Still looking for love online myself as local groups have been a bust. I learned years ago to screen carefully and it has saved me many times.

I've had a couple come through on eHarmony during free communication weekend. They are usually pretty obvious, though - odd answers to questions, and then when it gets to "open communication" where they actually write you, it's generally a long, poorly worded, poorly punctuated letter that makes it pretty obvious it's a Nigerian scammer.

I work for an international NGO that send volunteers to work overseas. We've been getting calls from guys a couple of times a month trying to verify if someone they've been talking to online works for us. Unfortunately, they usually call after they've sent this "woman" some money because she's suddenly stranded in a foreign country, and now she is asking for more. There is no way in hell that a reputable humanitarian organizations leaves their aid workers stranded... especially for want of cash.

I'm not surprised that this happens... but I am surprised by the frequency with which it seems to happens.

Ummm, isn't that photo Raven Riley? Not that I immediately recognize internet porn stars.

Not a "romantic" encounter, but I once had a internet scammer send me a scan of his DHL employee ID - the photo was James Earl Jones. Not that I instantly recognize Darth Vader.

from the link above:
"Is he or she currently working in a foreign country such as Nigeria?"
uhoh, nigeria's gonna want an apology!

I miss all of the gorgeous Russian bride-bots pleading with me to send them $$$ so they could visit me from about 5 years ago.

I haven't read the article, but another tip I found is the info that they provide. When what they're looking for shows "age: 18-100, body type: any, race: any, income: any, height: any, etc...", then I know it's a scammer.

I say, if you meet someone online that you think you like, meet them and get to know them IN PERSON. Use the internet as a means to meet, not as a means to date/build a relationship.

@emax4: Yeah, my cutoff is 87...

I can see the benefits of highlighting people who use internet dating websites to prey and scam unsuspecting victims.

Slightly off the topic, but from a personal viewpoint, I think most online dating/introductory websites are a waste of time and money. Not necessarily a scam in the sense of the traditional 'sick mom needs cash' sort of scenario, but definitely a sense of promoting false hope to many people. Among the worst would be sites like eharmony. I've been a member of eharmony in the past, as well as a few other sites, and have had zero success in meeting partners.

Internet dating was supposed to 'revolutionize' the whole relationship scene. It was supposed to make it easier and more streamlined. However, its very selling point, convenience, has in fact been its worst point. People don't seem to take internet dating sites very seriously. They are just as discriminating and picky, if not more, online than in real life. Most seem to string along the whole process. They'll send a few emails back and forth, and when time comes to actual face to face meetings, all of a sudden it becomes, "I need some time away, not ready yet" sort of thing (eharmony was notorious for this). WTF?

So don't get your hopes up for online dating. It is filled with as much looky loo fakes as in real life.

i am looking to meet the women of my dreams. i am 5'6", slim, but tone, and i weigh a whopping 145 lbs.

hi, my name is jim, from america, i do not like sushi, long walks on the beach, or the bar atmosphere (loud, constant noise makes me ill)

if you are interested, reply me.

@TheObserver: I agree. At least for me, it's not very hard to "meet" people online, but it's really hard to convert that to an actual real-world relationship. After several emails, it's hard to come up with things to write about, and even if you seem to get along, you wonder if you're investing all this time for nothing. You can't be gentle enough about suggesting a safe, public meeting - and then the truth and/or excuses start to emerge. They reveal that "oh" they actually live in the next town, or they have a boyfriend, or whatever. They may even still email you, and seem to want to continue to have a fake relationship, but the point escapes me.

I think that there is so much made of the "danger" of meeting someone online that nobody will ever trust you enough. Of course, it can be dangerous if done dangerously, but like alot of things, if you take appropriate precautions about meeting, then it really can't be. But there's quite a prejudice.

@tyr888: I am sure you will find someone eventually.

@RandomHookup: even with viagra?

@WiglyWorm: It's true, there is an XKCD comic for everything.

As posted per my Myspace blog two years ago.... Online dating is bullshit, especially if you're a guy....

Online Dating is bullshit. Wow Lakorai, you are against using technology and IT to serve a purpose? Let me tell you why....

Online Dating Services are in the business of making money. They do not give two craps on whether or not you find that "special someone". Since they do not require a contract, they will make it as much of a pain in the ass to get a hold of someone in the first place.

Issue 1: Online dating services have deceptive marketing. This is especially true here on myspace. Myspace hosts ads for the very deceptive and lying sack of shit compnay true.com. The company hosts sexually charged ads that depict woman as sluts and hot. This drives a very large amount of men to true.com to sign up for free trials. When you sign up and make a profile you then see who is really available; the amount of "very hot" or even "pretty" woman on true.com is not nearly as much as the ads depict here on MySpace.

Issue 2: Woman have to pay for service like men do. The service is extremely expensive; basically all true.com is a e-mail service. You pay $50 a month for the "chance" of e-mailing people. Now most of the services don't tell you that a large majority, something like 85%, of the profiles are NOT PAYING PROFILES and THEY WILL NOT RECEIVE YOUR E-MAILS. The woman will not receive your messages until they pay. Most will not pay; come one guys, you know woman won't pay for this shit as most woman don't like paying for cover charges in clubs or for drinks.

Issue 3: Too much damn sausage. This is especially true on true.com. The ratio of men to woman is really horrible. A quick search on true.com for single woman in within my area on true.com within 10 miles reveals 5 pages of hits.

A search of single men will show FOURTY FIVE PAGES OF HITS.

This basically means, that if and when there is woman that actually have paying accounts, that there will be on average about 20-35 dudes e-mailing them at one time. You on the other hand can be really attractive and have a well designed profile and recent pictures, and if you are lucky you MAY receive 1 e-mail unsolicited from a woman within 6 months.

It's as my philosophy on dating goes. if you like an attractive girl, then you know there's going to be like 10 other dudes that like the same girl. Online dating makes this ratio much worse - more like 40-50 dudes will like the same girl. Now if your a dude, you MAY have like ONE OR TWO woman vowing for your attention. It's society's expectation of men; woman are not expected to be the agressor and make the first move. Men are always expected to make the first move.

Issue 4: The "e-mails" you get are probably just winks. Winks can be sent for free and appear as genuine e-mails from members. The truth is that they are really just winks; winks are just a way to get attention. Now you could sign up and pay for a month to reply to the winks, but if the girl does not have a paying account then you WILL NOT HEAR BACK FROM HER. This is AFTER you pay for a month and are NOT TOLD that they are actualy not paying members.

Issue 5: Too much damn work.

So if you find a girl who is actually paying for an account, which you can't tell anyway, then you have to make an e-mail that is flirty and fun. The e-mail has to be unique; most woman can tell when you are using a "template" to mass e-mail woman to get a response. You have to mention their interests and say a kind word or two to get attention.

Guess what? There's 25 other dudes doing the exact same thing. Welcome to heavy competition and hoping that they will actually e-mail you back. Chances are (according to the odds), they will not.

Issue 6: Online dating sites have been accused of using fake profiles and e-mails to prey on single lonely men. True.com or match.com will send a bullshit e-mail depicting a woman who is interested in you.

One guy on Yahoo personals is suing Yahoo for what he claims was an exchange of bullshit e-mails from a Yahoo personals employee. He claims that she played with his emotions and told him all sorts of crazy stuff, thus making him "fall in love" with her.

He went on a date or two with this woman (which is very suprising - the e-mail to date ratio is historically very low) and found out she was an employee.

Yeah - that's fucked up.

Issue 7: "Every guy on the Internet is a sexual preditor"

This is historically inaccurate. The assumption is that the anonomyinity of the Internet allows people to hide who they are. Since most sites don't check for verification that someone is telling the truth of who they are, then the sites can unfortunatly let a few wierdos in. Stastistically though this is very few of the members.

Issue 8: Online experience vs. real world experience

Let's face it - meeting someone online is quite different than dealing with people on the street. The Internet offers anonyminity and allows a user to lie or shield themselves from others. You don't get the same experience as meeting somone in a bar or through a friend. You cannot read their body language and you can make claims and say things because the Internet offers a "shield" for one's emotions. Being around somone physically, especially alone, exposes allot more of who you are.

I have been told all sorts of crazy shit from woman I met online. "You're different, oh your so wonderful, oh we'll be married someday" BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then when it comes down to meeting and going on dates and stuff they end up being very cold around you. Small things set them off and make them not want to call you again. It seems like the actual experience is causing them to bottle themselves up and not open up. It's like you have to start all over again in the "real world" vs. the virtual world. So then, what the hell was the point of doing all that work in the "virtual world" just so tyou would have to basically start all over again in the "real world"?

Issue 9: Expensive

It costs too damn much. That's why very few woman sign up for paying accounts.
Issue 10: Too many men use online dating sites for booty calls

So when you have honest guys, like myself, who just want a honest kind sweet loyal girl, you then get the assumption by woman that you are just another asshole trying to get booty.

LIke in the real world, the woman then continue to date assholes who disrespect them and then they assume your a dick like the rest of them. It takes a long time to gain their trust and loyalty. The nicer you are, the less it seems that they think you're interesting. You gain their trust and then they still don't trust you when a physical date occurs.

Remember: for some woman, asshole guys are "exciting" and "confident". Uh huh. When you get beat by your boyfriend or end up being cheated on, or even worse dead, then you come back and tell me that the "adventurous bad boy" was worth dating.

END OF RANT. Please comment below, I am interesting in hearing your comments.

@Walkallovaya: I totally agree, great points especially those that want to continue with this fake relationship. Maybe online dating is just that, a fake relationship based on emails and chats.

@lakorai: Great points all around. I think you pretty much summed up in a nutshell why online dating sites are so filled with overhype and false dreams/hopes. The odds are bad enough for most guys, a sausage fest as you described.

I would even put more faith in face to face speed dating meetings than waste my money on sites like eharmony. At the very least people there are serious enough to take time out of their lives to dress up and actually meet people in real life.

@aaron8301: Wise words.

Having met both my ex (married for 18 years) and my current LTR online (as well as having had several really nice dates), I can tell you that online relationships DO work out. I have never had a bad experience with finding men online. However, you do have to use a little common sense! I wouldn't start something with a guy who lived more than about 50 miles from me, or with one who was obviously looking for a playmate, or one who appeared down on his luck. There are usually some things that you can easily verify yourself before you invest too deeply in the relationship.

I'd just like to go on record as saying that I met my soul mate on an online site- OK Cupid, which is free. And that was 3 1/2 years ago & still going strong.

Also- if the picture looks like a professional model- it's a scam.

@tripnman: Don't worry brah', we're not judging you. Although being able to spot this does give porn addicts like yourself a distinct edge. "You can't fool me with fake pics; I know my porn!"

lakorai:

I think you have a lot of good points, but some people do meet and have successful relationships online. I use eHarmony and I've gotten a couple face-to-face dates with women I would otherwise never have encountered in the meatspace. None of them turned into anything, but it does suggest that the possibility is there. Yes, there are a ton of dead profiles, but there are some legit users.

The reality is that I'm not a terribly outgoing person, I don't really like going to bars, most of my friends/coworkers are married, I work in a profession that's mostly male, and none of my hobbies really put me in contact with eligible single women. If I could figure out a way to meet women in the real world, I would, but until I do, I figure online dating is worth a shot.

@lakorai:

The lawsuit you referenced is actually with Match.com rather than Yahoo, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear any of the "paid" sites have done the same thing.

True.com is nothing but a scam and while I'm not sure they've been documented on Consumerist, a Google search will turn up plenty of underhanded tactics by them.

With all the above being said - and you make some valid points - I met my current girfriend online and we've been dating quite a while now. I had a profile posted which caught her eye, she emailed me, we met soon after and we've been together since. It doesn't always work out that well, but it's just as likely to work as when you meet someone anywhere else.

The beautiful part? Didn't cost either of us a penny in "membership" fees; We met on a completely free site. I'm not here to pimp other websites so I won't mention the url, but believe me when I tell you there is a great site out there which never costs a penny to use.

@lakorai: You're dead on about a lot of the deceptive practices that many dating web sites pull on people.

I tried a couple of other services like Match.com (which sucked big time and eventually ended up in a big class action lawsuit), Yahoo (some women were only after a free meal and nothing else), and Table For Six (ripoff alert!).

At least I can say that eHarmony worked out for me. I met my wife there. I don't remember getting any "emails" from women who weren't already paying members, unlike what I was getting from Match.com.

@tyr888: The no sushi is a dealbreaker.

@tyr888: The women of your dreams? I can only assume you're in Utah?

@catastrophegirl: "We are of great resemblance with that remark"

@Gracegottcha: You had the internetz 18 years ago?

I'm sure things probably have changed over the last five years, but I met Mr. Sam on-line.

I was a super busy, over 30, professional, I wanted to meet a man who was also over 30, a professional, educated, taller than me, never married, no kids, within 30 miles. I found the on-line dating service to be super efficient. I only e-mailed with men who met my above qualifications, which were specific enough but not too narrow. I would e-mail back and forth for a week or so and if there were no red flags I would meet them for coffee. I drank a ton of coffee during that time and I would go on a real date with about a quarter of the guys I met for coffee. I ended up dating 5-7 of these guys, dating = 3-4 dates, and got serious with a couple (one of which I went on to marry).

I don't recall any scamming but I think most of the scamminess targets the men.

@tawnieknight@gmail.com looking for a google wave:

Not to be a dillhole...but you'll never find anyone online. Here's your options:
1)Join a group of people who do what you like to do and do it...this will help you find compatibility.

2)Find someone at work (or at the unemployment office ;)).

3)Go to starbucks or a local coffee joint and wait for the person of your dreams or a random hookupski.

Seriously...and disgustingly...I've met and ****** (bang) more women at starbucks (some I've even spent time with...go figure) than one could probably imagine. Maybe that's why my relationships are all messed up.

@lakorai: That came out sounding really sad.

@nstonep: Yeah, my sister keeps telling me to go online. I tried it and it was a joke.

Besides, you don't have to go online to get scammed. Someone we contract services with at work told me a tale of meeting someone in a place he hangs out and how much he liked her and how she weaseled money out of him and now he's $500 poorer. It was really obvious what she was doing but he wasn't thinking with his big head. So you don't even have to be online.

Then the idiot gave ME his phone number. Blecch!!! :P

@aaron8301: BE CAREFUL DOING THIS. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE FEMALE.

--Take your own car and meet him there, someplace PUBLIC. Don't let him pick you up at your place.

--Take some money along so you can pay your own bill (in case he's a free meal scammer).

--Don't give out your address or anything until you've had a chance to scope him out and check him out.

--If you're looking to hook up, for God's sake use freaking condoms.

--Make sure someone you trust knows where you are going to be and with whom, just in case you don't come back.

@nstonep: I met my wife online. We have been happily married for 10.5 years, so I would not say you will never find anyone online.

@aaron8301: My wife and I met this way. Neither of us were into the bar or club scene. We communicated online (E-mail and IM), then talked on the phone and decided to meet for dinner at a restaurant followed by an evening activity in a public location. It was several weeks and dates before we shared exactly where we lived with each other.

@dorianh49: +1 for the Win.

@HogwartsAlum: Wow, you don't date much, do you?

While everything you say is true, it's also common sense. As in, anyone who makes such a big deal out of it is senselessly paranoid of the opposite sex.

Every online date I've ever gone had the "pre-date." Either she insisted it, or I did. Meet for coffee in a public place-- not because anyone is afraid of meeting a SERIAL KILLER!!!, but because you don't want to get stuck on a date with someone you have zero chemistry with or you find dog ugly in person.

The world is a safer place than most anyone gives it credit for.

@lakorai: Everyone has an opinion. I happen to disagree with yours, and my GF of three years (met on Match.com) would join me.

Online dating is like doing ANYTHING online-- caveat emptor. You're on the Consumerist, right? That would mean you probably have a better-than-average bulls$$$ detector already. If you do, you just use it. Too good to be true? Of course it is-- whether in advertising or online dating.

@anithinks: Yeah I had a 386 and a 14K dialup modem. Cost like 2500 bucks then too.

Disclaimer: I haven't used online dating for the past three years, so perhaps things have changed since then.

One observation I'd like to share: I had far more luck on Match.com than I ever had on eHarmony.

Why? Because eHarmony's vaunted "compatibility" system is a bunch of bunk. Their questions are generic, the important ones are obvious and the useless ones are even more so, and when it all comes out of the wringer, the person either sounds nothing at all like you, or sounds like some milquetoast version of an actual human.

What's worse-- once you're done with all of this Cosmo quiz bs, you then only get a few sentences to describe yourself further. It's like writing a resume, but worse.

Finally, the one thing that made eHarmony absolutely useless for me-- NO PHOTO REQUIREMENT.

Okay, I know there are women out there who, in between rereading Twilight novels and feeding their six cats, believe there should be some perfect world where what matters is the soul inside you and not the complexion of your skin. This world does not exist, ladies.

I'm not being shallow-- I'm no looker, either. I'm just being realistic. Physical attraction is vital to a relationship, any relationship. Having no idea of what a person looks like is no better than randomly calling someone in a phonebook and asking them if they like long walks in the beach and Kate Hudson movies.

Anyway, Match.com, despite being much cheesier on its surface than a "classy" site like eHarmony, afforded me a lot more freedom-- not just in writing my own profile, but also in searching others. And when I got to a profile, they always had photos, and more importantly, they had *paragraphs*. Meaning, while you can't always tell if someone is smart from their writing, you can generally tell if they're not. Or, at least, you can tell that here they are, writing out an introduction for someone they wish to date/fall in love with/sleep with/marry (choose your order), yet they don't even bother to spellcheck. Not everyone cares about that stuff-- I admit that I'm enough of a stickler to notice. I'm sure most men and women are, too.

Lastly, anyone who winks is doing it wrong. If someone interests you online, WRITE THEM. Doesn't have to be anything profound, just as long as it doesn't come off like a form letter. Make a joke about something they wrote, or something you wrote. My girlfriend wrote how she hated Keanu Reeves; that gave me enough ammo to defend the greatness of the film "Point Break" to her. Voila, instant icebreaker.

Anyway. . . online dating is fine. You just have to cut through the chaff, realizing that it may not be quick, and ultimately may not be successful for you.

Oh, yeah, one more thing: you want to know the ABSOLUTE BEST THING about online dating? You both know you're on a date. For nervous and shy folks, that's HUGE. You go meet for coffee, you're getting to know each other not just because you want to be friends, but because you are both looking for someone to date. Knowing that makes all the difference in the world for the wallflowers among us. You don't have to question, "Is he/she interested in me?" Yes, they are, at least interested enough to meet you in person, so that's a start. What happens next is up to you two crazy kids.

@Daveinva: Sadly, common sense frequently isn't.

And regardless of the WHY of the pre-date, it's just a good idea. But if it helps you get through the night thinking of it in less cynical terms, hey, that's a good thing.

@anithinks: Believe it or not, there was an Internet before the marketers discovered it.

My friend is in a similar situation with someone in Indonesia (she and her family is OK). I've seen pictures of her from him, and he claims he talked to her Mom, and is currently saving money to travel there to bring her back and marry her under the islamic religion.

So far, the only money she asked from him was to send her money to go towards a webcam, but I guess he bought her a webcam and shipped it to her.

@nstonep: Being alone IS sad. It SUCKS!

@Daveinva:
I've been on lots of dates. Good, bad, horrible. All in meatspace, where people actually live.

And if you're a man, you don't think about being safe the way a woman does. So you have no clue. Don't like being tarred with that brush? Then educate your fellow men about personal safety, which a lot of people are TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT. It's not about paranoia; it's about staying safe. It's about being aware of where you are, who you're with and what's going on. Using "common sense," as you put it, doesn't make you paranoid. It makes you sensible. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't, which is why they have programs in college dorms to educate incoming freshmen about personal safety.

I never said anything about serial killers. I've known a lot of women/girls who didn't think about these things and ended up stranded because their date got wasted, ended up raped, and other assorted fun things. Having a boring date with a butt-ugly person would probably have been preferable.

Wait until it happens to someone you care about. Until then, mock away.

@Daveinva:

Part of the reason there are so many dating sites is that different formats work better for different people. I've been a paying member of eHarmony and match - I didn't like match because 1)the women on match seemed more looking to party and less looking to have a long-term relationship and 2)I didn't like having to write a long email to every woman I was remotely interested in just to have it ignored, especially since they might be a dead profile or nonpaying member.

As far as the lack of pics, I just ignore the profiles without pics - I assume that anyone serious about dating online knows they need a pic.

@HogwartsAlum: Maybe he thought that you looked like you could use $500? Maybe he just doesn't understand classic dressing!