Late last month, a U.S. District Court judge dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she’d been buying Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries cereal for four years under the assumption that crunchberries are a real berry. “The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said ‘berries’ were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls.”
In his decision, the judge wrote,
This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a “crunchberry.” Furthermore, the “Crunchberries” depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains “sweetened corn & oat cereal” and that the cereal is “enlarged to show texture.” Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.
According to Lowering the Bar, the blog that reported this decision, this isn’t even the first time someone has done this:
Judge England also noted another federal court had “previously rejected substantially similar claims directed against the packaging of Fruit Loops [sic] cereal, and brought by these same Plaintiff attorneys.” He found that their attack on “Crunchberries” should fare no better than their prior claims that “Froot Loops” did not contain real froot.
“Reasonable Consumer Would Know “Crunchberries” Are Not Real, Judge Rules” [Lowering the Bar] (Thanks to YourTechSupport!)
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Why cant we just shoot stupid people immediately?
@Adrienne Willis: I am so with you on that. I can’t believe that people could be so stupid.
@susitucker: More like… I can’t believe that people could be so GREEDY
@Joewithay: more like…I cant believe its not stupid
@Adrienne Willis: Over the last few years I’ve turned away from favoring the death penalty, but I think there needs to be an exception in my final decision for these people.
@Adrienne Willis: Just let them play with a loaded gun and all will end well.
@Adrienne Willis: How is the person ‘stupid’? A jerk definitely. But not stupid.
***thinking of the Simpsons episode where the lawyer was talking about his past cases, where he was suing the makers of “The Never Ending Story”.
@Adrienne Willis: It’s a pretty tried and true theory amongst us smart folk that the people that most complain about “stupid people” are often not the brightest bulb on the tree themselves.
@Adrienne Willis:
Now you’re being Elitist–and being an Elitist in the US these days is not PC, since we seem to be trying to glorify the common, not the exceptional.
@The-Lone-Gunman: I hate anything PC.
@The-Lone-Gunman: Glorifying the ‘common’? Watch TV. We glorify stupidity.
@Adrienne Willis: Why shoot them when we could use them for reactor shielding?
@howie_in_az: They’ll absorb ionizing radiation just as well as corpses, plus they won’t squirm as much.
@Adrienne Willis: I say we take the warning labels off everything and let the problem work itself out naturally.
@Adrienne Willis: Is that an exaggeration, or do you really support shooting people you deem “stupid”?
@MooseOfReason: the fact you had to ask that is in itself highly alarming.
@Adrienne Willis:
I’m waiting for the Oompaa-Loompaas to show up and start singing.
Oompaa-loompaa, doomitty didiot.
If you think crunchberries are real, you’re a real big idiot…
@Adrienne Willis: Because they provide cheap entertainment.
I have so many thoughts on this, but I just…can’t…express them…words not forming…absolute disbelief.
I’ll leave you with the first one:
Cause there are so many teal-colored berries out there…
@pecan 3.14159265: Considering that some people never go into the produce section and have a hard time figuring out what an artichoke is I am starting to believe this women honestly thought there were teal berries out there….”What do you mean you dont got teal ? Capn has em!”
@pecan 3.14159265: Top Chef taught me there’s no naturally blue food. So therefore, no teal either.
@TheWillow: Blueberries? Those are pretty blue. And generally natural.
@youbastid:
Dude, blueberries are purple. Think of the color they leave behind on your fingers.
@radleyas: When burst, yes. The juice can look purple (which blue is a natural component of). But in full berry form, they’re straight up blue.
@youbastid: Ummm, I think you need to have your eyes checked for color blindness.
“Blueberries” are PURPLE-RED in color when you see them on the tree/bush OUTSIDE. They might look blue to your in the market because of the Fluorescent lighting.
@youbastid:
Blueberries are purple-skinned and green on the inside, not blue.
@CarlinaBalbus: I believe wikipedia can help clear this up:
“…they are pale greenish at first, then reddish-purple, and finally blue on ripening.”
[en.wikipedia.org]
@TheWillow: blue crabs are blue. and many people find them quite edible
@TheWillow:
So what about Blue Corn?
The only thing I was wondering about Crunchberries, is what mix of natural flavors is in there, or is it all artificial?
I mean, I understand there is no such thing as a “Crunch Berry”, unlike the person in the lawsuit, but maybe a description of different flavors besides Blue, Yellow, Red, etc.
@TheWillow: There’s also blue corn, blue lobster, blue potatoes. Top Chef is LIES!
@youbastid: Blue lobsters and crabs don’t count. The part you eat is white.
@youbastid: Blue Cheese
@silver-bolt: You get a pass.
@youbastid: Actually they don’t. I watched an episode of Food Detectives on Food Network and everything except the blue on blue crabs were a veriation of purple, including blue berries, blue corn, and blue potatoes. They didn’t test blue lobster though.
@U-235: I am vindicated! There’s no way the foodie guy from Queer Eye would lie!
heh
@youbastid: Blue potoatoes are purple. So is Blue corn.
Blue Lobsters are actually blue. But you don’t eat the shell so it does not qualify.
@Front_Towards_Enemy: But the shell is the best part. I like to call it the crunchy part.
@TheWillow: I grow blue potatoes!
@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Those are purple too.
@Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!): Totally unrelated…but…wow, in your old avatar, those WERE your actual eyebrows! Most impressive, woman!
@subtlefrog: Duh! They are things of blepharonious beauty.
@TheWillow: what about blue whales?
@TheWillow: How about smurfs….they are blue and delicious
@pecan 3.14159265:
Sure words can explain this, but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Here is that picture:
@ShadowFalls: I love you for that. It’s so good on so many levels.
@pecan 3.14159265: Does that mean the Snozzberries don’t, in fact, taste like real Snozzberries?
@RecordStoreToughGuy: Made me giggle.
@RecordStoreToughGuy: Everybody knows snozzberries taste like chicken. Yummy, fruity chicken.
@pecan 3.14159265: This is not rocket science, what is rocket science?
I ate this same cereal, with crunchberries, when I was 10 years old. No one had to tell me that the berries were not real. I’m wondering what lawyer decided to take her case and thought it could hold up in court.
@Yamunation: Same here. I never once thought they were real…
@Yamunation: Lawyers who wanted her money.
@Yamunation: Late night TV ad lawyer.
@Shoelace: The “that will be $500 up front for filing expenses” kind.
@Yamunation:
Two words: Ambulance chasers.
They’re real to me!
@Canino: Yeah, I’ve got some in my cupboard right now, and I sure am in the mood for some fruit…
@Canino:
well played
Shakespeare was apparently right when it came to lawyers.
@I Love New Jersey: I can assure you that many of his peers are facepalming and sending him “dude, what were you thinking?” vibes. I certainly am. Idiot.
To be fair, the judge and the opposing counsel are not such idiots. The judge seems pretty funny, actually.
You have to remember: in a lawsuit, there’s always going to be the one who gets it totally wrong…but the other guy is going to get it totally right.
Next: a person realizes “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” isn’t butter! Lawsuit ensues!
@kagekiri: LOL, that just made my day! =)
@kagekiri: I can’t believe that.
@kagekiri: High five!
lol
@kagekiri:
Here’s a preview of the court case, quoted from the British sitcom, “The Vicar of Dibley”:
Alice: You know that stuff they’re selling now at the local shop?
Geraldine:Which stuff?
Alice: “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”.
Geraldine:Oh yes
Alice: Well, I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Geraldine: Yeah, well I believe that is the idea, yeah.
Alice: Then yesterday, I went to Crookenden and I bought this other stuff, like a sort of home-brand, you know?
Geraldine: Yes…
Alice: And you know, I can’t believe it’s not “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”.
Geraldine: Mmm. I’m losing you now.
Alice: Well, you know “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”?
Geraldine: Yeah, you think it is butter.
Alice: No no, I mean you know the stuff that I can’t believe is not butter is called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”.
Geraldine: Probably, yeah, yeah.
Alice: Well I can’t believe the stuff that is not “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” is not “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”, and I can’t believe that both “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” and the stuff that I can’t believe is not “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe they both might be butter, in a cunning disguise. And in fact there’s a lot more butter around than we all thought there was.
Geraldine: Yeah. You see, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
@dru_zod:
ROTFLMAO!!
Brilliant!
@dru_zod: I’ve always believed Alice was the most under-rated character in that show.
Next you’ll tell me dingleberries aren’t high in vitamin C.
@Hepcephus: This is the best I could find for Dingleberry Nutritionaly Info:
[www.fitbit.com]
@Conrad:
Absolutely Brilliant! The BEST comment on this story by FAR! How the ‘ell did you find that ‘nutritional’ value on this ?
COmedy!
OK, let me get this right…I have no idea what a crunchberry is, so let me run out and eat some! For four years! Yeah!
Wonder who broke her heart by telling her they weren’t real.
@halah: I would have loved to do it. I’m the guy who tells others YooHoo isn’t actually chocolate milk, but chocolate “drink”.
@Applekid: And that Kraft Singles are “Cheese food?”
@TheWillow: Hey now. We are getting dangerously close to starting a lawsuit over Velveeta.
@MaytagRepairman: Don’t even think about telling me it’s not made with real velvet.
@Applekid: @TheWillow: Personal Rule #1 – If the manufacturer’s have to actually use the word “food” or “drink” to describe the product, don’t touch it.
@LilBadKitty: Personal Rule #2 – Proof read your comments, fool. I am fully aware that there should be no apostrophe in “manufacturers”.
@LilBadKitty: Happens to me all the time
@halah: I bet no one has the guts to tell her about Santa either.
@halah: Probably her 3 year old child.
@halah: Wait until this year’s seasonal BooBerry crop. It’ll blow her mind.
@Coles_Law:
=)
@halah: it had to have happened on the day she learned to read and first read the box.
@catastrophegirl – manic first time home buyer: I’m not so sure that learning to read is the start. I sold shoes for many years. One day, I had a lady read a box of sneaker balls and ask me “aren’t these uncomfortable?”
Before I knew what happened, I heard myself say “Yeah, they’re really loud, too.”
@halah: sorry, i had to go look that up before i knew what you meant. but wow. i mean, i didn’t even click the product page – the one line description on google pretty much covered everything i ever need to know about sneaker balls.
i put all my faith in the intelligence of humanity in the single sentence: “what time is the 3 o’clock parade?” [which is to say - not much, en masse]
@halah: Good thing I didn’t have a mouthful of coffee when I read that! Definetely worthy of a Class A Beverage Alert.
@halah: Not to mention the hormonal imbalance…
@halah: Timmy, who can only refer to himself in the third person.
I’ve never had them, but they do look a bit like dried fruit in the picture. Little, multi-colored dried-up fruits that stay crispy and crunchy in milk.
(Why is it that Grape-Nuts contains neither grapes nor nuts?)
@nytmare: They look like the stuff I crushed up and glued to styrofoam balls to make planets. There is no way they look anything like dried fruit.
@nytmare: You should sue!
@nytmare: They may look a bit like dried fruit to you, nytmare, but trust me, if you ever ate one there would be no doubt in your mind that they most definitely are NOT a fruit.
@nytmare: They’re actually the tiny, dried testicles of grapes.
Oops, did I spoil your breakfast?
Meanwhile, overheard in a genetic engineering lab in Monsanto…
“Cancel the crunchberry project! CAN-CEL the CRUNCH-BERRY project!”
@Applekid: hahahaha awesome
@VPea:
Agreed, they need a comment voting system on this site.
But the snozberries do taste like snozberries.
I can accept that there are some ignorant people out there, but the bigger insult is that there are lawyers willing to take on a case like this, more than once even. What does it matter if the crunchberries are not real, where is the injury?
In a related note, FUNYUNS¬Æ are not made with real onions…more devastating culinary news to be reported after the break.
@Slow2Whine:
They’re not made of real fun either.
@Powerlurker: oh, I beg to differ.
@Slow2Whine: Funyuns contain onion powder, which is ground up dried onions. It’s right there in the ingredients.
@Slow2Whine: What about RESPONSIBILITYUNS?
@Slow2Whine:
Insert obligatory “Girl Scout Cookie” joke here.
On another tangent, “baby cut carrots” are not baby carrots – they’re carrots cut down so you’ll think they’re a premium product.
@Sys Admn: Wait, we’re supposed to think baby vegetables are ‘premium’ and not just tiny?
@Slow2Whine: Are you saying Baby oil is not, in fact, made from actual Babies???
What about the fact that Basic 4 cereal touts on their packaging (presumably) four basic elements to a balanced cereal, but actually only contains three notable ingredients, since “delicious” is not edible.
The text on the box says: A Delicious Blend of Sweet and Tangy Fruits, Crunchy Nuts and a Wholesome Variety of Grains
with the words “delicious,” “fruits,” “nuts,” and “grains,” in green.
All I’m seeing is Basic 3.
@pecan 3.14159265: Ahh, but sweet fruits and tangy fruits can be considered separate entities.
@pecan 3.14159265: I guess they assume you always eat sweet fruits, crunchy nuts, and grains with your morning serving of milk…
@Foodie92: Yes, I do – every time I have my wife’s home-made granola!
@pecan 3.14159265: I thought that it was because there were 4 grains in each flake: rice, corn, wheat, and…umm..malted barley, or something.
/ But I do like me some Basic 4
@pecan 3.14159265: Wait, they still make Basic 4? I haven’t seen it at my local supermarkets in years!
Also, Animal Crackers do not contain Animals.
There are no Angels in Angel Food Cake
There is plenty of sin in Devil’s Food Cake, but meh.
@YourTechSupport: ZOMG… WHAT ABOUT RED VELVET CAKE!!!!
@TheWillow:
Oh I love that stuff.
One time I made one and there was no red food coloring at the store so I had to use green. It was AWESOME looking.
@YourTechSupport: thank goodness cheesecake involves truth in advertising.
@catastrophegirl – manic first time home buyer: I’m currently pending trial for a case against a local contractor for not following building codes in my recently bought gingerbread house
Oh man, I’ve commented on this article on the ABA’s website, but it’s hard to resist the urge to post more.
I can’t believe a lawyer took this case on. I’m sure many of his/her peers will join me in grimacing at this lawyer and giving people fuel for the I Hate Lawyers fire.
Fruity pebbles are not rocks. I’m suing.
@Kaellorian:
As long as he wasn’t doing this on a contingency basis, why not? Her money is just as green as any other client’s.
@Powerlurker: I would consider it a form of attempted “legal” theft.
@Powerlurker: Right, but I pay the judge and the clerk and the baliff and the court recorder. And my wife is about to have to take manditory furloughs from her job at a state college, while these jackasses piss away public money arguing that some dumb ho couldn’t figure out in 4 years what every child figures out in 5 seconds.
God, it smokes my goat.
@Powerlurker: I would agree – but rarely do lawsuits of this nature work on an hourly or flat rate fee basis. I’m an attorney that handles a lot of civil litigation (for plaintiffs mainly) and I wouldn’t imagine touching this with a ten foot pole. It’s truly a waste of the court’s time.
@Kaellorian: I with you. Lawyers already have a bad name. This just makes it worse. I wish sanctions were used more frequently for situations like this. Judges don’t issue sanctions nearly enough. Hell, even if they get overturned on appeal, that lawyer still has to fight it. Perhaps it will teach him/her to think twice about filing frivolous suits.
@ARP: Sanctions piss lawyers off and judges count on the support of the lawyers in their practice area. I agree with you, though, that for the sake of transparency (ha!) and judicial economy, sanctions should be issues in more circumstances.
@Kaellorian: The case was discussed at length on a legal list serve to which our office subscribes. Almost without exception, the attorneys who responded had nothing good to say about a lawyer who would file such a suit in the first place. It embarrasses all of us who work in the legal profession.
Personally, I wonder about the intelligence of any parent who would feed that sort of crap to their children. There are plenty of cereals and other breakfast foods readily available that are actually good for kids, and they’re no more expensive than sugar cereals. Otherwise, you might as well just feed them a bowl full of milk duds steeped in pancake syrup.
What an amazing use of the justice system! Keep it classy, lady. Now is the time to put together your case against animal crackers because it is cruelty to animals.
@korybing: Don’t forget the sin that is Johnson’s Baby Oil
Stay classy, San Diego.
@JGKojak: oh, believe me, if I ever see this lady on the street, I’ll hit her so hard she’ll see fruit loops for a week.
At least I can still get my daily fruit servings from dingleberries.
I hope the defendants in this case get their court costs reimbursed.
@vladthepaler: Quaker Oats (the parent company) got her money for four years. I think that’s good enough.
Don’t tell her about Soylent Green!
@MinervaAutolycus:
I prefer Soylent Blue
@MinervaAutolycus: +1. Yeah, because if the truth about Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy don’t kill her, finding out about Soylent Green is going to put a real damper on her day.
I lost my lawsuits too recently. Turns out the ghosts in were not poltergeists, but actually marshmallows. Also, it turns out Tony the Tiger is not a real person.
@Saboth: Of COURSE Tony the Tiger is not a real person. He’s a tiger, stoopid!
Oh noes!
“They’re real to me!”
best comment, period.
Personally I prefer maiden oil, but I digress….
OMG!!!!! You mean my diamonds in my Lucky Charms aren’t real diamonds either!?!! No wonder they guy at the pawn shop looked at me like I was high!
Sadly, in similar news, PETA has yet to join my suit against Jack In The Box.
You’d think they would be all over it, what with the tiny little cows the size of shnauzers.
@labeled: this is soooo possible. I am going to dedicate my life to miniature cow breeding. Then once this breed is established, I will work them down to “Toy” size and finally I get “Teacup” cattle, small enough to fit in your front pocket. I’m sure my gecko would love some live steak, crickets can get pretty bland, or so I’ve heard.
@SpruceStreetPhil – but ya gotta take market, the bridge is …: Please friend me immediately, so that when you make this a reality, I can order my own herd.
I am imagining purse cattle – the ultimate pet and recyclable durable leather good in one.
The tag of this should be changed to, “Better Know a Berry.”
Oh great, now I’m thinking that Cap’n Crunch doesn’t actually have the credentials required to navigate a marine vessel
1. Some people should require a license before they’re allowed to breed.
2. Some lawyers provide the best argument for closing about half of our law schools and requiring remedial head slapping in the remainder.
Damn it!
I was going to file a lawsuit regarding dingleberries!
Funny, just today I noticed Walmart was snow elling a generic store brand of this cereal which was a lot cheaper. At one time weren’t crunchberries only red?
@pschroeter: Yep. Teal, green and purple crunchberries are an abomination, legitimate berri-ness notwithstanding.
@labeled: Unless I’m mixing things up, didn’t they have a thing like 10 years ago where you could vote on the new crunchberry color?
Oh no. I am starting to suspect that Honeycomb cereal isn’t made up of actual honeycombs. And that Frankenberries might not be berries! And all this time I avoided Fruity Pebbles becauise I had a feeling that, even if they were fruity, it might not be good for my teeth to eat pebbles.
I’ll just eat Cookie Crisp from now on, since at least they are more honest about their ingredients.
People ask all the time how criminal defense attorneys can look themselves in the mirror (Personally, I have the highest respect for them), but I want to know how this guy does it. Because… wow.
My wingnut-solo-practitioner-dar is going off.
Not real my ass! Tell that to the fields of crunchberry bushes I’ve been harvesting for those fuckin’ Quakers my whole adult life!
What’s she going to do when she discovers Grape Nuts aren’t grape nuts(?), grape seeds, grape byproduct or even freakin nuts?
I just sent the doofus lawyer a bogus email about wanting to file fraud charges for Honeycomb cereal. Waste his time here: [www.hewell-law.com]
OK, let’s see…..a woman goes to a lawyer, explains her case, lawyer actually decides to take said case, court actually decides to hear said case — as my mom would say…the whole country is just going to hell in a handbasket (I don’t pretend to know what a handbasket actually is).
@Sarcastikate: It probably isn’t a real basket, anyway.
THE WORLD IS A LIE!!
One word: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I don’t like where this is going… Next thing you know someone’s going to tell me there is no whiz in cheez whiz.
Who the hell is going to buy all these bottles of whiz i’ve been saving?
I have nothing noteworthy to add, but to state that the rare, elusive Crunchberry is delicious.
Oh, and that TGI Friday’s new “Snake N’ Broc” appetizer does contain real snake!
“Do you have any fruit?”
“This donut has purple stuff in it… purple is a fruit…”
Consumerist, thank you! I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.
This is like that thing in England where they had to say on a chocolate bar that it had milk in it, despite the fact that the words MILK CHOCOLATE BAR were printed in all caps in plain English on the front with a picture of two glasses of milk being poured into a chocolate bar.
The plaintiffs lawyer should be dis-barred automatically. We need to have penalties in place for frivolous lawsuits, like firing squads, etc. Tort reform FTW!
This lady’s mind is going to be really blown when she finds out there really was a Chef Boyardee.
If somebody finds a new sp@BlazerUnit:
Actually there was…his name was Ettore Boiardi. The guys in marketing changed the spelling…
[en.wikipedia.org]
Cross-posted from Reddit:
nce it was the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California, I’m guessing that this is the same ‘Janine Sugawara’:
[www.imdb.com]
[www.linkedin.com]
A casting associate for such great films like ‘xXx: State of the Union’ and ‘Ten Inch Hero’. Jeez she sounds like she works for porn films, but somehow that’s not the case!
Her last job was as a casting associate for ‘Rise’ in 2007, so looks like the job market was slow. What perfect time to try and sue someone for money!
froot.
Over here in the UK it’s been revealed recently that Shreddies are not actually knitted by nanas, despite what the adverts would have you believe.
Well, Goldfish (TM) are gold, aren’t they?
I’m going to go check right now..
If scientists discover a new species of berry on some island in Indonesia and decides to name it a Crunch Berry, does this lawsuit then have merit?