but coffee makes you have to poo

Drink Coffee - Don't poop. Seems unlikely....

Rules? What are they, the post office?

This is not passive aggression. These are outright rules and admonishments.

Why isn't this place out of business? Talk about some Bitter Betties. They might as well just make a BIG sign that says "GIVE US YOUR MONEY AND GET THE FUCK OUT."

I think if you have this many hangups about customer behavior, you are not a good candidate for owning and/or operating your own retail business. Perhaps you should just make coffee at your house.

@octopede: Perhaps the patrons should make coffee at their homes. At least they're allowed to poop there.

I wonder how these people feel about people named Jeffrey and dogs, if he has one.

At first glance, I thought I was reading a fortune cookie.

Not tat I'm in California or anything, but if I was, I surely would not inconvenience them by taking up their precious space. I'd stay well away, and encourage friends to not tak up their precious space as well.

Next he will switch to Haiku's:

please buy coffee here.
if you don't, i will be mad.
don't poo in toilet.

Tasteless but ultimately unenforceable. Assuming they are having problems with their toilet and this sign may only be temporary until the problem is fixed. That still doesn't stop someone from going and not flushing?

My brother in law owns a cleaning company and one of his biggest clients is a very large church, he said you would not believe the number of people who phantom poop.

Print out some fake signs 'If you must poo, please use the sink on the left' and 'Please flush twice, its a long way from the urinal to the brewer'

[siliconvalley.citysearch.com]

Seems to have decent reviews online. Maybe someone pissed them off. Seems that it's a "cultural center" as well.

I am curious if they roast their own beans or buy...if they are the "best in the Bay Area," I'll drive their myself. I can't imagine anyone beating out Blue Bottle.

@Penny Plastic: Justify your being here.

Maybe they're totally existential and we're missing the point.

@Penny Plastic: Erm, "there."

I think that's the first time I've heard it referred to as "going to Big Toilet". My wife would probably call it "going to Long Toilet", referring to the time frame her husband is in there.

I'm thinking with all these signs and the rules written on them, I'd be too scared to poo or order coffee. Best just not to go into this place.

@Crabby Cakes: I think they might be, from what I've been reading online.

I can only wonder what happened to inspire those rules. One day I walked into the restroom at work to see 50 signs that someone ran off our printer and taped all over the bathroom (obviously out of frustration) instructing people to flush the toilet after using it. What kind of day did you have or what did you have to experience before it sets you off the deep end like that? One can only giggle and wonder.

Is this owned by crazy Asians or something? It smacks of Engrish.

@CoarseLive: Thank you.

@Penny Plastic: Mountain View is considered in the Bay Area? Really?

@pecan 3.14159265: Yes, it is. The Bay Area is big.

@pecan 3.14159265: Here's a map for you...

[www.bayareacareers.com]

@Crabby Cakes: lol!

@DerangedRoleModel: Way to be racist. Good for you.

@Penny Plastic: That's the sign I have on my office door!

Is there a sign in the lounge part of the shop? If not, take a crap there.

@moore850: It already is a haiku:

Please refrain from going
to Big Toilet, for there would
be trouble ahead.

I would make sure i had drank the night before so i could combine the brew poo with the coffee poo and leave them something they would soon not forget.

@DerangedRoleModel:

It reminds me of my favorite website:

www.engrish.com

@DerangedRoleModel: "Excuse me, my Number One son has to make a Number Two."

"Confucius say, he who holds his turd gets messy in the end."

/Not racist.

@DerangedRoleModel: Of course it is, b/c there's no such thing as crazy White people, eh?! What the heck does it matter if they're asian or not?

This reminds me of a Porky's restaurant I just walked by in NYC today. It had one of the most detailed and prohibitive dress codes I've ever seen posted outside larger than the Porky's sign.

The rule that surprised me was "no sandals". THAT'S going to be popular this summer...

@CoarseLive: Except for the vague "nice to justify one's presence" bit, I agree; circuitously phrased, perhaps (ESL?), but not particularly P-A.

Reminded me of this sign,:

SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY

@Penny Plastic: Two words. "Soup Nazi".

@pb5000: Eww.

I hate it when I walk into a bathroom (theater, resturaunt, University!, or even corporate headquarters!) and there is piss all over the seat with diarrhea sitting in the bowl. Yuck.

People are so disgusting.

@pecan 3.14159265: Racism? What about the disabilism?

@YoSoyHe-Man!!_GitEmSteveDave: Passiveaggressivenotes.com is one of the best places to see, well, passive aggressive notes. The ones from offices are always the best.

@YoSoyHe-Man!!_GitEmSteveDave: beat me to it, I was thinking the same thing.

@rondalescott: I'm curious to learn what the "trouble" would be.

@pecan 3.14159265: You are right. It could be some illegal from the south.

@rondalescott: or a limerick:

There once was a shop called Sufi
with a very unusual poo plea
i paid it no mind
I left poo behind
and now the owner will sue me

@Ilovegnomes: It honestly doesn't take much. I mean, seriously... have you never walked into a bathroom and 4 of the 5 stalls have poop in them with piss on the toliet seat lid? It's just flat out disgusting...and smelly.

@jpdanzig: The Sistine chapel makes women wear pants in the summer. Seems to work well. ;-)

I'm not a sandal (flip flop) lover. I think people should keep their stinky feet in their stinky shoes.

All too often i hear people complain that they stepped on glass or their feet or sore. My response: put some shoes on.

@lifestar: At least white people don't seem to care about obnoxious, sloppy PDA. The name of the shop and the almost maniacally religious sounding admonishments (and miserly "justify yourself!" warnings) pin this shop owner as asian, probably Indian. It matters because he's giving his people a bad name.

@CoarseLive: Passive Agressive is definitely becoming overused.

@DerangedRoleModel: The owner is Iranian, I believe.