ATM "Sssskimmerssss", oh, I see what you did there.

These ATM fees are getting out of hand. $3.00 and a boa constrictor attack? How is my bank suposed to refund that at the end of the month?

BoA constrictor. Excellent metaphor.

@TechnoDestructo: Yeah, at first I was confused..

A Bank of America on top of another ATM??!?

@TechnoDestructo: I wonder if it gave Chase.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I hate snakes, I hate pictures of snakes, and I particularly hate snakes that want to suffocate me and/or steal my money. But in general, I just hate snakes. They are my second worst nightmare, right behind having twins. >shudder<

@LoveyH: They don't want to suffocate you. If you don't smell like food, and you don't piss them off, you stand an extremely good chance of being absolutely fine.

Aww, I'd take the poor baby if we lived there. Lord knows we always have room for more snakes.

@h3llc4t: Well, seeing as I have a deep phobia when it comes to snake, I tend to think that all snakes would probably eat me if only given the opportunity. My pastor put it best: "There are two types of snakes, chicken snakes and poisonous snakes. If it doesn't have a chicken in its mouth, assume the worst"

Inserting obligatory "I have had it with these MF'ing snakes on this MF'ing ATM!"

Finding a boa sounds better than the dreaded ATM fee!

I like this idea for new ATM security. Keep those would-be skimmer thieves thinking twice before trying to mess with the machine. ;)

Anyone have a normal video file for this? I'm not going to borg my browser to see it.

@LoveyH: I'm guessing you didn't see the movie "Anaconda"? I did, even though I have a major irrational fear of snakes as well. I was able to watch the movie knowing that the big boy was all CGI, but the little snakes, well, those scared the stuffing out of me because they were real. But I have not seen Snakes On A Plane, which I believe Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is quoting from in his comment below.

Is the bank charging an extra fee? There's a charge to use a live teller. I would expect there would be a charge to use a live snake.

As someone who keeps pet snakes, I'd gladly take a free boa! A boa-nus, so to speak!

@Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: damnit.
*I* was going to say that!

@h3llc4t: I love that you didn't address the notion that they want to steal money.

@Skaperen: uh, flash video is kind of the new standard for online videos...

Let ATM skimmers share their prison cells with boa constrictors. Have containers of live boa food (e.g. mice) delivered to the cell. The skimmer is responsible for feeding the boa and keeping the cell tidy.

I don't think there would be many repeat offenders.

@Snakeophelia:

The BoA pun was bad enough, your's is just awful! I appreciate though that you had little choice since how often do you get to do snake puns?

How do you say, "Fast cash from checking," in parseltongue?

I am sick and tired of these overdraft fees and snakes in the mother funkin ATM!

/grammar nazi on/

ATM machine is redundant! That always irks me when people say it. Same thing with PIN number

/grammar nazi off/

I think it'd be funnier if there was a Boa constrictor on top of a BoA ATM. That'd be a fun article to read/write. Also, I can see it now, Summer 2010, Samuel L. Jackson stars in Snakes In an ATM. It'll be the biggest movie of the year. Just wait.

And people say that Consumerist doesn't do any real reporting...

@Havoc737903: Actually, it would be the most hyped movie of the year, but end up doing poorly at the box office.

@floraposte: Well, you can never be sure with young snakes these days. After that Burmese python stole my wallet and my iPod I lost a lot of my trust in them.

@h3llc4t: You too? Was it flashing gang symbols? Jeez, what is this world coming to?

@Snakeophelia: As a herpetologist, I am SO using that at some point in my life.

@subtlefrog:
For the love of god, just don't embarras your children with it!

@Snakeophelia: I didn't want to re-use Carey's "free pet with every transaction" line.

Aww. I like snakes. There have been garter snakes in my yard that eat slugs. But my kitteh chased them away and the slugs are taking over. I want the snakes back. Stupid kitteh.

@ramfan1701: It's like the other day, when I was changing out my NIC card and someone asked for my PIN number....I hate when people say that.

I find it ironic the AP commentary calls it a python while a consumer oriented blog has it correct.

Also, be afraid... this is AP content aggregated to a blog! Cower in fear.

I like boa constrictors. I can't recall whether or not they are dangerous to adults but they aren't child friendly or small dog friendly. But the same could be said with most big dogs and even cats.

Usually people abandon these snakes when they get too big to fit in the small tank they have at home and just dump them in the woods or at a lake. Big problem in Florida (and pet Alligators). They're pretty good at pest control like most uncouth animals and creatures that people are afraid of. I'd rather have a bat problem than a roach problem.

@nstonep: They can be dangerous to adults since they're massive and strong and can crush an elk.

Uh, no, that's ok. I didn't really want to withdraw any money...no, really, I will just leave quietly now.

@nstonep: While all large snakes have the potential to be dangerous (all snakes in general, really), a lot of it depends on a few factors. Not all boas grow to the same size; it depends on species and even gender. My dance partner, a female Nicaraguan boa, will max out around 5 feet for example. You also have to take into account the snake's temperament and mental state (Is it hungry? cold? sick?) since those all affect the potential danger in working with that animal.
The whole Florida situation makes me so angry. I've worked very hard to be a responsible herp owner and help educate people, and seeing the animals suffer for the humans' stupidity just lights me up.

Boa = Bank of America