Needs a hooker joke to top it off.

I wonder if they accept cash on delivery as a form of payment...

But will you love Steve's nuts?

It's a friggin chamois. Anyone who expected a miracle deserves to get punched like a hooker.

Yeah, but how will I save $20 a month if I use paper towels? I need to save up an extra $500 in addition to the $1000 I already have for bail.

@WiglyWorm:

No its not...Its a chamois and towel and it works wet or dry. Were you not aware that it is used by Olympic Divers? Were you unaware that you can use it in the house, the boat, the car or the RV? Were you aware that it does not drip?
You, obviously, have no idea about the topic at hand!

Oh my God! It will make you say "Wow" everytime.

The important barometer--will it pick up a gallon of cola from the carpet AND be able to wring it back out into a glass to drink?

@HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave:

Which brings me to another point I've always hated about those commercials. Who the HELL uses $20 worth of paper towels in a month?

You use two of these?! Seriously?!

The video is funny, but the "Magic Hugs" signoff is priceless!

@WiglyWorm: Good point. Maybe the Octomom uses that many, but normal people sure don't.

@WiglyWorm: +1 on the "punched like a hooker"

I had to pause it in the middle because I was laughing so hard. For some reason, I really lost it at "it's a crapload of squares"....that just really made my day.

This product is amazing! But I bet they're not as good as he says they are. I can still see the soy sauce! Fake!

@Cogito Ergo Bibo: What about Jon and Kate? I'm sick of all this Octomom crop.

Awww, I really thought the parody was going to make fun of the editing *glitch* in the real shamwow ad where the puddle of soda magically disappears before the shamwow makes contact with it! Seen here around 40 seconds in:

@catnapped: yes it will, and unlike crappy sham-wow's, the soda will retain it's carbonation thanks to patented micro (wood) fiber technology...

@pecan 3.14159265: same here. "You spilled some water? Not any more paper towels"

Nice.

And his accent sounds like "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals"

You mean, absolutely no cursing except for the "holy shit, I spilled soy sauce". Good catch!

Okay, but are paper towels made in Germany?

@veg-o-matic:

You're OH SO RIGHT my friend

@WiglyWorm: Well, at "12 2-Ply Sheets Per Roll" I think so, because according to the description I get a grand total of 96 sheets. And if my cat gets into his binging/purging stage again...I could use 196 sheets in a month.

Whoever wrote that description...wow. "One sheet keeps working." That must be the selling point. As opposed to "One sheet won't work anymore." So you have to find the one that doesn't work, weed it out, and use the one that keeps working. Duvel Moneycat Christ.

but wait, there more.....
no more soy sauce stains for me, i'm ordering a bunch right now

But can these so-called "paper towels" wipe away hooker blood better than a ShamWow?

Hillarious.. nothing beats The Slap Chop rip though:

@HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave:

So am I. And it's spreading.

I saw online the other day that Mel Gibson's gf was pregnant and he was calling himself the "Octodad" because he already has seven kids with his soon-to-be-ex wife. I clicked on the picture and OMG his girlfriend LOOKS like the Octomom. It freaked me out completely.

Epic. I'm buying 2 right now.

@pecan 3.14159265: "Holy shit, I spilled soy sauce ALL OVER THE PLACE."

@Skeetz: "And you got a piece of garlic mashed on a dick."

"One shot--COCK SALAD."

I am dying here.

A++ WOULD LOL AGAIN.

that studio bit at the end made the whole video worth it.

@Skeetz:

Crying.... can't breathe. At work can't laugh... snortling.

A+++!!! Excellent LOLER

@HogwartsAlum: Actually he called himself "OctoMel"

@Jonbo298: I guess his nuts just aren't that lovable.

Shamwow is a total disappointment... ever try to dry a car with one? Absolute garbage.

I'll take the cheapest paper towel anytime and if I want to dry a car properly I'll use a shammy, either real or imitation.

NOTHING does a worse job than the shamwow sham.

@framitz: I bought it b/c my kid is on a swim team and I shoot all the meets for the team so I wanted stuff to dry off my kid some between races and keep stuff dry with good buffer b/c water is everywhere there. The shamwows were terrible.

I broke down and bought the towels that swimming/diving athletes use in the pool. Cost more ($20 each one) but I've used two of them for two seasons now and am still thrilled.

@WiglyWorm: So, how many sleaze women have you beat up lately?

@Con Sumer Zealot: As many "sleaze women" as need beating up, duh.

@xboxcrazy33: Must be. You know the Germans always make good stuff. LIKE THE HOLOCAUST!

@CFinWV: I forget where I saw it, but they clowned him for making fun of her lips, by showing a pic of HIS girlfriend's lips, which looked exactly like Octomom's lol