How Do You Tell Your Kid That The Sales Clerk Is A Big Phoney?
There's a great post over on WiseBread by someone called the Frugal Duchess, about how her 10-year-old kid was schmoozed a little too successfully by a sales clerk at a tween clothing store in the mall.
After the movie, my daughter gushed about the really nice salesclerk as we ran back to the store.
"She was so nice," my daughter said. "She spent so much time with me. I just want to go by and say 'hi' to her. I promised her that I would come back after the movie."
At that point, the Duchess had to rub some ground reality glass in her kid's face, which no sensible parent enjoys. But she worried about how to break it to her kid in a way that wouldn't make her too cynical or distrustful, or screw with her self-esteem too much. After all, this was really just about being a wise consumer and learning to shop smartly.
What would you have done? Would you have told her the truth about the salesclerk? Should I have continued to let her believe that the cool clerk was a friend?
We think this is a great topic to discuss—what's the best way to help your child develop the critical thinking skills she needs to not be a dork in the marketplace?
And what happens if you don't teach your kid that? Here's an illustration: Back in college, I repeatedly shopped at an overpriced clothing store because the owner had been very rude to me on my first visit. Her attitude triggered every deeply held insecurity I'd developed from growing up poor—so quite irrationally I set out to spend my way into her approval, even while hating her the entire time. It was only years later that I realized how stupid I'd been—how my shopping behavior had been driven by all the wrong impulses and emotional attachments. Which is why now I just smear dog poop on the clothes at boutiques.
"Telling My Daughter the Truth about Her New 'Friend,' The Salesclerk!" [Wise Bread] (Thanks to EraserGirl!)
(Photo: D Sharon Pruitt)
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Practice on TV adverts, for a start. They're so easy to pull apart, particularly the finacial ones "Consolidate all your loans into one and save money." sort of thing.
Once you've cracked the veneer of perfection that goes with commercialism it doesn't take long before your kids are reasonably cynical, but still kids.
Whats wrong with honesty? No need to say the clerk is a phony, just point out to your kid that the clerk IS working and has a job to do and that job is to sell you stuff. Then let the kid do the figuring from there.
@Skipweasel: My kid is 4 now, in a couple of years if he asks about a fast food restaurant, going to take him to one, show him all the pictures of the food, then order something he thinks looks good, then show him the actual food. Then I'll throw it away and leave, getting lunch someplace else, telling him what he does with his own money is his business but at least now he knows.
Yes, start early, I started showing and commenting on TV commercial with my daughter when she was 2, I even had to say "Arrrgh! Commercial!" whenever they came on. Now I just make comments and question the statements and pictures the commercials show and I always ask her what they are trying to sell us. Right now the answer is the actual product but as she gets older the answer will be more of an ideal or philosophy the commercial is trying to sale.
Drop the kid off to stay and play with their new "friend" (without money). They will figure it out pretty quick.
"Well, honey - here's the thing: people who work at a place where it's their job to sell you things, that's their whole purpose in having you there - so that you will buy something from them. Now, shopping at stores with nice people is always great but it's her job to be nice to you so you will buy something. I'm sure she's probably a very nice girl even when she's not at work [optimism] but it ultimately iss her job to be nice to you and help you as a customer while you're in their store. We will be sure and shop with her again another time since we know they're nice there and you like their clothes."
Sure it's optimistic but I like to take the optimistic road as much as I can - 'specially with the wee ones.
@jscott73: My parents did the same thing with me, and I'm thankful for it. I doubt most parents these days even bother.
It's tough breaking your kid's innocent perception of the world. On the other hand, would you want every smooth talking salesman to walk all over them every time they step foot into the store?
I prefer to present it as a balanced analysis of the situation. Rather than just blurt it out that they just want your money, I would have applied a little more tact:
"Sure she was nice, but you also need to remember that she makes more money if her customers buy more. That doesn't mean she is only being nice to get you to spend your money, but it does mean you shouldn't buy only because she was so nice."
This is pretty embarrassing now, but back when I was a kid (like 3rd grade) I was totally enamored with the Ronco food dehydrator infomercial I would see on TV. I'm not sure why, but I thought it was the greatest thing in the world - all the beef jerky you could eat! Homemade fruit role-ups! My parents tried to convince me that it probably wasn't quite as awesome as the infomercial made it appear, but eventually allowed me to spend my hard-earned (saved up Birthday/Christmas) money on one. When it arrived I soon had a severe case of buyers remorse, and my mom made it a point of asking me if I thought it was still a good idea to buy stuff because it looked cool on TV.
You can always tell your kid that some clerks are nice, some aren't, but all of them are there to get you to buy things so they all have ulterior motives of telling you what you want to hear.It's important to offer solutions too, like shop with a friend if you want a second opinion, don't ask the clerk if something looks good.
I had a friend that was constantly suckered like this in college. It was crazy going shopping with her, especially for make up, because she would buy anything. If it was a guy and they really emphasized how pretty she looked- BIG SALE.
You can call a turd a sandwich, but you're still eating shit.
Tell your kids that the nice person working at the store only wants your money.
@Skipweasel: consolidating your credit cards into a 2nd on the home CAN save money. But only if you quit using the cards.
I would have my daughter introduce me to this aggressive young saleswoman. If she is willing to work that hard for a buck, we can certainly negotiate something...
I'm sure there is alot of people here that have worked retail. Isn't possible this person was just being friendly with girl. Maybe she loves kids? I agree with the person that said to send her back with no money, that would probably be the best. Do you remember being 10? I was really perceptive by that age as I'm sure most are, and I think she would figure it out if sent back with no money. IF the person was just after a sale which I don't even know if I believe.
@wheresmymind: That lesson probably kept you from buying a Pontiac Aztek though...
You had great parents who let you learn in a minor way one of life's lessons.
Well, what bubble are we bursting, exactly? I can't get to the article from here, so I don't know the context of the "phoney" clerk. Was this clerk a jerk who took advantage of a 10 year old in order to make her spend more than she needed, or was she one of the sort to help her get the most out of the money she had? In my personal experience at the record store, we'd go out of our way to help kids stretch birthday money or gift cards, usually by helping them find used copies of what they were looking for. This was mutually beneficial; used CDs had a greater profit margin for us, and a kid could buy more used than he could new.
Hell, sometimes we'd even sneak in free premiums if we had any available (free posters for preorders or similar, even if they hadn't done the preorder.) and they weren't inventoried, just to help make the kid's day.
Were we their friends? No, certainly not. But were we big phonies who took advantage of kids too young for critical thinking? Again, emphatically no. We were certainly there to sell stuff, but we figured if we helped a kid buy more than he thought he was able to, that would pretty much win us a customer for a very long time. After all, just because we're there to help the customer spend money doesn't mean it has to be an adversarial relationship.
how do you know the guy wasn't flirting with the girl?
I used to flirt with girls all the time. Woman still flirt with me at my job. Just because you received nice service doesn't mean they guy was trying to scam her. Maybe he just wanted in her pants.
@Ecks: Probably because its so loaded with sugar, salt, and fat that it'll be delicious and send the wrong message.
LOL- wheresmymind I just read your post and it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard-LMAO
Her daughter got THAT excited about a sales clerk talking to her? And the mom is worried about bringing the harsh world of reality to a 10 year old? Sound to me someone is more than a little sheltered and perhaps needs some friends her own age?
@johnva: We don't watch much TV with our almost-3-year-old, but when we do, the power of DVR allows us to skip all commercials. Now whenever we're a little slow on the draw and let an ad start to play, our son immediately says "Can I have more of [show], please?" Commercials are, quite rightly, just something that gets in the way of his viewing enjoyment.
Whenever I take an online survey that asks if I've seen an ad for such-and-so recently, I can honestly say I haven't. I skip TV ads, block them in my browser, and flick past them in magazines.
@Vanilla5: This is the message + tone I would go for. Especially since the saleswoman was doing a good job and seems to be providing good customer service. The kid just needs to learn that not everyone who is nice to you is your friend (which is a good lesson to learn), but I also like how you added an appreciation for good customer service.
@econobiker: But the Aztek never looked cool... not in pictures, not in commercials, CERTAINLY not in person. That's why the Silhouette was chosen to be the "Cadillac of Minivans." ;)
@Skankingmike: strike that she's how old again? sigh.... I thought she was a teenager
Everything I said now sound creepy can we get edit button seriously?
My grandmother had one of those, and I actually really loved it. Homemade beef jerky, banana "chips," all sorts of yummy food, minus the water. Then again, I didn't actually buy it, and my grandma rocks, so maybe it was just because it was HER that was making me all the waterless food.
@Hirayuki: We had a dvr for awhile and it was great for that reason but after our last move we didn't want the extra cost of cable so we had no tv for a year, then we got it but without the dvr, there are way too many commercials on kids shows so we recently cancelled the expanded cable and are now left with basic cable only, so my kids watch pbs in the morning for a little bit and their commercial exposure is down almost to zero. I am glad I was able to teach my daughter about commercials while they were around and I will do the same thing later on if needed. I will be interested to see how my 2 year old son reacts to commercials later because he has never really seen any.
You know, some sales clerks really are nice people. Has it occurred to the OP that the clerk may have been a genuinely nice person who has figured out that the best way to bring in repeat customers is to be kind and useful to them?
I don't see any particular reason to assume that the clerk is a smarmy weasel trying to extract every last time from the kid.
@Skankingmike: Are you talking about the OP? Because the "girl" in question there is 10. And the clerk was a female, not a guy. I don't get it.
@Saboth: Not really. Tweenie store salesgirls make their little customers feel like little celebrities, and this one seems like she had the "totally cool big sister" vibe going on, too.
i think we're worrying too much about the Psyche of a 10 year old child by telling them that sales people are usually nice to try to sell 'stuff' cause that's how they make EXTRA money.
simple, no need to take the kid to a shrink. no need to cover it with ice cream and bubble gum!
and why would this 10 year old kid be shopping alone anyways??!?! I am more worried about the parental units!
@dbshaw: But will you keep the toy lure which fast food restaurants use to draw children in in a Pide-Piperish manner...
Never say "never" even to the manufactured food from fast food places.
That first harried time, having to drive to attend some family wedding or something, your child has missed his usual meal of veggie burgers and soy milk, is crying about being hungry since the organic trail mix snack bag ran out about 60 miles ago; you'll roll the Prius through a fast food drive thru, order a children's "Smile Meal", tell the disembodied voice the gender of the toy to be put into the meal, pay for and then hand the grease-smelling, cardboard casket of chemically and genetically altered food to your greedily smiling child, you will feel a sting and wonder what it was.
Then remember this quote from the movie Pulp Fiction:
[Marcellus is telling Butch to take a dive]
Marsellus: The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride ******* with you. **** pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."
@Saboth: Not necessarily. I had plenty of friends in my own peer group as a kid, but that didn't mean I wasn't flattered as hell when my older sister's friends, or my babysitter, were attentive and friendly to me. Younger girls can sort of idolize more "grown-up", relatively sophisticated teens, and they really respond to flattery. I just thought my babysitter was the coolest.
(Now I look back on her feathered bangs and gigantic piles of jelly bracelets and neon and giggle - but I'm sure she does too.)
I'm only a step-parent and of adult kids at that, but it seems to me the best route is always to teach a kid to fish. Teach the child to think about the encounter and wonder if the clerk would have been as friendly if she were never buying anything. Try to find a variation on the stranger with money question: e.g. If a stranger walked into the store with serious intentions of making purchases and other clerks were available, would her 'friend' abandon her for the better sales opportunity. Of course, the clerk is working, but the child must ask herself 'Is the clerk working me?' Children eventually pick up on adult skepticism. And let's not forget the possibility that the clerk actually was friendly or had a genuine encounter with the daughter here.
@jscott73: I rent a basement right now from a girl who has a 5-year-old...nothing like the hearing the kid tell his mother to buy CLR and directly quoting the commercial to convince you of the power of advertising. Yikes.
I dont know why anyone goes to the mall for smarmy salesclerks.
I grow my own in my all-organic smarm-garden.
...this was an episode of Dead Like Me. Like, EXACTLY. That one got resolved when the girl dragged her mother back into the store, and the salesclerk was being super-nice to someone else.
I also agree that its stupid to let your 10 year old shop alone. Not for safety reasons, but kids should have parental guidance when they're spending at that age.
@JBUZZ: I've never worked in retail. Is it common for sales staff in a clothing store to gat a commission or some portion of sales?? i always thought they were nice becuase (1) they started out nice, (2) they were hired to be nice, and (3) they would be fired if they acted not so nice.
@Skipweasel: I ended having a long talk with my 8 year old about the Cash for Gold ads and explain to him that no, it is not a good idea to mail all of Mommy's jewelry to them. And then I wrote a letter to Nickelodeon complaining about the ads.
@GearheadGeek: Ha! I'm in the midst of clunking my mom's "Cadillac of Minivan" in the cash for clunkers program. I'm hopeful I can turn into a new Escape.
Maybe they were just a bored sales clerk without any customers.
Years ago, when I worked at a mall, I'd make it a point to be extra helpful. It did occasionally bring back customers who weren't ashamed of paying the mall premium for better service than the Target down the street.
Then again, I do admit it's a good lesson to teach kids not to buy into the 'salesman is my friend' mentality. Just be careful not to make them cynical in the process.
@LostTurntable: Smear enough dog poop on enough clothes at enough boutiques and eventually Perez Hilton will buy one
/Fixed
My stepfather is a car salesman, so I received a good education on sales tactics at an early age. Just tell your child that the salesperson is trying to sell their product because that is their job.
Smear enough dog poop on enough clothes at enough boutiques and eventually Paris Hilton will buy one and everyone will think that dog shit is chic.