Diesel Shoes Comment Card Is Whimsical Beyond Comprehension
A reader sent in this scan of a comment card found with a pair of Diesel shoes. "I wonder what the purpose of this is?" the reader mused. I wonder, too. Unrestrained whimsy? Prank? Rogue employee who is now either confined to a psychiatric facility or has a book contract?
All questions on the card are to be answered on a scale of:
- Actively Agree
- Passively Agree
- Falsification of the truth
- Can you repeat the question?
It gets weirder from there.
I've read these questions each a dozen times in the process of transcribing them and putting this entry together, and they make even less sense.
The front thanks and praises you for your purchase of the shoes. Normal enough. On the question side, the left-hand column asks questions about you, the purchaser, and the other asks about your concerns about the product.
The questions about you, the purchaser:
1. I would never travel to a foreign country who don't have indoor plumbing2. When faced with the slightest of problems I can sometimes appear apathetic to the point of unconsciousness.
3. Thankfully I am self-assured on topics far beyond the confines of my own competence.
4. I frequently and readily express my feelings, emotions and urges.
5. I am rigorously exercising at the public swimming baths. I am very imposing towards a novice. We make love in a locker and I fall heavily pregnant, I indulge in a sex change to avoid aborting the baby but still there she grows, how do I rid myself without losing my natural breasts.
6. I am imprisoned, serving 5 life sentences, my inmates are angry and upset about the flippant lack of soap in the shower rooms. I invent and energetically take to market a brand new top of the range shower gel with the great satisfaction of making the world that little bit better than I found it.
7. I've just been hospitalized for mental illness.
8. I'm a market leader in developing marketing campaigns with 100% no relevance to anyone. You want to throw some money at me?
9. I am lavishly entertaining guests, a friend falls face down the lavatory breaking their neck in five places in the process.
10. I have no comprehension of even the most basic English.
The suggested concerns you might have about the product:
11. It's the big day. I am hurriedly deciding what to wear, I reach for the shoes but there is only one there. Which one do I pick?
12. I am entertaining guests, a friend notices that my feet fail to fit inside the shoes and instead are stitched by the skin to the soles of what was once a shoe. Why?
13. I have developed chronical congestionitus, acid indigestion, and trapped wind since purchasing these shoes. Is correct?
14. I was out on the town this weekend getting sectioned when my shoes left a dirty scuff mark on my boy/girlfriend's face which will not reprieve. I have tried all both forms of bleach but to no avail. Could I possibly change the shoes?
15. Whilst paddling on holiday, the shoes were not waterproof to 50 metres as I imagined them to be. Please advise.
16. I arrive home early hours from an evening of light entertainment with friends and family members. My shoes smell unsanitary and pnent but my feet remain airtight in plastic bags. How so?
17. I am in a popular traveling circus gaily entertaining the masses with poorly conceived and potentially fatal 'crowd pleasers.' I was absent-mindedly show-boating in a transparent tank when a piranha sliced a gash into my shoe. Is there a doctor in the house?
18. In a fit of joyous panic I accidentally shred the shoes through a woodchip cutter which was left on over night by my bedside. I am still however, in possession of a valid receipt.
19. I placed the shoes in the incinerator it was an accident. Please could I have my money back?
20. I am recuperating from serious animal trap accident (which was successful!) however I have no further use for the shoes. I am still within my 1 month warranty period, but I HAVE MISPLACED the receipt of purchase. What do?
"Such happy assurance as you've never known," the questionnaire concludes. Yeah. Exactly.
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Comments:
I wonder if anyone gets anything back from the company if they send in the "survey"...
You're in the kitchen ready to make a salad. Bac' o' Bits or real Bacon?
Turn to page 6 to continue this story.
YOU choose the adventure! :oD
Either it was written by someone who doesn't understand a word of english and was getting their translations through a message board, or they are having fun with it.
Thats so full of awesome. Wonder if any of their shoes are in my price range...
This is not that hard:
1. Actively agree = agree.
2. Passively agree = neutral.
3. Falsification of the truth = disagree.
4. Can you repeat the question? = no response.
See, the only difference is that they're being witty and funny.
Extremely cool, and it felt like a carbolic smoke ball AD for some reason. :D
Sacha Baron Cohen really is everywhere.
@OminousG:
$60 for a pair of flipflops. A consumerist reader bought, at cheapest, a $60 pair of flipflops...only to be confused by the comment card? They're a douche.
Sometimes I wonder if advertising departments pull one over on the consumerist.
I'm now putting Diesel beside Woot in the bag of "out smarted" the consumerist collection.
I wish everything came with a survey of that caliber. Totally amazing!
I'm guessing the questions are pulled from actual letters they've gotten from their customers. You can't just make some of that stuff up!
now i wish i looked at the surveys that came with my diesel jeans.. top notch.. i wonder what their underwear have to offer.. support and wit?
It's like someone took one of those annoying personality things they stick in job applications and made it extra crazy.
As a graphic designer and vet of the ad industry, I can tell you these are the types of projects that creatives LOVE. I guarantee you that the copywriter enjoyed every second of the project...
@Erwos: I think witty and funny is a real stretch. It sounds like they hired a cynical and overly sarcastic high school girl to write that thing up. Or maybe a writer for MTV
@Erwos: Or, for more appropriate answers:
1. Actively agree = banana
2. Passively agree = it's time for Family Guy!
3. Falsification of the truth = accordion music bites
4. Can you repeat the question? = I have ten fingers, almost.
8. I'm a market leader in developing marketing campaigns with 100% no relevance to anyone. You want to throw some money at me?
The best line.
@OminousG: I got to give a consumerist reader more credit than buying $60 flip flops. I've seen diesel shoes for cheaper than $60 at places like dsw and famous footwear.
I appreciate the humor. I have no expectation that a maker of coture footwear will care at all what I think.
@OminousG: What? Outsmarted how? This isn't being shown here as an example of bad customer service. No one was 'confused' about the comment card, just curious. And calling someone a 'douche' just because they buy fancier flipflops than you, that's just ignorant. We all have things we value and spend money on, for this person it was fashion. For me, it's musical instruments. Are you going to tell me every aspect of your life receives only the most baseline, spartan budget possible?
@OminousG: For the record, it wasn't flip-flops, the original purchaser doesn't read the Consumerist, and you are the douche.
@Elcheecho: For all I know it is. I buy flipflops at old navy, so what do I know about fashion? Probably less than someone buying Diesel.
@downwithmonstercable: Or maybe were laying off his entire department and asked him to do one more favor (writing survey card) for them before he left the company?
makes more sense than the survey. Flip-flops? Cheddar with muskrat belly hairs, please!
@lalaland13: Is correct?
/wood chipper
Seriously though - they've at least succeeded brilliantly on getting their company's name on the lips of everyone around the water cooler in my office.
Maybe Rob at Cockeyed.com has something to do with it...he recently did some pretty funky job applications...
The comment card is mocking you for thinking you purchased high end luxury shoes, when you actually haven't.
Are you kidding me, this thing is AWESOME. Too often these things ask banal questions with completely useless answer. At least they made this interesting. I think this is one time when you should appreciate it for exactly what it is.
I work for a company with a similar set of thoughts when it comes to comedy. A recent catalog was filled with our models being doused with baked beans, pudding and potato salad. Our clothing line is named after semi-obscure movie characters. Inside the company, we have memos and daily communications that include why it makes your life better to eat ice cream every night before bed. We answer the phones by yelling the name of the company in some sort of sing-song meets a cow moo way.
The mix is about 75% for, 25% against how we do things. We have folks who call our customer service line just to show friends "See, they really answer the phones this way!" and most people say things like "I love your company. You're not like anyone else!". We also had a few people call about the above mentioned catalog in the 25% category. One man said it was "disgusting and vile" to show people being covered in food like that. We got a handful of people calling to complain about the waste of food.
Basically, some companies are choosing to not do things in the 'typical American white-male" way of doing things. As we watch two of The Big Three about to sink into bankruptcy, with doing things the 'good old boy' way is what helped get them there, perhaps we need to applaud the companies choosing to try something different.
I....... like it.
The possible reasoning or methods behind this madness I see as only one of two things:
1) A commentary surprisingly in touch with their target market, poking fun of larger corporations inept ability to show actual thoughtfulness and care towards their customers.
or
2) Someone drunk. And having a field day, being possibly the only proficient English speaking person around at the time.
@metaled: Sorry, didn't men to flaunt my outrageous spending patterns, I realize this may be offensive to some in these tough economic times.
@oilburner: Me too! I think it's international comments translated into English without corrections for grammar.
If it's not that, then lord knows what's going on.
Either way, I was tickled while reading this.
Whoever made that was high.