Poll: What's The Next Airline Fee?
With airlines now charging fees for not paying fees a specified way and contemplating charging for bathroom access, we wanted to take a crack at predicting the next annoying fee. Take the poll inside and suggest your own fee.
We wanted to come up with fees that were offensive, but not so absurd that they'd never happen (no "fee for oxygen masks," for instance). Of course, we wouldn't be surprised to check back in a year or two and see that fees that we thought were outrageous at the time have become commonplace.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.
(Photo: afagen)
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Comments:
I wouldn't be surprised if eventually the drink fees came back for every sort of drink, not just alcoholic ones.
I don't think a fee for bathrooms would last very long. Congress has authority over the airlines and could easily pass a law requiring airlines to offer free lavatory access on airplanes.
I'm waiting for fees if you ask the flight attendants for anything, kind of like when you call up a bank and they slap you with a "nuisance" fee.
Air sickness bags no longer in seat pockets. Available for purchase (exact change appreciated!)
Cabin Attendant Service Fee - push the call button and a charge applies. Banks don't let you talk to tellers for free, why should the airlines?
I say check in, since that'd be the easiest to tax, opposed to carry ons or food.
A mandatory fee for the pre-flight safety demonstration.
Oh yeah and putting coin slots in the arms of the seats if you want to lean the seat back.
Some airlines already charge fees for aisle seats, and in some places if you check in with a person versus the kiosk there is a fee, so on your list let's go with the preferred boarding/ deplaning fee. For absurdity, how about a seat usage fee. It would be like an nfl seat license fee. You pay for the right to buy the seat license in addition to the flight.
Take this poll down! You're giving them too many ideas!
This is exactly why I do not fly with airlines anymore. As a pilot, I always fly myself. I just flight plan, preflight the plane, hop in and go. Most of the time I can even make the flight in less time because I dont have to deal with airport security, bag checking, or any other airline b.s. I just hop in and go. And plus its a hell of alot more fun.
Aren't there already fees in place for aisle and window seats, at least on some airlines?
I expect a fee for checking in, varies depending on manner, or for preferred boarding/deplanning. No doubt the fee for carrying on luggage (at least something larger than a purse/briefcase) is coming too.
@jwm1314: Yeah, that one sounds the most plausible. Especially seeing how they do not have any real food at all on the plane, it would be a stretch to stop people from opening up a box of donuts on the plane.
As a private pilot I agree 100%. However you and I both know it's not cost effective or time effective for most to fly more than 700 miles in 182. Or if I want to go to Europe for a week.
If everyone started flying their own planes we'd have some seriously horrific cases of "get there itis"
Use of gate seating while waiting for your flight fee.
Not banging pots next to your seat when you're trying to sleep fee.
Keeping instrumentation powered during flight fee.
Not flashing a strobe light in your face fee.
But, they'll begin a credit program for fuel saved on special flights that use dead-stick landings. Marketing will refer to this advancement as "ground-breaking."
Hmmn, airline tickets being sold like the equivalent of an adjustable mortgage.
You buy a ticket, but the final price can fluctuate up till the point of takeoff.
We have 200 seats on the flight for $500.00 each ($100,000 if sold out). You pay $500.00 for your ticket, but if 10 seats are empty ($5,000 in unsold seats) then the final price of the sold tickets increases by $26.32, ($5000 divided by 190 sold seats).
You can watch the cost of your ticket go up online, but you don't know the final cost till you board and pay the "Capacity Underutilization Equlization Factor Fee"
@tedyc03: They already have those. When I flew earlier this year, they wanted to charge me three dollars for a can of Coke.
if the start charging bathroom fees ill just have to piss in the aisle
Fee for in-flight "meals".
You want that bag of peanuts? That'll be $2.
Fee for leaving behind garbage should already be in place. I hate useless fees, but there's no reason why a flight attendant should have to clean up your mess because you're a pig.
@jamesdenver: Haha yeah I will agree with you on the point of it being rarely cost effective. I also think it would be a horrible idea for everyone flying there own planes. I can only imagine all the close calls in the pattern.
The first two and last one. I'd also guess they might be able to charge per pound of checked luggage, which I think isn't too outrageous.
I think there will be a fee to have the TSA troglodytes NOT arbitrarily steal shit out of your luggage. On my most recent flight, they stole my Claritin, and yesterday they stole my mom's mirror and comb.
Who the Hell steals a used comb these days? The TSA, that's who.
They will start charging a subscription fee to access their websites in order to book an online reservation in your desperate attempt to avoid paying a talking to a live person on the phone fee (think $3.99/min. for a 976- telephone number)or the standing in line at the check-in counter and having to pay rent for the amount of floor space you and your luggage occupy.
Fees for aisle and window seats seem fairly reasonable to me. Why should a clearly more uncomfortable middle seat cost the same as an aisle or window?
A convenience fee to have your children sit next to you. Or better yet, a fee to have your children sit on the opposite end of the plane from you.
How about a fee to use overhead storage space as opposed to storage space under the seat.
A fee to be on a flight with an experienced pilot as opposed to one fresh out of flight school.
Pay-by-weight (passengers, that is). Purging in the parking garage will be rampant.
A fee to land before the aircraft runs out of fuel.
@rugman11: When someones got to go.. someones got to go.. It'll be the airline's choice whether the place they go is in a lav.. or in their seat.. Or maybe even in the aisle so everyone has to step in it.
@MaytagRepairman: I can see it now, the plane hits "turbulence" and everyone has to raise their seatbacks, thereby locking the seat upright again forcing you to insert another quarter to lean back later. I'll be screaming for my money back.
Seat Choice Fee. You can bet on it.
Pay toilets and meals laced with laxatives, don't say I didn't warn you.
@CurtBabarong: As an air traffic controller, I'd rather 100 passengers arrive in in one 737, as opposed to one hundred Cessnas. I hate my job enough as it is!
@MaytagRepairman: You've got a great idea except backwards. A coin slot so the SOB in front of you can't slam the seat backwards into the book you're reading.
@Pasketti: Peanuts? I haven't had those in ages. For that matter, I haven't gotten a bag of pretzels on some airlines in over a year... UAL is charging for snack boxes on domestic flights.
@kemikos: They'll install little vending machines on the backs of all the seats to dispense them.
Carry exact change or puke in your shoes.
A crying baby fee! This fee, I can get behind. Charge by the db-minute or by this simple formula:
$1 * db * min @ 3 feet.
For example if a baby cries for 10 mins at 55 decibels, the charge would be 1*55*10 or $550. But if the baby cries at only 30 db, then the charge would only be 1*30*10 = $300. But, babies can cry up to and possibly over 110 db! This can cause severe pain, so the charge for 10 minutes of this would be 1*110*10 = $1,100 or 25,000 frequent flier miles.
I can see these realistically being added:
Seat Choice Fee
Carry-On Fee
Variable Rate Ticket Price (meaning, it's never really "locked in" and is subject to change at any time before your flight. Your CC will be charged accordingly.)
And lots and lots of "surcharges" for things they either can't or won't attribute the term "Fee" to, like:
Seatbelt Surcharge
Jetway Surcharge
Gate Surcharge
Restroom Surcharge
In-Flight Reading Material Surcharge
Take-off & Landing Surcharges
Runway Surcharge
Air Traffic Controller Surcharge
The list is endless. The more desperate they get, the more they will simply add on.
A fee for not using the bathroom. A fee for refusing inflight drinks and peanuts.
Let's see:
1. Lice
2. Mice
3. Looking in the mirror twice
4. Sleeping with the window shut
Other: You'll have to pay a fee to summon/speak to a flight attendant. Fees will be based on verbiage; $2.50 for the initial summoning and first ten words exchanged, .25 cents for each additional word thereafter.
Conversations will be monitored via voice-activated recording devices installed in your assigned seat and automatically charged to your credit card. This hardware will be faulty, however, and randomly charge you every time your neighbor sneezes, or the drink trolley rolls by. By the end of a two hour flight, your 'communications' bill will resemble the national debt of Bolivia. Good luck getting those extraneous charges removed.
It's a toss-up between a window/seat fee or the manner of check-in fee. I kind of lean towards the manner of check-in because several of the "budget" European airlines already do this (RyanAir, AirBaltic) and I could see some of the US airlines trying to do this.
@Scott Levasseur: Huh? United has never charged for all drinks - they charge for booze just like every other carrier.
Perhaps you are thinking of US Airways that did (for a limited time) charge for all drinks or Allegiant that still does.
@rugman11: If I ever had to pay for the "privilege" of using an airplane's tiny bathroom, it would be very tempting to get my money's worth by making the biggest mess humanly possible.
Seriously, a bathroom fee has no place on a plane, where you're a captive audience, so to speak. I don't need to drink a coke, so charging for those is fair. But I need to use the restroom from time to time. It's not a choice, it's a necessity.
Soon you'll have to pay for the airsick bags... you just watch.