Sperm Banks Now More Discerning
Thanks to the credit crunch, it's harder to get a loan or line of credit from most banks. But some banks are becoming more discerning about who they allow to make deposits. What banks? Sperm banks, of course.
Sperm banks are seeing an increase in applicants, at the same time that medical advances mean fewer couples need their services. Minyanville checked out the current scene:
Albert Anouna, Director and CEO of Biogenetics, told me that only 2% to 8% of applicants are ever accepted as donors at his facility.
It may seem eugenically unfair (after all, some apples do fall far from the trees), but sperm banks are like any other business, and competition has only gotten tougher in recent years.
How to improve your odds of acceptance? Successful applicants are 5'10" or taller, have a good family health history going back three or four generations, are in good general health themselves, and have a degree from a prestigious (think Ivy League) four-year college.
Incidentally, when I clicked on the original story, I got a giant banner ad for Viagra.
A Run on the (Sperm) Banks [Minyanville]
(Photo: Mobilus In Mobili)
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Comments:
All of these adoptable kids and this "business" still exists? That's a shame.
@TecmoTech: I don't agree with your harsh judgment. I see no problem with a woman wanting to carry her own child. Also, this option is far cheaper than adoption.
@spankyshay: Not just cheaper than adoption but quicker and less bureaucracy.
But you don't get a check from Uncle Sam every month. :(
@spankyshay: Possibly. A college degree from any school is no longer equals a good job. Grads are staying out of work longer and longer after graduation. Of course, going into some fields means a better chance of being gainfully employed, but you still have those who go for Slavic Studies.
How else are you going to pay for the degree from that 'prestigious (think Ivy League) four-year college?'
They keep jacking tuition costs...(D'ohh)
When I think of all the money I let slip through my fingers over the years...
@Hanshiro: You are right. I didn't think of that... I worked my way through a state run university and came out debt free (seven years later.)
@dohtem: You dont get a check when you adopt kids either, you get a check if you act as a foster parent until adoption.
Count me out, I had my junk disconnected.
Yes, the 50 bucks you get for "depositing" will go a long way when the lesbian recipient of your "anonymous donation" sues you for child support - [www.foxnews.com]
Granted, it's a unique case but who knows who else will use it for precedent.
@ohnoes: Here's another case from England - [news.bbc.co.uk]
I guess the lesson is: don't be charitable with your friends. Even nowadays, when children can find out who donated sperm, this sounds like a huge risk that doesn't seem worth it.
@TecmoTech: I actually agree with you.
I'm adopted, I think it's selfish (yes, selfish, I said it) to want to give birth when there are plenty of children in the system that need good, permanent homes.
A child you raise is no less of your own child than one you gave birth to.
I have a 148 IQ, but no degree. Does my star count for anything?
I think you also have to be a male, but maybe not.
I'd complain about the tallness requirement, but Tall people rule the world. So there's no point.
//Comfortable at 5'6".
@ohnoes: I wonder if one of them is related to that genius who's suing her college for not finding her a job.
Sperm banks becoming more discerning? That's whacked. So much for the spurt of would-be donors. Looks like I'll have to rub this option out.
I won't even consider donating any more until they redesign the night deposit boxes. I find them to be cold and unwieldy.
How else will they screen out the losers?
DOWn, baby, DOWn!
You think your job sucks, imagine having to be a teller at this bank.
"I'd like to make a deposit."
"Mmmph, mmmph."
@xtc46 - thinksmarter on twitter: In Iowa, at least, there are "state-sponsored" adoptions, where the adoptive parents do get a monthly check.
If I ever were to ever hit up a sperm bank for genetic material, it damn well better be quality stuff. I have no desire to pay for "inferior" materials and end up with crotchfruit that would inevitably become victims of Darwinism.
...although it may be financially feasible to keep a "discount" rack for less than top-quality materials?
@TecmoTech:
While I admire your committment to adoption, some people actually want to have the experience of bringing a child into the world.
Since I'd rather keep my girlish figure, adoption is the route we'll probably go when we're ready for kids.
@ohnoes:
I certainly hope a couple of bizarre court cases doesn't keep people from sperm donation or surogacy.
@spankyshay: I fit the description, but there isone part they forgot to mention. AGE. They want 21-30 year olds. They have not reached money making years yet. In the late 80's I gave quite a bit to a local bank at $60 a pop, and I also flushed a lot down the toilet.
It's kind of ironic, considering how many men are willing, even eager to give their sperm away for free.
If it weren't for the college requirement, the sperm banks could just solicit the navy; they'd find more than enough seamen....
*rinshot*
Thankyewthankyewverrymuch....
@GitEmSteveDave: ♥'sSummermodo: Maybe, but you're bragging about your IQ on the internet. If I ran a sperm bank, that would be instant disqualification.
@Hanshiro: I'm lucky enough to be in Florida, with one of the lowest in-state public university tuition rates. If you get a 3.5 high school GPA and something like a 1200 on the SAT/28 ACT, a fucking cakewalk, (attainable for those who have mastered the art of not choking to death on their own drool), you get 100% tuition waived (which is less than 10k to begin with. Get a job, and maybe with a little help from fams with living and books graduate with zero debt.
Of course some people I've known weren't so fortunate to come from a state like this. If you're going to have to go to an expensive school, state or private, because your state system is expensive, why not go to the best school you can? No need to knock the Ivy League like it's cool. Which apparently it is.
@ohnoes: Wow, did you even read the article you linked to? That wasn't an anonymous donor, that was a friend of the couple who donated his semen. He also had a personal relationship with his children, regularly spending money on things for him, which made it easier for the court to compel him to pay child support.
This has absolutely nothing to do with anonymous donations at sperm banks in which donors waive all legal rights to their children. If you "donate" your sperm by banging your female friend, sure. If you "donate" through a clinic, no. Do you know how to read?
@ohnoes: And that applies to both cases. What the hell is "anonymous" about giving your semen to a friend? Jesus, why don't you climb back up Glenn Beck's asshole
I think how much money you have has more to do with what college you end up going to more than genetics. You aren't going to find many lower class people making it to an Ivy League school.
@Con Seannery: No! There are exceptions! Con Seannery is consistently hilarious! You were great on Celebrity Jeopardy, my friend
Best line of the story.. "Oh, and the competition is stiff"
Yeah, I'll bet.
Not that I frequent sperm banks, but I think it's the people getting the sperm who are the ones looking for these qualities. As I understand it, there is a short profile and you can pick whose sperm you want.
The sperm clinic could probably care less except for the fact that they have a hard time pushing crackhead sperm.
@GitEmSteveDave: ♥'sSummermodo:
If you really had a 148 IQ, you would know that education attained by the parent is passed down to the child.
Therefore, your sperm is worthless.
@Snaptastic: .... you do realize your genes enter the mix too, right?
And that there's always a chance that even the "best"(quote unquote) genes will result in... well, I don't really agree that there are inferior children in this day and age. Every child deserves to be loved, and we've pretty much conquered natural selection so that's not even a concern any longer, but still....
There's always a chance that even the "best" genes will result in what you would apparently define as unfit offspring.
@Jesse in Japan:They generally want the whole kit and kaboodle and not just the cup and closet method, though :D
@sam1am: The 'crackheads', however, are more likely to take less money for their, ahem, donations.
Just slap some crap about "all children are special" and (in tiny print) "results not guaranteed" on the vial and go to town.
Besides, if you really want to get down to it, it matters a lot more if the 'crackhead' has a family history of breast cancer rather than, say, an Ivy League diploma.
You're raising the kid, not the 'crackhead'. Genetics only go so far, and some of the article's 'qualifications' are pushing it, imo.
@H3ion: As sad as it is, I was reading the article here at almost 3am and when I read the 5'10" height requirement I thought to myself "Really, plenty of tall men out there, but how many women are there that are at least 5'10"?" I paused for a moment and remembered... Ladies don't make Sperrrrrrrrrrrm
@TecmoTech: Have to agree with you here. When I was a child, my parents always taught me that you weren't allowed to get a new one until you could prove you could take care of the ones you already had. That extended to food, toys, pets, everything.
As an adult, I extend the same philosophy to children. I see no valid reason why humanity should be allowed to keep making new ones if we can't take care of the ones we already have. I really don't care about one woman's desire to bear to term her own flesh and blood - is her child more worthy of care and love than the unwanted children out there? Yes, adoption is difficult and time-consuming and expensive and messy. That just means we should be lobbying for adoption reform.
(Yes, I am aware that the fact that I just equated child care with getting a new toy or pet should, in a just universe, ban me from ever caring for children. It's a damned good thing I don't want kids, isn't it? Also a good thing that I have committed myself to having myself fixed so that if I ever change my mind, I will of necessity follow through on my own ideals and adopt.)
Unfortunately, however, business like this exist because people are selfish, thus the demand exists and there is profit to be made. Business has never cared very much about the good of humanity in general, only about the potential for revenue.
So, if you fit description above, do you really need the money to be had by donating sperm?