Consumerist And Consumer Reports Will Crap All Over Your Holiday Weekend
It's Memorial Day weekend, the weather is looking nice, and people are leaving work early to hit the pool, fire up the grill, play golf, or enjoy our national pastime. We're doing none of those things, so we thought we'd ruin it for everyone else.
Thinking about taking a dip in the pool this weekend? According to Consumer Reports, over 15,000 people went to the ER or had to call poison control after being injured by pool chemicals in 2007.
Maybe you don't have a pool, but you were going to have a little backyard barbecue, grill up some burgers, and relax. Make sure that your burgers aren't part of the 96,000 pounds of contaminated ground beef that was just recalled for e. coli. (Maybe you should just get some cheap steaks instead.)
If you were planning on escaping the slobs and hiding amongst the upper crust at your country club, you're out of luck: the economic meltdown means fewer people are buying country club memberships, and they're being forced to open up their golf courses, restaurants, and other services to the public. This one country club in Pennsylvania has pretty much become a dive bar: people drink two-for-one Coors Light out of bottles, and snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.
Oh and also, if you live in the DC area and were thinking about taking advantage of the nice weather to go see a baseball game, not so much for the home team but maybe they're playing someone good, you're out of luck: it's interleague play and the O's and Nats are having a (premium-priced) battle to see whose pitching is the worst.
There, we feel better now. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!
Pool chemicals send thousands to ER each year [CR]
96,000 pounds of ground beef recalled due to E. coli contamination [CR]
Once Exclusive, Now Public [WaPo]
(Photo: abbamouse)
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Comments:
Make sure that your burgers aren't part of the 96,000 pounds of contaminated ground beef that was just recalled for e. coli.
Done and done. Nothing but whitetail and axis deer burgers for me this summer.
Why is there only one post in the "wa wa waaaa" tag?
Tell me about it!
From yesterday through Monday I'll have worked 48 hours with only sunday off...
Eh, no big deal. Grill some country club on the pool, take a crisp clean dip in the public ground beef, and have brunch at the stadium eating horrible pitching.
Sounds like a fantastic Labor Day after all!
Damn Alex, next you're going to tell me I shouldn't go to Kings Dominion because people are hurt on roller coasters (mostly by their own stupidity)
Ok ok fine. Can I at least blow my own finger off with a bottle rocket?? Please? Pretty please???
"...people drink two-for-one Coors Light out of bottles, and snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents."
Sounds like a normal week night to me (well, with PBR and republican presidents anyhow), why hold out for memorial day?
Always happy to see knowledgable sports references on Consumerist. Keep it up!
The best ever Memorial Day of my life was when I was about 10. This is back in 1960, little town of Fanwood New Jersey. So first I got up and marched with the Cub Scounts in the town Memorial Day parade. Then I went over to a friend's house, and swam in his pool (back in NJ in 1960 pools were pretty rare). And THEN the next door neighbor kid who was older than me by a few years took me to the movies in Plainfield, the "big town" just next door. I mean, come on: Parade, swimming, movies?
Years later I figured it out: the folks had arranged it all so they could do their own thing without me. The both passed away before I came to this conclusion, so I can't confirm it, but it makes total sense. The swimming and movie thing never happened before or since.
I wonder what fun thing THEY were doing without me?
Even worse, the Orioles-Nationals matchup is on three different channels on my TV. Whoooo. Thank goodness we're for some reason getting two Red Sox-Mets games. But is it the Matsuzaka-Santana matchup? Nooooo. That's the only one we don't get.
Have fun with the premium pricing, Nats. I bet there are still only about 15,000 fans, even though it's a weekend and the two fanbases are both within easy driving distance.
I can't do any of the things listed above...it is going to rain here.
Still a little too cold to open up the pool here.. Last thing we want is people going to the ER for frostbite because people tried to swim when it isn't warm enough to!
Mr. Turtle pool, private rooftop patio, veggie portobello/mozzarella burgers from Loblaws, HD sports (if you're into sports, which I'm not) and Canadian beer FTW!
Oh, wait... our long weekend was last week.
Poor country club members. What is this world coming to?
I'll be watching the Phils play the Yankees. I don't know if it'll be on television where I live, but I'll watch on MLB.com if necessary.
snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.
I just kicked the habit.
LOL. We've been swimming since late January. I miss living in the northeast, but I definitely don't miss the cold.
I was doing ok until the last one. The Os v. Nats item brought a tear to my eye.
I've been out of town every weekend the past month. I am looking forward to doing nothing excepting lounging in the AC, talking to my cat and watching an Arrested Development marathon (which I have been dreaming about doing again for quite a while).
She's crying because someone dressed her in a pink shirt, orange shorts, and yellow socks.
If I want to be enticed to see a baseball "team" on pace to lose 112 games this year, I'd suggest the Nats give me $5 just to show up and let me in for free and give me a free hot dog. a GOOD free hot dog.
And only use the pure stuff: the bright orange "cheese" packets in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It'll blow your head clean off.
This reminded me of the safety briefings we used to get before every holiday weekend when I was in the Air Force. Those weren't quite as funny as this. Except maybe Lawrence's. His were pretty funny. None of you know him.
Having been to several country clubs in my formative years, I'm going to have to call their impressions pretty accurate.
"No, you can't read the books in the library." "No, you can't play on the tennis court." "No, you can't swim, the pool is closed today." "Why are you running in the hallway?"
@PSN: kingpsyz: Unless you want a heard of people calling your work, its best not to mention the maount of hours you put in durring the week.
@tbax929: I live in hawaii...its almost never too cold to swim, and even if it is, it would only be uncomfortable, not dangerous.I went swimming in my pool 3 times last week.
@xtc46 - thinksmarter on twitter:
I didn't say where... ;)
Not like anyone else can do it since I'm in a two person department and one's on vacation.
@Murph1908: No but I am trying to start a Pizza club. That article painted a bias picture in my head that played out like a slanted documentary. I can empathize somewhat with the couple I guess but all the condescending descriptions of the supposed public/lower class left a funny taste in my mouth... Or was that vegimite sandwich I just ate?
It's supposed to rain heavily on Memorial Day here. I was going to set up my pool while I'm on vacation right now, but I might not fill it just yet, as all week looks rainy.
As for bad holiday stuff, I burned my hand (large burn, on my knuckles) on the lawnmower. Hopefully that's all the bad stuff I'll have. I still haven't had my skating lesson this week yet!
@yevarechecha: I'd love to go watch some Major League Baseball, unfortunately, I'll be working all weekend. Granted, it will be for one of the afore-mentioned teams, so no beer.
@Canino: Isn't the whitetail the carrier for the Lyme disease tick? Eat a deerburger, destroy your nervous system. (g)
@Applekid: Don't forget to stock the golf course's water traps with interesting fish.
You'll never know if they're shaking it dry or introducing themselves to nature!
@xtc46 - thinksmarter on twitter: That's a blatant falsehood. I hear it gets as low as 70 degrees there, sometimes!
@HogwartsAlum: A word to the wise: no matter how tempting Nude Ice Skating seems, resist. Sure, it sounds fun, until you need to explain to the doc how you got freezer burn in all the worst places.
@TCama: i can't imagine THAT many people searching "wa wa waaaa" and expecting to get something realistic...
Debbie, you're such a downer!