Finally, A Competitor To The ShamWow Has Arrived

There’s this new towel technology that Steve here is showing off, and it’s got us pretty impressed. We may have finally found something to replace all of our ShamWows.

There’s some slight PG language, so if you work as a Curse Guard at a bible camp, do not watch.

Consumer Reports tested the ShamWow last month and found out (surprise!) it’s not necessarily the super product Vince says it is. You can watch that video here—and there’s absolutely no cursing involved.

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  1. Jonbo298 says:

    Needs a hooker joke to top it off.

  2. bloggerX says:

    I wonder if they accept cash on delivery as a form of payment…

  3. Riff Raff says:

    But will you love Steve’s nuts?

  4. WiglyWorm must cease and decist says:

    It’s a friggin chamois. Anyone who expected a miracle deserves to get punched like a hooker.

  5. HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave says:

    Yeah, but how will I save $20 a month if I use paper towels? I need to save up an extra $500 in addition to the $1000 I already have for bail.

    • WiglyWorm must cease and decist says:

      @HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave:

      Which brings me to another point I’ve always hated about those commercials. Who the HELL uses $20 worth of paper towels in a month?

      You use two of these?! Seriously?!

      • Cogito Ergo Bibo says:

        @WiglyWorm: Good point. Maybe the Octomom uses that many, but normal people sure don’t.

        • HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave says:

          @Cogito Ergo Bibo: What about Jon and Kate? I’m sick of all this Octomom crop.

          • HogwartsAlum says:

            @HasPonies!Envy_GitEmSteveDave:

            So am I. And it’s spreading.

            I saw online the other day that Mel Gibson’s gf was pregnant and he was calling himself the “Octodad” because he already has seven kids with his soon-to-be-ex wife. I clicked on the picture and OMG his girlfriend LOOKS like the Octomom. It freaked me out completely.

      • qcgallus says:

        @WiglyWorm: Well, at “12 2-Ply Sheets Per Roll” I think so, because according to the description I get a grand total of 96 sheets. And if my cat gets into his binging/purging stage again…I could use 196 sheets in a month.

        Whoever wrote that description…wow. “One sheet keeps working.” That must be the selling point. As opposed to “One sheet won’t work anymore.” So you have to find the one that doesn’t work, weed it out, and use the one that keeps working. Duvel Moneycat Christ.

  6. catnapped says:

    The important barometer–will it pick up a gallon of cola from the carpet AND be able to wring it back out into a glass to drink?

    • docrice says:

      @catnapped: yes it will, and unlike crappy sham-wow’s, the soda will retain it’s carbonation thanks to patented micro (wood) fiber technology…

  7. Cogito Ergo Bibo says:

    The video is funny, but the “Magic Hugs” signoff is priceless!

  8. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    I had to pause it in the middle because I was laughing so hard. For some reason, I really lost it at “it’s a crapload of squares”….that just really made my day.

  9. JPropaganda says:

    This product is amazing! But I bet they’re not as good as he says they are. I can still see the soy sauce! Fake!

  10. WeAre138 says:

    Awww, I really thought the parody was going to make fun of the editing *glitch* in the real shamwow ad where the puddle of soda magically disappears before the shamwow makes contact with it! Seen here around 40 seconds in:

  11. veg-o-matic says:

    Nice.

    And his accent sounds like “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals”

  12. OtterOtter says:

    You mean, absolutely no cursing except for the “holy shit, I spilled soy sauce”. Good catch!

  13. xboxcrazy33 says:

    Okay, but are paper towels made in Germany?

  14. Mustapha Abdulai says:

    but wait, there more…..
    no more soy sauce stains for me, i’m ordering a bunch right now

  15. FuryOfFirestorm says:

    But can these so-called “paper towels” wipe away hooker blood better than a ShamWow?

  16. Skeetz says:

    Hillarious.. nothing beats The Slap Chop rip though:


    + Watch video

  17. almightytora says:

    Epic. I’m buying 2 right now.

  18. Swizzler121 says:

    that studio bit at the end made the whole video worth it.

  19. albear says:
  20. framitz says:

    Shamwow is a total disappointment… ever try to dry a car with one? Absolute garbage.

    I’ll take the cheapest paper towel anytime and if I want to dry a car properly I’ll use a shammy, either real or imitation.

    NOTHING does a worse job than the shamwow sham.

    • Charlotte Rae's Web says:

      @framitz: I bought it b/c my kid is on a swim team and I shoot all the meets for the team so I wanted stuff to dry off my kid some between races and keep stuff dry with good buffer b/c water is everywhere there. The shamwows were terrible.

      I broke down and bought the towels that swimming/diving athletes use in the pool. Cost more ($20 each one) but I’ve used two of them for two seasons now and am still thrilled.