Highlights From The Consumerist's Junk Mail Folder
One of the (dis)advantages of having your e-mail address posted on the open interweb is spam, spam, spam, and more spam. This does, however, mean that some very entertaining messages slip through our filters over at tips@consumerist.com, and we'd be remiss in not sharing them.
Good Day,
My name is Jim White, a member of the U.S. ARMY 3rd Infantry Division in
Iraq. I would like to share some highly classified information about my personal experience and the role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving in the U.S. ARMY. However, I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons until you have the time to visit the BBC website stated below. This will enable you to have insight as to what I'm intending to share with you. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm
Please get back to me after visiting the above referenced website to enable us to discuss the matter more. I'm uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing if you are indeed with me or you decide to go public.Sincerely,
Jim
Oh, well, by all means, send that highly classified information to my Gmail account.
The news story that "Sgt. White" wanted us to read, of course, was a BBC story from 2003 about a huge cache of currency ($100 million and €90 million) discovered in a Baghdad residential neighborhood. Ah, see what the scammers did there? By using an actual news story, if one that's six years old, it almost lends his story some credibility once he finally gets around to asking you to wire him your life savings.
Then, apparently someone used the Benin United Parcel Service to send me a package worth $1.5 million. Gee, I didn't think I had any relatives in Benin, let alone any who left me a big inheritance.
UNITED PARCEL SERVICE BENIN
ATTENTION ,Customer,
WE RECEIVED YOUR PARCEL IN OUR CUSTODY VALUED $1.5 MILLION TO BE SENT YOU AS SOON AS WE RECEIVED YOUR INTERNATIONAL INSURANCE FEES OF $350.00, KINDLY LET US KNOW AS SOON AS YOU ARE READY TO SEND YOUR INSURANCE FEES TO ENABLE US OBTAIN YOUR INSURANCE AND DELIVER YOUR PARCE TO YOU,
YOUR'S FAITHFULLY
MR. Daniel John.
TEL: 229-96340519
Respond to my direct email,upsexpresscourier@eze.co.za
Only $350 for insurance on a package worth several times as much as my house? SWEET.
(Photo: Fuzzy Gerdes)
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Comments:
*checks spam mail folder*
"Why Lie? I Need Money"
"Your Pole will be Promoted!"
"No efforts for raising your rod"
"Make your Banana Huge"
"Virilying your bulge"
"Does your cock suck?"
"Ever making her come multiple times?"
and a bunch of boring ones about mortgage, "can you hear me now?", watches, C14L15, V14GR3, etc
@pecan 3.14159265: Sometimes the people that need to understand this are too generally clueless and don't want to hear what your telling them.
There are so many incarnations of these scams it is impossible to inform people who lack common sense of each individual one.
I used to get some hilarious spam about a year ago, now it's gone back to the usual stuff. Examples: [img.photobucket.com]
@pecan 3.14159265: I find a scissor or wire cutters applied directly to the cord coming out of the WAN port of their router to be a prudent first step. :)
I sometimes get completely useless spam. Like there will be a nonsensical subject and a single, equally nonsensical message. No links, no attachments.
@gStein:
Checks spam folder which 5021 LESS unread messages than my inbox:
POTENTCpenisgking
Love vitality after 60? Yes! - She likes it big
Lasandra Freeborn
Likely to get tired of such a cha - It all came about as he designed, and Daisy Kent lived at The Elms. Morley thought he would sell …
Katharyn Hornack
Request for feedback - Medical Update August 26, 2009 Reports on contemporary treatments, commentary & analysis …
shopMED_goodSEXgking
Very urgent - Don't waste your time on acne. Clearitol does it
Luis Marsh
Rolex -200$ Omega 200- and others qd - Rolex Sports Models 18Kt SS Black Dial II - Men * Automatic movement. * Fully functional …
POTENTCpenisgteck2000
Great offers today - Choose our huge company with absolute superb service
Adannaya Ackland
Vegas casino - Join Euro Club Casino today and get up to 400euro free! [[redacted]].com
Norris
Hello - bronco cheery gibber voodoo? baton polish bode. tarsi levity zombie mutiny. either bulky adapt …
Bolanle Banvard
Steel casino - 555euro is Waiting for You at Exclusive Club Casino [[redacted]].c0m
One of the better ones I got recently. Thanks to the internet I pictured a cat typing the message.
From: Internal Revenue Services
Body: You have get a Tax Refund on your Visa or MasterCard.
Complete the formular, and get your Tax Refund.
(Your Refund Amount Is $620.50)
-- Shady link goes here --
Copyright © 2009 - Internal Revenue Service. All rights reserved.
Never trust a man with two first names.
The best one I got recently was (paraphrased):
Hello,
I am a lawyer, and on behalf of my client ? [sic] who has passed away, I wanted to let you know that you were mentioned in his will. ? provided very generously for you in his will, and as a relative of ? please contact me"
etc. etc.
I didn't know I was related to a ?. Is he a supervillain?
@bohemian: This is 100% true. From personal experience I know this...with elderly grandparents very much set in their ways. And, the best medicine, was tough love. A fool and his money are soon parted. So they had to figure it out the hard way, then they were more "open" to hearing what was really going on and why people aren't always on the up-and-up.
Oh, come on... SPAM brightens my day. For one minute, I feel like a rock hard gazillionaire that can make my woman come over and over, with excellent chances to pursue my degree in (insert profession here) with paypal on my side notifying me every five minutes about my account security (thanks, guys!) and on top of that...
FREE GIFT CARDS!*
*providing I sign up with at least 100 of their affiliated companies.
It's a small step, but I teach anyone that forwards a scam, to look things up under the Snopes website.
It's a little victory and makes them feel empowered to tell others that what they just sent them is fake.
@YamiNoSenshi: I get those too (presumably, we all do). What amazes me is how poetic they are. Anyone know what the point is of these haphazardly artful little snippets?
@Verucalise(wantsherfigureback): Any chance you can share that secret to make a woman come over and over again. It's, uh, for my friend.
maybe these kinds of messages are an attempt to fool the filtering algorithms to "white-list" the source of the e-mails so that the actual, more nefarious spam will get through.
Of all the days to see this post....my gmail account was hacked last night for the purpose of sending spam to my "contacts" list. Now I'm resubscribed to lists I long since left, and I know my references and friends think less of me than I thought (people are telling me they had to read the email a couple times to realize that it wasn't from me, even though it was directing them to some chinese electronics site).
The best one I ever got was penis enhancement for my dog. Not mistakenly addressed to my dog, but actually for dogs.
@GitEmSteveDave_♥'sRenegadeIrishman: Making her come is infinitely easier than making her go away...
My spambox is all viagra and codeine.
@pecan 3.14159265: Sometimes it works better if you don't tell them what could happen to them--you tell them what happened to you. (I'd be willing to stretch the literality of that "you," or invent a friend.) That way you're not lecturing from your high horse, you're sharing a story.
@pecan 3.14159265: The first one actually sounded semi-legitimate at first. No clear mention of money, coherent native English... if he hadn't given his name and some personal history shortly before proposing treason, it might not have tripped a red flag for me at all - until I saw the article.
(Actually, after looking it up, that wouldn't be treaosn in the US, btu I'm not sure what it would actually fall under. Up here, it's a textbook case.)
@pecan 3.14159265: If they won't stop opening and reading spam e-mails you could always spam them with news articles about people who were ripped off.
You said they won't grasp that people do this. Have you tried telling them and they didn't believe you or are you just saying they can't spot a scam on their own?
To anyone unlucky enough to still be unfamiliar with it, I'd like to bring the website 419eater.com to your attention.
This is a hub for stories and information on people who bait these email scammers into spending their own money chasing the funds of their targets, which in theory should deplete their resources and slow this type of activity down.
I do NOT recommend anyone actually attempting scambaiting unless you are VERY confident you know what you're doing, as these scammers can be dangerous, but I do recommend reading the stories posted on the website as they are extremely entertaining. Here's one of my favorites: [www.419eater.com]
@sporesdeezeez: I always assumed those were spammers testing the addresses.
In which case you'd think they'd be blank but *shrug*.
@pecan 3.14159265: the common craft site that was featured here a couple weeks ago is a good start (though phishing & 401 scams are slightly different)--> [consumerist.com]
plus, they have a video on zombies, which is f-ing awesome (though slightly incorrect - zombies can't swim, but they can walk underwater, so escape by water =/= safe!) --> [commoncraft.com]
back to seriousness at hand, though. it's just like teaching any topic: know your audience, learn how to reach them & provide yourself as an information source when needed. that ID theft brochure? meh. no zombies there.
phonebusters, sponsored by the RCMP, has a pretty substantial list of scams to watch out for - excellent place to start b/c many of these scams originate in canada & the RCMP is working hard to shut them down. --> [www.phonebusters.com]
consumerist editors: it would be really cool if you provided a "scam alert" quick link to information on things like phishing, skimming, 419-letters, etc. when you unveil the new site.
@mac-phisto: i would think zombies are little too dehydrated and would therefore float? or is that just mummies?
@catastrophegirl: nope. misconception. they actually retain most of the weight of a living human, but they also don't breathe. therefore, their body has no ballast & will sink to the bottom. without need of oxygen or a food source for weeks or even months, plus global currents aiding movement speed, bodies of water are like zombie highways.
what is unknown is who wins the zombie vs. shark encounter. a marine biologist reportedly attempted a cage match between the two in the early 80's. his crew & ship disappeared & were never heard from again.
@legotech: Aw, man. And I just ran out of brain soap. Now that knowledge is gonna stick around forever.
@mac-phisto: With WWZ Zombies, yeah, I'd avoid the water. In fact, in the beginning stages of the Zombie War, there were quite a few maritime disasters precipitated by refugees attempting to avoid Zack by putting out to sea.
With Left 4 Dead zombies, though, it may be a viable alternative. While we don't know if the infected can swim, they still need to breathe, so drowning is a potential outcome. Of course, there's also the chance the virus could mutate, and then we'd get a marine version of the Tank, or worse, the Witch. But at least with L4D infected Yonkers wouldn't have been a disaster.
@catastrophegirl: ahh, but think of all the unanswered questions that poses: is the shark a zombie b/c the zombie feasted on the shark? if so, the zombie won, as zombies don't attack other zombies. or is the shark a zombie b/c it feasted on the zombie flesh? this is less likely as animals seem to know to avoid feasting on the infected, but could pose an interesting (& insidious) discovery: perhaps jaws was, in fact, the first known zombie shark!
furthermore, does the pathogen affect animals the same as humans? this is disputed. zombie parasites in animals seem to work differently than in humans - instead of manipulating the host to feast to spread the infection, they trick the host into being feasted upon! [discovermagazine.com]
@miryam: Of course, ? is the lead singer for ? and the Mysterians. If you don't reply to the e-mail, you'll cry 96 Tears. Reply now!
@sporesdeezeez: Go to YouTube and enter "SpamLand" -- some of these have been animated in the most clever way.
@gStein: I actually did some contract work for a Cialis questionnaire, I had to constantly explain to my email program that it wasn't spam!
@mac-phisto: I bought a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide ([en.wikipedia.org]) just in case, ha ha, and it scared the living crap out of me. Then I got depressed. If it really happens we're totally screwed.
@HogwartsAlum: you should also check out our very own Meghann Marco's "Field Guide to the Apocalypse: Movie Survival Skills for the End of the World" [www.amazon.com]
it's also a little more versatile. for example, what if the zombies DON'T attack, but the apemen DO? whatcha gonna do when they come for you?!?
Good timing. This is what happened to me today.
So, I am selling a PS3 on craigslsit and despite my instance that you must mention the PS3 when you reply to me, I got a "Do you still have it" reply.
Here is what transpired. I still believe he is a scammer.
My PS3 on Craigslist
[tucson.craigslist.org]
Notice I posted that you MUST mention the PS3 in the add or I will think your a scammer?
Avoid scams and fraud by dealing locally! Beware any deal involving Western Union, Moneygram, wire transfer, cashier check, money order, shipping, escrow, or any promise of transaction protection/certification/
guarantee.
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Hi,I will like to know if you still have it for sale?
Terry Pasley to Danny
Yes
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Thanks for your response and am glad to know that it is still for sale.However i have few questions on the product you are selling.1,I would like to know the reason you are selling it..?2,What is the current condition of the item..?3,What is your price, though am alright with the listed price..?4,Do you have the original box and the receipt for it ..?5,Would you please allow me to pay through pay pal even though i will be responsible for the fees of the shipping,Am out of town for an official Assignment and i would like to purchase it from you on behalf of my friend whose who needs this.If you do not have a PayPal account,you can do so by going to WWW.PayPal.com and set up your account it is free,easy and guarantee transaction safety.Once you send me your paypal email account, I will send you the payment for your item as well as some money to cover the shipping via USPS EXPRESS MAIL SERVICE.I would be glad if my request is favorably considered.Thanks
Terry Pasley to Danny (At this point i'm convinced he is a scammer)
Thanks much for your great reply.
At first I was not sure anyone would be interested in a used purple dildo/butt plug.
I have cleaned it but not all of the stains would come off. It still smells kinda funny.
1. We are selling it because we recently replaced that purple one with a vibrating neon pink one. Every girl loves pink ya know.
2. As I said before, it is in great shape, but smells a little funny.
3. Price was $225 but because your my only offer so far and seem really nice, I am willing to lower my price for you to just $175.00
4. It did not really come in a box originaly, it came in a wierd blisterpack type of wrapper. The kind that you have to cut open with scissors while wearing thick gloves or else you will get cut and bleed all over your moms freshly cleaned carpet. Mom really hates when I get blood on the carpet.
I don't think I mentioned it in the add but my wife is 1 armed now. She cut werself opening the Puprle didle/butt plug and besides really pissing my mom off because she got blood all over the carpet, her hand got infected real bad and they had to amputate below the elbow.
But, girls loved their dildos and she still wanted the pink one. (And it vibrates to boot)
5. Playpal would be fine, can you tell me again how to setup a playpal account? Im new to this whole internets thing and so far I think it's really neat.
I meet so many nice people on here. All I ever met before was perverts when I was using my Atari, plus I had to walk to the mall or arcade to meet them and usualy they were smelly 27 year old nerds with glasses and beards and looked like they ate pizza off their shirts then wiped their butt with it.
Did I mention the smell?
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Terry,I was replying to your Ad about a playstation. and not a dildo
Terry Pasley to Danny
It is a playstation, in fact, it is our third one. The last 2 we setup were used so much the rubber started wearing off and poking he nether-bits
We have it setup in a corner of our workshop, where we keep our sex-slaves.
In the playstation we have our vibrators, dildos, rubber masks and gloves, all kinds of yummy lubes, spike collars, and cats.
We just love them cats.
So are you still interested?
And hey, if your ever in town would you like to come by and join us for some adult fun?
Just let me know and I will start warming up the chicken fat.
Danny Fidelis to Terry
You got Jokes Terry! What about working for me,I created the site,www.bigtitsatwork.com and many more.
Terry Pasley to Danny
Well,
First you broke all the rules.
#1. I said that you MUST mention the PS3 when you replied.
You didn't.
I even said if you don't, I will assume you are a scammer.
#2. Craigslist is for dealing LOCALLY. Never ship anything.
#3. Never take Wired money.
I was not born yesterday. I know what you were trying to do.
You would get my account, mabey transfer some money into it, then next thing I knew that money would be gone, my account would be flagged, and if I had any more money in the account, it would be gone too.
I wont be scammed. Better luck elsewhere.
Hope you enjoyed the story though
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Terry,You are just being stupid,no offense do you think ,you are the only one with the Ad for a playstation so I dnt have time to read all what is inside an Ad.Nice Story,you could be a writer.
Terry Pasley to Danny
Well, thanks for that.
I have been through this many times with craigslist.
Usually someone says "Is your item still available"
I reply yes
Then I start getting work at home offers. (Because my email address is known-good)
So, If you were just looking to buy a PS3, that cool.
We both had a laugh today,
But I'm still not taking chances with online payment or shipping.
Good luck, hope you get a PS3 for your friend.
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Thanks Terry! Can't stop laughing ,how do you come about the story?
Terry Pasley to Danny
Made it up on the fly.
Trying to bee as weird as possible
Was sure you were a robot or Nigerian scammer and would just be replying with how to setup the paypal account and ignoring the rest of the details.
Danny Fidelis to Terry
Lol
![[img.photobucket.com]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/lethael/gmail_spam.gif){kind=link}
It's sad that people would fall for that though - especially the first one. A lot of people who fall for it wouldn't even look for cash payout - it may be elderly people who think they're getting a pen pal.
Here's a sidebox question for you guys: how do you go about helping or educating someone on online scams like bootleg DVDs from China on fake ecommerce sites? Leave a ID Theft and You brochure on the coffee table? It's hard to educate without seeming condescending, especially when someone genuinely does not grasp that people will do this. That foolish naïveté must be destroyed.