/me waits for all the people who will read this post and think its real....

It'll be fun to run next door and borrow a cup of sugar from Dick Cheney.

Are relocation expenses covered?

Can I still do this if I have to Google the name of the remote village first in order to ascertain the correct spelling, look up climate information, and then determine the best route via Google Maps?

Then you'll know where I'm going! Drats!

More reasonable than I was expecting actually since there were remote villages chasing google cars out of their villages.

@OminousG: Bingo!!!

@katstermonster: P.S. Honestly, I thought these would cease after we mocked them in Consumerist Bingo. I can't believe I'm still winning!!!

@pecan 3.14159265: But how are we going to find the remote village without Google Maps? O HALP!

Even In-N-Out isn't safe: Link

@floraposte: I think you'll be safe as long as you're not a lawyer. At least he only shot one of the bottomfeeders.

@katstermonster: Trolls don't get humor. :)

@dosdelon: No, you got it all wrong. The people he likes, he only shoots them in the face. Others get to have enhanced small talk with him.

Dick: "So, hows the weather?"
You: *gurgle* *gurgle* *choke* *cough* *cough* It's not bad..
Dick: "What? I didnt hear you?"
You: *gurgle* *gurgle* *choke* *cough* *cough* I said its not bad at all?
Dick: "What are you hiding from me?"

... [About 185 times more] ...

Dick: "Nice Talking to you. Tomorrow, lets meet in the dungeon."

You: "I apologize profusely for any trouble in advance."

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): or a clue, for that matter ;)

Where in Utah is the address to which I send my "opt out" letter via snail mail and stamps?

@bloggerX:

Yes - they just chuck you into a van and burn all your property. There is no charge to you.

@smileboot: It's not? Damn. My world is shattered. :(

@MostlyHarmless: Or hearts! Or stars! heh.

@katstermonster: Or ponies!

I, for one, welcome our new Google overlord...

@mythago: [xkcd.com]

This is just like what they did to the Jews. How is this plan fair?

Hey, it's more opting out than I get with the government's warrantless wiretapping.

@katstermonster: Or the rest of the Lucky Charms.

@GrenadeTestSubject: no, not a van, a google streetview car. it's more efficient since they are already paying for the driver

@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): trolls also don't get bingo. i wish i HAD prizes to give out.

@smileboot: you forget, most Consumerist readers come from the more educated part of the internet.

It makes sense to me! Google isn't deterred by computer cookie removal tactics. Google isn't deterred by "PRIVATE PROPERTY" signs. The only way to opt out of Google's eye of Soron is to live in a society, ala M Night Shamalan's "The Village".