I'd locate the largest silo in the land containing rolled oats, then name it after Captain Duvel Moneycats.
Because, left to his own devices, that cheap Popken fellow won't do it himself.

Is it too late to buy plaques for the Lehman & Merrill-Lynch HQ buildings that proclaim, "Here rested 200 years of investment banking expertise until it was murdered by Free Market Fundamentalists"?

@Trai_Dep: I'd donate to see a sign like that.

I don't care about my name on a building, I'm interested in all the favors I can buy. After all, isn't that usually why people make big donations to colleges?

@dragonfire81: Think it through...
What big favors? Discounts on mortar board hats & robes? Priority placement in the dorms? None of these, or others, have a decent ROI in economic terms.
Just because you hate charitable giving to colleges (which: just SO sad) doesn't take back from the more enlightened people that do, Mr McBitter Bitterson.

I'd like to have something named at me at my university, but I think right now, all I can afford is a napkin dispenser in the stadium.

@tgrwillki: "And it's a grim day today in the stadium. The hometown fans are barely able to stand what's going on on the field, and it looks lke things aren't going to change. Number 30's coming onto the field...oh my God! Someone has thrown the Willki napkin dispenser at the visitor's coach! He's been knocked to the ground and appear to be bleeding profusely! Today is truly a dark day for college sports, one which will be remembered only as the Willki incident."

If my net worth were no limit, meaning I could spend freely ad infinitum, then I would secure the sole rights to name EVERYTHING, and change them all the time to meet my passing fancy. I'd name sports stadiums after Pokemon, then replaces the Pokemon names with those of obscure confederate generals. I'd make Miley Cyrus permanently switch names with her fictional counterpart, Hannah Montana, rename the 50 states after breakfast cereals, there's not limit to the craziness that I would inflict upon the masses.

@ludwigk: Steven Wright: You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

SacraBos: Everywhere.

I've always wanted to make up my own plaque and put it up above a urinal or light switch, but I think some would not see or appreciate the irony.

I have a vision for naming something after the Goatse.
But I lack the imagination to figure out what shining architectural monument deserves the honor.

@j-o-h-n: If it was spelled "J-O-H-N", I'd always feel obligated to stretch out my tinkle for as long as possible. If you used ellipses instead of hyphens, I'd have to use surgery clamps on it to pay proper homage.

@Trai_Dep: Wall Street.

@Trai_Dep: I don't like charitable giving to universities because so much of it is focused on athletics departments...which I consider a drain on educational resources.

I always said once I get rich, I *have* to name a building at my alma mater after my family name - I mean, is there anything on earth better than the Gross Dining Hall? Gross Dormitory? Gross Science Lab?

It's gold.

On a related note, my husband and I have a dream of naming the whatever house we choose to settle down in. Something like Taco Manor or Ribs House ...

@Trai_Dep: Big favors like your kid getting into the school (more applicable for schools with tough entrance requirements). Daddy helped the school build a new building? Yeah, you're probably going to get in, even if your GPA is a bit less than stellar.

That's not to say that's everyone's motivation - some people probably want to puff up their importance and let people know how generous they are, and others probably actually DO have good intention. But just saying, there are likely to be a whole lot of different motivations.

@EagleFalconn: Some of the bigger schools have self sustaining athletics...and some of the schools have athletics programs which help with the school they bring in so much bank.

But generally, yeah. Schools should be about school, not about sports. Playing sports are great, but they've come at a cost to academics.

What is this money thing you speak of?

Sorry - I'm in my 30's and still a student. I've never seen this money thing...

Perhaps one day. One day...

@Trai_Dep:
I agree that unless you're making a huge gift and getting an honorary degree or admission for your relatives for life, people don't donate for favors or prestige. They donate because they had a positive college experience or attended on scholarship and want to pass it on to today's students.
However, as someone who has worked in the development dept of a major university (my alma mater actually), I don't blame anyone for refusing to donate. So little of the money actually goes to scholarships or academic programs - it pays overpaid deans and admins, it buys and builds upon real estate. It makes things bigger and better, but that generally translates to "bigger and better image" and not "more classes, better professors, better fin aid, better academic programs." Seeing where the money goes does make you bitter, and I don't necessarily think that makes me "less enlightened." My best suggestion for those that want to donate - something I will always do in the future - is even if you're donating just $25, speak with a development representative and arrange to have your donation go specifically to a fund that you support such as scholarships for underprivileged youth or your major dept. There's a better chance your money will go where you want it to go.

@subtlefrog: I'm with you on the 'schools should be about school' idea. But I think the NCAA with all their naming rights shenanigans disagree with us.

@lmarconi: +1.

@TheWillow: Gross Gym. Gross Student Center.

It works with everything!

I would rename Dyche Stadium back to Dyche Stadium. Not because I like Northwestern at ALL, just because changing the name to Ryan Field was so massively douchey.

I would also buy the naming rights to Notre Dame Stadium to make them leave it Notre Dame Stadium.

I think I have my name on a brick for a children's museum, though. Oh, and every new school building the district opens for the next five years, my name gets to go on the plaque. For generations of children to ponder how to mispronounce while waiting to be sent in to see the principal.

With no limit to my net worth...I'd go for an international airport.

@Trai_Dep: The Arch in St. Louis.

@TheWillow: Gross Anatomy Lecture Hall.

@subtlefrog: Elite universities need tens of millions to get their attention. Considering they could just put the cash in a trust to dole out to Stupid Johnny, getting their wayward kid in is more a perk than an economic rationale, right?
@lmarconi: A fair point, but then again, wouldn't anyone giving contributions want to give it to the areas that they wish? Yours is a good reminder, though!
@EagleFalconn: Same issue - if you don't want to give to a certain aspect of a charity, don't. The object of your generosity will be ecstatic to ensure your wishes are followed. :)

@RandomHookup: Oh, so VERY bad.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): I'd opt for two per, your real name and "Eyebrows McGee". Keep 'em puzzled both ways coming.
Maybe with a "(now with more baby)" Post-It note?

@Trai_Dep: You're right about needing lots to get their attention. Given that there aren't that many buildings I'd guess that's not that common...

I bow to you. You win this round, but not the war!!! Or something. :)

Wouldn't Oral "Liberty" Roberts University be more bearable if their most important building was renamed, The Charles Darwin Chapel?

@lmarconi: +10. Setting up scholarships is a great idea - and can be exceptionally easy to do. If the college doesn't make it easy, try a high school for a graduating senior. I set one up last year at the high school where I'm placed for my fellowship, and gave two kids who want to study science small scholarships for college. I even got to pick the kids. It meant more, because I even knew one of them, and he was wavering on whether or not he'd go due to financial stress at home (both parents unemployed). The scholarship was self-funded (with contributions from BF and friends, for birthdays, etc), so the scholarships weren't large - I've mentioned I'm in my 30's and have always been a student, but they meant a LOT to those kids.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Yeah and rename The Stadium Who's Official Name I Will Not Utter back to White Sox Park.

@RandomHookup: You get a heart for that.

I've always wanted a parking garage named after me on my alma mater's campus, which could desperately use some conveniently located parking.

I think students and staff would appreciate that way more than an academic building or stadium.

Simple, everything but first would be the Potter Dome.

@subtlefrog: My comment was related to large donations, I know many folks make smaller donations just because they want to and I have no problem with that.

Go Hoosiers!

I would love to have something name after me here today and would love to give to COAS because my father spends all his hard earned donation money on his alma-mater, the B-School. However, as a senior in college, I can't really afford that. And, looking at doing a PhD next year, i don't think that is gonna happen in the next 10 years.

@Trai_Dep: Consider, though, some of the kinds of people/groups who typically make large gifts to universities: big ol' business types, or big ol' moneybags types with business connections.

For these particular donors, the return on their investment is not immediate nor is it necessarily personal, but is instead intended to be long term. They want to build facilities that will educate the students that will very likely work for them (read: churn out middle managers), and establish name recognition among all other students (read: insidious branding all over campus).

A certain major state university I know has a whole section of its miserable Campus Center that was built from a $2 million grant from a certain nationwide hotel chain.
It's also where they train the Hospitality Management students..

You see what I mean.

I really don't get the point of this.

It's certainly will not "immortalize" you or your name. As soon as someone with deeper pockets donates a larger amount, your plaque will come down and the building will have someone else's name. That seems to happen with annoying frequency at the University of Toronto, for example. You feel like a total moron when Frosh ask you for directions to a building on campus you've never heard of before (despite being there for 2 years).

The city has also started doing it. Formerly historical street names are being changed out for people who pay the city enough cash. Even more frustrating is when they only change the name for a few blocks, and then resume the original name before and after. Confuses the heck out of the tourists.

@tgrwillki: Must be nice to have that kind of cash. Have you priced napkin dispensers lately?

I'd have to settle for a roll of store brand TP. And someone would have to come pick it up. And no they can't have the whole package, I said one roll.

Do you think they'd get the point and stop asking for donations if I offered a roll of single-ply? Nah, they'd probably just ask for another in a year...

@veg-o-matic: I'm strongly against corporate naming structures in schools. K-12, community colleges, universities, the whole shebang. For reasons you mention.
I'd do the same for any civic building but what with sports stadiums, it's a bit of a lost cause. :(

Although, I'd let 'em pay $5m to have a plaque at the bottom of a university urinal. Any corporation that goes for that has to have a sense of humor.

I remember when my school made me pay to get a brick with my name on it upon graduation (kind of chumpy if you ask me). I went back with a jr. sledge and a chisel the next year and took it back. Good times with hand tools!

I always thought getting my name on a building was impossible until I discovered a little place called "Things Remembered" at the local mall, and a little something called a "ramset".

Of course what I consider a prestigious event and an honor to the institution and history of a building, the owners and the legal system in NJ considers "criminal mischief".

Anybody remember when the Walmart heiress had her name removed from an arena due to the fact that she paid her roommate $20k to do her work? And the arena was not even at the college she attended! And who the freak thinks it is a good idea to name an arena after the first name of their 22 year old daughter!!! Too much money and not enough brains...

[www.usatoday.com]

from the story:
"The move comes months after billionaires Bill and Nancy Laurie angered Mizzou fans, students and alumni by announcing their plan to name the arena after their daughter, who did not attend Missouri. The couple were given the naming rights after donating $25 million toward the building campaign.

One alumnus, Chris Cary, called it "Dad buying the biggest dollhouse." Nancy Laurie is the daughter of the late Bud Walton, co-founder of Wal-Mart Stores Inc."

eBay should open up a section for naming things. Ideally, you could sort it by the type of building, the cost, and who would use it. It could be abused, of course, but that'd be the fun of it. Imagine if 4Chan got to name the new dormitory at a Southern Baptist College.

@ludwigk: I'd buy AT&T just so I could rename it to "Ye Olde Telephone And Telegraph Company."