The Dumb Health Scare Gadget

Quick, give Hammacher Schlemmer $70 + shipping so you can bring one of these magic H1N1 wand obliterators with you on Black Friday! The “technology for people who don’t get technology” catalogue explains that the wand’s UV light will kill “99.98%” of H1N1 viruses after you hold it 3/4″ above a surface for at least 5 seconds. That’s certainly convenient. Just carry it with you and use it on doors, boxes, shopping carts, and of course the cashier’s hands before you accept any change. Be sure to bring an adapter for your car, however, because it only lasts about 90 minutes after an 8-hour charge.

“The H1N1 Destroying UV Wand” [Hammacher Schlemmer] (Thanks to Andy!)

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  1. Toffeecake says:

    It’s the perfect Christmas gift for those relatives that have everything, except they’re stupid!

  2. UGAdawg says:

    Because you can never have enough items destined for the thrift shop.

  3. Blueskylaw says:

    The people who would normally buy this are either at their psychiatrist right now or auditioning for Star Trek.

  4. TechnoDestructo says:

    I’m afraid of H1N1. Where can I get some radioactive cocaine magnets?

  5. self-check says:

    Will a [www.orau.org]“>radioactive water crock do?

  6. greenland says:

    Geez, did EVERYONE get this catalog yesterday? I even saw a 5 year old girl reading it on the subway.

  7. aplusboy says:

    Show me a home with one of these gadgets and I’ll show you a home with an air ionizer.

    • nbs2 says:

      @aplusboy: Hey we had one for a few years. When we were in our apartment, our neighbors were smokers and someone on craigslist or freecycle was giving theirs away. We took it to see if it would help. It didn’t.

      But, it was still worth getting. It would make white noise. And it was free.

  8. edguitar says:

    what do I buy to kill the other .02% of the virus? I wanna be assured that I’m fully protected

  9. shepd says:

    This is a great gift…

    …if you either want skin cancer or to ruin your eyes. A germicidal lamp that you can look at and expose yourself to? I thought I was stupid for exposing circuit boards with actinic blue lamps without wearing sunglasses (Ahhh! The gravel-in-eyes experience. It burns!) For these to have this effect, you will either need more exposure, or they’re actually good enough to erase eeproms. Scary!

    The cure is worse than the disease.

  10. Islandkiwi says:

    My teeth have never been whiter!

    What do you mean I’m using it wrong?

  11. sonneillon says:

    I could pay 70 dollars for that, or I could pay 3 dollars for a gallon of bleach.

  12. ChamberQueen says:

    To be fair, even Dr. Oz showed similar technology on TV. He used it on hard to sanitize items like keyboards and cell phones, fabric items, etc.

  13. Dutchesofblackhawk says:

    This is about as good as those “japanese foot pads”

    Those miracle pads you put on the bottom of your feet at night and they suck out all your toxins. What a joke.

    A fool and his money….

  14. Crovie says:

    @self-check: I’m confused. Is it a ‘quack cure’ because it didn’t work or because it did and gave you cancer?

  15. Julia789 says:

    @H3ion: Seriously. The UV-C in this thing is no joke!

    UV-C is very dangerous, normal UV-A and UV-B rays are mild in comparison.

    UV-C will not only kill germs, it will mutate your skin cells or burn your eyes and blind you.

    Plus I can picture some idiot trying to disinfect their kid’s hands with this, or use it as a tanning lamp.

  16. ChuckECheese says:

    @Julia789: Another use for one of these lamps is scorpion hunting at night. Scorpions fluoresce in black light. Go out with a plastic bucket, tongs and one of these lamps. Shine the lamp on vertical surfaces like tree trunks, fences, etc., grab them and put them in the bucket. For laughs, leave the bucket out where somebody will find them accidentally. Or stir fry them and serve them as land shrimp. Nobody will ever come to your house for dinner again. If you want them dead so you can make paperweights out of them, drown them. Desert scorpions drown easily.

  17. Chuck Norris' wig says:

    @Julia789: So I should stop using this for my seasonal depression?