One of my favorites on the fruit roll-ups: "Please remove wrapper before eating."

I guess that means that I can take as much Extenze as I want!

Par-Tay!

The article is terrible journalism - Basically a chain e-mail. It incorrectly portrays the McD's coffee lawsuit. Consumerist should be embarrassed even to link to this piece of crap.

And you know that at some point, someone did one of these things, then maybe sued the company(ies) or complained to the company(ies) so they had to come up with these idiotic warnings.

Reminds me of the time I was listening to Bob and Tom one morning and Chick, the sports guy, mentioned that the Bengals' stadium had a warning that said no toasters was allowed in to the stadium...Who the heck brings in toasters to stadiums?!

The Extenz warning is also on a major TV ad for a BPH (swollen prostate) drug. "Do not take if you are pregnant or thinking to become pregnant."
Ya know what? If you're thinking of becoming pregnant AND your prostate is chronically too large, please re-think getting pregnant. You are too stupid to procreate.

I was watching a commercial advertising a drug specifically for post-menopausal osteoporosis. Their warning was:

"Do not take if you are, or are trying to become, pregnant."

Might be hard, after menopause, me thinks.

@karmaghost: Haven't there been a number of 50+ women who have gotten pregnant through IVF?

I once had a fold-up sun shield that goes on the inside of your car windshield and supposedly keeps your parked car a little cooler inside. Printed right on the product was a warning that you shouldn't operate the car with the device in place.

@sgtyukon: That would be another Bob & Tom reference...Mr. Obvious and the Car Sun Shade.

(All the links I found were torrents)

there was one from an asian kitchen knife: "Keep out of children"

Children's Superman halloween costume: "Cape does not enable wearer to fly"

@Sunshine1970: That's not true.

I've worked in a few companies that manufacture hardware, and the reason some of those silly warnings show up is that people in the planning meetings believe the same thing you do. They've heard rumors and urban legends and a few half-remembered stories about product liability lawsuits, and they honestly think that you need to try to predict every inappropriate and/or dangerous use of the equipment or some lawsuit happy hillbilly will intentionally injure himself and get a big payout.

And I will confess to having once produced a joke warning sticker admonishing against using an enterprise server in the bathtub. It was a limited production for a single client, so there aren't many out there, but I've wondered if someone out there somewhere is using that as an example of a 'someone did this once, and the company got sued!' warning.

To this day, my favorite instruction is on the can of EZ Cheese where it states "For best results remove cap"

I remember we used to have an "exersaucer" for our baby - kind of like a walker that doesn't move. The seat rotates around and the baby can play with toys and spin around and stuff. Anyway, the warning on this toy was "Do not use as a sled". Darn - I really wanted to see how fast Baby can take this hill!

@Sunshine1970: maybe they meant a face mask toaster?

[www.sierratradingpost.com]

@mrsultana: I know with the prostate drug they warn pregnant women to not even handle broken tablets, so whatever it does must be harsh.

@Sneeje: Sadly, I've failed to do that once.

@karmaghost: Post-menopause women taking hormone therapy (for hot flashes and other symptoms) many begin to ovulate once again due to the hormones and are very surprised to find themselves pregnant at 40 or 50.

I think my fave was on a blow dryer, and said, "Do not use while sleeping."

Dude, if you have the coordination to blow dry your hair while in the REM cycle, you totally should.

@Coles_Law:

Linked to birth defects.

@Kimaroo - 20% More Kitty Added!: Let's have an Extenze party at my place, ladies only!

@karmaghost:
Don't forget off-label use. It's conceivable someone pre-menopausal could be taking it at the direction of their doctor.

@StanTheManDean:

I was just prescribed a drug.

The side effect?

in nice words:

Birth defects linked to mutated sperm, do not attempt conception for 6 months after use.

US Army Claymore mines used to say "Do Not Eat".

@SJActress: It takes long enough to get read as it is. Multitasking is the key to time management.

My hair dryer has a sticker that says "Do not use while bathing." Aren't you trying to get your hair WET at that time?

As far as that iron warning goes, MLB pitcher John Smoltz once missed games after burning himself ironing a shirt while he was wearing it. So people are actually that dumb.

I always laughed at the lead based paint I used on some cermanic stuff. It had a giant warning, "Do not rub on genitals.". Sound advice but if you were thinking of rubbing paint on those maybe you shouldn't be having kids anyway.

Then there's the warning on one of the mounting points of one of the Space Shuttle Aircraft (747s that can carry a Space Shuttle).

"Attach Orbiter Here

Note: Black Side Down"

rubbermaid storage bins:

@RandomHookup: Yep they sure did. They also had "FRONT" Toward Enemy on the front of the mine. The insoles of the old issue combat boots used to have "Do Not Boil" on them.

@newfenoix: I laughed at one discussion board that says it was because it was easy to confuse a Claymore for MREs. Sorry guys, this was a problem back in Vietnam when the fellows figured out that the compound inside might get you high. And they weren't eating MREs back then.

@catastrophegirl: Great, how will people store their toddlers now?!

@subtlefrog: We can get all we need for just the price of a postage stamp.

@Sneeje: You laugh, but my brother did that as a child with the Saran-wrap grandma used on her home-made fruit leathers.

@Kimaroo - 20% More Kitty Added!: What will the Duggars do...kids all over the place instead of neatly stacked in bins on shelves...

@Sneeje: I think it's good advice, as the froot roll up tastes about the same as the wrapper.

@StanTheManDean: Holy shit! :o

@catastrophegirl: Having a very vivid imagination, that gave me the willies!

@sgtyukon: I've actually operated the car once or twice with the shield in place (actually, to be fair, I was at home, and moving it 5ft either way as I cycled the transmission for an ATF level check. However, I've done it.

I've also seen someone driving around a walmart parking lot with one half-up. Guess he'd moved from his spot to another on the other side of the lot, or was taking his car into TLE, still it does happen.

@yevarechecha: I think that's a rumour. I've yet to see anything other than comments like yours, nothing actually with a factual basis to it.

@valthun: Hahahaha. I love it. You know, because that's just if you want the BEST results. If you want "okay" or "decent" results, you go ahead and leave that cap on.

@SJActress: I think that kind of makes sense (KIND OF) because, didn't hairdryers back in the 60's and 70's have some sort of shower-cap-like headpiece that you wore that had a hose running to it? I definitely remember my mudda telling me about drying her hair over night. While she slept.

@newfenoix: They still say that, too. Well, they did in 2005, the last time I saw/used one. But hey, that's good advice. The SAPI plate inserts to make combat gear bulletproof also have something written on them to that effect. Although, they're formed in a concave manner, so to wear it incorrectly would have been really uncomfortable. But still, there's something like, "This side towards bullets/This side towards wearer" written on each one.

@varro: Well that is just disorganized.

I'm sure the plastic bins lock in the toddler freshness as well.

@newfenoix:
In times of crisis/famine it is semi-common to boil ones shoes because leather can be somewhat nutritious. The insoles in question were probably not leather, and thus would at best be non-nutriotious and at worst poisonous.

@TCama:
With pic goodness:

FAIL. I seem to have forgotten how to post images in a comment, and I can't find the way how. [upload.wikimedia.org]

A guy at my work came in with a wrinkled shirt. He tried to steam it while wearing it. Burned himself all over his torso.

My favorite are 3M Dust masks, Not only do they come with a 5 page instruction list in 6 different languages, but they include the great line,

"Dust masks do not provide oxygen"

First time I read that, I almost needed a Dust Mask.

What about that Chinese knife warning:

"Keep out of children"