If Your Dog Is Lonely, Buy Him A Sex Doll
It's not enough to drape your best friend in his own custom-made Snuggie. After all, a robe alone doesn't keep away the haven't-had-sex-in-years blues—you need ice cream for that, and dogs shouldn't eat ice cream. Instead, you can pamper him with his very own fake dog sex toy.
During the doll's test period with a few canines, including the Maltese Flock (responsible for the idea), the pets showed a better quality of life based on less anxiety, less barking, and less territorial demarcation. In other words, the dogs live a better life, satisfying their repressed sexuality, in some cases for many years.
Don't make that face/sound. What, you'll scrape a PedEgg across your feet and get rid of your bingo arms with suggestive hand motions, but you turn prudish at an "easy to clean reservoir"? Fine, then maybe you need Scooty Pants dog underwear instead.
"'Adult toy' for dogs" [BoingBoing]
"How to Measure Your Dog for Their Scooty Pants" [Scooty-Pants.tripod.com]
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Comments:
My Maltese used to use my ex's old construction boots as his sex toy. Now he uses the cat ( both are male so it is an inter species homosexual relationship. Both parties are happy). Moral of the story- they will get by without fancy sex toys.
Wow... I don't even know what to say here... Except for, Sick!
On another note, I worked at a zoo in my past life. There was a keeper there that was known for "helping out" certain male equids... again... Sick!
Humping is more often about dominance than about sex. I doubt this product will do much to discourage a male dog trying to exert his dominance by humping. This is clearly a product targeted to those dog owners who think canine sexuality is similar to human sexuality. Dogs only hump for sex when the sexual response is triggered by encountering a bitch in heat. In other words, a male doesn't want sex when he's not around a bitch in heat. Humping in any other circumstance is about domination, not sex.
@BenderRodriguez: If I understand your correctly, someone now needs to develop spray-on "bitch in heat" smell.
We spend so much time on Consumerist discussing ways to save money: collecting ketchup packets from mcdonalds, not running the a/c in the summer (f that) and probably wiping your ass with your hand. All that, only to devolve into sex dolls for dogs. Its good to know that even with the economy doing a Titanic impersonation, Americans have their priorities straight.
@BenderRodriguez: Yep. Female dogs will mount and hump things, too, even though they are generally the hump-ee when it comes to actual coitus.
All I can think of is ewww I *so* would not want to have to clean that up after each use, seriously.
@Chris Walters: No, I'm just saying that this product won't discourage most humping behavior, because such behavior isn't a sexual response. This is clearly a product to exploit the ignorance of most dog owners.
Also, humping behavior isn't exclusive to males. Dominant bitches hump as well.
"He thinks he's a people!"
No. He. Doesn't.
Folks need to get their dogs out of their purses and back on a sea-level leash. And they need to stop pretending they know what the animal is thinking, because again, they have no real clue.
When I look into the sad, doe-eyes of a pommie in a canvas strait-jacket hanging off of some fat midwesterner's chest, you know what it looks to me like it's thinking? "Kill me now, please." But again, it's not, sadly.
Animals are not accessories, they're responsibilites. Having said that, though, the only real harm in spending cash on sex-toys for them will be inflicted on the wallets of suckers.
Most people who have an animal with a humping problem know that you don't need to go out and buy something for it to, uh, violate. Usually it will commandeer a large throw pillow or stuffed animal for this purpose. Of course, this can be upsetting if the object of your pet's affections ends up being a beloved children's toy, but it was probably time for little Billy to learn the joys of sharing, anyway.
Yeah, no thanks, I think I'll just get my dog neutered rather than hose out the hump toy.
Boy, I can't wait to see the late night TV ads for this one.
And The Internets earn a big fail for the lack of YouTube documentation by new owners of this product.
Perhaps it's time for Consumer's Union to perform field tests?
@craptastico:
If you neuter at the right time, they don't hump at ALL.
Granted, some dogs are bigger humpers than others, but removing the sexual equipment before the creature knows they're there is a huge step in removing the stress of sex from their lives.
If you're not a breeder, your pet doesn't need its junk.
END.OF.STORY.
@cash_da_pibble: Lol, "stress of sex" - if your parents had the same attitude towards you when you were a kid you wouldn't have such a blaise (note I have NO idea how to spell this word and didn't find it easily) perspective on the matter...
@jfielder23: I was wondering there for a second how one got a squid off, but I did a Google search and feel slightly less creeped out.
Neutering your pets young FOR THE WIN.
I wonder how many people will buy this that don't own a dog. Just saying it's going to happen.
What about the opposite sex ? What about the *itches ? Someone come up with a contraption for them ! Or do they have no libido ?
Jfielder : There is nothing wrong with doggie sex..they need to get it on too...whether for dominance or release.
o_0
@Kimaroo - 20% More Kitty Added!: I used to have 2 Great Danes; a male weighing in at 230lbs (really!) and a female at 150lbs. The male, although larger, was deaf and by definition not a pack leader or possible alpha dog. The female would constantly jump on his hind quarters and hump him whenever he showed any type of dominant behavior around her (like trying to eat first or get first dibs on a spot to lay down). Now that's a really strange sight to see!
This has actually already been proposed:
Gizmodo even had an article about it. When I saw this headline, I thought they were talking about the same product.
I note that the article about the product here quotes the creator as talking about how he had the idea, when HotDoll was already on Good Morning America and other shows :P
@NotYou007: I got a cat who does this with a bathrobe I got for Christmas last year. Needless to say, I bought another one and let him love up the other one. I didn't know a neutered cat could feels so strongly about a bathrobe!
@Eat A Peach: LOL that's creepy too.
Oh and I forgot to mention that Dad's dogs are both miniature dachshunds. One is long and skinny and the other is smaller and more vienna sausage like. Lol, they're funny.
@sniplover: Okay so now I'm doubly grossed out by this post and almost curious enough to find out the search results of the squid "satisfying" technique.
Almost.
@jfielder23: Sick? Why? Cause animals are pure and should remain virgin till marriage? Animals need some lovin' too, for medical and psychological reasons.
@BenderRodriguez: Dominant dogs tend to suffer when not allowed to express their dominance. It works just as well as a sexual release to reduce stress.
This is an abomination. Abstinence education for dogs is clearly the answer.
Better than someones leg. My mom had a bird that would get funky with her slippers when she took him out of his cage at night. The bird would rub against it as if it was having sex with another bird.