In this job market, anything you can do to give your cat or dog an edge is worth pursuing. That’s why you shouldn’t enroll your pet in just any diploma mill—you want one that’s a proven scam. Boingboing points out that there’s a Wikipedia page to keep track of animals with fraudulent diplomas to make it easier to comparison shop for that next fake certificate.
“List of animals with fraudulent diplomas” [Wikipedia via Boingboing] (Thanks to Trai_Dep!)
(Photo: ourdogholly)
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Ah, Wikipedia. Is there no topic about which you won’t argue?
I propose that someone edit the article to state that elephants are most common type of animal to be enrolled in diploma mills.
Thats one smart looking cat in glasses. I wonder if he would do my taxes and let me pay him in scratches, pettings and catnip.
@Zenatrul: I thought we were paying in gum now?
Well, this is all well and good, but I don’t think my cat is ready for diploma-mill level work. Frankly her life experience amounts mostly to scratching furniture and vomiting hair-balls. And sleeping. Always with the sleeping.
I demand a remedial diploma mill for “special” kitties.
@treimel: University of Phoenix – Kitty Campus?
@barb95: Too funny! I hate to say it, but the large corporation I work for throws any resume in the trash that says University of Phoenix. A lot if other companies do the same, I hear from friends. I feel badly for people who spent their money there.
I’m thinking psychology for my cat. The vet actually told us that she’s insane, maybe with a psych degree she can figure out what’s wrong with herself.
@Donathius:
Either that or a Sex Ed degree so she could…
…BaDumDum
@squinko:
i guess you are right having that many baby bunnies is definitely a full time job!
@Cameraman:
OMG!!! you have laughing so hard out here!!!
that said if i told my cat she couldnt “haz” something, i would be in the ER for bites and scratches!!
Ironic, as most cats on the internet have terrible spelling and grammar skills.
Seriously, guys, cheezburgar? No you cannot “haz” one until you can spell it properly.
@Cameraman: Hey! That is racist! They can’t help that they talk that way! Instead of educating them properly, we should accommodate their grammatical idiosyncracies.
This is really mean, you know. How could the pet owners put their cats through such shame?
I imagine that Colby Nolan was extremely proud of himself when they told him he qualified for an Executive MBA. Now he knows it was all a lie.
Shame on them.
ok, what is the cheapest way to get a real looking diploma for my cats. seriously.
I am thinking Stewie (6 months old) should get a degree in Otology
[img689.imageshack.us]
and Bella (7 Months old) should get a degree in psychology because she is crazy
[img689.imageshack.us]
@KittensRCute!: If you don’t want them to be listed on the books at any university, you can probably Photoshop one.
@KittensRCute!: your cat is laying on top of harry potter books.
“now there’s a Wikipedia page to keep track of animals with fraudulent diplomas”
Ahem…this article’s been there since December 7, 2004.
@Smashville_now with Monster Energy:
hey! you tryin to use some of that fancy book-larnin from your haigh-falutin’ “accredited” college.
@pecan 3.14159265_Now On Twitter as Pecan_Pi: Well if having their own language matters, then pigs should be well-represented in higher education. Atin-lay is ard-hay!
My cat fruitbat is currently going to school at night to get her GED and her associates in business management!
@circusgeek: Omg! Wonderful name for a cat.
It’s fun to talk about animals with fake degrees (and remarkably easy to get your pet one), but the issue of diploma mills and academic fraud is getting to be an epidemic problem. It’s been going on for at least 50+ years but has completely exploded with the Internet.
Some businesses-masquerading-as-schools have gotten sophisticated and have elaborate fake websites (sometimes lifted, with search-and-replace school names, from real schools.) Others set up fake accreditors to “accredit” their fake school. Still others make you do a tiny amount of work (write a book report on a 300 page popular book) to earn a Ph.D. All are worthless, but it is thought to be a billion-dollar-a-year industry.
At degreeinfo.com, there’s a message archive dating back 8+ years that has information on just about every school, legitimate and fake…. including stories of animals with degrees and the like. It’s sad how often otherwise intelligent people get suckered because a school *looks* legitimate, and equally sad how often people will knowingly get a fake degree, expecting it to help their career… but later having the fake degree get exposed, resulting in loss of job and often tarnishing an otherwise good career.
(Full disclosure: I am one of the owners of degreeinfo.com)
I can has diploma?
What schools has Captain Duvel Moneycat graduated from? I wonder how many credits he’s gotten for oatmeal nomming so far.
I don’t know, even with the ability to get a college degree, I have a feeling my cat Mikey will still end up a college drop out.
The University of Phoenix is taking animals now?
UoP, while not very highly regarded by many, is at least a legitimate school with the same regional accreditation as other universities in its home region.
Among the unwonderful schools we’ve found over the years at Degreeinfo.com that would probably be happy to issue a diploma to a kitty, there was
– a “university” run out of a janitorial service office in Connecticut
– a group of 4 “universities” operating out of a mobile home in a trailer park in North Carolina
– a “law school” operated out of the back of an insurance agency in Kansas
– a university with the same name as a legitimate school, but operated out of a wooden lean-to shed in the backyard of the proprietor’s home in rural Pennsylvania
For most of these schools, the only evidence of academic achievement necessary was a Visa card with enough credit to pay for the degree.
This cat is a fraud!
@RecordStoreToughGuy_IsBeing(pur)SuedByAMonster: I love this thread.
@pecan 3.14159265: But they are too busy getting knock up
@pecan 3.14159265: Yeah, I think their priorities are having a big family, not higher education.
@pecan 3.14159265: You mean I’ve been eating brain food?
@Joewithay, MostlyHarmless: What’s with all the stereotyping comments? Rabbits are hard workers.
@h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes: Yeah, I think that’s probably the best strategy for Phoenix.
@squinko: But if diploma mills are allowed to use affirmative action to get more dogs in, then that’s discriminatory against the cats! What about the cats, huh? Is no one thinking about the poor cats who keep losing in this situation? Obama’s a racist!
@squinko: I’m not a speciesist but dogs just aren’t as smart.
Everyone knows it but they’re just afraid to say it.
@squinko: You’re missing the obvious here. Dogs are admitted, but they don’t last long in academia because they keep eating their own homework.
@squinko: The problem is all the dogs coming in and taking jobs away from the cats. Oh, and they smell bad, too.
@squinko: Dogs are able to easily obtain employment without a high school or college degree. Cats, being more cerebral and unsuited to work in narcotics or as guard animals, need more education in order to pursue their ideal careers.
@pecan 3.14159265: You can taste the disdain of a cat that has been decorated.
I HAZ SPITE.
@Chris Walters: If the current trend is anything, Phoenix might do better in Criminal Justice – its what all the football players are majoring in these days.
@Real Cheese Flavor: Next you’ll tell me they’re better at sports because they have longer snouts and jump higher.
@Real Cheese Flavor: but i suspect, based on his credentials and popularity on the student council, that Chester Ludlow would have been a shoe-in for Mr Congeniality
[en.wikipedia.org]
@squinko: What about rats and gerbils and hamsters? Don’t see rabbits et al. running on wheels like them…talk about hard workers.
@squinko:
Rabbits are not hard workers, they’re always screwing around.
@pecan 3.14159265: I spent some time reading about memes too. I was amazed/disappointed at the people who spend time nominating every new meme article for deletion.
Particular attention is paid to deleting articles about internet cartoons. No ma’am, you shall not read about Charlie the Unicorn on Wikipedia. Unicorns don’t exist, even if 42 million people have seen him.
And now for a cat rap.
+ Watch video
@subtlefrog: I was thinking maybe bio-research for Phoenix so he can play with all those mice.
@subtlefrog: A list of all of them if you’re interested…
[en.wikiquote.org]
@Michael Belisle: Actually, now you can because I fixed it by redirecting it to the epically long List of Internet Phenomena with its extant mention of Charlie the Unicorn. This list just might have the most extensive talk page I’ve even seen.
@Taliskan: I second that.
@squinko: The snouts make them more aerodynamic.
@Blueskylaw: It’s that kind of attitude that keeps the cats in power and harms all other species.
@NatalieErin: That’s experience for a real college. Not diploma mill college. This cat may be genius material!
@MostlyHarmless: Link/cite it to itself and create an endless loop!
@Cogito Ergo Bibo:
You guys are right–Harvar, Stanford, et al. look out!
@RedwoodFlyer: I call Dogwin’s Law!
@Trai_Dep: You’d think it would get someone a star.