Woman Caught Trying To Steal Beer Between Legs
A 42-year-old Louisiana woman was caught slipping a case of beer underneath her dress, then trying to mosey out of the store as if there was nothing going on.
From the St. Petersburg Times' wire-culled police reports column:
Police in Zachary, La., saw it on the store's video, and when they picked her up, she didn't deny it. In fact, she offered to show police how she did it. "I told her, no thanks, I wasn't into that," said Capt. David McDavid. He didn't deny he was a little impressed, though. "We weighed a case. It was 20 pounds."
Impressive, indeed. While not a smart thing to try, the theft attempt couldn't have been easy to pull off. It's a shame such talent went to waste on criminal triviality.
Does this case of beer make my thighs look fat? [St. Petersburg Times]
(Photo: Lisa Pisa)
(Thanks, GitEmSteveDave!)
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Comments:
Only GESD would bring attention to this. His dream woman!
I hope they didn't restock it. Ewwwwwwwwwww..
Was it BUSCH beer?
Reminds me of the movie Pink Flamingos when Divine shoplifts some steak up his/her dress!
@Verucalise(wantsherfigureback): She's 42. That's over twice the age I like the future Ex-Mrs. SteveDave's to be.
That's nothing.
A woman tried to steal a bag of meat from a suburban Kansas City grocery store. A passer-by SHOT her.
Time to cue up "Been Caught Stealing" by Jane's Addiction!
Bye!
You would have to be a pretty big woman to even come close to pulling this off. The sad part is that she's been arrested 40 times before. 40 times! Why even bother arresting her anymore? The legal system clearly isn't going to do anything to her.
@DreamTheEndless: Oh now the tune is in my head for the rest of the day! Bah da da da da da da dat dat dat...
@GitEmSteveDave_GlassMeatClocks: Well, if you went with her, divorced her, that would give you an excuse to trade her in for 2- 21 year olds.
Plus, older women are experienced...
beer hoarders.
Two words come to mind: Thunder Thighs.
Enuf said.
@camman68: (strange stares all around me as I piss my pants laughing)
+1, LMMAAAOOO, best comment ALL WEEK.
video, or it didn't happen :D
I'm mildly curious how she pulled this off
@GitEmSteveDave_GlassMeatClocks: Come on now SD, what kind of man wouldn't want a woman with thighs like that? Didn't you see Goldeneye?
Her next feat will be walking out of a Buick dealership with a car. I hope she wears a long dress.
A friend of mine saw a woman try to walk out with a full-on ham under her dress. When she dropped it, she proceeded to ask who had thrown that ham at her...
Did Chun Li ever steal using her monstrously strong leg muscles? We don't know. But from this story, I'd have to say that it's probable she thought about it once or twice.
@squinko: No. No I didn't. Was it a Connery Bond?
@Verucalise(wantsherfigureback): Oh no-no-no. Everyone bandies about the 2 girls at once idea, but it fails if you think about it logically.
First, what percentage of women are actively Bi?
Next, you have to find two Bi women who will not be catty towards each other. Right there you cut your small prospective pool in half.
Now, two of those women have to be not only geographically close, but also find you attractive.
To cut your choices down even further, they have to find each other attractive, AND be attractive themselves(to you).
I'd have more luck getting a Blue Lab Coat than having the above scenario happen. that's why it happens in movies. Just like Nudist Trailer Parks only being inhabited by gorgeous people who rarely carry around towels. It's called "fiction", my dear deluded DnD drinker.
@pecan 3.14159265: It would be difficult... the Chinese skirts she wears have such big slits on the side, they only cover the front and back. She'd have to steal something pretty small to hide it under that.
This is comically, pathetically sad.
@zentex: It happened. It was all over the TV here. She was a rather "round" woman wearing a mo-mo. She just picked up her mo-mo, clapped the case between her thighs, and walked right out.
@GitEmSteveDave_GlassMeatClocks: I love the thought and time taken to respond to a mere joke targeted for a quick laugh. Thanks for the analysis, though. I'll remember those points the next time I'm invited into a menage-a-trois.
With 2 women. Hey, I might be catty towards 1 woman out of sheer jealousy, but with 2 other women? My chances of not being the ugliest rise significantly, I also wouldn't be fighting for a man's attention. It's all just good fun then.
Take THAT.
@GitEmSteveDave_GlassMeatClocks: And the only deluded people here are the trolls. Your mocking means nothing to me about DnD. Your efforts are FRUITLESS, my dear friend.
I read the article that was linked to here. It said she also stole some sodas, along with the 20lb case of beer. Don't think I wanna know where she stuck those...
I guess those Kegels work really well!
@Verucalise(wantsherfigureback):I told the Mrs. that when she hit 40, I was gonna trade her for 2 20-year-olds.
Her reply: You're an EE, you oughta know that 220 will kill you! (implied: if I don't do it, first!)
@umbriago: She wasn't shot for stealing the meat... She was shot by a bystander because she was trying to run over the store's manager with her car, and the bystander was legally justified.
Way back in the 60s I worked in the grocery business. Every October-November-December we would have big frozen turkeys for the holiday season (only time we carried turkeys). Each year I would catch at least 1 (and up to 6) woman trying to walk/waddle out with a frozen turkey between their legs. The "amatures" never made it more than a few feet. We had a "pro" regular who would get out the door into the waiting arms of the police--we didn't consider the holidays complete until her annual visit.
This happened at Meijer store while I was working for the company in high school. A big fat woman wearing a dress stuck a whole ham between her legs and was waddling out the door when it fell out, onto the floor. Her reaction was to look around suspiciously and say loudly "Who threw that ham at me?!"
She got busted.
@GitEmSteveDave_GlassMeatClocks: No, it was Brosnan's first Bond movie. It's pretty good actually. Famke Jensen is the hot Russian villian. :)
@jeffbone: I like your wife.
@gumby101: I totally saw Perry Farrell in the video, dressed as a pregnant woman, and stealing stuff by shoving it up his dress to his pregnant belly when I read this one.
"Is that a case of beer in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?"
The ones that always make me grin are the guys arrested with pork loins in their pants. Uh, nice try guys.
Chelsea Lately was talking about this on last night's episode. Cracked me up. The comedians were discussing how intimidating it'd be to date someone who could carry beer this way. One of them mentioned that it's even scarier to think of where she'd hide a keg.