If you were recently laid off, you can get a free FranklinCovey day planner this Saturday, March 21st, by showing up at a participating store and giving the name of your former employer and the date you were let go. [FranklinPlanner.com] (Thanks to Anne!)
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March 17- Lost job
March 18- Sold blood to pay bills. Woozy...
March 19- Cried all day, ate whole gallon of Haagen Dazs, threw up
March 20- Wife left, took the kids, car, my manhood
March 21- Got job as porno theater janitor, now have Gonnaherpesyphilaids
March 22- House repo'd by bank, sleeping in ATM vestibule
March 23- Was going to kill self, but who would fill out the rest of this lovely free day planner FranklinCovey gave me?
March 24- Jacked off crackhead for $10. Cannot go any lower
March 25- Spoke too soon. Learned how to "toss a salad"
March 26 - Attempted to actually kill self. Figured a drop of 167 feet into crushing whirlpool would do the trick. Didn't work. Not even a broken bone for my trouble.
March 27 - Even more depressed than yesterday. Lost my last set of clothes in the incident. Planning to steal hospital gown. Still waiting in the ER.
March 28 - 1,000 holes per ceiling tile. Sleeping in the hallway of the hospital now. Slightly happier as it is warm and I get 3 hots a day.
March 29 - Contracted MRSA and might actually die, finally.
March 30 - Assholes at the hospital transferred me to Mercy Hospital. This Gregory House dude is a serious asshole. He says I actually have lupus along with MRSA, but if I take these pills and don't go cold turkey on eating boiled footwear for lunch I'll be fine. Says I should wean myself off of workboots and instead start on pumps.
March 31 - God damn it, I'm still alive. *sigh* Let's try to jump off the Empire State Building while I'm in NY. 86th floor should be plenty high enough.
April 1 - Who the hell opens a window on the 85th floor! Still alive and depressed as hell. Didn't even have to go to hospital, but I do get to spend the night in jail. Going to try to learn some techniques while here.
April 2 - Released! Pickpocketed knife, used it on self, turned out to be a stage knife. Still alive despite having actually given up on life. Do I count as a Zombie yet?
Am I the only one wondering what planner, exactly, they're going to be giving out free? Are we talking a nice low-end classic binder with a year's worth of daily pages, or a pocket-sized wire-bound weekly planner with no cover that they were already verging on unable to sell because the year is nearly 1/4 over?
@FuryOfFirestorm: You don't have to spend your life shootin' up in the trash. Homeless on the street givin' hand-jobs for cash.











Sunday March 22nd- Fill out owner information page of new day planner
Monday March 23rd- nothing
Tuesday March 24th- nothing
Wednesday March 25th- complete unemployment paperwork
Thuesday March 26th- nothing
Friday March 27th- Check Monster.com
Repeat.