Rule of thumb, you don't need 90% of the nonsense stores and baby magazines claim you do.

We just had a kid 2 months ago. I found Baby Bargains to be a good starting point but it seemed like online stores catered to the reviews, such as mattresses that were marked up a few bucks since they were rated #1. I guess that is capitalism.

We got a ton of our stuff used from friends and family. We bought the important stuff but saved a fortune. Our boy isn't going to care that his stroller was used or that half his clothes came from a church consignment sale.

@bohemian: Isn't Rule #2 to Buy Used, because your spawn is going to out grow all the crap you buy them fairly quickly for the first 5 or so years?

@JustinSane07: I kept on doing that for the first 15 or so years :P

For clothes, resale, resale, resale. If you live near a Children's Orchard, get on their mailing list to be told about their $5 fill-a-bag sales. Bag size varies by store...it was pretty small in Austin (which might be why they closed) but in Henderson, NV, it was grocery-store size. You can roll up a lot of onesies into that!

When we shopped for a crib (which is something you want to be careful about with resale), all the baby stores had was unnecessarily fancy stuff for $450 and up. We took a weekend trip to California to get to IKEA and got a great crib that converts to a toddler bed for $169. Oh, and that's just the crib folks...mattresses are extra. Baby store mattresses started at $99, the IKEA mattress was $25.

We're so glad we didn't bother with a drop-side...not only are they constantly being recalled, but you do NOT want to finally get that kid to sleep and put them in their crib and then have to rattle the side shut!

Also, Target's bargain bins often have baby socks, bibs, hats, etc for a buck, and really cute stuff at that.

@bohemian:
BabyBargains claims that "the average cost of a baby topping $6000 for the first year alone".
I've tried adding up the costs and don't get anywhere near $6000.

@JustinSane07: Things not to buy used*: car seat and crib. The primary issue for a car seat is recall information. The issues for cribs are making sure that you have all the parts, original instructions, and also that the store can contact you in case of a recall. Everything else? Get it at the used baby store or from family or friends. (or craigslist, or ...)

Craigslist is great for finding used baby gear. Clothes, furniture, toys, etc. I love that site.

@DreamTheEndless: i agree...

Just a general tip: If a baby product is marked oeko-tex certified, that means it was made with no harmful substances. Baby products are getting into this.

[www.oeko-tex.com] Main page site
[serenesling.com] An example of a product that is oeko-tex certified

When I worked at BRU I recommended the Baby Bargains book to all my registering parents; in fact, I even bought a copy to keep at our store for our staff to reference and show parents.

We carried the CR book, but it just wasn't as good (sorry guys!).

Affordable is great, but make sure not to confuse affordable and cheap! Sometimes, things cost more for a reason. For example, you don't necessarily need the most expensive car seat you can buy: Britax is very pricey, for several reasons, but most parents feel they're better served with a seat like the Evenflo Triumph.

Also, don't be afraid of recalls: A large majority of recalls occur because companies can't control the stupidity of parents. Cribs were frequently being recalled because of things like "if" screws were to loosen, x could happen. If the parents had read the directions or even had an ounce of common sense, they would know to check and tighten screws periodically.

If you want me to blog about all the books that I've glanced at while shopping at Barnes and Noble and all the consumer reports that I haven't read while calling mayoral candidates "fags" and calling your friends "drunks," just say the word.

OK, folks, you sound like you know what you're talking about. Can you answer a question for me?

I'm in my early forties and I've never had kids, but I remember what Mom had around when my younger brothers were babies. It seems like there's a hundred times as much "indispensable" crap to buy for babies now that Mom would never have heard of, let alone bought.

I have a young friend in her early 20s who is trying to escape an abusive marriage, but she has a small baby son. I want to help her get at least the minimum she needs for the baby when she goes out on her own.

When I was her age and working low-status jobs, some of my co-workers would tell scary stories about social workers causing trouble because the moms didn't have this oddball thing or that. The things in question weren't basics like diapers, food, rompers, or a crib. They were things like "not enough" or "not the right kind" of toys, bottles, or diapers, or like not having a separate bedroom for the baby (with ten months left on a lease in a one-bedroom flat).

Does anyone know the list of baby paraphernalia that will keep the Child Protective Services sharks off her case for the time being so she can rebuild her life with her kid? We can arrange to get all the stuff from a variety of sources, but money is tight and I don't want to waste it on buying something unnecessary when we need every bit for just what's necessary right now.

@billbillbillbill: Exactly. You need a few cute, brand-new outfits for when you're out and about showing off your new addition, but for at home, why pay full price for something they're just going to poop on and then grow out of?

And don't get me started on designer shoes for babies. *rollseyes*

Don't bother with all the glossy magazines and expensive books... They will waste both your time and money.

Talk to your own parents and ask them for advice and help. Way back in the day when my first was on the way we got advise and equipment from our parents. It was generally great advise and solid equipment.

Also, consider that all the money you waste on gadgets and crap for a baby, as if the baby itself were a consumer craze, is money you can't have grow into a college education for the kid.

Even if you think the crap is absolutely necessary wait until you need to use it before buying.

The best part about babies is that for the first year they do little else but poop, eat and sleep. You don't need a lot of extra gadgets for this, diapers, boobs, and a safe crib.

Now the odd advise for those who get guilted into buying the educational must have craze of the day. Don't bother. If you want your child to grow up smart well adjusted and ready for success... All you need to do is turn off the TV and talk, read and play with them.

By the way for those of you who feel both parents can have a career and kids, using daycare and sitters as enablers... Do us all a favor and don't have kids. Kids are your career...

@speedwell, avatar of snark: Depending on what state you're in, you can find some information out on the Child Protective Services website. Other than that: is she a good mother? Not in the "does she take her child to museums?" kind of way, but in the "does she forget to feed her child?" kind of way.

Unless you know the specifics of what kinds of problems CPS had with your former co-workers, I do not think you can believe every single thing you've heard. Having "not enough" toys, bottles, and diapers may not seem like something very important, but these can be indicators of future neglect, or unintentional neglect simply out of frustration.

Some social workers look for markers that the child is developmentally stunted or listless without medical reason, whether it's from lack of healthy food, lack of exercise, etc. It's sad, but money being tight does factor into that. Baby food and formula are both very expensive. They may factor the quality of the food as well.

I bought the Consumer Reports book last year. I also signed up for the "free" trial website subscription. Both had some good info, but definitely not worth the $12. You could just photocopy the top 5 list for each category.

It was really just reliability testing. Try to find a book with actual reviews, suggestions and examples of practical usage.

Consumer Reports needs to go a little deeper on their next book.

@speedwell, avatar of snark: I don't know for sure about exacts that social workers look for, but I do know that daycare inspectors look for toys that are safe, age appropriate and educational. They pick on crazy weird things too. In NC, Disney books can loose you your 5 star daycare rating because they are too violent. I would try to find a social worker who doesn't work in your area online, and have them analyze the things you buy. If they are really in it to help people, they should be willing to give an hour or so of time to help you figure everything out.

Hah, I had already finished the article and was going thru the comments when I finally noticed baby gap was "modified" into baby crap. *sigh*, I'm so easily amused today.

@pecan 3.14159265 (now with star power): She's a good, decent young lady and she lives totally for her son. She's trying to leave her soon-to-be-ex because she refuses to raise her baby in that toxic environment. I'm the one who's freaked out about the possibly unreasonable visiting busybody requests, not her. She's just focused on making sure the baby gets what he needs. That's why I feel she really deserves the help. (By the way, we live in Texas.)

You may be right about the stories I heard being exaggerated, but I would be at a complete loss myself if I had to deal with a newborn alone. Thanks for the advice.

@speedwell, avatar of snark:
you can get a generic crib at walmart for about a hundred bucks and see if you can find crib bedding at a consignment shop - clothes can also be purchased at a consignment shop along with bibs hats socks burp cloths small blankets (get 2 so you can rotate with washing) - Diapers walmart has a brand called WhiteCloud that is decently priced and gets the job done...bottles that hold at least 6 ounces (any brand) and bottle cleaning brush *replacement nipples* try and have at least 8 bottles - 2-3 cans of formula and cereal and baby food (if the baby is old enough)... and a 1 gallon jug of distilled water... car seat ... and some random age appropriate toys....

@K-Bo: Thanks for that. It almost sounds like we need some sort of consultant! That about the Disney books is grade-A, weapons-grade idiocy. It's exactly that sort of thing that I'm trying to protect her from.

@missy070203: That's terrific info, thank you! I have a feeling she has a good idea what the basics are. I'm mostly just trying to see that nothing essential that might be overlooked gets left out.

@speedwell, avatar of snark: Here's the website for Texas: [www.dfps.state.tx.us]

If she's going to pursue divorce, in which case he may file for joint custody, she needs all the evidence she can find regarding his abusive tendancies. If it's emotional, she needs to have witnesses, and people who can vouch that this is happening. If it's physical, she may want to bring up medical records, or take photos. This is a scary situation, and you're being a very good friend. If he is the type to truly frighten her, she should consider changing her cell phone number, and living somewhere else for a while, but not with friends or family because he'll look there.

She should alert authorities if she believes that she and the baby are in danger. This is not only important for her protection, but brings up a paper trail she can use against him in custody hearings.

@bohemian: absolutely. I am so glad we got almost everything "free" from baby showers and gifts because the first year goes by in a wink and you are just cycling stuff through. My daughter HATED the swing and bouncy chair, would only be held, so I ended up just giving that stuff away after a couple months. I am also glad I didn't buy the "baby food maker" and other one use appliances. She went from formula to baby food to table food in a matter of months.

@puddinhead: Wouldn't a food processor work as a "baby food maker"?

@GreatWhiteNorth: I have to say I am really offended by the comment at the end "By the way for those of you who feel both parents can have a career and kids, using daycare and sitters as enablers... Do us all a favor and don't have kids. Kids are your career... " I have been a single mom for 6 years and I take correspondance classes for my Masters and work full time - and when I'm at work my daughter is in an excellent program - she has swim lessons everyday, gymnastics, extra math and language courses summer study programs - and through all of that she has learned to be a very well socialized child - she loves her classes and is doing very well in school - she has fun in her programs and even if I didn't work I would still pay to enroll her at least 2 days a week so that she can have those classes and interact with other children .... and when she is at home with me - we do everything together - - eat dinner together every night - soccer practice...bake cookies go to the zoo vacations visit family read together at least 3 books a day I even play barbies with her before her bath every night....we are very open and honest with each other and have a very good relationship.... and after she goes to bed I do my homework for my classes and type my papers .... It is possible to be a good parent and have a career if your willing to work hard enough - yes I get flat out exhausted I sleep maybe 3 hours a night but the $200 I spend a week for all her lessons and programs is worth every penny and the time we spend together is priceless - so if you want to get technical I have 3 careers 1. My daughter 2. Work 3. school - - and I make it work - - it takes a lot of strategic planning with her school and her programs but it works very well for us - - - not every parent has a spouse for whatever reason to "enable" the other to be a stay at home parent - and for those of us who have to take care of everything financially alone - we have to have a career - so keep your ignorance to yourself

@JennQPublic: Excellently so, but some of the baby food makers have additional functionality like steam cooking. For some people, that little bit of extra convenience is probably worth it.

@GreatWhiteNorth: I don't get why you have to give up one to be another. Wasn't it just about 50 years ago that women were giving up any semblence of a career just to be a wife? Haven't we moved past this? There are plenty of women who are capable of being very good, very competent mothers, and wish to have some kind of life of their own. I don't understand why some stay at home parents think they're so above everyone else.

@GreatWhiteNorth: Ah, yes. Women and men can't possibly have multifaceted lives, but mostly the women, amirite? Those uppity little twits think they can have a career and care for their children, but that doesn't make any sense!

Oh my god, what is wrong with you?

@Pink Puppet: One of my friends worked for the first five years of her kid's life and found it more enriching because she had a life outside of diapers and Dora the Explorer. She recently left work because she's preparing for her second child but still sends her kid off to day school because she doesn't actually believe that one's life has to be completely and utterly dependent on the mood of her child. She...gasp..actually wants to be away from her kid once in a while. And she likes being away from her kid. How evil.

You can get cribs and car seats used sometimes. Cribs have a few safety issues you can check for, and older models can be looked up to check for recalls. The main concern with car seats is that they should never be used after they've been in an accident - even if they seem fine. You can't trust any stranger, but I used my sister's car seat (she used it on two kids, now a third will use it before it goes into a landfill). You just have to know the history.

Biggest waste is changing tables - you'll find you hardly ever use it before it's outgrown. Invest in a good changing mat (I love my patemm pad but others are just as good - you'll be staring at it a lot so go ahead and find something you think is pretty). Then any flat surface is a changing table!

@K-Bo: Disney books are too violent? Good lord, what will happen to them if they show old Looney Tunes shorts?

@speedwell, avatar of snark: "They were things like "not enough" or "not the right kind" of toys, bottles, or diapers, or like not having a separate bedroom for the baby (with ten months left on a lease in a one-bedroom flat)."

In some states, there are actually rules on how many square feet each child in the household has to have. (Also, babies are RIDICULOUSLY NOISY sleepers. Some people can sleep with them in; some don't sleep AT ALL until that baby gets its own room. I know parents in one bedrooms who had to put the baby in the hallway until they could move.)

For a crib, you might look at a Pack n Play from Graco. They're not terribly expensive, and if you get the fancy ones, they're a changing table, bassinet, and playyard/crib all in one, plus they fold up for travel. If space and money is an issue, that's a good compromise.

What each parent "needs" varies somewhat by the parent and by the baby -- we bought the recommended number of burp clothes, but had to TRIPLE that because my spawn has reflux and spits up a LOT. But we haven't really used any of the little hats since he's a summer baby; just the one he came home from the hospital in. (Sun hats, yes, we use those.) Similarly, having "seats" for him was a godsend (bouncy chair and swing) because of his reflux; he has to stay upright after feedings or would scream with discomfort. There are only so many hours you can hold a baby. :) But they're not "necessary" per se, and a baby who didn't like seats wouldn't need them.

What you NEED are a safe place for the baby to sleep, a safe carseat, somewhere to wash the baby (a sink is fine. A dishpan is fine. Baby baths that go in the tub can be bought for about $25 at Target-type stores.), clothes, diapers/wipes, and food. Pampers and Huggies are more absorbant than non-premium brands, but the Costco diapers are also great. Some parents use the premium brands overnight and the non-premium cheaper ones during the day. Wipes are wipes unless the baby has a reaction. If she's breastfeeding, you can get by with just a couple bottles for backup; otherwise you'll need several depending on your tolerance for washing them (by hand or in dishwasher). Same with clothes -- you can get by with less if you'll wash them more often.

Some form of baby mobility is helpful -- stroller, baby bjorn, sling, etc. -- but not strictly necessary (and you can always carry them around in the carseat. (however, those carseats weigh a freaking ton and I can barely carry it when my son is in it)

A lot of the toiletries/medicines you can buy as needed ... other than shampoo, body wash, and sunblock, my kid hasn't really needed anything else, though we did stock up with the vaseline, diaper rash cream, baby motrin, etc. (He has had baby tylenol for his shots but they gave it to us at the doc.) If you have a 24-hour pharmacy nearbyish, you can probably skip that stuff if you're willing to run out when you need it. Similarly stuff like pacifiers; you can always get them if you need them.

As for toys, there are a lot of cute, inexpensive toys around, but I don't think you have to worry about them -- you will buy them because you can't help yourself, and other people will give them as gifts, and you can find them at thrift shops.

I'm trying to think if there's anything major I left out. Towels are good ... they can serve as changing areas on the floor, burp cloths, furniture protectors, towels for drying the baby ....

Oh, detergent. I use Tide Free anyway because my skin is pretty sensitive, and that's fine for my baby. I don't think you need to get Dreft unless the baby is super-sensitive.

(My first post - please be kind)

Some things we definitely needed/used:
* cheap, manual breast pump and storage bags
* baby slings and "backpacks"
* baby-sized fingernail clippers
* baby mittens for newborns
* good car seat that you can move about easily
* a swing (thank goodness for that!)
* Dr. Seuss books
* a camera
* a radio for the room (more for me than for them)
* A&D ointment
* a crib you can live with

Some things we definitely did not need/used:
* baby monitor (seriously? you can't hear your infant without one?? it's when they're quiet that you need to worry)
* baby bathtub (she bathed with me, on my lap)
* stroller (we did have an umbrella-type stroller, but usually it was the sling/backpacks that we used)
* baby shoes/boots (feet never touch the ground when they're infants)
* a playpen (AKA a baby cage - put them in the crib if you need to go pee alone)
* a bassinet
* baby wipe warmers
* a fancy diaper bag (old backpack works perfectly)

I had to go to Babies R Us recently to fulfill a baby shower request, and I nearly went into a seizure viewing all the extraneous crap. My beloved had to handle the transaction because I just wanted to spit. Also, all the clothes we had were either gifts, borrowed, or on clearance. Well, I did buy these cute little socks that looked like Chuck All Stars at regular price. Priorities, ya know.

I am curious what Eyebrows McGee has to say on this subject.

@GreatWhiteNorth: "By the way for those of you who feel both parents can have a career and kids, using daycare and sitters as enablers... Do us all a favor and don't have kids. Kids are your career..."

Upper middle class privileged much?

@speedwell, avatar of snark: Maybe also get things that will give you some brownie points from a safety perspective (that you'll need anyway) like outlet safety covers, cabinet locks, table corner covers, etc. Make sure you have enough active smoke detectors too.

@slaveforturtles: Forgot to add - didn't need a changing table. We had a changing pad on the floor. Your baby can't fall off the floor.

@speedwell, avatar of snark: I wish your friend all the luck!
I escaped an abusive ex husband three years ago. At the time my youngest was 1 1/2 old.
Child protective services just looks to see if the house is clean and talk to the mother. They can see through the fake crying and scheming most abusive husbands pull. If the baby looks healthy and has clean diapers, clothes to wear, a place to sleep, and food to eat they aren't going to give her a hard time. Don't run around and party or do drugs (which I doubt she is) She will be okay with the basics. I'm not sure about the baby needing it's own room or not.

@Pink Puppet: "Oh my god, what is wrong with you? "

It's upper-middle-class parenting-as-competition where the most martyred mother wins the prize, and where everyone who didn't make the same choices as you has to be run down because you're really, really insecure about your decisions and can only feel good about them if everyone makes the same exact ones or is ostracized for failing to conform. It's a crazy, crazy level of emotional immaturity, especially in a parent.

It always makes me think of Hemmingway's comment about "broad lawns and narrow minds." Because GWN can't possibly conceive of the idea there are people out there who have to work to FEED their children! GWN might have to leave her suburban enclave to run into THOSE people. She might swoon with shock.

And I say that as someone privileged enough to stay home with my spawn, not as someone who's defensive about being at work. Good God, people, there are a thousand ways to be a good parent, and just because someone else makes different choices than you do, that doesn't mean your choices are bad!

@GreatWhiteNorth: I hate to break it to you but babies do a heck of a lot more than sleep eat and poop in their first year!

@JennQPublic: Except for the fact that the vast majority of food processors on the market contain BPA in their plastic components that come into contact with food. The most popular "baby food maker" on the market not only contains the steam cooking function that Pink Puppet mentioned, but is entirely BPA-free.

Here's a tip: Parenting Magazine is a scam. It's just a magazine of advertising, useless common sense 'tips' that are actually product placements, and other articles that are really just advertisements.

@ClockOnTheStove: +1

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Thank you, I wasn't really sure how to approach that mentality until you shed a little bit of light on it.

I'm actually more horrified by the prospect that there's an entire group of women that think like this, but at least I have the faintest idea as to where that crazy bit of commentary had come from.

@geeky_reader: Agreed. Craigslist is a great site for finding baby furniture.

This is coming from the father of a one month old, whose nursery (crib, rocker/glider, changing table, swing, pack&play) all cost less than 200 bucks total.

I've got to dissent on Baby Bargains. I bought it when I was pregnant with my first and treated it like my Bible, but by the time I had my second I realized I'd spent MORE money shopping by their list than I would have on my own. Would not recommend.

@ henrygates: almost all magazines are scams. And I say this as someone who has worked in the industry. Magazines don't exist to improve your life. They exist to sell ads.

@pecan 3.14159265 (now with star power): Thanks. I've been though it myself (sand baby) and I'm just doing some of the things I wished someone had been there to do for me. Call it "create your own karma." LOL I'm 100% with you on everything you said.

Folks, if you get mad a lot and yell or hit or call names or destroy things, please be conscious of what you are doing and work to stop. If you are the target of yelling or hitting or put-downs or destructive behavior, I'm here to tell you that leaving an abusive relationship is no worse, emotionally, than breaking up in a normal long-term relationship (and is in many ways better).

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): That is the ultimate checklist, exactly what I was asking for, thanks!

It sounds a bit like the disaster preparedness kits we're putting together for hurricanes here on the Gulf Coast, heh.