Hmph. I review resumes and cover letters as part of my business, and I'm losing business to THIS? This advice can be found in any resume writing book; you're better off spending your time reading a resume writing book than you are wasting it sending your resume in for this "review service."

This is so typical, I am surprised people are even surprised about it.

Companies can make up to fifty cents per valid email address + name combination.

NEVER submit your main email address to an automated service like this unless you're sure it is what it says it is.

People are so trusting!

Did it say "We guarantee that this resume will be reviewed by a human?"

This is almost as bad as people who submit their username and passwords to social networking sites to get their address books.

I use dice.com. They're not quite as independent as they used to be, but I've never gotten spam from them or to (traceable) addresses that I made available on their website.

same on the ladders.com... got a 14 day free premium trial, which has review by a professional, all you get is a generic email with things you already know... I'm glad it was free.

@chatterboxwriting: Then again most of the resume writing/review services suck too, so it is hard to criticize them too much.

This sucks, but theie super bowl ad was hilarious :)

@rickhamilton620: there....ugh, stupid phone keyboard

Career Builder will also send you worthless job suggestions if you set up an email alert. Monster is pretty much also worthless and you will get lots of spam from them also.

@rickhamilton620: Their. :) Hey, reply works again!

No first, second or third person references? So no "I" "you" "he/she"s?

Ergo, does "an understanding of appropriate word choice" mean stuff like "Converted 88 percent of leads into sales," with no subject pronoun at all?

@dequeued: To be fair, it's not like this is a webpage hosted on geocities.com or something. This is (or was) a legit company.

Yeah. Don't need to use complete sentences in a resume.

@SoCalGNX:

I can't avoid Monster. The online version of the job classifieds in my local paper is through Monster.

I did up a short and absurd fictional resume with all sorts of errors using a disposable e-mail.

John Picard
1147 W 47 Street
Apt. 4G
New York, NY 10017

Education: BA in Advanced Drinking Bob's University and Truck Stop, Lodi, NJ 1998-1999

Experience:
May 2004-March 2009
International Drainage Commission, Springfield NA
Managed international toilet flow monitoring programme, Australian division

August 2002-May 2004
Third Basemen, New York Yankees, Bronx, New York
Played an important role in defense
Assorted crotch grabbing

December 1999-August 2002
Supreme Allied Commander, NATO, Brussells, Belgium
Managed a large amount of people
Bartending duties
Coached hockey team

I got this reply several seconds later:

Dear John Picard,

A well written, attention grabbing resume is crucial to getting an interview. It is important to be concise, highlight your qualifications, and present yourself as a proactive employee. Recruiters will only briefly skim your resume to determine if you are worthy of an interview. Therefore, it must be easy for recruiters to find the information that sells them on you.

In order to more effectively showcase your skills and abilities, we recommend making the improvements that we list below. If you need help making these improvements, the experts from cbResume are here.

* Make sure your resume isn't sparse
* You should show off the breadth and depth of your experience with a resume that covers at least 75% of the page. When a recruiter glances at your resume, you want their first impression of you to be a positive one. If at first glance your resume appears sparse, a recruiter might assume that your skills and professional experience are as well. It's imperative that you provide enough information to pique a hiring manager's attention.
* Quantify your accomplishments
* Recruiters look for candidates that quantify their accomplishments. This shows that you know how to measure the results of your actions and provide value to an employer. It is fairly simple to write that you improved something; however, a hiring manager wants to see by how much you improved it. Also, keep in mind that what you accomplished is much more interesting than your daily responsibilities.
* Use action verbs
* A resume filled with action verbs gives the impression that you are someone with a "can do" attitude. Your resume vocabulary sends a message of its own. Make sure that message isn't that you are a passive employee, but a proactive one who will drive results.
* Include a quick synopsis of what you have to offer
* When an employer glances at your resume, what will they see? A brief summary of who you are and what you have to offer? If not, you might get passed over. We recommend that you grab the hiring managers attention with a brief overview of your most impressive and relevant strengths.
* Don't forget to include all of your contact info
* Once you wow the employer with your resume, make sure that he/she can reach you. Don't forget to include your phone number, e-mail address, and home address. You want to make yourself as easy to contact as possible. Let them choose their preferred method of communication.
* Keep contact info at the top
* Your contact information should be easy to find. You don't want to make a hiring manager strain to find it. So, keep all of it at the very top of your resume. If a hiring manager can't contact you easily, unfortunately they might not contact you. Make it easy for an employer to call you and request an interview.
* Include your first and last name in the file name
* In order to prevent your resume from getting lost on a hiring manager's computer, we recommend that you use both your first and last name in the file name of your resume. If you use a generic file name like "Resume{2}", it makes it difficult for an employer to locate in their "my documents" folder. You should position yourself as the easy to hire candidate - easy to contact with an easy to find resume.

After you re-write your resume, don't forget to check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation before using it to apply for a position. More often than not, people overlook their own spelling and grammatical errors. We recommend having several trusted friends and colleagues review your resume to verify that it is easy to understand and free of inconsistencies and minor mistakes. If you would like help re-writing your resume, just let us know.

Keep in mind that your resume is a marketing tool. You must display only the most pertinent and impressive pieces of your experience. cbResume, CareerBuilder.com's professional resume writing team, can prepare your resume to make a positive first impression. We are experts in the field and know how to craft a resume that will get you interviews.

Sincerely,

cbResume

Now, where have I seen that before?

I had a problem several days ago with Dice's search mechanism not accepting my zip code. When I tried to type mine in, it would replace it with the request to enter the zip code. When I got a drop down menu after entering the first 3 digits, mine was not in the list.

I submitted a tech support inquiry about it. I was guessing they just didn't include the zip code of my small town in their database. Then I got email:

We saw you registered today on Dice.com - glad to have you on! We also noticed you didn't post a resume - 80% of employers search our resume database before they post a job.

It takes only two minutes to add your resume - post your resume here.

Please reply to this email if you have questions, need help, or want to locate your login credentials.

Thanks,

Dice Customer Support
TechSupport@dice.com

I didn't subscribe. I just submitted an inquiry. It took 3 tries, but they finally deleted the account they created. And they did fix the zip code.

When are we going to have companies whose business models do not include pooping on people?

Best. Picture. Ever.

You get what you pay for.

CareerBuilder is one of several sites I use. It is by far the worst and results in the most spam, including check cashing scams and other crap for jobs in no way related to my resume. I ended up there when I applied for a job via Monster.

@dequeued: "Did it say 'We guarantee that this resume will be reviewed by a human?'"

Our Resume Review team has had a chance to review your resume...

@jenn7110: Use indeed.com - it searches all the job sites, including Monster.

CareerBlunder has sucked for a VERY long time now. I take that back, it's great if you're looking to get into the very lucrative "home-based" and "multi-level marketing" businesses with no experience necessary!!

Thanks for the Indeed link - does have amazing amount of listings.

That robot copping a squat is probably thinking, "These resumes are good...for me to poop on!"

It sounds like a psychic's cold reading. Throw out some vaguely relevant information and the mark - I mean, CareerBuilder user - will fill in the blanks in his own head and think he's received a personalized review.

If they have a live chat function, I'll bet it's a version of the ELIZA program.

@xrmb: Ladders is a huge farce/joke! We tried it when recruiting certain developers, and it was clear that ladders is the Ashleymadison of job sites..

I'm extremely disappointed with Monster. Their search functions suck and they seem better able to send me the jobs I DON'T want rather than the ones I want. Indeed.com has the best search engine I've come across thus far.

@Savannah Kraemer: I can't stop laughing!!

@MissedTheExit: I wondered that too. If you can't use first, second, or third preson references, are you stuck with using the royal "we"?

@rickhamilton620: there....ugh, stupid phone keyboard

...double ugh for you. It should be "their".