Save Money On A Funeral
Someone wrote to us this week that a person in his family is terminally ill, and that he was told "that the cost of the casket, funeral, viewing, and burial would possibly exceed 12,000 dollars." He thinks that's an "exorbitant amount of money," and so do we. There is no reason to pay that much money for a kick-ass funeral that people will be talking about for years to come. You don't need to be a cheapskate to manage this, either—you just need to be aware of your rights and know what traps to watch out for. Here's our list of what to do the next time you have to plan a funeral.
Oh, and the kitten picture is just to cheer you up if you need it.
1. Learn about the Funeral Rule.
The Funeral Rule is an FTC regulation that requires several things of funeral professionals. Familiarize yourself with these points, and if a funeral home conveniently "overlooks" them, or outright refuses to follow them, run away. (But also report them to the FTC once you've got the presence of mind to deal with that stuff again.)
- Funeral directors must give you itemized prices in person as well as over the phone. You have to ask for the over-the-phone quotes; in person it's a given, and anyone who skips this is worthy of suspicion.
- They must give you itemized prices for any other services they offer, if you ask. This goes for caskets, burial containers, whatever.
- You have the right to buy individual goods and services; no funeral director or home can force you to buy a package.
- If a state or local law requires that you buy a particular item, the funeral director must state that next to the item on the price list, and reference the specific law.
- You can bring your own casket; a funeral home cannot refuse you or charge you a "handling fee."
- If you choose cremation, the funeral provider must offer an alternative container to a casket; you don't have to buy a nice coffin just to burn it up.
- Speaking of which, the funeral director must show you a list of caskets for sale, including descriptions and prices, before showing you the actual caskets. There's a reason for this—see #4 below.
- There is no technology, embalming chemical, coffin, liner, or vault that will preserve a body indefinitely. Funeral directors can't promise or insinuate otherwise.
2. Consider a direct burial with a memorial service.
A "traditional" burial is really marketing speak for a "full-service" burial—funeral providers have a vested interest in suggesting that full-service equals "more appropriate," because then they can jam a trocar right into your bank account and suck out your savings.
A direct burial, on the other hand, can still include a graveside service, a memorial, or any other rituals you feel are important to the survivors. Remember, you decide what's considered traditional for your family, not a stranger.
3. You may not have to worry about embalming.
If you're burying or cremating the body shortly after death, you can probably skip embalming. Here's a chart showing the law on embalming for each state, or just do a Google search for "embalming law [your state]". The funeral provider cannot perform an embalming without your permission, and as with other services, must full disclose whether or not it's required and how much it will cost.
4. Learn how to shop for a casket. (And a vault.)
A. You will be subconsciously led to purchase a specific one. The FTC says, "Industry studies show that the average casket shopper buys one of the first three models shown, generally the middle-priced of the three." Remember this before making a decision, and assume that you're being directed to the middle-priced casket intentionally.
If you aren't shown the cheaper caskets on the list the funeral director was supposed to have already provided, then ask to see them. If the cheaper casket that you want is in an ugly color, ask if you can order a more pleasing color—the color choice is on purpose to deter you.
B. You will be upsold on gaskets, seals, thickness, and various other protective measures that do nothing. The FTC says, "The Funeral Rule forbids claims that these features help preserve the remains indefinitely because they don't. They just add to the cost of the casket."
C. Buy your casket separately. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says "few consumers realize that caskets may be marked up 300-500% or more." They say caskets can retail for $600 or so, but a more realistic baseline these days is about $1000. If you can locate a local builder or know some basic carpentry, you can build your own and probably bring the price down some more.
Here are some places to begin your search, although we personally vouch for none of 'em:
D. You may be able to rent a casket for viewing if you plan on cremating the body. Be sure to ask. Also, if you're cremating without a viewing, you can bypass the casket option entirely and save a huge amount of money.
E. Don't waste money on an expensive vault. A vault or grave liner is basically a concrete shell placed into the grave to keep the dirt from caving in around the casket. Some cemeteries may require it to keep graves from sinking, but no state or federal laws do. In other words, unless the cemetery requires it, you don't have to buy one. Our reader Erik notes, "Buy a cheap vault, if you need one at all. I've seen people spend $4,000 on something that will never be seen by anyone."
5. Find out if a military burial is an option.
Check out this comment from textilesdiva on a previous post:
If you even THINK the deceased might be entitled to burial in a military cemetery, look into it. For my grandmother's burial, the plot, facilties for the graveside ceremony, stone, "perpetual care" and all that jazz was $300 at a local military cemetery. As I understand it, my grandfather's second wife is also eligible for burial with him and his first wife. He was in service during a war, but never deployed to a combat zone.
I doubt the coffin or funeral home services were included in this, but my parent's surprise at the cemetery costs leads me to think $300 is extraordinarily cheap. This was in 2004, btw.
Here's more information on eligibility—or just call the Veteran's Benefits Counselor at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs: 1-800-827-1000.
6. Turn to religion.
Our reader Eyebrows McGee, who is an estate lawyer or something like that, points out that churches and synagogues frequently can provide help on figuring out more affordable solutions:
If there is an Orthodox Jewish community in your area, find out who they use. Generally Orthodox Jews use very, very plain coffins which cost very little, for religious reasons.
Your local church/synagogue/mosque/temple/whatever can probably also help you with low-cost planning. They usually have relationships with funeral parlors who want to keep their business more than they want to rip you off. And having a religious funeral service frequently cuts out a big chunk of the cost, since (some) funeral homes make a lot off of families with no religious "home" who have the service at the funeral parlor.
Eyebrows McGee actually has a lot of good advice on funerals and planning for them. Read these two comments for more useful tips:
Handouts!
We want you to save money and stick it to the man, "the man" in this case being a funeral director, so we've taken the checklist the FTC provides in html table format and turned it into a handy PDF suitable for printing. Download it here.
After we posted this, our reader Erik sent us a "funeral plan" form (PDF). He's a pastor with lots of experience officiating funerals, and he says this is one of the easiest ways to collect all the important data you need for this sort of thing. But remember to distribute it:
Put it somewhere it can be found! Don't put in a safe deposit box or with a will. Those won't be looked at until after a burial. Instead, give it to your children, spouse, clergy or a funeral director you trust. Even better, give it to all of them, so that someone can find it when it's needed.
RELATED
FAQs on Funeral Arrangements [Funeral Consumers Alliance]
FTC Funeral Microsite [FTC]
(Photo: Kpjas)
Update: by reader demand, we have increased the kittenosity of this post:
(Photos: Kpjas, Clevergrrl, d u y g u, mathia-erhart)
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Comments:
I think that kitty's just trying to make us feel better about reading a post about funerals. It's not helping enough. More kitties please!
or you could have a home funeral, if you're ok with the concept. It's legal in most states, and brings the costs way down. Plus, for many families it makes the whole process more meaningful. Check out the PBS documentary A Family Undertaking.
IIRC, only recently were people allowed to legally buy their own caskets. I always wondered how Vampires bought them before this...
@LuckyEmmie: In the olden days of Chinese culture, I believe home funerals were widely practiced....but even if YOU are comfortable with that, you really have to check with your neighbors and people you live around because that's not something that is widely practiced in Western countries and might skeeve people out...
Also, a few tips from a cemetery operator I once talked with:
-Check on what's selling well. Waterview grave sites and niches are always in demand; you may be able to get a better deal on a niche on the side of the mausoleum that doesn't face the water, because the operator wants to get those spaces sold. Similarly, interior niches behind glass are in high demand, while exterior spaces in the same mausoleum may be more flexible on price.
-Don't assume the pricing is set in stone. You can negotiate the cost of burial space, especially when it's a less popular type of space.
-Corporate cemeteries spend money on advertising and sales. You are likely to find a much better deal at your municipal cemetery or church cemetery -- ask around.
My plan is simple -- cheap-as-chips cremation followed by a large wake. Beer and food; that's where the money should go!
7. Refuse to die, ever.
Seriously though, they can get pricey real quick.
Ok that was surreal. I've never looked at coffins before, and hope I don't have to for a very long time. Good advice though! *shiver*
I found number 6 HILARIOUS. Want to save money? Find out what the orthodox jews use. Insert jewish joke here.
As a note, I am very much Jewish and therefore not being an antisemite. Just thought it was funny.
Build your own?
Kinda creepy and a little too on the cheap-o side, don't you think?
G@#dammit!
Is there a Ralph's around here?
I will agree with #6 wholeheartedly. I'm definitely not a religious man, but I had a friend who was, and his family pulled some strings with the local Catholic church to get my dad's funeral done under $1000. Which I was really grateful for, because I was 17, my brother was 20, and neither of us had a job at the time. It was a cremation/direct burial with no viewing, but them's the breaks when you're poor.
As I've always told my wife...
Don't waste any money. For all I care, you can shove a ham bone up my ass and let the dog drag me off into the woods.
(well, not our dog, obviously)
@JPropaganda: I have to admit I thought the same thing.
I'm curious-- what religious reasons require Orthodox Jews to require plain, low cost coffins?
As a consumerist the last thing I would want is for someone to spend a load of money on my funeral (oh and if your burying me you should be saving money on it in the process by using these tips), you can bury me in a pine box or a box made out of cardboard and duct tape for all I care. Just don't spend $2000 on that special coffin and for god's sake don't fall for the upsell!
Some people think this is too weird or morbid, but donating the body to science costs absolutely nothing and can really give back to society as well. This is what my father-in-law did when he died from cancer. He told us up front that he wanted to do this and he filled out the donor forms (which require 2 witnesses).
After he died, the University of Washington Willed Body Program picked us his body and we just had a small memorial service at home. We got a nice card 6-months to a year later that told us his remains had been cremated and where they were located so that we could visit them if we wanted. They also have an annual service for the families of individuals who have been donated to the Willed Body Program for the advancement of medical education and research.
@theblackdog: I pictured a seedy underground black market for casket sales. Selling really shoddy caskets, and vampires being really pissed, but having no actual recourse.
This is one of the most useful posts I've ever read on consumerist. Well done.
Thanks for posting this, Chris. It's an uncomfortable thing to have to talk about or deal with but it is inevitable that most of us will have to deal with this at some point in our lives. And I think it's important that we arm ourselves with the truth about how it should work before a time comes where we have to deal with it and may not have the right state of mind to be the savvy consumer - which some shady funeral directors are betting on.
@darkryd: Why? It seems like a better idea to me than paying for one. Not only is it a personal gesture, but who really needs to spend that much money on something that is going right into the ground?
My funeral plans:
1) Die.
2) Creamation.
3) Funeral features Zevon's "Keep Me In Your Heart for a While"
4) Drinking.
5) If my wife predeceases me, instructions to my kids that our ashes are to be mixed and then released off a cliff in Maui near Lindbergh's grave. It was one of the scariest yet most beautiful things I had ever seen.
And I probably need to inform my family friends that I don't want a casket. Just burn me up, put my picture on the mantle, and throw a kick-ass kegger with an iPod hooked up to the stereo in somebody's living room/basement - whether I'm 25 (now) or 105. Kegger, y'all. Seriously.
I guess I'll have to be sure however I die that I manage to vaporize myself in the process and save the trouble.
What about Viking funerals?
Mata Hari mentioned it already and I can't reply to her due to the glitch, but I'm planning on going the donating route. I'd like to donate as many organs as possible (which, if I lived a long, fun, booze-soaked life anything like the one I live now, might not be any) and have the local university take the rest. I think it'd be neat to have a rememberance party (think Irish wake style without the body) but it's not really like I'm gonna be around to care.
I agree on the not dying part...but you do have to worry about the eventual showdown with Duncan MacLeod (of the clan MacLeod).
Nothing like a kitten to soften the blow of a funeral.
The government will be kind enough to donate $250 towards one's burial -- they did so with my father's funeral.
They did not, however, give my mother access to his social security even though they were married for an overwhelming majority of his working career. Apparently she "makes too much" to qualify... but she wouldn't have to "make too much" if she could get his benefits.
@ pecan 3.14159265: I live on Sacred ground, I refuse to leave there as well.
@redskull: Honestly? Because funerals in the Jewish tradition aren't meant to be an elaborate affair. Traditionally, there was no casket. You wrapped the body in linens and buried.
There's not a strong dependence on the afterlife in the Jewish tradition, so burying someone in an elaborate casket (a la pharaohs in Egypt where we were enslaved) is frowned upon. A simple pine box will do.
@MataHari: That's a good point. Though it's a little off putting to most people, donating your body to science isn't gross or weird- all medical schools *need* cadavers to train students, who will become the next generation of doctors and researchers. Someone is going to find a cure for cancer, eventually, and that someone's medical training will be partially thanks to a selfless individual who donated his body to science.
@MataHari: Unfortunately, it's uncommon, but donating your body either as an organ donor or for research should be celebrated. I look at the last gift I can give to someone: a chance at life.
@pecan 3.14159265: Agreed. A funeral article Needs atleast 3 kittens. And one of them has to have a woolen cap.
@BPA-Free_GitEmSteveDave: You mean no actual recourse except to bite them and suck their warm sweet (salty?) blood out?
darkryd said:
"Build your own? Kinda creepy and a little too on the cheap-o side, don't you think?"
My grandfather refused to spend a ton of money on a casket when he was planning his own funeral and he built his own. He said all they cared about was that the handles were on good (presumably so pallbearers wouldn't drop it and get hurt). I thought it was pretty damn smart.
He lived in Texas, if that makes any difference in the laws.
Personally, I find funerals a waste of time and money, for all parties involved. I will put in my will that I awnt to be burned to a nice crisp, use me as mulch or something I don't care, and if you must, have a small wake at a house or something, or even better, have a rockin' party. But please don't have a fancy, expensive funeral. I'll be DEAD!
that kitty is perfect for this article. reminds me of that book, Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals:
@Lucifer_Cat: Well, I was talking about the people who "think" they are vampires, not actual vampires. Actual vampires would have their original coffins from Europe.
I want a wake like the ones they had in The Wire - laid out on a pool table, a bottle of whiskey in my hand, and people getting absolutely wasted while singing The Pogues. That's the ticket.
@MataHari: That's a good point. My uncle wants to donate his body to the Body Farm in Tennessee so he can help in his own little way with forensic science.
@darkryd: Maybe they put it in the post to forestall all the "I can't believe the OP *buys* pizza-- why don't they just make their own? I do and save $X !"
Actually, MataHari made me remember that I want my body and/or organs donated to either science or someone who needs the organs.
Good article and advice on what to watch out for (as usual). One thing to keep in mind is that planning a funeral can require quite a bit of time. Sometimes the amount of time you spend planning will negate any savings. I used to work at my mom's flower shop and have seen people plan their loved one's funeral themselves. Some people did it because the deceased wanted something simple and they were successful at creating a special send-off for the deceased. Some people did it because they thought they could do the same as the funeral home for cheaper. These people would usually be disappointed because they wanted Champagne on a beer budget and didn't realize how much work would be involved to achieve what they wanted.
One other way you can save money on a funeral: renting floral arrangements and plants from a florist. We used to do it all the time for funerals and weddings. And it costs a lot (75%) less than buying them.
My grandfather died suddenly when I was very young. I remember my dad, who was very close to his father, talking about how disgusted he was with the funeral parlor for trying to take advantage of his mother -- so much so that he cut the niceties and just told them to get the cheapest coffin (which my grandfather would have approved of). When the director suggested he could show his love with a nice coffin, my father responded what good would a coffin my grandfather couldn't appreciate be. I once saw the bill in my grandmother's papers and I couldn't tell if the price they paid was high or not for 1968.
When my dad's turn came he said just wanted a peach crate (or whatever Orthodox Jews use) so he could return to the earth as fast as possible. We got him one level up and a room to accommodate all the people (he died in his 50s so we had a good crowd). My mother who is now ill has already stated she just wants a simple graveside service (though I have the feeling my sister will probably overrule it).
On the other side, my wife's grandparents both recently passed (married 63 years, died within 6 months of each other). There was no service, just cremation and two celebrations of life at their home, a few days after each death. The last one was a great family party, the guests of honor would have loved it. Assuming our run is the same length, that's what my wife and I want.
Doesn't Costco also sell caskets online?