The apex of human achievement has been reached, and it is called The Cruzin’ Cooler—a motorized cooler that you can ride.
Not only does it keeps your beverages frosty, the Cruzin’ Cooler has top speeds of 13mph. I believe it wasn’t until the 18th century that mankind created a completely mechanized vehicle capable of such a rate of locomotion. Couple that with its ability to keep beverages frosty and basically if you showed up in the Middle Ages on a Cruzin’ Cooler, they would crown you Emperor of the realm right on the spot. These days, though, you’ll just have to settle for being the coolest dude at the barbecue.