What could be more American than celebrating the launch of a new product with an almost comically unhealthy fast-food product? Unfortunately, the seven-patty Windows 7 Whopper is only available in Japan.
If you’re wondering (and of course you are) the burger is over five inches tall, weighs more than a pound, and has 2,120 calories. Wait, why didn’t they market this in the U.S. again? Foreigners are eating gut-busting fast food and we’re stuck with house parties. Hmph.
Burger King Japan selling Windows 7 burgers [Electronista]
Burger King’s Windows 7 whopper: 7 patties, 2,120 calories [Japanator]
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Okay, who is the marketing genius at Microsoft who thought this and the aforementioned house parties were a good idea? Probably the same dolt who thought Vista was an outstanding product.
@FLConsumer: The only thing bad about this idea is that it isn’t here where I can nom it.
@Radi0logy:
@evilrobot: win
@FLConsumer: He is probably the guy who got the phat raise because obviously the marketing is working because thats what everyone and their momma is talking about today. I have had way to many people ask me if they have to or should upgrade to Windows 7.
@FLConsumer: I like this better than the house parties. This builds awareness, and I think the new Burger King ads and Microsoft’s new attempt at projecting a weird corporate culture (see the wallpapers in Windows 7) seem like kindred spirits.
That said, that’s a lot ground snouts.
@FLConsumer:
i would totally have 1, just cause
@anduin1: As soon as I get home, I’m literally running right to Burger King to get one. Literally. Running.
@FLConsumer: I’m not sure that the average person can open their mouth wide enough to eat it.
Vista did suck. It sucked so bad I learned enough about software while trying to get it to work that I now use linux on my laptop.
Yum!
@Hector Z: I find it amusing that your simple comment about food was made at exactly 4:20.
@karmaghost: Hahahaha nice catch!
@karmaghost:
Some of our best comments are posted at 4:20. That can’t be coincidence.
I’m going to say that the depiction of the burger is impossible. The sheer weight and moisture from the meat patties would reduce the bottom bun half into a soggy mess. Also, there doesn’t seem to be proper vegetable:bun:meat ratio. There’s so much meat that you can’t taste anything else. Why not layer vegetables betwen meat patties, between bun layers, essentially creating seven layers of sandwich?
@pecan 3.14159265: That’s what strikes you as wrong with this picture? Not the fact that you’d have to unhinge your jaw like a python to take a bite of it?
@diasdiem: We are consumerist commenters. We never go for the obvious.
@pecan 3.14159265: This is Japan. Their buns are unlike any other, and can sustain the weight of seven patties.
@DickMcVengeance: Sumo tested. Hippo approved.
@DickMcVengeance: Actually I saw the Japanese ad, and it proudly touts its AMERIKAN SAIZU BANZU, so evidently their normal buns are small and weak.
@Mr_D: Well, I can understand. Burger King’s American buns are gigantic.
@DickMcVengeance: Eat enough of these, and EVERYONE’s buns will be gigantic.
se. @Rachacha: And you can post daily stat updates to your facebook! WOOT!
@pecan 3.14159265: You would obviously use a knife/fork. Have you not heard of the in-n-out burgers people order.
100×100 meat and cheese
[supersizedmeals.com]
@markrubi: See, BS like that totally defeats the purpose of putting meat in a bun.
@pecan 3.14159265:
I prefer my burgers with as little vegetable as possible, but that monstrosity above is unappetizing. 4 is the max limit on patties, and also there should be at least a 1:2 cheese/patty ratio.
@Saboth: But it’s the combination of everything in harmony that makes it good. Too much meat of any particular thing ruins the balance.
@pecan 3.14159265: The heat and pressure from the 7 beef patties acting on the carbonic make-up of the bottom of the roll would reduce it to one large diamond within a matter of minutes, rendering the whole dish inedible.
@pecan 3.14159265: I’ve eaten a 15 x 15 it was served on its side and it was glorious. And no, I’m not a fat ass, just love beef.
@HIV 2 Elway: I love beef too – I prefer mine in the form of a steak though. I have to say, I do make a really good burger on the stovetop.
@HIV 2 Elway: And I love YOU. 15 x 15…you, sir, are a god.
@pecan 3.14159265: Done correctly the burger does not get soggy. for example a local burger where I am that will be on Man V Food on the travel channel on Dec 2nd serves this [tucson.metromix.com] OMFG burger and it is never soggy.
@ Hector Z : BUMP!
I will be taking the appropriate measures to celebrate this occasion appropriately :
1) Will not eat anything for a day or two
2) Will consume an all fiber diet for one to two days afterward.
3) Will purchase a copy of Windows 7 with my friends student email address for $30, just to take it for a test drive. If I don’t like I’ll go back to my modd’d copy of XP.
Go WINBLOWS 7!
I thought the Japanese were much healthier than we are in the US. I wouldn’t have thought that these would sell very well. Is this a joke?
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: It sure is a joke. On the customers. Problems with eating aside, people would get one of these once just for the heck of it.
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: What about sumo wrestlers?
@diasdiem: I do forget about them, but I assume they aren’t “the norm” in Japan.
I have no idea about the pizza thing.
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: Didn’t Japan have a Pizza Hut pizza that was like 600 calories a slice?
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: The difference is that the Japanese don’t eat these for breakfast, lunch *and* dinner like some Americans would!
/end snark
@aphexbr:
One difference between japan, europe, etc, and the US is most countries walk about 10x more than we do. I’ve seen people drive around a walmart parking lot for 5-10 minutes to find a “good” space rather than just walking another 200 feet. I don’t think there are many countries that are so attached to their cars as the citizens of the USA. Hell, any time I go over to the shopping strip across the street, there are about 10 cars in the fire lane because people can’t be bothered to part 50 feet away in a legal space.
@Saboth: I’m actually studying sustainable places right now and that’s one of the biggest topics. It’s absolutely pathetic to see what some people will do here to walk as little as possible. I’m sure we’ve all seen the people who take the elevator to go up or down ONE floor.
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars: I have a good friend that is Japanese. When she came to visit America for a foreign-exchange program she gained like 20 pounds in 2 months. When she moved back to Japan she dropped it all in about the same amount of time. She’ll eat a burger in Japan about as often as I’ll eat seafood (never).
@Moosehawk: Ok I have to stick up for the elevator thing. There is a very good reason you take the elevator. The reason is, is because the stairs are slippery and very wet all the time. In the university that we went to the stairs were always soaking wet, and there was no traction on them at all. They were even slippery when just normally dirty because thousands of college students would be going in and out of the building constantly. It was horrible to walk on them regardless of what shoes you were wearing. Personally I will take using the elevator over breaking an ankle.
@Outrun1986: I take the elevator one floor too. And put up with the sneers from all the 20 yr olds going to student health here. My knees and hips can’t take the stairs going down, but weird, i can and do take the stairs up
@Moosehawk: I walk as much as I can but I admit to taking the elevator if I’m wearing 3 inch stilettos and carrying a boiling cup of coffee. I cannot bring myself to take on the risk of hot beverages and high heels on slippery stairs.
@Moosehawk:
I’ll join the chorus of “I take elevators!”
But my knees pop just by stepping up onto a curb. Any more than a few steps (up OR down, it seems – but down still sucks a bit less) and my knees will just get incredibly fatigued.
Life gets pretty interesting when I don’t have the option of an elevator though. My ankles have become considerably stronger because I’ve learned how to just kinda hop up steps without bending my knees very much.
It’s weird. D:
@Saboth: A similar and funnier one I’ve seen is at a trail head where people go hiking. They too circle around and wait for a spot. But 200 feet away there were plenty. For people who came to go hiking, what’s an extra 200 feet or so when you’re probably hiking a couple of miles.
@Saboth:
This is part of the reason I’m moving to NYC and ditching my car.
@Saboth: I’ve noticed Japanese people will be lazy if possible, such as taking an elevator/escalator instead of stairs and fighting over seats in the train. It’s just that everyone is FORCED to walk, because paying $30 for parking every day is just not feasible.
@rockasocky: It costs me $36 in tolls (R/T) each day to drive to work. The train/walking costs $5. THAT’S why Japanese tend to be thinner.
@Kimaroo – No Stars Upon Thars:
My question is, are Japanese patties Kobe beef?
Mmmmmm spoiled cows…..tasty spoiled cows. ^_^
A nice Windows-themed name for this: The Code Blue of Death (CBoD)
@diasdiem: *Bells and whistles go off*
Congratulations! You’ve won an Internet!
Seriously, though…this ranks up there with the OctoStacker as the best deadly yet tasty thing Burger King has ever created.
@Keavy_Rain: Deadly in the fact that if you leave it in the sack you can beat someone to death with it.
@diasdiem: Eventually the grease would weaken the paper bag and it would convert from something you use to beat someone senseless to being a missile.
@Keavy_Rain: Octostacker makes me think of Nannerpuss.
1) I assure you there exist fatties in Japan, just like everywhere else in the developed world.
2) Yes, I’m pretty sure this is a joke.
@Cameraman:
Not a joke (in the sense that, yes, you can actually buy this thing):
[gizmodo.com]
Yo Burger King, I’m gonna let you finish, but In-and-out has the greatest stacking burger option ever. Try and order a 10 by 10.
@ilves: Personally, I like to make an Earth sandwich. It contains ALL THE BEEF IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.
[www.zefrank.com]
@ilves: + animal style
Yuck.
@LordofBacon: I really enjoyed someone named LordofBacon dislike a hamburger.
@Sanspants:
He is the Lord of Bacon. Not only does this mean that he has a generations old rivalry with beef(even if it says HAMburger its not made of ham or any pork product), but also to be Lord of Bacon you must control the bacon. Not let it control you.
If this sandwich was made of bacon, eating it would be considered allowing the bacon to control you. No man in his right mind would eat that.
I think my heart just BSOD’d.
Quite fitting, as it is just as oversized and bloated (bloating?) as Windows 7…and all Microsoft software, for that matter.
@scootinger: +1
its not in america because it doesnt have bacon. just wait for whopper 7.1 with bacon. im sure thats the one we will get.
@JohnDeere: That comes with the first service pack.
@JohnDeere: True, all things are better with bacon.
I can see the commercials now:
M: “Hi, I’m a Mac.”
P: “…and I’m a PC”
M: “I enjoy fine restaurants with five-star cuisine and expert sommeliers.”
P: “I eat at Burger King.”
DISCLAIMER: Does not own a Mac.
@Coelacanth: Funniest thing I read today.
@Coelacanth: Come now. No fancy pants five star restaurant is going to let Mac guy eat there. Not with clothes like that.
@Coelacanth:
[movies.apple.com]
@Coelacanth:
Hi, I’m a Big Mac…
It looks like you’re trying to give yourself a heart attack. Would you like some help?
@diasdiem: Close second.
@diasdiem: Lol! Good one!
@diasdiem: BWAA HA HA HA HA!
(I just almost got in trouble for laughing)
@diasdiem: +1
@diasdiem: LOL! Clippy is just mad because Vista took away its title of ‘Worst Windows Idea Ever’.
Meanwhile, the Linux burger is just a carton of raw beef. Infinite potential, but ultimately not what you really expect from a fast food experience.
@TVarmy: Fool. Everyone knows Linux cross-promotes with KFC. Because when people think of Linux, they think of the Kernel.
@diasdiem: You forgot this: [www.instantrimshot.com]
@diasdiem: Now I want some Original Recipe _and_ to try a new distro of linux. Mint, maybe?
@TVarmy: And the Mac burger is really a chicken sandwich. (Line for the Flame War starts here, thanks.)
@TVarmy: Just have to compile the packages of buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and other peripherals.
@Coelacanth: But don’t try to mount your chicken sandwich unless you want to get arrested.
@TVarmy: If you don’t like the Linux Burger, go grind up your own cow. It’s really simple to do.
I thought a Japan release would somehow involve 7 schoolgirls.
Dante also taught us that there are seven gates to Hell.
Coincidence? You be the judge.
@Trai_Dep: 7 gates? aren’t there nine levels of hell? i’m not trying to be a jerk, i’m just too lazy to look it up.
@Elcheecho:
…but there are 7 deadly sins!
@Elcheecho: yes there are 9 circles of hell each circle being worse than the previous, with the ninth reserved for betrayers of kin. the ninth holds judas, brutas, and cassius, along with the devil. according to the book anyway.
@tonberry: And if I recall correctly satan isn’t in a ring of fire but actually a lake of ice, that part always threw me off
@Trai_Dep: And the OSI Model has 7 layers. It’s all tied together!
@Trai_Dep: “You be the judge.“
I’ll bite…
Nope. Totally unrelated. Windows 7 is real. :-p
This works well. Didn’t you hear that Windows 7 comes with a heart monitor? You just place your chest on any touch screen display and your computer will advise you when you are about to die. Next month there will be an improvement to the system when Microsoft comes out with its ovn version of the Apple Magic Mouse, and measurements will be made easily through your mouse.
My colon just encountered a BSOD.
@bhaughey: Mmm, Fiber!
“Your system is about to shut down. Would you like to save?”
Too late.
Thanks for linking to us at Japanator, by the way <3
Buy seven whoppers.
Stack patties.
Enjoy.
Now that made me want a burger dammit.
How would a Japanese dude even go about eating such a whopper of a whopper…you know with their tiny little hands! (the punnery and pop culture references must stop)
ripoff, there charging 777 yen for it
thats about $8.6 USD
why not just spend like 640 yen on 7 whopper jr’s instead, you will get more food for less money and if you feel like it you can take all of the meats and put it in 1 sandwich to make the windows7 whopper
@Razor512: never mind, I forgot that burgerking is more expensive in japan since everything is imported.
I’m actually glad that isn’t available here. Crap I can barely handle a double whopper, have never had (and never will try) the triple. I can feel my cholesterol level shooting through the roof just looking at that thing.
(random: I wonder what would happen if all the fast food joints in the US decided to shut down for a month all at the same time…)
When I saw that burger my heart stopped.
I think im gonna hurl..
Makes perfect sense to me: A bloated, fatty burger for a bloated, fatty operating system.
That’s already been topped. I bring you…THE OCTO STACKER!
[www.break.com]
Where were they when Windows 98 came out?
Here’s a video of CheapyD eating a Windows 7 burger!
+ Watch video
Gah! Why can’t there be Burger King restaurants in the Kansai area! I want to try this! ;_;
Mmm. Meat.