I'd rather do them than Nancy Grace, even if I dug women. Matter of fact, I'd love to do the nerdy virgins just for the hell of it. Geek sex rocks.

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, I've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, a $300 sexy toy, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses."

If you suffer from an erection that lasts more than 4 hours please immediately drive your car into the adult store to seek relief.

@sashazur: The only stuff I have seen that expensive is the toys molded after a female porn stars parts. I can't imagine who spends that though. I can't imagine it's that much better than pleasuring your self. Get some lube or lotion of you want it to be special, that has to be a cheaper better alternative to doing 30K in damage to a store and likely facing jail time.

Jesus, you must really want that ice cream bar.

He either did FAR more $$ damage to his car OR he risked stealing a car for the heist.

Either way BUYING it is much cheaper.

@Bogart's Falcon aka Philly Falcon: lol damn you're stern and set in your ways

@ballistic90:
I agree- if he stole it, it's at least a bit more "manly" than going in and buying it with his hard-earned money. Not only that, but there's no record of any transaction whatsoever.

As clever as any stupid dolt can get, I guess.

I'm originally from the area and was in town visiting this weekend. The store has a huge sign in front stating that they are, in fact, open. Ah, Ohio.

@hoi-polloi: "to get a sexy toy" totally came off as sounding like Borat-speak in my mind over here. Much appreciated for the laugh!

@henrygates: This is probably why it's on consumerist in the first place, to prove that consumers can think ahead of big corp and take matters into their own hands.

@Bogart's Falcon aka Philly Falcon: You gotta take the money and just try to ignore her looks, voice, opinions, sensationalism, and morals.

Not any worse than marriage is it?

@usagi32211:
That is, indeed, a great quote.

@itiswhatitis:
I'm proud to say I have no ideas what hours are porn shops are open here.

I do know that the internet is always open for business, though.

"Maybe he was embarrassed," said the regional supervisor, who identified himself only as Mike. "What a perverted idiot."

Quote of the year!!! lol

@MostlyHarmless: Yes, I could converse with Hillary for an hour without feeling like I needed to take a shower. However, it would have to be a very dark setting.

An no, you don't get to tape her mouth shut.

Yeah, but HOW large?

You raise an interesting point though. Having to spend more than 45 mins alone with Michelle 'CrazyBach' Bachmann would count as torture. And I would expect to be paid in 5 virgins for every minute I have to spend above that limit. Though I imagine I would have to relinquish three of them for having used VB6 on a major project once.

Whatever happened to the ancient art of making your own sex toys?

@MostlyHarmless: A Klondike and $7,000 and I'll date Hillary Clinton. But only if it is limited to one hour.

OTOH, just a single date with her would make me appreciate life so much more.

Also, I would date Michelle Bachmann for a klondike bar.