Seriously, what’s up with them? Their new ad features an oven that begs a Quiznos employee to “put it in me, Scott,” as the camera pans over what it calls a Toasty Torpedo. There’s also a subliminal flash of a periscope jutting up from the flames at one point, as our eagle-eyed reader Bbender pointed out.
We know commercials have to be edgy and all to get noticed these days, but this one just sort of falls off the edge into Makes No Sense land—unless some consultant figured out that equating toasted sandwiches with Scott bangin’ the oven somehow increases sales.
Update: Here’s the Schick Quattro commercial for ladyparts that someone mentions in the comments below, courtesy of Mark.
Update 2: Laura pointed us to this blog, where a guy estimates that the $4 toasty torpedo is approximately 75% smaller than the $5 Subway sandwich it’s intended to compete against. We hope Quizno’s next ad for the toasty torpedo argues that size doesn’t matter—it’s how good it tastes.
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that would really suck if consumerist of all sites cost that guy boatloads cause we destoryed his bandwidth
Great. Now I know what the secret ingredient in quiznos’ special sauces is.
I have to point out the math error here…
The torpedo is NOT 75% smaller. The linked blog claims that the subway sandwich is 75% larger than the torpedo, which is not the same thing. This means that the torpedo sandwich is slightly more than half the size of the subway version.
Saying it is 75% smaller implies that the torpedo is 1/4 the size of the subway footlong, instead of more than half the size. The correct statement equivalent to the subway sandwich being 75% larger is that the quiznos version is 43% smaller. I’m surprised no one else found it hard to believe the 75% number…
4 out of 5 Quiznos in the area where I live is going under. If this pace keeps up, these sexy/stupid commercials will be rendered completely irrelevant. Is this happening to anybody else?
It doesn’t tell you very much about the product except what it costs and suggestions how to use it.
The commercial worked – because people everywhere are talking about it. It doesn’t matter how stupid your ad is, as long as you get the attention of your audience.
That said – Quiznos is evil. Declining food quality, increasing prices and rude franchise owners who do nothing but complain about corporate and deny coupons. Last time I was at a Quiznos, the jackass denied a coupon he himself had handed me 2 weeks before.
Years ago, Quizno’s had an ad where someone ate some remnants of a Quizno’s sub out of a garbage can.
I know what they were trying to say: something along the lines of “it’s so good, they guy would eat it out of the garbage!”
But that is just bad imagery for me, and I have never eaten at a Quizno’s after seeing that ad.
@Eric Yokie: …*this guy* would eat it…
They’ve ‘fixed’ the ad, at least on the ads running on the Sci-Fi channel. They have removed most of the sexual references, and now the oven instructs the worker to say it again “with passion”, rather than “sexier.”
I guess there was enough of an outcry to get it changed?
I want every inch of that meaty sandwich in my mouth…
I don’t think I’ve eaten at Quizno’s since they brought out their ‘singing rodent’ commercials (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZrks-BPeLQ) – although I find out today that apparently they are sponge monkeys (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=quiznos+sponge+monkey+commercial&aq=f). I’ve never wanted to eat at a restaurant that advertises ‘we have happy vermin!’
Then they did the talking baby thing – less disgusting, but still disturbing.
I think they need to find a new ad agency – and probably change their name ala ValuJet -> AirTrans.
He’s fraking a toaster!? That’s just wrong…
@Raymond Dang: Kara Thrace is the harbinger of lunch.
:END LINE
Torpedos…
[andrewteman.org]
Totally relevant.
Am I the only guy who prefers 4-8 inch sub sandwiches? Anything bigger is too much bread and meat. Plus, it’s less expensive and I’d never really reheat half a toasted hot sandwich later on, so it’s cheaper for me. Keep in mind I tend to hit up local sandwich places, like Hoagie Haven in Princeton, NJ.
uhhhh, no periscope…but like Dave, recognized the HAL 9000-likeness of the ovens’ voice.
maybe it’s just me…but a guys voice saying “put it in me” and/or “say it sexy” to another guy seems a bit creepy.
[i42.tinypic.com]
the periscope for anyone who is interested
They changed the commercial, now the oven says something like “Rub me with the shammy Scott” and now instead of telling “Scott” to “say it sexier” the oven says “say it with more passion”
@James Blair:
When the commercial airs during “daytime hours”, they use that instead of the guy looking down and saying “it burned”. Also, he says “say it with passion” instead of “say it sexy” during the day.
Last night on Comedy Central, it wasn’t the more tame version.
This is what happens when a restaurant chain puts accountants in charge, instead of actually being properly researched & managed. You get ‘tricks’ substituted for good food. A good deal is a quality meal that is a bargain and not the cheapest crap that looks like a phallic symbol with some hormonal boy that puts his schlong in the company oven during his free time. It makes you wonder what else he’s doing with the other company products… And is fondling food company policy at QuizNOs… No, I’m not eating here. lol
my wife and I saw both of those ads friday night..both got a good laugh.
Consumerist:
To say that the Quiznos sandwich is 75% smaller is deceptive. The subway sandwich is 75% larger than the Quiznos sandwich. The subway sandwich may be larger, and even have a better $/size ratio, but that’s pretty deceiving.
To say that the subway sandwich is 75% larger means that a subway sandwich is the size of 1.75 Quiznos sandwiches. This is the mathematical analysis done on the blog that the Consumerist is linking to.
To say that the Quiznos sandwich is 75% smaller than the Subway is to say that the Subway sandwich is the size of 4 Quiznos sandwiches.
See, I was just wondering why they didn’t make the voice a woman, even though I realize they’re probably going for some of that HAL9000 thing. It is just way too sexually awkward for me how it currently stands.
I suppose if they had a womans voice saying “put it in me” then they might get in big trouble.
Maybe they just shouldn’t do fucking stupid commercials…
I still won’t eat at Quiznos because of their gross “trash-picking” commercial. IF IT’S REALLY THAT GOOD, WHY WAS IT IN THE TRASH IN THE FIRST PLACE? Whenever I pass their stores, I think, “Quiznos: Subs for people who eat out of garbage cans.” Yum!
I wish quiznos would bring back the dancing/singing dead reanimated rats again. nothing makes me want to purchase processed meat on bread like an animated dead rat commercial.
Thank god for this article. For days and day I have been under the asssumption that I saw this commercial in some kind of twisted nightmare and that it actually didn’t exist.
Seriously. Who in their right mind thought that this commerical would be good idea.
This is a perfect commercial that targets the younger and liberal demographic. Quizno subs sales in college towns will probably see an increase in sales.
There sandwiches maybe a foot long but they are very narrow and thin so really you are getting about the amount of food most other subs give you in 6″. Like men, they lie about their size.