Burger King Welcomes Windows 7 With Seven-Patty Whopper

What could be more American than celebrating the launch of a new product with an almost comically unhealthy fast-food product? Unfortunately, the seven-patty Windows 7 Whopper is only available in Japan.

If you’re wondering (and of course you are) the burger is over five inches tall, weighs more than a pound, and has 2,120 calories. Wait, why didn’t they market this in the U.S. again? Foreigners are eating gut-busting fast food and we’re stuck with house parties. Hmph.

Burger King Japan selling Windows 7 burgers [Electronista]
Burger King’s Windows 7 whopper: 7 patties, 2,120 calories [Japanator]

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  1. FLConsumer says:

    Okay, who is the marketing genius at Microsoft who thought this and the aforementioned house parties were a good idea? Probably the same dolt who thought Vista was an outstanding product.

  2. Hector Z says:

    Yum!

  3. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    I’m going to say that the depiction of the burger is impossible. The sheer weight and moisture from the meat patties would reduce the bottom bun half into a soggy mess. Also, there doesn’t seem to be proper vegetable:bun:meat ratio. There’s so much meat that you can’t taste anything else. Why not layer vegetables betwen meat patties, between bun layers, essentially creating seven layers of sandwich?

  4. Phil Keeps It Real [Consumerist] says:

    @ Hector Z : BUMP!

    I will be taking the appropriate measures to celebrate this occasion appropriately :

    1) Will not eat anything for a day or two
    2) Will consume an all fiber diet for one to two days afterward.
    3) Will purchase a copy of Windows 7 with my friends student email address for $30, just to take it for a test drive. If I don’t like I’ll go back to my modd’d copy of XP.

    Go WINBLOWS 7!

  5. Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

    I thought the Japanese were much healthier than we are in the US. I wouldn’t have thought that these would sell very well. Is this a joke?

    • MostlyHarmless says:

      @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: It sure is a joke. On the customers. Problems with eating aside, people would get one of these once just for the heck of it.

    • diasdiem says:

      @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: What about sumo wrestlers?

      • Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

        @diasdiem: I do forget about them, but I assume they aren’t “the norm” in Japan.

        I have no idea about the pizza thing.

    • diasdiem says:

      @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: Didn’t Japan have a Pizza Hut pizza that was like 600 calories a slice?

    • aphexbr says:

      @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: The difference is that the Japanese don’t eat these for breakfast, lunch *and* dinner like some Americans would!

      /end snark

      • Saboth says:

        @aphexbr:

        One difference between japan, europe, etc, and the US is most countries walk about 10x more than we do. I’ve seen people drive around a walmart parking lot for 5-10 minutes to find a “good” space rather than just walking another 200 feet. I don’t think there are many countries that are so attached to their cars as the citizens of the USA. Hell, any time I go over to the shopping strip across the street, there are about 10 cars in the fire lane because people can’t be bothered to part 50 feet away in a legal space.

        • Moosehawk says:

          @Saboth: I’m actually studying sustainable places right now and that’s one of the biggest topics. It’s absolutely pathetic to see what some people will do here to walk as little as possible. I’m sure we’ve all seen the people who take the elevator to go up or down ONE floor.

          @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: I have a good friend that is Japanese. When she came to visit America for a foreign-exchange program she gained like 20 pounds in 2 months. When she moved back to Japan she dropped it all in about the same amount of time. She’ll eat a burger in Japan about as often as I’ll eat seafood (never).

          • Outrun1986 says:

            @Moosehawk: Ok I have to stick up for the elevator thing. There is a very good reason you take the elevator. The reason is, is because the stairs are slippery and very wet all the time. In the university that we went to the stairs were always soaking wet, and there was no traction on them at all. They were even slippery when just normally dirty because thousands of college students would be going in and out of the building constantly. It was horrible to walk on them regardless of what shoes you were wearing. Personally I will take using the elevator over breaking an ankle.

            • katia802 says:

              @Outrun1986: I take the elevator one floor too. And put up with the sneers from all the 20 yr olds going to student health here. My knees and hips can’t take the stairs going down, but weird, i can and do take the stairs up

          • pecan 3.14159265 says:

            @Moosehawk: I walk as much as I can but I admit to taking the elevator if I’m wearing 3 inch stilettos and carrying a boiling cup of coffee. I cannot bring myself to take on the risk of hot beverages and high heels on slippery stairs.

            • Jupichan says:

              @Moosehawk:

              I’ll join the chorus of “I take elevators!”

              But my knees pop just by stepping up onto a curb. Any more than a few steps (up OR down, it seems – but down still sucks a bit less) and my knees will just get incredibly fatigued.

              Life gets pretty interesting when I don’t have the option of an elevator though. My ankles have become considerably stronger because I’ve learned how to just kinda hop up steps without bending my knees very much.

              It’s weird. D:

        • ken2148 says:

          @Saboth: A similar and funnier one I’ve seen is at a trail head where people go hiking. They too circle around and wait for a spot. But 200 feet away there were plenty. For people who came to go hiking, what’s an extra 200 feet or so when you’re probably hiking a couple of miles.

        • MaliBoo Radley says:

          @Saboth:

          This is part of the reason I’m moving to NYC and ditching my car.

        • rockasocky says:

          @Saboth: I’ve noticed Japanese people will be lazy if possible, such as taking an elevator/escalator instead of stairs and fighting over seats in the train. It’s just that everyone is FORCED to walk, because paying $30 for parking every day is just not feasible.

    • 2 replies says:

      @Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars:
      My question is, are Japanese patties Kobe beef?
      Mmmmmm spoiled cows…..tasty spoiled cows. ^_^

  6. diasdiem says:

    A nice Windows-themed name for this: The Code Blue of Death (CBoD)

  7. Cameraman says:

    1) I assure you there exist fatties in Japan, just like everywhere else in the developed world.

    2) Yes, I’m pretty sure this is a joke.

  8. ilves says:

    Yo Burger King, I’m gonna let you finish, but In-and-out has the greatest stacking burger option ever. Try and order a 10 by 10.

  9. LordofBacon says:

    Yuck.

    • Sanspants says:

      @LordofBacon: I really enjoyed someone named LordofBacon dislike a hamburger.

      • drizzt380 says:

        @Sanspants:
        He is the Lord of Bacon. Not only does this mean that he has a generations old rivalry with beef(even if it says HAMburger its not made of ham or any pork product), but also to be Lord of Bacon you must control the bacon. Not let it control you.

        If this sandwich was made of bacon, eating it would be considered allowing the bacon to control you. No man in his right mind would eat that.

  10. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    I think my heart just BSOD’d.

  11. scootinger says:

    Quite fitting, as it is just as oversized and bloated (bloating?) as Windows 7…and all Microsoft software, for that matter.

  12. JohnDeere says:

    its not in america because it doesnt have bacon. just wait for whopper 7.1 with bacon. im sure thats the one we will get.

  13. Coelacanth says:

    I can see the commercials now:

    M: “Hi, I’m a Mac.”
    P: “…and I’m a PC”
    M: “I enjoy fine restaurants with five-star cuisine and expert sommeliers.”
    P: “I eat at Burger King.”

    DISCLAIMER: Does not own a Mac.

  14. diasdiem says:

    It looks like you’re trying to give yourself a heart attack. Would you like some help?

  15. TVarmy says:

    Meanwhile, the Linux burger is just a carton of raw beef. Infinite potential, but ultimately not what you really expect from a fast food experience.

  16. sir_pantsalot says:

    I thought a Japan release would somehow involve 7 schoolgirls.

  17. Trai_Dep says:

    Dante also taught us that there are seven gates to Hell.
    Coincidence? You be the judge.

  18. Rachacha says:

    This works well. Didn’t you hear that Windows 7 comes with a heart monitor? You just place your chest on any touch screen display and your computer will advise you when you are about to die. Next month there will be an improvement to the system when Microsoft comes out with its ovn version of the Apple Magic Mouse, and measurements will be made easily through your mouse.

  19. bhaughey says:

    My colon just encountered a BSOD.

  20. Vanilla5 says:

    “Your system is about to shut down. Would you like to save?”

    Too late.

  21. DickMcVengeance says:

    Thanks for linking to us at Japanator, by the way <3

  22. HogwartsAlum says:

    Buy seven whoppers.
    Stack patties.
    Enjoy.

    Now that made me want a burger dammit.

  23. nstonep says:

    How would a Japanese dude even go about eating such a whopper of a whopper…you know with their tiny little hands! (the punnery and pop culture references must stop)

  24. Razor512 says:

    ripoff, there charging 777 yen for it

    thats about $8.6 USD

    why not just spend like 640 yen on 7 whopper jr’s instead, you will get more food for less money and if you feel like it you can take all of the meats and put it in 1 sandwich to make the windows7 whopper

  25. AngryK9 says:

    I’m actually glad that isn’t available here. Crap I can barely handle a double whopper, have never had (and never will try) the triple. I can feel my cholesterol level shooting through the roof just looking at that thing.

    (random: I wonder what would happen if all the fast food joints in the US decided to shut down for a month all at the same time…)

  26. LeChiffre says:

    When I saw that burger my heart stopped.

  27. brandymb says:

    I think im gonna hurl..

  28. duncanblackthorne says:

    Makes perfect sense to me: A bloated, fatty burger for a bloated, fatty operating system.

  29. DoubleEcho says:

    That’s already been topped. I bring you…THE OCTO STACKER!

    [www.break.com]

  30. vladthepaler says:

    Where were they when Windows 98 came out?

  31. ironchefff says:

    Here’s a video of CheapyD eating a Windows 7 burger!

    + Watch video

  32. Tasunke says:

    Gah! Why can’t there be Burger King restaurants in the Kansai area! I want to try this! ;_;

  33. angryneo says:

    Mmm. Meat.