Behold, The 6 Worst Airline Passengers of 2009
Yes, Rick Seaney of FareCompare.com is rounding up the worst airline passengers of 2009 — in May. Maybe he's optimistic and doesn't expect the lady who drank all the hand soap from the lavatory to be topped in the many months ahead — or maybe he just wants to write a follow-up in December. Either way, we love it.
Here are 2 of the 6:
"Liquid Soap Lady": A woman on a United flight allegedly took pills and alcohol, then tried to bite a crew member's leg. She also reportedly drank down the contents of a lavatory's liquid soap dispenser (apparently for its alcohol content). Her explanation to the cops: "I sometimes do crazy things."
"Get Me Outta Here": An American Airlines jet had landed but was still waiting for gate space when an impatient passenger decided, "Enough!" He opened an aircraft door, deploying the emergency slide that he then used to make his getaway. He was detained by the cops but so were all the other passengers because they had to wait for "slide removal" before the aircraft could get to the gate.
The Six Worst Airplane Passengers of 2009 [ABC]
(Photo:balmes)
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Comments:
@HIV 2 Elway: #9 - Guy next to screaming baby who doesn't realize that, hey, it's a fucking baby, it screams when it's confused, and spends your entire 3-hour flight complaining about the baby's screaming in carrying tones.
(No, I'm not the parent of the screaming baby. That happened to me on my last flight, though -- both baby and douchebag sat behind me and seemed to be having a screaming contest.)
#9 and #10 World's fattest twins sitting in 15A and 15C.
Your seat is 15B.
I almost always end up sitting next to an extremely overweight person on every flight I'm on, and sure enough their fat oozes over into what little space I already have. And then there's the inevitable battle for the armrest, which I usually lose.
One flight I sat next to a morbidly obese woman with screeching toddler on lap. She managed to spill her drink on me (as well as spill over the seat area) and her kid hit me in the face. Oh, and we got delayed for leaving the plane by a good half hour for some inane reason, which got the kid super riled up to the point where he started continually trying to climb on things and yell when he was told no. The whole time I was just trying to nap or read, and no go.
This was 2004 or I'd put that up in the running. I hope she and her kid are never topped in my travels.
I can tolerate screaming children up to a certain age, because babies cry. But kicking a seat is totally unacceptable at any age. I have turned around and loudly scolded a kicking child to the horror of the mother -- I felt kind of bad after but it was effective.
#11 - Fully reclined seat d-bag.
8 hr flight from new york to amsterdam....I'm a college student (female) trapped in a middle seat with drunk, fat guy in the aisle seat who insists on making loud, inappropriate comments to me. He was so fat that his tray table just stuck straight up into the air! The attendants tell him to shut up and stop bothering me many times, but otherwise they do nothing (the flight was full). Fortunately, he drank multiple tiny bottles at dinner and passed out during the movie. Unfortunately, I couldn't get past him to the aisle for the rest of the flight. He stank and snored, too. I felt like Northwest/KLM should have paid me for that flight instead of the other way around!
@1stMarDiv: It's amazing to me how "larger" people have no consideration for their smaller counterparts on planes. They don't even try and make things a little more comfortable for the people next to them. If I weighed 400 pounds I'd be damned sure to try and squeeze my extra self into my seat and minimize any spillage into my neighbor's seat(s).
Trapped in the center seat between Body Odor Man and the self-proclaimed World's Greatest Salesman. In the back no-reclining row next to the toilets. Alas, I was unable to kill myself by paper cuts from the SkyMall catalog.
Then there's the happy bastard who decides that he's going to wear his down jacket through the entire flight, despite the climate control providing adequate comfort. There's the rare douchey specimen that will require you to call on a stewardess because you decided to be civil enough to not beat the shit out of him to get his fat ass off of the other side of your seat belt. There's cranky lady with oversized "carry-on" luggage that makes a scene because the plane doesn't shapeshift to accommodate her luggables, but these people usually don't make a scene for very long, as the bag simply gets yanked off the plane and into the cargo hold.
Ever hear a boisterous laugh during an overnight flight because someone was watching Dave Chapelle on his iPod?
Crying baby is common everywhere, but at the very least, the baby has the excuse of being uncomfortable when their little ears pop in the cabin pressure. On the ground, baby simply gets into post-fetal a-hole mode. Just kidding, I love kids.
My favorites are couples arguments. Two grown people that don't seem to have the wherewithal to understand that some places are best left free from their quarreling. Just hope that they get too personal with the insults, because then it becomes immensely entertaining.
My girlfriend could be on this list. Ate a full lobster before getting on a flight from EWR to MCI. Threw up no fewer than 12 times on the flight including one right in the middle of the aisle while waiting to get into the bathroom.
@RagingBoehner: What's the mom to expect? If she won't parent her kids, that leaves it to the rest of us.
@HIV 2 Elway: It's worse on a bus. Buses have far less room, and the seats have way too much travel for the space given. Being the nice guy that I am, I make sure that the seat right in front of me is incapable of moving back.
@jenndavo: Ahhh I hate that even more. The people that go on and on pointing out something. I get it. A crying baby. Stop talking about it. You talking about it isn't going to make it better. STFU
@RagingBoehner: Never feel bad. Her embarrassment is encouragement to keep their children in line better in the future.
@downwithmonstercable: Have you seen a coach class seat recently? I'm just shy of 190 and I can barely fit in that.
@RagingBoehner: I know, I always feel so badly for the parents who seem to be good parents, and who are clearly trying their damnedest with their kids, but whose 2-year-old is just plain overtired and DETERMINED to throw a tantrum. Kids pull that crap sometimes, because they're kids, and there's just not much you can do about it.
But when someone's precious angel 6-year-old is in my personal space? Oh HELL no.
@Kaiser-Machead: I sympathize with the down-coat wearer. In my experience pretty much every airplane cabin in the world is about 15 degrees too cold for comfort. If traveling in August, I will actually bring a sweatshirt and thick wooly socks for the express purpose of wearing on the airplane.
Your "adequate" is my "TURN THE DAMN HEAT ON," heh.
@j-o-h-n: Unfortunately I can no longer resolve that kind of issues by "accidentally" dropping my pyrotechnician / explosives license and a couple of unwrapped stick of gum. Loved to make the poor sod believe I was handling something sensitive, they tended to shut up pretty fast after that.
I will see your fully reclined seat d-bag and raise you fully reclined seat c-word who carried on a full volume conversation, in Italian, with her traveling companion... who was sitting in the seat behind me, so she had to twist herself entirely around to yell over my head.
Alitalia, 2006. Gah. I still have fantacies about killing them both.
No kidding, wtf is wrong with you people that cannot understand that you cannot reason with a baby. Yes, sometimes you have to fly with a baby, even when you would rather drive. IT IS A BABY! Complainers are actually bigger babies. Plug in your ipod and close your eyes. The baby is probably crying b/c you either smell or you're ugly. Lastly, the parents hate it a lot more than you do, trust me.
@Etoiles: OK, I will concede that airplanes are still pretty nippy inside, but at the same time, unless you have severe chills, a sweater+blanket combo would do the trick, and not turn you into State Puff seat hoggin' guy.
@HIV 2 Elway: Ugh, throwing up on a plane is so not-fun. I got super hammered my last night in Vegas, and had to fly home making frequent trips to the bathroom to rid myself of the bottle of water I had just drank.
@jenndavo: Agreed. I hate the douchebag complaining about the screaming baby more than the screaming baby.
It's a really simple solution people - ear plugs. Or if you prefer, noise canceling headphones. I haven't got on a flight without either or both. Great for screaming babies, annoying conversations, and engine noise.
God, I know, right? Its like those damn fatties aren't even aware they're fat! Who do they think they are, with their socially unacceptable body sizes and use of mass transportation? Maybe we could petition congress for a new law saying that if your clavicles aren't threatening to rip right through your skin, you shouldn't be allowed to fly. I mean, its not like those seats are sized for everyone, right?
@pb5000: I'm taking a flight to Europe in about 3 weeks, I really should not have read some of the stories...
@downwithmonstercable: And how does one go about "minimizing spillage"? Just by sheer will to "suck it all in" for the duration of the flight and then let themselve's go once they leave the plane? I think it's a global plot to make you uncomfortable!
@Cameraman: This is a good argument for Southwest Airlines style seating. You could have moved no problem. Unfortunately the flight nazis keep you in your seat. Stupid rules.
@RagingBoehner: Not airplane related, but when I worked at a pizza place, I had a mom come in with her rowdy kids and she asked if I would scold them because the kids wouldn't listen to mom. Um, hello lady, I was a teenager at the time, not your kids' babysitter.
@HIV 2 Elway: I think you're confused. The list is 6 worst airline passengers not 6 most awesome-as-long-as-they-dont-actually-throw-up-on-you airline passengers
@HIV 2 Elway: #10 - The self righteous parent that calls everyone douchebags if they dare object to their screaming snowflake.
Liquid Soap Lady sure is crazy. I can tell because of the split infinitive in "I sometimes do crazy things." CUCKOO!
@SlayBelle: I paid for my seat. If fatty wants to spill into my seat, they can pay for the percentage they use.
Seriously, though, overweight people should save everyone the drama and buy two seats. They became fat on their own and I shouldn't have to suffer the consequences.
And I don't care if you have a glandular problem - my 4'11" friend doesn't scream discrimination when the roller coaster doesn't offer booster seats.
#15 (or whatever we're on) - The heavy-drinking drunk DJ who had the douchiest bluetooth headset ever, and intentionally talked loudly so everyone could hear how cool he was. He passed out next to me on the flight...until he sneezed on my face. A big, wet, sneeze. All over my face.
@Coach Cal Is My Dream Weaver: Overweight based on what? BMI standards? Ridiculously sized airplane seat standards? Non-consistant ridiculously sized airplane seat standards? Regular human being standards? Model standards?
Jesus fucking christ. You're packed like sardines into a giant flying box. Sometimes you're gonna get touched by someone else. Its not the end of the world. I can't stand people who talk on their cellphones, center of their own goddamn universe, letting everyone in on their business, when I'm flying, but I don't require that they pay for my bubble of personal space their words slip into.
@Etoiles: I think they do that on purpose. It's significantly easier to give someone extra blankets to warm them up than to allow someone to strip down to cool off....there's only so much "down" you can strip before everyone gets uncomfortable.
@Coach Cal Is My Dream Weaver:
I'd have said "Wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear."
I have always said I would go out the emergency door if I was trapped on the tarmac in a metal shell for over an hour (remember those horror stories?). But doing it just waiting on a gate... a bit much.
Me - when people bug me I do everything in my power to annoy them twice as much!
Don't forget the "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as the Lord your Savior" seatmate?
@Kaiser-Machead: Along the lines of the random boisterous laugh, I recently had a woman next who was watching the in-flight movie (I was not). At random intervals, if anything even remotely startling happened, she would scream as if she were watching a horror movie in her living room. The first time she did that I almost spilled my Coke all over myself.
@HIV 2 Elway: I used to fly as an unaccompanied minor as a kid, and while I always behaved, I went through a stretch where takeoff would nauseate me to the point of barfing. Fortunately I always threw up into the barfbag, but I am sure my fellow passengers loved me.
#7 - Screaming baby.
#8 - Parent of screaming baby.