compliment you; it's when they take the time to compliment one person in a four-person party, and it's not you.

#8 is my personal favorite. No matter how expensive or inexpensive the eatery, I hate having someone interrupt us to ask if everything's "all right."

@mizike: Wow, somebody has a big case of Not Getting It.

The list might be geared toward restaurants that don't require 15 pieces of flair, but those places could take a few hints from the list.

#19: Olive oil was fun for a while, guys, but I really prefer butter.

@gparlett: I think they mean for sodas or other drinks that aren't carried around in a pitcher. Some people really freak out that when I'm drinking Coke and you're drinking Dr. Pepper and we need refills at the same time, the waiter will confuse the two glasses on the way back to the drink station. So, the waiter should make two new drinks in fresh glasses, bring them to the table, and take the empties back to be cleaned.

@GMFish: I don't think they're talking about Bennigans.

@floraposte: @ColoradoShark: In either case it really is irrelevant. If you ask for their opinion you have to know that you're only getting the opinion of a perfect stranger who may or may not have good taste.

@ColoradoShark: For me I would immediately assume that, if it's not clearly marked on the menu, the waiter/ress would be trying to up sell me to some orgy of chocolate that costs 15 bucks.
I have no problem with someone generally saying "Can I interest you in a dessert?" but when someone, without being asked, just starts telling me what's awesome on the menu; I'll probably get pretty standoff'ish and dismissive very fast.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: It's really above their station to say pay compliments to customers, in the sense of giving good service.

Here's a favorite "bad-server" event from my past- we were at Fudds, and as we ordered we were handed the standard big plastic tumblers to hold our pending self-served beverages.

One of the glasses was quite gnarly, and so I gave it to the serving lady and asked for a fresher one. She took it, looked at it and handed it back to me, declaring "Oh those are just water spots".

So wrong. I hadn't asked for an assessment of the glass, but a simple replacement. She did eventually get the point, but the lesson is "Don't contradict a guest's (reasonable) request".

@floraposte: Yeah, I do understand that, and if a server is fawning over one guest while ignoring the others it can be awkward. That's very different from a casual "I love your blouse". Women, particularly groups of women, are sometimes complete savages to a young female server and if your compliment is genuine that can sometimes change the subzero temperatures at a table.
I guess my skin isn't so thin that I get bent out of shape when I don't get a pat on the head, too. So the waitress likes my friend's earrings and doesn't say anything about mine. Big deal.

@mizike: Dang, beat me to it. & @floraposte - if you read previous posts on his blog, you'll realize how sarcastic he's being.

@segfault: And dumb-ist. But if she gets extra money out of you, more power to her.

I think "Be asked to decorate their uniform" should be on there. There's nothing more distracting at a restaurant than crazy crap on the walls and on the wait staff. I'm looking at you TGI Fridays.

@GMFish: We will often times ask the server what they think of a particular dish. Often times, they may not have had the item, but after the meal will ask what we thought of the item, was it what we expected? We try to be as honest as possible, especially if it was not what we were expecting. This allows the server to relay our feelings to other customers, and more importantly to provide feedback to the kitchen staff.

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT THEY HAVE A FOOD ALLERGY/INTOLERANCE, DO NOT ASSUME THEY ARE LYING AND IGNORE IT.

I know scum claim to have allergies when they do not. I know it happens all the time because the spoiled little brats don't like tomatoes or something stupid. But for people with REAL problems, you are a terrible PERSON (not just server) to risk someone's life just because you don't believe them.

@crackblind: Ah, okay. I'm not familiar with the blog.

I do think that some people aren't realizing that the NYT piece is written from a managerial perspective, not a customer perspective--this isn't a bitchy guest complaining, it's the restaurant owner identifying the principles on which his restaurant is run.

@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: It is actually possible to have pleasant social interactions with a waiter that don't involve them unwantedly volunteering their opinions about your looks. As for dessert, of course it's good if a waiter recommends things, but "I like X" is not the same as "The X is very good tonight" or "X is our special".

@thesadtomato: YOU'RE TRUE!

Oh, and bread without herbs in it.

@mythago: Of course it's possible. I didn't claim that it wasn't. I'm saying that personally, I don't get upset if a server compliments someone at my table.

Amen to number 17. Wait staff push you to eat fast and leave fast. I want a leisurely dinner of 2-3 hours, and if you're polite and attentive enough during that 3 hours I will tip you for your additional time.

Thank you.

@coffeeswirl: Again, I don't think this list is meant for casual dining establishments. However, I wouldn't mind if a few of the items are implemented.

(e.g. Requiring the entire party be present before seating, lousy service for singleton diners, asking if I'm finished even though I still have eating utinsels in my hand!)

@ColoradoShark: It's insane how often I've had servers pour water into my Sprite glass! New glass!!

Will somebody please explain to me the controversy behind being called, "Ma'am?" I cannot seem to wrap my head around people's objections to formal, polite manners of address.

@mythago: I don't know any restaurants that do that. I get baguette/sourdough pretty much everywhere, just with olive oil (although I don't mind if the oil oil has herbs in it!)

Okay, I'm amused at how many people in the NYT comments feel that the "don't announce your name" rule is somehow a depersonalizing breach of democracy. That'd be that democratic situation where the paid person gives his or her name and nobody else does?

I'll add one - don't ask me if I need change! If I don't, I'll tell you. But don't make me feel like a jerk if I don't think you deserve a $20 tip on a $15 dinner!!