Man, I'm so tempted...we have a black and white cat that we keep in our basement that has managed to sneak upstairs by crawling in the walls and out of the laundry chute, then again out of a maintenance panel. This time...up through the toilet pipe! But...$9 is a bit for a joke that might be used once or twice.

Flushing cats down the toilet may seem like a good idea, but it can cause thousands of dollars worth of plumbing expenses.

I was in the process of toilet training my cats to use the toilet, but one of my outside cats returned after being missing for 7 months, so I had to stall training until she can get up to speed with the rest of them.

@Saboth: It seems pretty mean to keep a cat locked in your basement. No wonder it keeps trying to sneak out!

My fiance's cat has learned to piss in the toilet, but not poop. Since he has attempted to toilet-train her, where does she crap? On the concrete basement floor, directly outside the entrance to one of the two litter boxes set up for my own sweet, non-toilet trained cat. Good times.

@GitEmSteveDave_IsTheStig: how did you start the training? I want to train my 3 year old to do that but I don't know how to get it started.

@h3llc4t:

Hey, at least concrete is easy to clean. Could be on a carpet! :)

@Saboth: This company also sells pet tombstones, which might be useful for the future, judging by the amount of trouble your cat causes. I need four of these as it is, currently.

@formergr:

Well it is a finished basement...

We have to keep her down there when we aren't home because she has some kind of "agitation" problem that causes her to pee all over our furniture. It's either keep her down there where we don't have any furniture or take her to the pound. We've tried prescription meds even, and she still has the issue.

@Saboth: The cat my family had when I was a child had the same problem, and he was put to sleep. :( I'm happy you're working with her.

@itiswhatitis: we pondered this but didn't do it in the end, but a common way to start is to put the litter box next to the toilet, then gradually raise it up until it's at the level with the toilet, then put it ON the toilet. (My cats would probably be okay with it starting on the toilet.)

Then you eventually replace the litterbox with a large basin that fits IN the toilet so they get used to standing on the seat. And then you gradually remove the litter and eventually replace it with water, and then remove the basin.

They also make a special toilet seat thingie you can buy to do the training, but this was the "low-tech" version we read up on.

They do recommend NOT teaching your cat to flush, because most cats think flushing is teh awesome and do it non-stop once they learn how.

@formergr: I keep my cat in the basement when we are not home, primarially so she does not set off the motion detectors for the security system when she jumps on the furniture. It is finished and we maintain a comfortable temperature in the basement year round. She has her bed, food, toys and litterbox, and plenty of room to run and play. How is this mean?
Sure she does not have access to the plasma TV in the basement, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): "They do recommend NOT teaching your cat to flush, because most cats think flushing is teh awesome and do it non-stop once they learn how."

God, and this is why I love cats. Obnoxious little jerkwads.

i would love to teach my cat to use the toilet, but seeing as he is the least graceful cat in all the land he would probably just end up falling into the thing over and over again. Also he likes to drink from the thing, which would probably cause problems.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Have there been any problems with the litter box falling off the toilet when they "cover up" their business? I wouldn't want to come home and find cat litter, et al all over my bathroom floor.

Also what is the general time frame this would take?

@h3llc4t: Cat's are genetically engineered to do things like that on purpose. Whether it's pooping right outside the litter box or sitting two centimeters outside of arm reach so you can't pet them, they know the perfect way to tell you "yeah I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm doing it just to irritate you."

@korybing: that's awesome that cats can flush the toilet. If I can potty train her I am going to teach her to do chores around the house and cook me dinner.

@formergr: What is the difference between a basement and a whole house? I mean, as long as the cat has a place to sun, water, food, and a litter box, they should be fine. Mine are "locked" in my house all day, and seem fine.

@itiswhatitis: I assume you are talking about a 3 year old child. My son did not want to sit on the toilet for anything until we catered to the imagination that every boy has...

Decorate the toilet as a car
Take some construction paper and cut out 4 circles all the same size (5" diameter) for the wheels, a rectangle about 8" wide, 4" tall for the license plate, and another circle about 8" in diameter for the steering wheel.

Tape the wheels on either side of the toilet near the floor, and tape the license plate on the lower front of the toilet. Tape the steering wheel on the back of the seat and place the kid on the toilet backwards (facing the tank). Tell them that they can drive the car, but the need to put gas in the tank (#1 and/or #2) (mom & dad may need to demonstrate and show them how much fun it is to drive the car). The kids will think it is fun and therefore want to spend more time on the toilet, therefore increasing the chances that they may have success.

You can also decorate the toilet as a firetruck and tell the kid that they need to put out the fire (but that may encourage spraying the "hose" from side to side.

Okay, so I'm supposed to be $10 for a gag that I install INSIDE the toilet? After the 1-time "Oh My God!" moment, I'll throw it away because I don't want a play with things that have been INSIDE a toilet. Gag are fun, but I think I'd like one I could use more than once.

@itiswhatitis: Eyebrows McGee has the right steps.

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): I would advise against the toilet seat things you can buy, as they have holes to punch out, but you can't replace them should you have to take a step backward. I'm thinking about making one from a spare piece of Home Depot plywood and a jigsaw. This way I can make it so the pieces can be put back in and secured.

I'm balking at the litterbox on the toilet thing(currently their litter box is above the level of the toilet, so they have to walk over the open lid to get to it), as my male is huge and ungainly, and I can see him tipping it.

I would have to figure out a way to secure it before switching to the plywood contraption. I also have a septic system, so their current litter(Hartz PH5)would stay in there until the system is pumped, which isn't good. It's a process, but I can picture a day when I'm not at the mercy of "Big Litter"! ;)

@korybing: Or my favorite, throw up either upstairs in the bedroom or on the huge area rug in the living room, and not on the hardwood floor which makes up the rest of the house or the runner carpets which are industrial grade, recycled plastic, and easy to clean.

@SacraBos: Have you no sense of fun and joy?

Has the world sucked your soul so dry that you do not see the value in the joy and laughter it will cause just once? If you're going to bring logic into the cat gag...I worry for the children!

@GitEmSteveDave_IsTheStig: Well of course they throw up in the one place that's hard to clean. That's their special way of telling you they love you. How else can they show it? By purring and letting you pet them? That is degrading, good sir.

@Rachacha: This is where my idea for an RFID equipped security system would be great. It would ignore the motion of cats and people who have an RFID, so it could be left on 24/7, and also could be set to set off the alarm/alert someone should someone exit the house when they are not supposed to(i.e. an elderly relative or a child at 2am, like Elizabeth Smart).

@Rachacha: haha, no, my 3 year old is my gorgeous cat name George. I thank you for the human potty training advice. When the time comes for me to have non-fur balls as my spawn I will remember your words.

@GitEmSteveDave_IsTheStig: Thats a good idea but RFID is woefully insecure.

@korybing: Please. My Dizzy LOVES being petted and purring. PLUS, when she's real happy, she kneads and drools on you!

@GitEmSteveDave_IsTheStig: We have the Litter Kwitter, and you can replace the rings to a larger one if you need to take a step backwards in training.

I saw the training thing years ago on "Real People." Anyone remember that show? Yes, I'm old.

It was called "Kitty Whiz" and I thought it was hilarious. My parents wouldn't get one because our cats were outside. Later I found an ad for it in the back of a magazine and I cut it out and stuck it in my scrapbook.

@GitEmSteveDave_IsTheStig: I have one of these: [www.litterkwitter.com]

It's not as cheap as the flimsy plastic one, but I got it half price from someone on EBay who lost her cat before she got around to training it. (Sad)

You CAN transition back to a previous training stage with this gadget, and it is way stable. I haven't trained my three yet because I've had to share the spare bathroom until recently, but my kitties are good and teachable and should do OK.

I couldn't use the flimsy plastic one anyway. My cats weigh eleven, thirteen, and sixteen pounds. Only the largest one is a Maine Coon, and he's lightly built. Even the littlest one walks like a pile driver, especially when she is trying to wake me up in the morning by stomping my boobs flat on my chest. :)

Has anyone out there actually succeeded at this? If so, how long did it take and how old was the kitty?

@HogwartsAlum: They still sell them. They're so lousy and flimsy that you're better off with the old-style plastic mixing bowl duct-taped inside the commode method.

@DPGumby: DPG, I also purchased a toddler potty seat for the toilet. One of my friends who has successfully trained her two kits (smaller than mine) says that giving them a smaller hole to shoot for and a more stable, padded base will help things when the time comes.

@Rachacha: FYI, there are motion sensors designed specifically for homes with pets. It uses two zones of motion detection out of one unit, one high and one very low. If both sensors detect motion at the same time, it assumes that a human being creating motion in both the high and low zones at the same time has walked past and it sends a signal to the main panel. But if only the lower one is set off, it's either an extremely small human, or a family pet, and no signal is sent. Ditto for the high sensor... when a pet goes up on the top of the couch, it may activate the top sensor but not the bottom one at the same moment.

Pretty clever and it really does work. But if two cats were in the house at the same time, one stretching up on the couch and one walking past the couch, that might still be a problem....

@h3llc4t: @speedwell, avatar of snark: Thank you both. Never saw THIS one before, just the cheaper ones. I too will check eBay, as I am cheap and that's too much for me to shell out right now. And there's always the $1.00 plywood scrap!

So with three posts using that referrer link, how much is Consumerist raking in on those clicks?

I look forward to the days when I have a spare bathroom so that I can do this with my cats.

@Velifer: Nothing. They are posting a link to DealNews, who then posts a link to the actual deal, so they would be the actual "referrer". Nice try though!

@speedwell, avatar of snark: Oh here it is!
[www.aah-pets.com]

LOL! My favorite is "a diploma to give your cat at the successful completion of his toilet training. " Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha!

@Kimaroo - 20% More Kitty Added!: My cat is an outside cat and she would NEVER do this. She's spoiled rotten in any case. Brat. :)

I considered teaching my cat to use the toilet, but he already shits in the bathtub for some reason, and I figured, meh, close enough.

That cat's look says "OMG, I swear if you are recording me poopie I swear the next time I'll crap on your lap!"

@aloria: I would be livid if ours did that. I like taking baths too much.

@scoosdad: Your suspicions are well-founded. Cats are just ornery enough to game the system so they can make silly humans run around panicked while they maliciously grin as they "innocently" cleaning themselves. It's the cats' world, we only live in it.

@HogwartsAlum: Mine (2 males) are indoor apartment dwellers.. My dad is trying to manufacture some kind of kitty cabana thing for our back porch so they can have the feeling of freedom outdoors but in reality it would just be an outdoor caged area with a doggie door placed in our sliding glass door.

I'm not sure why my dad feels this is nessicary.. but it gives him something to scheme about.

@bloggerX: I thought it was more of an "Um... can't you see someone is in here?"

Like the feeling you get when someone is banging on the stall door in the public restroom. I know they can see my feet.

Yours is cuter though, simply because he says "poopie".

@scoosdad:
So to all you thieves out there, take note.
Crawl through the house.
Stay down from furniture.

@HogwartsAlum: No, the real laugh is the "After a few days" part. Try more like 60 to 90.

@scoosdad: My cats seem to look for things large enough to knock over to set off the pet proof motion detectors. Last time they somehow knocked a picture off the wall. We are pretty sure the combined motion on the airborne feline and the falling picture were enough to set them off. We are still looking for their "how to annoy humans" handbook.