How about an investing theory based on the traditional Shaolin Five Animals of martial arts?

Tiger: Courage, tenacity, power; straight-ahead attacks lead to overpowering, ripping and tearing its hapless prey

Dragon: Rising, falling, twisting and turning movements overcome its adversaries

Leopard: Timing, speed, and coordination result in unexpected, shockingly swift kills

Crane: Concentration and patience, with soft relaxed movements suddenly becoming explosively darting, snapping up or impaling the prey with a razor-sharp beak

Snake: Suppleness and rhythmic endurance, cunning and deceptive, with sudden whip-like venomous strikes, followed by a wait for the poison to do its insidious work

There's an NYT bestseller in there somewhere.

Or perhaps the notion of taking a metaphor a bit too far.

@bobert: Most investors aren't light enough on their feet to get across that rice paper, quick enough to snatch that pepple, or pain-tolerate enough to pick up that caldron full of hot coals with their forearms.

The longer you invest, the more you become like a squirrel as well. You forget where your money is, and you stumble on it when you're rooting through cupboards or old clothes.

I don't think these anthropologists have ever witnessed the suicidal indecision-fest that is a squirrel crossing the road.

@floraposte: LOL word.

@jessedybka: and you are screwed when someone cuts down your nut-hiding tree [throws out your mattress stuffed with money]

@floraposte: i decided long ago that squirrels are temporally challenged. they see the car and know it will cut them off from the home tree. but it doesn't occur to them that the car will not be cutting them off forever. so they need to get home before the car comes because if they don't they will never get home. they just can't extrapolate the path of the vehicle to include the time when it is past them.

they aren't actually stupid, i've had too many food items stolen out from under my nose while camping and had some neighbors who had squirrels open their sliding door, get into the breadbox and steal all the bread.

@floraposte: He's not dead. He's thinking.

Well...aren't the bulk of investments speculative and nonsensical? The major stock markets are basically groupthink with a multitude of money. And most product/service offerings by listed and unlisted companies have some scam segment to their business plan.

There is no evolution involved. They are just willing to throw their money behind people with questionable morals. Who does that describe? Maybe the caveman selling T-Rex insurance?

Monthly nut deposit...'nuff said.

Ah Danielsan, first learn stand, then learn fly.

Please forgive me in the quote isn't exact...

And then the squirrels get hit by a car.

/cue "Circle of Life"

@floraposte: I'm calling it now: That will be the best thing I read all day.

@catastrophegirl: That...makes sense.

That theory could be applied to the people who speed up when you signal that you're changing lanes but I think those people are just assholes.

@Rectilinear Propagation: and usually driving BMWs.

@catastrophegirl: I see you never saw the insurance commercial where the 2 squirrels were working to make cars swerve off the road. They would high five each other when they got one. I think its a national squirrel pass time. Most just are not very good at it.

@Munchie: oh i forgot about those! those were much better geico commercials than the stupid gecko