"I wash myself with a rag on a stick." - Bart Simpson

WTF

There was an episode of True Life where a little person had to jerry-rig herself one of these, because her arms weren't long enough to reach.

@Smashville: damnit! beat me to the punch!

Butt Swiffer?

The day I can't wipe myself is the day I check out for good.

Ok - for people who have a medical need for something like this, I can totally see having it.

But for everybody else - have we gotten so lazy as a society that we won't reach back and wipe our own ass??? In the end, it's something you're going to have to clean and disinfect because it's come into contact with your own fecal matter/bacteria. Your hands are wash & wear - why don't you just use those with toilet paper instead of a piece of plastic?

And how is this anatomically designed for my ass? I really fail to see how it is going to help me wipe properly.

"Being a big guy certainly has it's advantages and disadvantages"

Advantages: You are large.
Disadvantages: You are too large to wipe your own fat ass.

@MyPetFly: LOL Yes. It's a Butt Swiffer.

"Extends your reach a full 18 inches!"

Great for when your torso spontaniously extends over a foot in length.

This is obviously a product people who live alone and don't ever have company. Who wants to explain what the odd device in the bathroom is for? Yes, let's show everyone your asswipe stick. And also intended for individuals. I mean, who would want to share something that has come anywhere near someone else's butthole? Each member of the family would have to have their own, which would open up the market for the poop-stick caddy. Think like toothbrushes. But then you'd still want to make sure they don't touch.

What's even more disturbing is the thought that someone wouldn't mind sharing one.

Also - the best innovation in toilet paper since the 1880s? Baby wipes. Ask any mother. Poop, chocolate, dirt, food. They get it all.

@Smashville: Funny, I think I remember in one of my college history classes that that's how they wiped in Ancient Rome in public toilets. There was always a guy selling wet sponges on sticks.

So what *are* the advantages of being a "large guy"?

@Vanilla5: Somehow, I don't think they had two-ply, quilted rolls of TP in the 1880's. Or perhaps the Comfort Grip makes 1-ply sandpaper a pleasure to wipe with!

@diasdiem: I saw a show about the gladiators (or was it Roman soldiers?) that basically said the same thing (although there wasn't the financial side to it, which leads me to think it was an episode about soldiers).

@The Cheat: Or for when you're forced to wipe someone else's bum (like your elderly grandmother) but have always wished you didn't have to get so up close and personal with their business.

Best technical innovation since the 1880's? Was that before or after the bidet was invented? Of course, it's a matter of opinion whether it's better to wipe yourself with a stick or get cleaned off by a jet of water squirting at your ass.

The Best Technical Innovation of All Time, of course, still goes to sliced bread (1928) Which will also probably work in a pinch. When you pinch... a loaf. Or something.

@Smashville: actually it was Lisa Simpson that said that during the future view of her being obese....oh man i just became "that" comic book guy....

seriously? I mean, seriously? This is for real?

Is it just me or is the bend going the wrong way? It looks to me like you have to stick your hand in the toilet or there abouts to get this thing in the proper position.

May buy one just to see...

@traeblain: I was thinking that too.

@NoWireHangers:
Advantage: Being called Jolly
Disadvantage: Having to buy 2 (or more) plane tickets.

Man, I won't even have a toilet brush in my bathroom, there's no way I'm hanging an asswipe stick off the side of the toilet.

... come to think of it, this actually looks a lot like the gizmo I have that uses disposable sponges to clean the toilet. The one I bought because I don't want a toilet brush.

I can't even imagine how this thing could work at all. "Dirty toilet paper.." Unless you're picking it out of the trash can and recycling, or do the Sheryl Crow "one square" technique, toilet paper is clean.

This won't sell. Get "Billy Mays here" and he'd make it sell like all the useless stuff he manages to make big sellers.

Does this mean the Muslims can now eat with both hands?????

And if you order in the next 10 minutes, we'll double the offer!

@Vanilla5: Interestingly, that first one can sum up the rest!

@Mark Weaver: Nope, it was Bart in a flash forward/fantasy when Homer was trying to get on disability for "Hyper Obesity."

Bart - "I wanna be a lardo on workman's comp, just like dad."

Big fat Bart (speaking with a faux southern accent and surrounded by reporters) - "I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

I am so sad that I know this sequence in such great detail.

You know when I hurt my back, I REALLY did not look forward to going to the bathroom since the slight twist to wipe my butt hurt like.... ugh, well very much.

My back is fine right now so I would not be interested in this, but if my back goes out again - I will be searching & buying this very quickly.

@diasdiem: It's a little hard to go out and about with a bidet in your pocket.

Face it, this is for the obese who just can't reach back there.

@CumaeanSibyl: Exactly.

That platinum blonde woman was talking about the dignity of NOT having someone else wipe her ass! Is ass-wiping an actual job? What are the qualifications and where do these people advertise?

That plastic stick must need to be sanitized often, which is at least as icky as wiping your own ass. Especially the moving parts like the paper grabber. Blech.

@Sarcastikate: My mom was a pretty heavy lady before she passed away (5'9", 315 or so) and she had NO problem with this task. (She was one of those moms who would make you stand in the doorway, ajar, and talk to her if she had something she really needed to say.)

Maybe heavier than 315, but still...shift the hip, reach on back.

@Garfunkle:
Advantage: You tend to get your way.
Disadvantage: Brown spots on your underwear.

So, they say we don't have to crumple or fold our toilet paper anymore, but then show that you have to fold toilet paper to put it on the stick?

Grody... where would you keep this thing when you're done using it? Hang it on the wall next to the toilet? If I ever walked into a bathroom and saw this thing hanging next to the toilet I would leave promptly.

@MyPetFly: Careful there, honey. You're one broken bone or serious surgery away from having a nurse help you with this. I can say with some authority that it's a very humbling experience.

The perfect gift for that colleague who always acts as though he's got a stick up his...

What the hell?!?! COME ON!!!! This can't be!?!?!

I can see germaphobes using this. Reminds me of the lady who was on that show Obsessed the other night who was terrified of ... number 2. Couldn't even look at it. Couldn't even THINK about it!

This seems like a product from the mind of The Onion.

@traeblain:

MTE!

@I Love New Jersey: [twitter.com]

Looks like another great cure in search of a disease. Does it come with a shower brush attachment?

This reminds me of the SNL sketch where Christopher Walken is interviewing a centaur for a job, and asks him how he wipes himself.

@floraposte: What's that 18" thing in your pocket? Happy to see me? ;-)

@NoWireHangers:
Advantage: Visiting Sumo coaches eye you appreciatively
Disadvantage: Argentinian Andes jet crash survivors eye you appreciatively

@Vanilla5: "But for everybody else - have we gotten so lazy as a society that we won't reach back and wipe our own ass???"

Based on my projections for how well this thing will sell, I'll say "no."